Stupid bloody useless vandalous knobber horse!

[Trish C]

My horse is a giant useless thuggish ginger knob.

I arrived at the yard this evening and noticed that ginger knobber wasn't in his field. Followed the shouting ("WELL OF COURSE THERE ARE BLOODY HORSES RUNNING AROUND, WE RUN A F__KING LIVERY YARD... IF IT WAS A ZOO I IMAGINE WE'D BE LOOKING AT TWO S_DDING GIRAFFES!" - love YM!) to a field which is currently being rested. YO muttering something about "not being so bloody energetic with chains and a log behind him".

Ginger knobber had got bored of his field and spotted that the field next door had much nicer grass. So instead of jumping the wall, he just barged straight through it - literally just knocked it down - then happily took himself and his girlfriend through.

Horses then had a great charge around the field. Girlfriend was easily caught and removed, but ginger knob was doing his best Arab stallion impression (try hippo on speed) and had eluded capture. He let G get close but then turned tail at the perfect moment, knocking the water barrel all over G - who he doesn't like after a run in a while ago. YM can normally catch him, but he bogged off up to the top of the muck heap (which is in the corner of the field) and stood right at the top, so she climbed up to get him. He leapt off, kicking a nice big shower of shite up behind him, covering her.

I went in to catch him and he wandered over to me and gave me his best sweetest butter-wouldn't-melt look. YO by this point was muttering something about "a lorry leaving for Kildare first thing in the morning with room for a chestnut waste of space."

Checked Monty Knobberts and girlfriend over, both fine. Stuck him in sand arena whilst I put his bed down. Heard crashes - put it down to him playing his current favourite game (barrel skittles) so ignored it. Went to get him out of the arena and the sodding horse had let himself out of the arena and was happily munching away in the hayshed. (Crashing sound was gate hitting parallel fence as it opened). The gate was 110% absolutely definitely shut when I left him in. So now I can add gate opening to his list of knobbabilities.

Put him back in stable and gave him his dinner, went into house to get cup of tea when I heard another 'episode'. Stupid bloody knobber had somehow managed to break his indestructable feed bucket. No idea how, but he looked immensely pleased with himself.

Anyone want to take him off my hands?!

 

[Kellys Heroes]

Gladly, he is beautiful and he will match my bay knobber mare!
She too loves the top of the muckheap.....a bit hairy at times when next to it is like a bog, waist high...
One day she spooked whilst having a bath and managed to drag a metal gate out of the floor (concreted in), last week she managed to pull all the field boards down and escape, she's a genius at undoing her own lead ropes and escaping from under those stable chain guard things....think we'd have a lot of fun with the pair of them!
K x

 

[DragonSlayer]

Hahahaha! What a story!

Horses, eh?

No, you can keep him, charming as he is...!

 

[0ldmare]

Oh my, he's really excelled himself today hasn't he!

 

[VioletStripe]

Blooming ginger horses - that's what you get

Haha seriously though, he sounds like a right Houdini! xx

 

[Lollii]

Sorry shouldn't laugh but this is a funny post

 

[Natch]

That is a succession of seriously knobber-like things to do!

 

[Cobsndogs]

Oh I just love the tales of Ginger Knobber, he's knobberlicious (But I don't want him!).

 

[Megibo]

My horse is a giant useless thuggish ginger knob.

WELL OF COURSE THERE ARE BLOODY HORSES RUNNING AROUND, WE RUN A F__KING LIVERY YARD... IF IT WAS A ZOO I IMAGINE WE'D BE LOOKING AT TWO S_DDING GIRAFFES!

(try hippo on speed)

YM can normally catch him, but he bogged off up to the top of the muck heap (which is in the corner of the field) and stood right at the top, so she climbed up to get him. He leapt off, kicking a nice big shower of shite up behind him, covering her.

Stupid bloody knobber had somehow managed to break his indestructable feed bucket. No idea how, but he looked immensely pleased with himself.

L.M.A.O!!!

 

[Toffee44]

Well today I found samba out of the field knee deep in the stream that burst its bank into a bit of the resting paddock. This is the same stream she is "petrified" of and I had to walk through most of the winter as I couldn't ride her across. Humph she however jumped out, even though she hates jumping.

 

[ajn1610]

Monty Knobberts - pure genius! My black fatty can open all our gates and if he's feeling helpful will let everyone out of their stables too.

 

[I*HM]

Think he'd get along swimmingly with my grey eejit
He's a great one for leading mass break outs and demolishing fencing, not to mention breaking the unbreakable

 

[Ashleigh_]

Ah Monty, Monty, Monty.... whatever next?!

You already know my love for the cheeky boy! How is the ridiculous bridle shopping coming along?

 

[ThePinkPony]

I'l have him, i think he is marvelous... (yes, i said marvellous).

 

[Trish C]

Laughing a lot at the other stories - glad I'm not the only one with a complete and utter dick of a horse!

Ashleigh - he's had a VERY lucky escape as my chaps disintegrated the other day, so I now have to invest in a new pair/pair of boots. In fact, come to think of it, given his ability to destroy zips just by looking at them, I'm sure it's no coincidence that when I was looking to posh him up a bit, my chaps suddenly mysteriously break

Pinkpony - I will rug/bandage him up and send him over to you. By the time he arrives he will have no rug/bandages and will almost certainly be in a different horsebox to the one that he started off in.

I wonder if a horse has ever featured on Crimewatch before?!!

 

[MrsMozart]

Sorry, I shouldn't laugh, but....

 

[Pearlsasinger]

Sorry but that is hilarious!

You can keep him but I should try to get your money back on the bucket!

 

[meesha]

sooooooooooooooo funny always read your posts and giggle - what a lovely ginger knobber - I will have him please just for the comedy value.

I always tell Dex he should have been a clown not a horse as even when he is being ultra naughty and destructive or broncing I just cant help but laugh !

bring on the knobbers !

 

[Chavhorse]

I fell your pain!

Mine is a 100% knobber his best one yet, leaning over whilst the vet was examining his foot and giving her a very hard wedgie by grabbling her thong in his teeth and pulling up sharply!

She was not happy.

Yesterday after I had spent 30 minutes hosing his leg with associated mysterious big hole in knee and knee like a balloon (and constantly having to remove the hose pipe from his mouth as at every opportunity he was filling his mouth and lovingly dribbling it over my head! he decided that grabbling hold of the end of the shovel whilst I was trying to shovel up the stress pooh was a really cool idea he kind of held on to it till he had enough tension then let go creating a kind of pooh cannon ball effect.

He is the only horse in the history of the yard who has had to have a protective iron cover welded to the top of the poles making up the area where they eat their hay why because he thought it was enormous fun to pull the short poles out one by one and throw them over the fence.

 

[0ldmare]

My friend had a horse that sounds so similar to yours, a giant brown warmblood with an over inflated view of his importance.

His speciality was escaping and going visiting - the yard was next to some residential houses and he would pop over the fence and into the neighbours garden (they loved him obviously....not). The best he did was to pop over 4 fences iin succession like a Badminto winner, to end up in the garden 4 doors down. He was found eating some Dahlias. Big problem was there was no gate out

 

[alliebaxter]

do you want to swap for a black version? a change is as good as a rest they say! lol

 

[missyme10]

Haha this post made me laugh, i've a knobber to, dont ya just love em

 

[tallyho!]

I like characters... I'll pm you my address, I'm in all weekend.

 

[muddygreymare]

As lovely as he is, I think you should keep him

 

[Vixen Van Debz]

Not so funny for you Trish... but utterly hilarious!

I will of course still have him, provided he doesn't break mounting blocks too, otherwise I'd never be able to make it up that high! lol.

 

[Trish C]

Mine is a 100% knobber his best one yet, leaning over whilst the vet was examining his foot and giving her a very hard wedgie by grabbling her thong in his teeth and pulling up sharply!

Hahaha! Love the wedgie!! Monts hasn't done that (yet!) thank god But he DOES do the hose pipe thing and always 'helps' me to muck out. His new one (this morning - he's still giddy from last night's antics) is to literally pick out the straw that I'm putting in the wheelbarrow and dump it back on the floor. Useless bloody animal!

The best he did was to pop over 4 fences iin succession like a Badminto winner, to end up in the garden 4 doors down. He was found eating some Dahlias. Big problem was there was no gate out

Brilliant! Flowers are a knobber-attraction I think - Monty took paticular enjoyment in removing the YO's pride-and-joy hanging basket from its hook, kicking out the contents, throwing the basket across the yard and then eating the pansies.

I will of course still have him, provided he doesn't break mounting blocks too, otherwise I'd never be able to make it up that high! lol.

This is a sore point! He's only just started to stand still for me to mount, but still if he gets the chance he'll knock over the bucket and boot it across the yard before I can get onto it. Grrrrr!

I was a cruel, CRUEL mother today... I... PUT A RUG ON HIM!

I'm trying to getting him used to wearing a rug, instea of getting out of them - all straps still done up - and crapping on top of them. I plan to clip him next winter so want to be able to rug him. So I'm going to start leaving his cooler on him in the stable for short periods until he forgets how much he loves destroying them. He was NOT impressed. He stood stock still like it was going to eat him if he moved a single muscle, with the sulkiest face I have ever seen on an animal... he even completely ignored the hay he had left in the corner.

So, satisfied that he wasn't going to have a stressy fit with it, I went to go and get some more hay for him. Came back, and YM was literally creased over laughing, tears streaming down her face... knobber was happily standing eating his hay and cooler was in a pile beside him. I honest to god cannot figure how he possibly got out of it, YM swears she didn't have anything to do with it but he did it in about three minutes flat between me walking away and YM walking over. Either YM is taking the pi$$ or my horse really is an evil genius.

 

[Tiny Fluffy Coblet]

he did it in about three minutes flat between me walking away and YM walking over

I once knew a pony who unless tied up with less than a foot spare in the lead rope could remove both his saddle and bridle in under 5 minutes so I can believe he did it. .

 

[Trish C]

I once knew a pony who unless tied up with less than a foot spare in the lead rope could remove both his saddle and bridle in under 5 minutes so I can believe he did it. .

Oh sweet jebus! They are truly special (spelt 'speshul') animals

 

[MerrySherryRider]

Absolutely brilliant ! What a lad. I have just the field mate for him......

Yob Cob with a sense of humour.
My Ex who fancied himself as a cross bewteen WFP and a horse whisperer, decided to bring Yob Cob in for me. When they didn't appear I went to look for them.
Yob Cob was standing on top of our enormous muck heap grinning, as Ex, red faced and muttering had to clamber up after him with all dignity abandoned.

He's been known to lead field break outs by battering 5 bar gates open. He's also opened his stable door to get to his neighbours tin of treats, where he picks up tin, drops it on the floor to open it and scoffs the lot while the horse for whom the treats were bought, looks helplessly on.

 

[Jesstickle]

What did you say to me yesterday?

Something along the lines of 'well at least you never get bored with a knobber around'?

That'll blooming learn you

I'd have him but I don't think I could cope with another one. The one I have is plenty