Survival guide to the classifieds horse sale adverts

Flame_ said:
I love this thread. Here's a few more...

Dunapintaarabinaloosa (Its a mongrel, probably a mutant mongrel, but it is an interesting colour)

Maxi-cob (Clipped cart horse)

Blemished (Disfigured)

For sale as not able to progress to next level (Breaking down)

Needs re-schooling (screwed up)

Project (screwed up)

Long term project (lost cause)

Will consider any trial or loan with view to buy (we are desperate to get rid and it won't pass a vet)
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Dunapintaarabinaloosa - love that one.... are they good at Parelli??
 
HANDLED BY A CHILD only person fast enough to get away from it`s teeth/feet
GOOD DOER puts on weight going past the chip shop
STUNNING it would be if it matched any part of it`s advert
GOOD TO LOAD only if you have 6 huge blokes n about 4 hours spare
HAS VAULTED only way to get on as wont stand still
1st TO SEE WILL BUY as we`ll take you for a drink first, two bottles of wine should do it
CHILDS PONY only a child would have the patience to traipse round a field for 2 days to catch it
 
Never had a fence down - always stops infront of them.

Has hunted in Ireland - Done nothing , but you try and prove it!

Has hunted in Ireland - Ridden into the ground by a fat bloke from the age of 2.

Never sick or sorry - can't afford a vet.
 
VERY HONEST - lets you know exactly what it will and won't do, often reinforced with a buck to get the message across.

FLAWLESS CONFORMATION - once you look past the pigeon toes, cow hocks and the herring gut.

REGULARLY IN THE RIBBONS - has an alarmingly huge collection of 'special' rosettes for things such as 'boldest pony at camp', 'most spectacular fall'

VERY BRAVE XC - goes at an alarming pace and jumps what ever crops up along the way, regardless of whether it's designed to be jumped or not.

WOULD MAKE AN IDEAL RACING PONY - because it's built like a tooth pick and only has flight mode.

GUARANTEED SOUND - sure what's a bit of arthritis, ring bone and btw, wobbler when you can fill them with bute?

LIGHTLY COMPETED AT TRAINING SHOWS - stick a filler in the same arena and the horse will run a mile, has never seen more than two jumps in a row and never even heard of a warm up arena.
 
Economical paces - can't lengthen

Sweeping paces- can't shorten

Must sell - we can't afford the insurance much longer

Impressive - does airs above ground

Judges will love - to see it going out of their ring
 
I've seen as horse on a website recently listed at a reasonable price for a while, then go up by £2000 & while that advert is still running they put another advert on at £1000 less ????????? Now that's what I call a REAL sense of humour. Loved your post, terrific.
 
GENUINE REASON FOR SALE = i got bored of this pony about 2 months ago and it's been stood in the field getting fat ever since

LOW MILEAGE = no-one can stay on long enough to put any miles in

ONE NOT TO BE MISSED = this pony is identical to about 20 other ponies for sale on this site
 
Sort hard to find (our yard is in the middle of no where and our directions are rubbish. Leave at least three extra hours early if you hope to find us at all)

No Timewasters (our horse is rubbish really but do not even think about coming, looking, seeing that for yourself then leaving it without buying it. If you come to see it, don't you dare leave without taking it with you)
 
Sort hard to find (our yard is in the middle of nowhere and our directions are rubbish. Leave at least three extra hours early if you hope to find us at all) - oh so true!

These are my experiences:

Never touches a pole - stops dead at fillers

Good trial facilities - two rusty oil barrels and a couple of broken poles

Been in all pc teams - our branch is so small, anything vaguely sound and rallied makes the team

Much loved by trainers - delighted to see the back of him

Totally outgrown - had to pay several teenagers to ride the little s*d

Well behaved - well behaved only as long as it will take him to work out your child is a novice

Won £££ - totally knackered

Taught my child everything - especially how to fall off

Produced by professional rider - ridden in draw reins all his life, no idea of self-balance

These are all from personal experience over many years :)
 
POLLDARK said:
I've seen as horse on a website recently listed at a reasonable price for a while, then go up by £2000 & while that advert is still running they put another advert on at £1000 less ????????? Now that's what I call a REAL sense of humour. Loved your post, terrific.
Click to expand...

Yes this has happened to about 3 in the last 3 months that I have been to see one went up approx £800 and now is back down. One last week went down £800 am wondering if I am the buyer of doom!

Everything I see is doomed!
 
FEI Eventing potential - photo shows it jumping a 1ft XC fence

Not reached it's full potential yet - it's 26yrs old.....

Stunning - Again??

Never had any XC penalties - but boy, it make up the cricket score in the SJing phase!
 
Hooray, this is back! Another two...

Professionally re-schooled (has been sent off to boot camp and we never want to see it again)

Has never had a day's lameness (has had years and years and years of lameness all round but we're so used to it we can't tell)

:D
 
JUST STARTING LATERAL MOVEMENTS - Learnt to cow kick yesterday

THREE GOOD PACES - Gallop, halt and reverse - in that order.

EXPRESSIVE - Looks puzzled as to why you are sitting on the floor after such a small buck

UPHILL - Rears

CAREFUL JUMPER - stops in front of each fence to have a good look at it

VERY FLASHY - over did the bling on his browband
 
"GOOD DOER": broke into the feed shed & gave itself colic

"GOES BAREFOOT": put the last farrier in hospital with a broken leg

"NO VICES": persisently nips its 5 y.o. child rider when mum isn't looking

"GENUINE FIRST PONY": permanently laminitic and obese - will soon be a walking (or rather NOT walking) vets bill

"WILL GO ALL DAY": confirmed bolter, previous owner has tried every bitting solution known to man but its made no difference

"LIVES OUT": impossible to catch

"NOVICE RIDE": the last time anyone cantered on it, they disappeared over the horizon never to be seen again

"FUN HORSE": only for sale as air ambulance refused to convey owner to hospital anymore

"HUNTER": ditches rider as soon as hounds move off ......... then no-one knows where the hell it is for the rest of the day

"POPS A FENCE": consistently gets eliminated at the first fence every time out
 
MiJodsR2BlinkinTite said:
"GOOD DOER": broke into the feed shed & gave itself colic

"GOES BAREFOOT": put the last farrier in hospital with a broken leg

"NO VICES": persisently nips its 5 y.o. child rider when mum isn't looking

"GENUINE FIRST PONY": permanently laminitic and obese - will soon be a walking (or rather NOT walking) vets bill

"WILL GO ALL DAY": confirmed bolter, previous owner has tried every bitting solution known to man but its made no difference

"LIVES OUT": impossible to catch

"NOVICE RIDE": the last time anyone cantered on it, they disappeared over the horizon never to be seen again

"FUN HORSE": only for sale as air ambulance refused to convey owner to hospital anymore

"HUNTER": ditches rider as soon as hounds move off ......... then no-one knows where the hell it is for the rest of the day

"POPS A FENCE": consistently gets eliminated at the first fence every time out
Click to expand...


had a good chuckle at these ones
 
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