Telling someone they can no longer use your horse

Gallop_Away

Gallop_Away

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I've recently been allowing someone to ride my horse, but I've decided I no longer wish for this to continue. What was initially them borrowing him to potter around in the menage for an hour a week, has turned into this person taking over! I feel like I am the one borrowing him on weekends when I want to ride. Without going into detail this person seems to be treating him as if he is her horse and this is overstepping the mark.
So how do I go about telling this person? Shes an otherwise nice enough girl and I hate confrontation. Any ideas?
 
You could say something like 'Thank you for riding my horse its been very much appreciated. Unfortunately because I'm finding things a little expensive at the moment (winter in general) I've decided to advertise for a sharer who can pay...'.
 
TotalMadgeness said:
You could say something like 'Thank you for riding my horse its been very much appreciated. Unfortunately because I'm finding things a little expensive at the moment (winter in general) I've decided to advertise for a sharer who can pay...'.
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That would work until they say "Oh no worries, I can pay" :lol:

Erm, they only thing I can think of is saying that you want to start riding more and you don't want the horse getting too fit or something like that. Im rubbish at this stuff and would probably just blurt something out and cause offence then get upset cos I hate confrontation too!
 
Just say 'it's great that pony has been getting so much exercise but with nights drawing out I will have more time to ride now.'

Then if you want tag on the end 'you can continue to take him out once a week if you like, I have a lot on most Tuesdays so that could be your day with him?'

Or alternatively 'I hope you find something else suitable to ride, summer is on its way!'
 
TotalMadgeness said:
You could say something like 'Thank you for riding my horse its been very much appreciated. Unfortunately because I'm finding things a little expensive at the moment (winter in general) I've decided to advertise for a sharer who can pay...'.
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Shes the type who would offer to pay to be honest. :/ she loves him to bits and I do feel bad for stopping her from riding him, but honestly its just too much for me to handle.
 
Why not just rein them in and dictate what days they can ride and on those days you expect them to be around your horse (as in, on the other days back off!!) Seems a shame to lose a rider if you are struggling to ride everyday?

Its only a conversation, you dont have to confront someone over this, just explain you are feeling like the sharer so need them to take a step back. Nice and simple.
 
Antw23uk said:
Why not just rein them in and dictate what days they can ride and on those days you expect them to be around your horse (as in, on the other days back off!!) Seems a shame to lose a rider if you are struggling to ride everyday?

Its only a conversation, you dont have to confront someone over this, just explain you are feeling like the sharer so need them to take a step back. Nice and simple.
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This. It doesn’t have to be all or nothing. If they don’t know how you are feeling they won’t know to change.
 
PapaverFollis said:
Erm, they only thing I can think of is saying that you want to start riding more and you don't want the horse getting too fit or something like that
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I agree, maybe say you'll be riding more as you'd like to start training towards something (even if you aren't) so you'll be scheduling lessons and workload towards that. Thank her for treating him so well and ask if her if she plans to get one of her own now :)
 
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Antw23uk said:
Why not just rein them in and dictate what days they can ride and on those days you expect them to be around your horse (as in, on the other days back off!!) Seems a shame to lose a rider if you are struggling to ride everyday?

Its only a conversation, you dont have to confront someone over this, just explain you are feeling like the sharer so need them to take a step back. Nice and simple.
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He isnt the type of pony that needs riding. He is fit enough for what I udo with him and isn't the type to fizz up when hes not in regular work. I only agreed for her to use him because I felt sorry for her not having anything to ride and said she could borrow him (stupidly thinking it would only be now and again). I never wanted a sharer, (totally my fault I know!)
It isn't just riding. Hes brough in, fed, ridden by other people - all without me knowing. First I hear is when I'm sent a picture on facebook.
 
Toby_Zaphod said:
Various people here are coming up with excuses & constructing lies to tell the rider/sharer. Why are you doing this, try telling the truth.
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I think its because I'm trying to avoid a confrontation. I agree honesty is the best policy - but how does one word "youre overstepping the mark" nicely? We share a yard and I don't wish to fall out with anyone.
 
Gallop_Away said:
but how does one word "youre overstepping the mark" nicely?
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You have the start in your opening post.
"I'm starting to feel like the sharer so I've decided it's time to take back control of my horse" If she questions why you feel like the sharer then tell her what you originally thought vs what is now happening.
 
Just be honest but polite. Tell her that you didn't mind her having the occasional ride but your expectation was maybe once a week tops, that things are being done with your horse that you haven't agreed to and you would expect that such things would be discussed with you first not just done and then put on facebook.

Just say that because of that you'd rather be his sole carer :)
 
I'm another who hates confrontation. I would probably go along the lines of you want to ride more now and you don't need someone to exercise him for you. Thank her for looking after him and say your grateful but you'd prefer to be the sole rider for the Horse.
 
Gallop_Away said:
He isnt the type of pony that needs riding. He is fit enough for what I udo with him and isn't the type to fizz up when hes not in regular work. I only agreed for her to use him because I felt sorry for her not having anything to ride and said she could borrow him (stupidly thinking it would only be now and again). I never wanted a sharer, (totally my fault I know!)
It isn't just riding. Hes brough in, fed, ridden by other people - all without me knowing. First I hear is when I'm sent a picture on facebook.
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This is really naughty, I would just say that that fact has been brought to your attention, it's not something that was agreed and you dont think it is appropriate for her to ride your horse any more
 
Gallop_Away said:
I think its because I'm trying to avoid a confrontation. I agree honesty is the best policy - but how does one word "youre overstepping the mark" nicely? We share a yard and I don't wish to fall out with anyone.
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You dont have to have confrontation if you approach the subject in a reasonable,friendly manner. Could you not just say 'we ought to get a contract drawn up to avoid any misunderstandings - you ride him ...day,...day and ...day,I do all the feeding looking after etc etc and ride whenever I want as its my horse' type of thing?
 
No. She's taken the pee and has let others ride the horse without permission. She has made the owner feel like the horse is not their horse anymore. The arrangement must stop completely IMO.

The OP can be very polite and kind when they bring the arrangement to an end and I definitely understand about avoiding confrontation and not wanting an atmosphere at the yard, but the horse is the OP's horse and they have the right to stop the 'share'.
 
I was going to write a different reply until you said others had been riding the horse. That is totally not on and gives you an excellent reason in your conversation which now just goes like

'The kind offer was for you to be able to ride and handle my horse, as I have noticed that you have permitted other people to do so without my prior permission this arrangement now ends.'
 
Honesty is always the best policy, you want your horse back for yourself and don't wish to share any longer
If you are at the same yard, it wouldn't be a good idea to make up stories about how you wish to ride more often as you will just feel uncomfortable if you don't.

If she is a controlling individual you may as well just say whatever you want, she will probably take offence however you say it.
One thing in life its easy to give people things but can be very problematic taking something away, you are also dealing with emotions as she likes your horse

She pushed the boundaries when she allowed others to use your horse, it would of been very easy to stop the share that day, once you ignore that behaviour you are a hiding to no-where and can't complain the next time or later down the line
 
Gallop_Away said:
I've recently been allowing someone to ride my horse, but I've decided I no longer wish for this to continue. What was initially them borrowing him to potter around in the menage for an hour a week, has turned into this person taking over! I feel like I am the one borrowing him on weekends when I want to ride. Without going into detail this person seems to be treating him as if he is her horse and this is overstepping the mark.
So how do I go about telling this person? Shes an otherwise nice enough girl and I hate confrontation. Any ideas?
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Thank you very much for riding my horse and caring for him during XXXX months/year, I have now decided that I want to spend more time with him so will no longer need you to ride him. If the situation changes you will be the first to know. (NOT)
 
ILuvCowparsely said:
Thank you very much for riding my horse and caring for him during XXXX months/year, I have now decided that I want to spend more time with him so will no longer need you to ride him. If the situation changes you will be the first to know. (NOT)
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^^^ that is kind, gentle, diplomatic and thoughtful ^^^
 
Then she still thinks that it was acceptable to let people ride the horse without permission.

Would the OP's insurance have covered anyone who had an accident on her horse who was riding without her permission?
 
I am sorry, but this arrangement is not working for me. I now realise how much I enjoyed being the only person seeing to and riding my horse. I hope you really enjoyed riding him, but from now on I want to go back to him being just my responsibility.
 
Clarify: I am letting you know that I’ve decided that our arrangement whereby you ride x is going to end from...
Explain / Example: I will be riding him from now on. I have also become aware that you have let someone else ride him without my permission and this discovery supports my decision.
Discuss: is there anything that you want to say about this?
Agree: so we’re agreed that the arrangement will finish...(now / Friday / etc)

Keep to your bottom line, keep it about the arrangement and don’t let it get personal. If she kicks off, just keep repeating that the arrangement is ending. It’s your horse, you don’t need to justify your decision.
 
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