Teenage disinterest

I think you're best off selling. If she's not keen now, the horse won't do much until she disappears in October, then might not do much for the next three years while she's at university, then might not do much for the next X years while she travels / starts a career / finds herself living in a city with no way to keep a horse... if she wants to go back to it then, she can - but IMO it's unrealistic to expect this horse to still be right for her and whatever her ambitions are by that point after they have effectively been apart for several years, and the horse that she is so fond of will have had several years without being the highlight of someone's life. I think the best thing all round is to find it a new permanent home, so you don't have the worry, your daughter doesn't have the commitment, and the horse has 'a human of its own' - whatever it ends up doing for a career!
 
amymay said:
Why don't you ride him op, or look at putting him out on loan?

Certainly, unless your daughter is going to put the work in then why should you continue to pay for her very expensive hobby??
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+ 1.

The horse doesn't need to necessarily be sold, but while your daughter hasn't got the time/interest to put in suggest that someone else can be doing this.

Pan
 
I am 21 and done the opposite! I do have a non horsey BF and he is tolerant. I did my A levels and am now at uni (I lived in for two years and am living at home and driving an hour there each day). I continued to ride and now have set up my own yard which I run alongside uni! Its hard work but I would rather do this than go out and get pissed on a friday/saturday. I am not sure what that actually gains anyone bar a hang over and less money! BTW im not totally boring I do go to loads of gigs and socialise with horsey and non horsey friends :D
 
I don't think I could sell any of our 4 if my daughter lost interest as I am a huge softy and couldn't bear to part with them. It would make it a lot easier for me if I did though as I could pack in working full time to pay for them.
On a serious note though I think it may be a wake up call for her if she saw an advert with him for sale.

The worst thing you can do is force her to ride. We got our newest horse as this had happened. What made it worse for them was that both parents were into horses,were YO's and competed. The mother cried her eyes out when the horse was delivered to us as she had become very attached to her. She did realise though that it had to be done.

At the end of the day only you can decide what the best thing to do is. We can offer loads of good advice and suggestions but you know your daughter, we don't.
 
I'd sell the horse, she can always get back into horses later if she wants to however I think that its unrealistic to keep the horse on the whim that she might get back into them. After the 3 years at uni she may be too busy with traveling or a career, also from what you've said about the horse I think that it would be a shame for him just to go to waste.
There will be someone out there who is desperate for a horse like him and who can give him all of the time and exercise that he needs.

I had to sell my previous competition horse when I went to university as I didn't have time for such a talented, highly strung horse and I didn't think that it was fair for such a hugely talented horse to wait around for 3 years.
 
TwoStroke said:
Personally I would sell the horse. He can't turn up and do hunter trials out of the field if he's unfit and unprepared - it's not fair on the horse. At 18 I think your daughter's old enough to learn that horses require responsibility and dedication. It'll be tough on her at first, but life's tough, and imo you'll do her no favours in the long run by indulging her.

Good luck, whatever you decide. :)
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Agree
 
I agree with lollydolly. The horse is 15 so better with someone who will do things with it before its too old. I lost interest completely for the last 10 years and I am only picking it back up for my daughter.

She can't have it all ways.
 
TwoStroke said:
Personally I would sell the horse. He can't turn up and do hunter trials out of the field if he's unfit and unprepared - it's not fair on the horse. At 18 I think your daughter's old enough to learn that horses require responsibility and dedication. It'll be tough on her at first, but life's tough, and imo you'll do her no favours in the long run by indulging her.

Good luck, whatever you decide. :)
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I agree with this too, My daughter decided to drop A levels and go to college to do a horse course diploma, financially and temperamentally it wasn't possible to take her horse and as I was not in a position to ride him he was sold (not that I have ever heard the last of it) but in the end you have indulged her up to and probably including sending her to Uni. There comes a point (which for me was 18) where your daughter is no longer entitled to live at home but becomes a guest at your bidding to reside in your property and as such has her own responsibilties to take care of which in this case includes her horse. Either she is practical and sells him until the time comes that she is in a position to fund and care for a horse of her own or she finds a long term loan home for him, by the time she has the time to commit herself to him again he will be in excess of 17 years old and probably not be looking to return to the level of competition that she is? It's hard on you both to make this decision but as an 'adult' she should not expect you to take on extra work for the sake of a few rides when it suits her. Sorry if this sounds harsh but growing up is hard for our kids these days and without these kind of decisions, she won't learn any lessons about the realities of what can and what can't be achieved amongst all the other pressures she will have over her Uni years. :(
 
I think you should look at loaning. It sounds like you're all very attached to the horse.

The same thing happened at my yard. Mare gave birth (completely unexpected, must have been bought pregnant) and the girl lost interest waiting for her to get back into work. Luckily, they had another daughter who snapped her right up and goes down every morning at the crack of dawn to look after the mare.

Hopefully you can work it out :) It sounds like a nice horse! I'm sure someone would want to loan.
 
Sell him, if she loves him that much she won't let him go. My mum tried selling my horse a few months ago and I kicked up such a stink went out and got a better paying job and now pay for him as he will never leave my side.

It's not fair on you to look after a horse that isn't getting ridden, it's not fair on your daughter feeling like she has to ride when she would rather do other things and it's not fair on the horse.
 
(sorry, havent read all of the posts)
Get her to help you write his 'for sale' advert. worked for my mum!! :o

Also, I had to look after my own pony/horse from the age of about 12/13 and at 15 started paying for him, by 16 I paid for around 50% of the costs I would imagine looking back (at the time I thought I was paying for everything :rolleyes:) so I did get sour of the tie of a pony, and to be honest sometimes still do at 24, so I give myself a break of a couple of days (obv still going up to do him but not working) and have a normal life.
Also, it is hard to keep everybody happy and balance everything in a busy schedule of friends, boyfriends and work. There is no doubt she will miss it because everybody that has ever sat on a horse seems to miss it. (god help me everytime I mention I have a horse!!!)

if she is going to uni then I doubt she will have time for a horse. I would loan out personally.
 
I gave up ponies at 19 and had a couple of years off. I didn't have my own horse I was just loaning but, with everything else that was going on at the time, I couldn't cope with the pressure of having something so dependent on me.

If you can, I would full loan him or sell him to a suitable, competent and confident teenager to learn the ropes on. As you said, your daughter can't have her cake and eat it and it sounds like she won't be horseless if she wants to go for the odd hack. Better than having a good competition horse going to waste.
 
I would sell him, your daughter has got to the age where she is discovering life outside horses and the going out and to uni will give her other priorities for a while. she may or may not come back to riding and as you have another 2 that are ridable I'm sure she could take one of them out for a hack if she wanted to ride even though it would mean no competing. If se wants a horse of her own she can save up and buy one later or possibly if you are a very generous mum you could let her have the money from the sale of this one to buy one.
 
I think sell or loan, trying to encourage her will probably just make her not want to (all the people I know whose parents have horses have no interest, complete opposite with me its such a shame!) I think it is fair enough that she wants to have time to have boyfriends and go out like everyone else, that's what teenagers do and to be honest I was well into that and stopped riding lessons at about 15! I would put money on her getting back into it in a few years when all that going out and chasing boys really gets a bit samey (that's what I did and been getting back into it since about 24). Although if she loves the horse and will hack out and have fun with him but doesn't want to compete, then maybe that's not such a bad choice either. Just as long as you don't end up paying for a bored horse doing nothing!
 
Haven't caught up with all this affernoon's posts, but in response to those that imply I've been pushing her, I haven't at all. I'm just trying to think the whole thing through and do the right thing both for my daughter and the horse.
 
Equestrienne1 said:
I'm hoping people who read this can offer some advice. I'm at my wits' end. My daughter now aged 18 has had a gorgeous former two star horse (now enjoying lower levels following successful recovery from injury) for the last three years. She's learned how to ride him in that time (having come up through the PC) and started to do quite well with him at BE90 and 100. This year she's had A levels, got her first boyfriend and subject to grades is off to uni in October. She seems to have lost interest, says she can't bear training for competitions, doesn't want the commitment of exercising him several days a week but is fond of the horse and doesn't want him sold and if she competes at all (which is unlikely she says) expects to turn up and do well without practising. XC is his best phase after dressage and so she says she might want to do hunter trials. I feel like saying that she can't have her cake and eat it and if she doesn't want to ride he should be sold. I'd have cut off my own leg to have a horse like that at her age. It's terrribly frustrating and upsetting. I'm hoping that if I go along with this and loan him out, she will find her way back to riding one day. She hasn't had any off putting experiences to make her think this way. I've had a couple of people to look at him with a view to loan but neither was suitable. This has only served to remind me what a good rider she is which makes the whole thing doubly upsetting. Any advice or thoughts would be welcome as its doing my head in!
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sorr to ay it, but you sound like either a pushy parent or someone who is living their dreams through their child. Sell or loan the horse and let her make her own choices, have you told her you want to loan/sell, if she is happy with this then let it be, or just compete the horse yourself if you are that intent on him competing.
 
Sell him and make her responsible for all the viewings and writing him an advert.

At 18 she's more than old enough to understand that she can't just get on an compete but has to commit to riding him full time. I know I'm not the only one out there that the first day I cant be bothered to look after my horse he will be sold.
 
Im currently going through a lack of enthusiasm phase with my horse but he cant be sold due to the fact that he cant be ridden so I empathise with your situation.

I would either sell or loan your horse out.
 
See I wasn't lucky enough to be born into a horsey family, it took me years and years but I finally got my own pony aged 13 and I've never looked back. Reading some of these posts confuse me as I have never felt sour towards my horses, I love owning them and I wouldn't chose partying or drinking over them! Then again I'm not an overly social person, if I want to have friends over then they get dragged down to the yard too ;)
I met my OH two years ago and now he has just as much to do with horses as I do, I converted him over because I told him that no matter what I had to go down to the stables to look after the horses so if he wanted to come round and spend time with me he was more than welcome. He has never looked back! :D

Horse's aren't like other hobbies, you can't just drop them and pick them up when you feel like it. Sadly they deteriorate in the fields if not ridden, they lose their fitness and need bringing back into work which is no easy task.
 
Who looks after the horse on a day to day basis? My view is if she does then I'd step back and just let her have a bit of riding down time and hack about as and when she fancies. If she isn't going to look after her horse, and you don't need/want an extra one then selling or loaning seems sensible
 
My friend is going through the same, sorry to say. Girls now 18 and 20 do not want to know. She has been trying to do it all, ride the horse take care of it,twice a day as well as working and looking after the house. After like you thinking long and hard she decided she had no choice but to sell the horse. The girls have been told and have kicked off, saying they hate their mother, along with much worse that I can not put on here, Today some lovely people have come and tried her, and they loved her, so subject to the checks she has been sold. My friend phone me a couple of hours ago, asking me to do her horse tonight , as it had really kicked off at home. One daughter is saying she is going to kill herself and the other says she will never forgive her. But they have not been near our yard to see their so called horse for nearly a year. They do not want her but they do not want anyone else go have her. My poor friend is now in tears she is damed if she does and damed if she does not. So I really feel for you on this, but as I told my friend you have to think really what is best for the horse and yourself, good luck with it.
 
Hi I think you are extremely lucky if your teenager does not lose interest at this time in their life, maybe its not so much as lost interest as so many things in her life that need her attention i.e exams and uni. My daughter lost interest for a couple of years, i kept the horse ticking over, 11 years later shes just retired her pony to a happy hacker after taking him up to affil novice and got a 4yr old that she insists is going to go to prix st george level. She works at a yard 6 days a week, is very rarely out of jodphurs and spends every last penny on her horse. She did say to me several years later when her life had settled down, thanks mum for not getting rid of my pony.
 
I have seen several friends over the years run around after their daughters, doing their horses, buying them wonderful equines, and then getting crushed when their daughters lost interest. The most recent of them just sold the horse seven years after the daughter went to uni. The horse has been doing nothing ever since, and the mother has struggled to do all the work. She got the protests too whenever selling the horse was mentioned.

I say let her grow up and do whatever teenage things that she wants to do, and sell/loan the horse in the meantime (although this is really the oldest age he wants to be sold at IMO). At least she is being honest and truthful - listen to her.. My stepson has pulled out of pc camp this year and I think will not bother with pc next year. He has just gone onto our big hunter and camp would have really done him good, but hey ho - its his life. He just wants to hack and go to occassional shows. I think if we kept insisting that he did more formal stuff he would end up giving up.


I had to sell my horses when I went to uni. I never expected anything else - there was never an option of parents doing them, and I wouldn't have asked. I had fun being non-horsey for nearly a decade, then when I settled and had a good job I got back into it again.
 
Couldn't she keep him just as a pleasure horse rather than compete?

Does she pay for him? As if she does and still rides then surely its up to her if she just wants to hack etc?
 
My daughter is also 18 and awaiting results. Our situation is different in that her horse had to be pts last autumn but as i knew she was off to uni soon i was reluctant to buy another so we have one on loan.
I think it is inevitable at this age they are broadening horizons,a whole new world is opening with work,uni,relationships and i want her to be able to experience this fully.
I would suggest loan or sell,your daughter needs to start the next chaper without those responsibilities.
 
I'm 29 and have had horses continuously since I was 13. There were a group of teenagers at my stable at the time and it was a pretty mixed bag, whether or not they stayed with the horse thing through uni. I did. I took my horse with me to uni. As the uni was 2000 miles away from where my parents lived, they weren't going to be helping me with her (and never had done anyway, as to this day, the most they know how to do is brush the horse and feed her carrots). Same thing there. The university had its own stable and some of the students diligently rode straight through uni and others you never saw once at the barn. Depends on the kid. The horse doesn't *stop* you from having a boyfriend/social life/other things, but it does demand that you balance your life a bit more than your non-horsey friends might. Most 18 year olds are mature enough to think through these things to some degree.

As far as exploring relationships goes, my horse kept me sane through a series of loser guys. The boys come and go, but the horse is always a non-judgmental shoulder to cry on. I never felt as if I never had time to date because of her and she was always my rock when a relationship went south.

I used to be into showing dressage, but bailed on that while at uni. My horse was bought to be a dressage horse, but when I quit showing in 2002, my parents could not have cared less. Luckily --- maybe -- they weren't horsey enough to see it as a "waste" of a "nice" horse. As I said, I was living 2000 miles away from them anyway, and I was still riding that horse 5-6 days per week, just not schlepping to shows on weekends. I also still have the horse, 13 years later.
 
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I went through this with my daughter. Which is the reason I now am stuck with 3 that I cant bear to part with. One is mine but retired, the other two I either dont like, or cant, ride myself.

At 21 she has started riding a bit, but not enough to justify having the warmblood. I also have her old show cob which she couldn't bear to part with at the time, but now says I was silly to keep.

I love them all but had I known what I know now a few years ago, it would just be me and MY oldie, or possibly me and MY two horses.
 
I'm sure you should be able to find someone suitable through PC like my 13yo daughter who would love to loan a nice horse like that having just about outgrown their pony.

You could then put the decision off as to sell or not sell while your daughter is at Uni.
 
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