Fantasy_World
Well-Known Member
Have just been looking up horse humour and came across this and boy it made me chuckle so thought I would post it. Sorry if it has been on here already or offends anyone as I am posting in jest and for no other reason because it made me titter lol
Cazx
Bog Spavin - The feeling of panic when riding through a muddy area. Also used to refer to horses who throw a fit at having to go through water puddles.
[] Colt - What your mare always gives you when you want a filly.
[] Contracted foot - The involuntary/instant reflex of curling one's toes up - right before a horse steps on your foot.
[] Drench - Term used to describe the condition an owner is in after he administers electrolytes to his horse.
[] Endurance ride - The end result when your horse spooks and runs away with you in the bush.
[] Equitation - The ability to keep a smile on your face and proper posture while your horse tries to pigroot, shy and buck his way around the track.
[] Feed - Expensive substance utilized in the manufacture of large quantities of manure
[] Fences - Decorative perimeter structures built to give a horse something to chew on, scratch against and jump over (see inbreeding).
[] Flies - The excuse of choice a horse uses so he can kick you, buck you off or knock you over - he cannot be punished.
[] Founder - 1.) The discovery of your loose mare-some miles from your farm, usually in a flower bed or hayfield. Used like-"Hey, honey, I found'er." 2.)Founder: A condition that happens to most people after Christmas dinner
[] Gallop- The customary gait a horse chooses when returning home
[] Gates - Wooden or metal structures built to amuse horses.
[] Grooming - The fine art of brushing the dirt from one's horse and applying it to your own body.
[] Hay - A green itchy material that collects between layers of clothing, especially in unmentionable places.
[] Head Tosser - A blonde-haired woman who wears fashion boots while working in the yards.
[] Heaves - The act of unloading a truck full of hay.
[] Hobbles - Describes the walking gait of a horse owner after his/her foot has been stepped on by his/her horse.
[] Hoof Pick - Useful, curbed metal tool utilized to remove hardened dog doo from the treads of your endurance shoes.
[] Inbreeding - The breeding results of broken/inadequate paddock fencing.
[] Jumping - The characteristic movement that an equine makes when given a vaccine or has his hooves trimmed.
[] Lameness - The condition of most riders after the first few rides each year; can be a chronic condition in old or weak riders.
[] Lead Rope - A long apparatus instrumental in the administration of rope burns. Also used by excited horses to take a handler for a drag.
[] Lungeing - A training method a horse uses on its owner with the purpose of making the owner spin in circles-rendering the owner dizzy and light-headed so that they get sick and pass out, so the horse can go back to eating.
[] Manure spreader - Horse dealers
[] Mosquitoes - Radar equipped blood sucking insects that typically reach the size of small birds.
[] Parasites - Small children that get in your way at endurance rides.
[] Pinto - A colorful (usually green) coat pattern found on a freshly washed and sparkling clean gray horse that was left unattended in his paddock for ten minutes.
[] Pony - The true size of the stallion that you bred your mare to via AI - that was advertised as 15 hands tall.
[] Proud Flesh - The external reproductive organs flaunted by a stallion when a horse of any gender is present. Often displayed at rides.
[] Quarter Cracks - The comments that most Arabian owners make about the people who own Quarter Horses.
[] Race - What your heart does when you see the vet bill.
[] Rasp - An abrasive, long, flat metal tool used to remove excess skin from the knuckles.
[] Reins - Break-away device used to tie horses with.
[] Ringworms - Spectators who block your view and gather around the ring sides at BC workouts.
[] Sacking out - A condition caused by Sleeping Sickness (see below). The state of deep sleep a mare owner will be in at the time a mare actually goes into labor and foals.
[] Saddle - An expensive leather contraption manufactured to give the rider a false sense of security. Comes in many styles, all feature built-in ejector seats.
[] Saddle Sore - The way the rider's bottom feels the morning after the weekend at a ride.
[] Sleeping Sickness - A disease peculiar to mare owners while waiting for their mares to foal. Caused by nights of lost sleep, symptoms include irritability, red baggy eyes and a zombie-like waking state. Can last several weeks.
[] Splint - An apparatus that can be applied to various body parts of arider due to the parting of the ways of a horse and his passenger.
[] Stall - What your truck does on the way to a ride, fifty kilometres from the closest town.
[] Strappers - Heavy, stationary objects used at endurance rides to hold down chairs and eskies.
[] Tack Room - A room where every item necessary to work with or train your horse has been put, in a place which it cannot be found in less than 30 minutes.
[] Twisted Gut - The feeling deep inside that most riders get before a ride starts.
[] Vet Catalog - An illustrated brochure provided to horse owners that features a wide array of products that are currently out of stock or have been dropped from a company's inventory.
[] Withers - The reason you'll seldom see a man riding bareback.
[] Yearling - The age at which all horses completely forget the things you taught them previously.
[] Young stock - A general term used for all equines old enough to bite, kick or run you over, but not yet old enough to dump you on the ground.
Cazx
Bog Spavin - The feeling of panic when riding through a muddy area. Also used to refer to horses who throw a fit at having to go through water puddles.
[] Colt - What your mare always gives you when you want a filly.
[] Contracted foot - The involuntary/instant reflex of curling one's toes up - right before a horse steps on your foot.
[] Drench - Term used to describe the condition an owner is in after he administers electrolytes to his horse.
[] Endurance ride - The end result when your horse spooks and runs away with you in the bush.
[] Equitation - The ability to keep a smile on your face and proper posture while your horse tries to pigroot, shy and buck his way around the track.
[] Feed - Expensive substance utilized in the manufacture of large quantities of manure
[] Fences - Decorative perimeter structures built to give a horse something to chew on, scratch against and jump over (see inbreeding).
[] Flies - The excuse of choice a horse uses so he can kick you, buck you off or knock you over - he cannot be punished.
[] Founder - 1.) The discovery of your loose mare-some miles from your farm, usually in a flower bed or hayfield. Used like-"Hey, honey, I found'er." 2.)Founder: A condition that happens to most people after Christmas dinner
[] Gallop- The customary gait a horse chooses when returning home
[] Gates - Wooden or metal structures built to amuse horses.
[] Grooming - The fine art of brushing the dirt from one's horse and applying it to your own body.
[] Hay - A green itchy material that collects between layers of clothing, especially in unmentionable places.
[] Head Tosser - A blonde-haired woman who wears fashion boots while working in the yards.
[] Heaves - The act of unloading a truck full of hay.
[] Hobbles - Describes the walking gait of a horse owner after his/her foot has been stepped on by his/her horse.
[] Hoof Pick - Useful, curbed metal tool utilized to remove hardened dog doo from the treads of your endurance shoes.
[] Inbreeding - The breeding results of broken/inadequate paddock fencing.
[] Jumping - The characteristic movement that an equine makes when given a vaccine or has his hooves trimmed.
[] Lameness - The condition of most riders after the first few rides each year; can be a chronic condition in old or weak riders.
[] Lead Rope - A long apparatus instrumental in the administration of rope burns. Also used by excited horses to take a handler for a drag.
[] Lungeing - A training method a horse uses on its owner with the purpose of making the owner spin in circles-rendering the owner dizzy and light-headed so that they get sick and pass out, so the horse can go back to eating.
[] Manure spreader - Horse dealers
[] Mosquitoes - Radar equipped blood sucking insects that typically reach the size of small birds.
[] Parasites - Small children that get in your way at endurance rides.
[] Pinto - A colorful (usually green) coat pattern found on a freshly washed and sparkling clean gray horse that was left unattended in his paddock for ten minutes.
[] Pony - The true size of the stallion that you bred your mare to via AI - that was advertised as 15 hands tall.
[] Proud Flesh - The external reproductive organs flaunted by a stallion when a horse of any gender is present. Often displayed at rides.
[] Quarter Cracks - The comments that most Arabian owners make about the people who own Quarter Horses.
[] Race - What your heart does when you see the vet bill.
[] Rasp - An abrasive, long, flat metal tool used to remove excess skin from the knuckles.
[] Reins - Break-away device used to tie horses with.
[] Ringworms - Spectators who block your view and gather around the ring sides at BC workouts.
[] Sacking out - A condition caused by Sleeping Sickness (see below). The state of deep sleep a mare owner will be in at the time a mare actually goes into labor and foals.
[] Saddle - An expensive leather contraption manufactured to give the rider a false sense of security. Comes in many styles, all feature built-in ejector seats.
[] Saddle Sore - The way the rider's bottom feels the morning after the weekend at a ride.
[] Sleeping Sickness - A disease peculiar to mare owners while waiting for their mares to foal. Caused by nights of lost sleep, symptoms include irritability, red baggy eyes and a zombie-like waking state. Can last several weeks.
[] Splint - An apparatus that can be applied to various body parts of arider due to the parting of the ways of a horse and his passenger.
[] Stall - What your truck does on the way to a ride, fifty kilometres from the closest town.
[] Strappers - Heavy, stationary objects used at endurance rides to hold down chairs and eskies.
[] Tack Room - A room where every item necessary to work with or train your horse has been put, in a place which it cannot be found in less than 30 minutes.
[] Twisted Gut - The feeling deep inside that most riders get before a ride starts.
[] Vet Catalog - An illustrated brochure provided to horse owners that features a wide array of products that are currently out of stock or have been dropped from a company's inventory.
[] Withers - The reason you'll seldom see a man riding bareback.
[] Yearling - The age at which all horses completely forget the things you taught them previously.
[] Young stock - A general term used for all equines old enough to bite, kick or run you over, but not yet old enough to dump you on the ground.
