Teenagers on HHO My Take on it

People say that 'she never listens', but the posts I saw (and admittedly I didn't read all, got bored :rolleyes:), she acknowledged and asked and repeated what she'd been told in RL, which a lot of people told her to follow, what she was being told to do in RL, whilst others were telling her what she had been told in RL was rubbish! How on earth was the lass to know what to follow/do? She was on the end of a barrage of 'advice' and comments, etc. It seemed that a number of posters didn't read the whole thread before posting and therefore didn't have all the facts - and before anyone says she should have posted all the facts, well good on you for being perfect! I've posted threads where I've thought all info needed was in, only to find that something was missing and I'm an old hand!

I've been on the receiving end of people not reading the original post properly and of perceiving me in a way I had not anticipated, and to be on the receiving end of it really is quite hurtful, but that is human nature and at my age I can take it and sling it back in good measure.

The lass said she had a vet on the case. She was coming on here as many of us do to ask further questions.

It's interesting that another poster on here, older and also less experienced, didn't take all the advice that was offered by all the posters, but I didn't seen any of those threads disintergate into a b"tch fest.
 
Ditto to what chavhorse and Mrs M have said!

There are people on here twice my age who I strongly feel have behaved in a totally ridiculous manner and should know better. BSJAshowjumper's 14 and if you can't find a sensible way to make your point then move on. It's true what others are saying - we've all asked for advice and then not taken it, besides, you can't take everyone's advice when people tell you a lot of different things!

I really enjoy the informative and light-hearted topics on this board, along with the ones where members come together to support someone through a tough time or a difficult situation. What I do not enjoy is the constant nitpicking at members who maybe do not fit into your ideal of a horse owner, particularly when they are younger and haven't yet had a chance to become the person they will one day be. I've asked for advice on here several times and sometimes I have totally disregarded what people said, but I still read it and took it all on board. Following what other people say doesn't make you a sensible person, what makes you a sensible person is the ability to hear all opinions and then to make your own decision, something which you are only just learning to do at the age of 14. Give the girl a break. To be honest I think some of the flack is from members who are envious that this young woman has all her life ahead of her, along with all the horsie opportunities it brings, and you are simply frustrated that she won't do it the way you would have done given the chance.

Blah blah blah, time for tea.

*hugs chav horse and Mrs Mozart*
 
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:(

I'm a teenager and i havent been treated badly. I dont think it does have anything to do with age, from my knowledge. But i'm relativley new so i may be wrong.
 
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I remember being told that I was obviously a 'trouble maker' and much worse things - all on the basis that I was looking for a new riding school for a friend to start at, because quite frankly, I find the standard of tuition at many of the local RSs appalling! Hmm..... okaaay. This person then decided to start a one person war against me for no apparent reason :o crazy!
It's obviously a crime to want to learn to ride well now :D

I think if you're going to post questions, you have to be open to answers. I sometimes get replies that I think 'well, that isn't going to work for me/my horse' so I just say thanks and read the next comment (:
But also, if you're going to give an answer, you have to be prepared that the person ISN'T going to use your advice! And if they don't? Well, it didn't cost you anything to give, and it's not your problem :p
 
Personally I couldn't care less about the whole debarcle, however I have seen Brighteyes making some very informative, helpful posts and just be ignored. So from my POV a lot of helpful advice is/was being ignored too. However as I say, just my thoughts as I have a lot more interesting things to worry about.
Like what colour Im dyeing my hair :D
 
Seahorse said:
When I was younger I was very arrogant, thought I knew best and if anyone dared to give me advice I certainly wouldn't have taken it. Lucky there was no HHO then ;)
What I'm trying to say is that she's young, she will grow up and it will suddenly dawn on her later on that she really didn't know as much as she thought she did...
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I agree, I was the same when I was a teen.

I think part of the problem is people think the can get away with telling a teen exactly what they think of them but wouldn't dare do the same to an older or more popular member. A post in PG recently springs to mind where someone had posted that they had finally retired their really old pony, all the replies said something along the lines of how fab the pony looked - but she didn't look fab, she looked poor - but no one said so. If BSJA123 had posted pics of a pony looking like that being ridden she would have been jumped on by the pack. It is often said on here if you're not going to post something nice or polite don't post at all, but it seems that depends totally on who's post you are replying to!
 
I find that a lot of good advice is often drowned out by the sarcastic rude replies which more than not often follow. If I find a topic that I think I can help with or benefit from I usually never get to the end of the thread because I cannot be bothered, nor do I have the time, to swim through all the unhelpful and nasty comments.

I've never used the 'report' button before, maybe thats something people should start to consider using if they feel they are being bullied.

I'm 25. 10 years ago I knew EVERYTHING.....now, I'm embarrassed sometimes by how little I know :rolleyes: it's all part and parcel of growing up.
 
I think the 'war' against bsja123 started when she posted ages ago about Catlips when she said she doesn't use second hand stuff. Everyone immedietly got this persona of her that she was a snobby teenager who gets what she wants. Since that post in all her posts she got bashing.

I'm a teenager still and I feel my posts are ok, I have spelling mistakes but thats mainly because I'm dyslexic and I hope people think I take on there advice. I also hope I give good advice because even though I'm 17 I still know some things about horses.

My insturctors saying is: "Once you think you know it all, give up because you will stop trying to learn".
 
It dosent matter what age you are, you still need to treat other people with respect.

You need to be mature enough to ask questions and accept that not all answers will be to your liking - thats how the real world works!!
 
Reading recent threads involving BSJA I just kept thinking how utterly appalled her parents would be to see some of the comments from adults on here that their daughter had been sent. If you saw a stranger in a shop berating a 14 year old they didn't know in that way face to face about something wouldn't most of us be shocked? I don't think it makes it any better when it's done through a forum. At the end of the day she is 14...when I was 14 many moons ago you were still a child though not nowadays but that doesn't give adults who don't know her from adam to tear her off a strip on here. 14 year olds come with different levels of maturity, knowledge, social skills, you can tell from her posts she's finding her way and sometimes yes making mistakes - like no doubt many on here have all done with the horses in our lives if we're brutally honest. I don't envy teenagers now when the world is moving at such a pace and they are thrown from 10 years of age almost to 18 in one fail swoop without barely being allowed to mature gradually through those years, like a massive fast forward. I have more tolerance for a confused, trying teenager than some poorly behaved adults.
 
Kitsune said:
Personally I couldn't care less about the whole debarcle, however I have seen Brighteyes making some very informative, helpful posts and just be ignored. So from my POV a lot of helpful advice is/was being ignored too. However as I say, just my thoughts as I have a lot more interesting things to worry about.
Like what colour Im dyeing my hair :D
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I'm convinced I'm on eveyone's UI - apart from yours! Thank you Kitty. I owe it to HHO for the three extra years I had with my beloved Pollyanna. However, it did require that I listened to and followed the advice offered.

What does need to be in evidence, is a grasp of the situation, some background on the problem and a degree of honesty and humility from the OP, whoever it is.

I didn't come on to the forum shouting my mouth off about my initial problem being caused by some other idiots (as was the case) but that I needed to know what to expect and if I put my very best efforts in, could I expect a positive outcome.

I did try my best, the outcome was better than had I not joined the forum and I miss the kind and helpful members who were here back then who undoubtably, through their advice and support gave me those very precious extra years with her.

I also need to say that one of the most notoriously crusty and direct members on here PM'd me words of comfort at the time of 'goodbye' that I can't bring myself to delete.

The forum is not so shallow as it may appear to those who treat it like a diposable tissue.
 
kaylouise67 said:
I find that a lot of good advice is often drowned out by the sarcastic rude replies which more than not often follow. If I find a topic that I think I can help with or benefit from I usually never get to the end of the thread because I cannot be bothered, nor do I have the time, to swim through all the unhelpful and nasty comments.

I've never used the 'report' button before, maybe thats something people should start to consider using if they feel they are being bullied.

I'm 25. 10 years ago I knew EVERYTHING.....now, I'm embarrassed sometimes by how little I know :rolleyes: it's all part and parcel of growing up.
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Don't bother using the report button. When JaddyandLaddy were crucified I received a warning for repeated use of it.
 
Must admit, the forum is bullying to newcomers. When I first joined I put loads of people on user ignore after I felt "nastied". After a while though, I removed it and found their posts quite funny, either through their lack of knowledge or their sense of humour.
 
JadeyyAndLadyy said:
You get told off by reporting too many people? :confused: :rolleyes:
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I did, yes - for that particular thread. I received a message entitled "Repeated use of of thr report button" - saying "We are aware of the thread. You have the option to put the posters who offend you on UI". I was therefore, unable to report what I saw as bullying behaviour.
 
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Berkeley said:
I remember being 16 and my Dad saying to me:

"When I was 16 my parents didn't know anything, when I was 21 I was amazed how much they'd learnt in just 5 years"

;)
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That is classic, and so true. :)

At 16 I truly thought my elders didn't know a thing and had no idea of what life was like.

I think (and I am NOT being nasty here, I have a 15 year old daughter) teenagers loose sight of the fact, or it just doesn't cross their minds, that those older than them were once teenagers too, and sometimes we remember far back in the mists of time (Oh Dear God! Is she going to do the things I did at college :eek: ) just what it was like to be one ;)
 
Rotchana said:
I did, yes - for that particular thread. I received a message entitled "Repeated use of of thr report button" - saying "We are aware of the thread. You have the option to put the posters who offend you on UI". I was therefore, unable to report what I saw as bullying behaviour.
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:eek:
Well whats the point in having a report button if its not going to be noticed by admin? :mad: The reason people use that button isnt usually because it 'offends' people, but because what someone wrote is seen as bullying or unacceptable. Putting someone on UI isnt going to stop them bullying someone :(
 
OK here goes. I have a look in NL, occasionally post, but most of the time dont do too much as am a bit concerned what responses I will get back, as some forum members have got some really unfair responses. It is far safer in CR and to be honest the advice received in there is normally sound and reasoned, plus have come across some really nice people in there as well.

I dont think its necessarily teenagers who get a hard time on here, from where I stand its anyone who does not agree with the hard core of what I can only call 'sad bar stewards', who think that their opinion is the only one and sneer at those with little knowledge who are asking for help. OK, we are on an open forum, and we all have freedom of speech, but for gods sake, you know who you are, get off your bloody soap boxes, look at the other persons's point of view and if it looks like they are asking for help, and you are able to do so, give them help. Oh, and stop being so dam judgemental - if thats how they want to do things, let them get on with it, as long as nobody, or any horse is being abused or hurt.

Rant over and now back to CR for some sanity.
 
May I ask a question?

At what point does age become an invalid excuse for ignorance? 16? 18?

I remember being 14. I was a pain in the *rse (not much has changed). I had a young pony and non-horsey parents, therefore I made mistakes with his schooling etc which were later rectified.

However, I appreciated having the pony, loved him to bits and if a vet told me I shouldn't be jumping him, I certainly wouldn't be doing so 3 times a week.

Would it have been okay for me to do so, as I was 'only 14?' At what age would this have become unacceptable?

Luckily (I'm serious) I had people around me who would have given me more than a small b*llocking if I had compromised his welfare in any way. That is how I learned. My instructor was a dragon, I was terrified of her, but what a real, old school horsewoman (RIP Steph). If I'd acted the way the teenager in question did with my pony I can guarantee she'd have sorted me out in a far less subtle way then brighteyes for example!

The pony I speak of became one of Joe Clayton's JAs when I was out of juniors, whilst still in my ownership. I was very proud of the blood, sweat and tears that had gone into him and grateful for the discipline, support and boll*ckings from people who knew what they were talking about. I enjoyed travelling with him around the biggest shows in the country and the contacts I made have proved invaluable to me. I worked damned hard to be in that position - I certainly wasn't born into it - and I don't regret a second of it.

If the pony had ended up crippled and sour would I be saying "oh well, it was a learning curve?" No - I'd be wishing I'd listened.

So, when the poster in question comes here saying she needs the strongest bit she can find, schooling is suggested and she goes and gets a stronger bit anyway... when she posts on YouTube that her pony's lame and has to have 9 months off and is jumping it within the month... when she tags her YouTube videos with '1.20 jumping arthritis' please excuse me if I run out of patience.

Jade - your experience I feel was completely different. You listened to the advice you were given, which was often far too harsh I'll agree, and you posted back with the results. This poster has proven time and time again that's not her intention and it's to the detriment of what appears to be a very honest litle mare.

I have given up on BSJA123 and it's concerning that those who have genuine advice to offer will do the same.
 
I can't agree with the OP more. We were all teenagers once (some more recently than others ...... :o) and what irritating beings we were. Surely no-one can deny it?

What's evident is that teenagers, and some adults, are very impressionable and when they ask for advice they find it difficult to differentiate between the good and the bad, and the well meant responses from the snide ones. What they do tend to do is respond spontaneously, often in a clumsy manner, and this is what seems to be getting people's backs up.

In my very humble opinion, when someone asks for advice, no matter how old or young they appear to be (or no matter how badly phrased it is, or how bad the spelling is ----- WHO CARES????), if you feel you have an appropriate answer, then by all means give it and leave it at that. Let the OP decide if they want to take your advice. If you simply feel the need to jump on the b*it* bandwagon just for the sake of it, then please don't. It just rattles people's cages and is totally unproductive.

I like this forum. I'm only a newbie here, and for the most part it's great fun. It's sad when things go pear-shaped, and I agree with one poster in some thread or other, that if rude things had been said to one of my teenagers, similar to what had been said to some of these teenage posters, I'd be very upset.

:)
 
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