Stupid daughter lost her ride

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howengold

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My daughter was given a horse to compete spring 2009 by my friend and she was doing really well with him but lately she has gotten lazy, not bothered going up all summer (she left school in May and had months of summer riding ahead) because he is half a mile on from our yard and she couldn't be bothered to go that extra distance now and then just to let my friend know she still wanted him.

Anyway now she has lost him. My friend hasn't seen her all summer and daughter never text or rang to say she had lost her keys etc and now my friend has found someone else to work with him and compete. It is completely understandable.

I just don't have the horses for her on my yard and my sister is now riding her own SJ'ers again so doesn't need any help now. So now I have a daughter who has gone from competing an excellent horse for free and not even having to care for him, to is feeling sorry for herself for not having her own horse again. I am annoyed at her because she had the perfect situation, all the fun and none of the work. I have told her all summer to go up and work him. Grrrr! Thankgod she can still ride the horse my boss has been getting her to work with.

Its funny really because she was handed a horse on a plate and she never realised how lucky she was until my friend got a new rider. Maybe this will make her appreciate the other horses and ponies people let her work with a bit more now.

I was going to buy her a horse but as my hubby has said with college, she won't have the time to spend on her own horse and to be honest does she deserve a competition horse that I will have to care for along with my 5.

I am just rambling now sorry, I am so annoyed at her though.
 
I totally understand how cross you must feel. Sometimes our kids have it all on a plate but they just need to learn what want is. Loads of parents on here can remember dreaming about having their own horse for years , do everything so their kids can ride , then find the kids cant be bothered. Perhaps when she sees this new rider winning she will realise what she lost.
 
Well hopefully she will learn the hard way!!

I personally would NOT buy her her own horse to compete. If she wants it she should earn it (or a least part of it) it sounds like she is at an age where she could be working and eaning a bit of money to saveand put towards her own? It realy doesn't take as long as she might think and at least it would demonstrate to you some level of dedication... just an idea..
 
Agree with your Hubby. But I would say if she wants a horse of her own let her earn the money for it and the keep. I waited years for my first pony and I was 22 when I got her and been married for 2 years.
 
Thanks for the replies.

I feel a bit bad as her sisters both have ponies (well two of my sister and I's old ones from our teenage years) and compete them regulary but they do help and put the work in, not only at home but at the yard as well.

She has actually got a job at the yard I work at during weekends and has been there 1 year this month. I think she still doesn't understand the value of money, which was why she still doesn't have her own horse. I just hope this makes her realise how lucky she was.
 
Lets hope she learns from it rather than just doing the teenage bit and feeling hard done by.

A few years ago my then gf retired one of her eventers, that had won at CCI ***, a really stunning horse, loaned her to the teenage daughter of one of her clients on the yard, so as to keep him in light work. He was a really stunning chap, the sort of horse that few people get the opportunity to ride let alone compete at low level, but she lost interest and stopped coming upto the yard, leaving her parents to do the mucking out. He went lame and had to be PTS, but she didn't even have the decency to send a card to my gf who was obviously upset!

I still don't believe she appreciated what she had handed to her on a plate
 
Both my children have had ponies since they were teeny tiny, all handed to them on a plate - everything done by me, but I loved it and would have encouraged them to go as far as they wanted.

But both children lost interest - its such a shame when you read about girls like Thelwell Girl who would have given her right arm to have been in that situation.

I guess unless kids actually work for something, they don't appreciate it.
 
Well that's a bobber :(

D1 has a pony that is now poorly, and now can only ride others. She rides my DWB, but also looks after her. We will be getting her another horse because she has proved her commitment.

Maybe it is time for your daughter to do something else for a while? Maybe she'll come back to horses, but maybe she won't.

Hugs to you hun. I can understand the frustration.
 
As much as my daughter loves her pony, she was 5 when she got him (cos she showed an interest in ponies) she doesn't realise how lucky she is, but why should she when i handed it to her on a plate?
 
I know just how you feel - after lots of lessons for her, payhg for us to share 2 horses laswt year i bought our firsast horse to share - she completeley lost interest - woudl rather be with her friends than him.
I love him to bits, thank god i bought a horse bifg enough for us both to ride - i am now his sole carer and having lots of lessons so i can ride him - friends in the meantime hack him out and exercise him - silly silly girls :mad:
 
The strange thing is she is still horse mad, is doing an equine course at college which she loves but Charlie seems to have been the one horse she no longer has any interest in. I know that she found him being on a different yard caused her feelings of almost resentment as she wanted me to have him on my place but I didn't have the room at the time and his owner was happier with him on her place anyway.

Daughter loves a horse who challenges her but Charlie was everyones dream horse, perfect at everything and well mannered. I would have killed for the perfect horse but she just lost interest once they started winning at the local competitions.

I would have rather she told my friend she didn't have time anymore than just leave him in a field and think he would be there when she got bored. Her younger sisters were heartbroken as they would love horse like him as their own.

Its a sad loss to us, but daughter is more annoyed that she only just found out about him getting a new rider han lossing him. I could scream at her sometimes.
 
Your OH is right and even with college as soon as boys and booze also come on the scene then even the thought of your horses will go out the window!!!!

Don't give in to the puppy eyes and the empty promises that she makes because she'll just end up ignoring your new purchase and you'll end up with 6 to look after!!!

My friends daughter was/is just the same. She whinged that her dependable cob wasn't fast enough against the clock so her parents (in fairness just trying to give their daughter everything that they didn't have, as most parents do) went and spent over 6k on a JC pony that had won quite allot of money. But the pony was too advanced for the daughter and after a few falls the daughter lost interest. They are now stuck with 2 ponies that the daughter shows no interest in. Even after threats of selling the jumping pony it always ends in tears and promises that she'll go down everyday and ride and muck out etc...The daughter sticks with it for a couple of weeks but soon drifts back in to only going down once a week and sulks the whole time she's down there. She's got her ipod on and spends the whole time texting her mates.
She likes to say he has 2 ponies but does nothing and i mean nothing with them. They had to advertise for a rider for the jumping pony and the mum rides the cob!!!
 
thelwell_girl said:
God, Id cut my plaits off to have an opportunity like that! (And I LOVE my plaits.)(
Click to expand...

Totally agree, if I had plaits that is :D
I work 4 times a week after school and on a Sunday at the moment to help pay for my share pony, and have to fit homework & riding in around it, which has meant many late nights. I would just kill to have my own pony to compete and not even have to work for it!
 
howengold said:
My daughter was given a horse to compete spring 2009 by my friend and she was doing really well with him but lately she has gotten lazy, not bothered going up all summer (she left school in May and had months of summer riding ahead) because he is half a mile on from our yard and she couldn't be bothered to go that extra distance now and then just to let my friend know she still wanted him.

Anyway now she has lost him. My friend hasn't seen her all summer and daughter never text or rang to say she had lost her keys etc and now my friend has found someone else to work with him and compete. It is completely understandable.

I just don't have the horses for her on my yard and my sister is now riding her own SJ'ers again so doesn't need any help now. So now I have a daughter who has gone from competing an excellent horse for free and not even having to care for him, to is feeling sorry for herself for not having her own horse again. I am annoyed at her because she had the perfect situation, all the fun and none of the work. I have told her all summer to go up and work him. Grrrr! Thankgod she can still ride the horse my boss has been getting her to work with.

Its funny really because she was handed a horse on a plate and she never realised how lucky she was until my friend got a new rider. Maybe this will make her appreciate the other horses and ponies people let her work with a bit more now.

I was going to buy her a horse but as my hubby has said with college, she won't have the time to spend on her own horse and to be honest does she deserve a competition horse that I will have to care for along with my 5.

I am just rambling now sorry, I am so annoyed at her though.
Click to expand...

annoying i know, but the more you push her the more she will go against you- let her go and leave her to go her own way,and learn to pay for herself.
 
I hope she's learnt a valuable lesson. She's had THE perfect opportunity and she herself has thrown it away, no-one to blame but herself. I for one would not be buying anything for her, especially as she's soon going to college. I had to pay for many many lessons before finally being financially stable enough to have a horse of my own, I was 36 when that happened and I am grateful for my horse, I go without so she can have all she needs.

I would let her wait until she can show full commitment and/or finance it herself...
 
If your daughter is working with and studying horses she probably already has a very full life so I wouldn't worry too much about her being lazy just because she didn't want to go to another yard for a horse she wasn't well-suited to.

Sounds like she hasn't been very good at making a realistic assessment of what she wants to do and communicating it to you/the horses owner though. I recall having terrible difficulty at, presumably, a similar age in having to tell my parents and then a driving instructor that I wasn't making the progress I wanted with him and so wouldn't be booking any more lessons/wanted a deposit back. And I was paying for those myself.

Perhaps the owner should have handled letting your daughter know in a different way too.

Learning to let things go gracefully is a valuable life skill. Perhaps you can use this as an opportunity for her to learn about setting goals (e.g. the kind of horse, in a specific location that she wants to compete), communicating them (including saying 'no'/ending something when it doesn't match what she wants) and working towards them (e.g. with the money she makes on the yard).

Having said that if your other daughters have animals paid for for them it is difficult to justify why she shouldn't too.
 
I totally agree with your husband.
She needs to earn the right to have her own horse, show some dedication to it.
I was 22 before I got my own horse. Had to work to get it myself, parents weren't in a position finaniacally to get me one as a kid.
She'll appricate it much more when she finally gets one.
 
hmm think I can see this both ways... I do think the fact that the other daughters have ponies on your yard (and hence ride with you around I guess and being 'involved together' so to speak if that makes sense) puts a different slant on this. Maybe she didn't enjoy riding this horse that much, maybe she got a bit lonely with him being at your friends yard. I agree that it would have been much better for your daughter/friend/you to have a conversation... ask if she wanted to ride him and agree the amount of work required if that was the case. Maybe she wanted to do other stuff this summer.. though she should have maybe spoken to your friend but communication does work all ways.

I can see it from the other way too, I would have done anything as a kid, waited till I was 22 for my own but can see they get in the way of life too sometimes!
 
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