The annoying child - How to deal with this ? Calling all parents

Phew, that's some reading of all the threads. I feel for OP and child.

OP wants quality time with her horses, don't we all? I have 2 children, work at a school and love kids. This situation would drive me bonkers though. I have no issue with teaching children about ponies, I took a group to a local riding school when I was in my previous job and done talks at my children's school. I also invite my son's friends up if they are interested so they can see the ponies. OP isn't fussed about children, not everyone is.

Hindsight is a wonderful thing but the OP wanted advice not criticism about how the situation had developed. I'd be padlocking the gate for security and speaking to the grandparents again. My time is my ponies is MY time so I can appreciate where you are coming from. All the best and I hope you manage to resolve the issues soon.
 
Broke_But_Happy said:
I bet you didn't talk incessantly,
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I did that one, it is how my parents met their closest friends for 20 yrs-he was building a house and I used to stop and talk at him every day for weeks on end (on my way home form school aged 6yrs) my parents used to have to come and collect me from the house building project every day-he was a captive audience as he was working.

In the op position I would want the child on side, given a job and boundaries I think there is far less likely that there will be problems.

Fides I know you are not the OP my previous comment was in response to one of yours:)
 
I'd just carry on ignoring her until I'd had a bad day, then she would get most of the OP spouted to her with a big "go away and don't come back".
 
I really don't think the OP is mean spirited, nor are people who just don't want to spend time with children, particularly other people's children.

There's a young girl who comes to our yard, she's about the same age as OP's girl. She doesn't have a horse but she "helps" people in exchange for riding, some of the liveries have spent a great deal of time with her and given her a lot of opportunities to ride, even taking her to events so she has done ok out of it

She used to ride my horse a lot and "help", she was nice enough but to be honest I was relieved when she decided she needed something more challenging and moved on to "help" someone else. I guess this makes me a heartless old baggage but really, unless it were the child of family/close friends (and even then I wouldn't want it ALL THE TIME) , I have no inclination to provide free pony club camp for people's kids.
 
My neighbour asked if I could find her 12yo son "a few small jobs" on the farm. No way! I managed to get out of that one reasonably tactfully but I am still labelled the grumpy old ***** next door.

I even hesitate to employ an adult when I think about all the Health and Safety implications. Not least, I would be required to sit down and write out a risk assessment for each task, take out extra insurance, provide protective clothing and a first aid kit, and then check up on employment law. Has the OP had a police check to ascertain that she is not a pedophile??
 
I can relate to the child;that was me many years ago and without horsey parents i channelled my interest in other directions.Nurture her interest and maybe guide her towards the nearset riding school.Not all children have access to riding,or horsy family so please try to appreciate it from the childs perspective.Speak to the family and set ground rules.She could be an asset to you. Children are curious and want to know things,so what is the harm in answering her questions.You may abhor children but if you did have your own child you would approach this dilemna from a different perspective.
You were once a child,so try to tap into your inner child.
 
Why should the OP effectively 'babysit' this child for free providing free entertainment at expense of her own time and sanity? If it were me I couldn't put up with this - fair enough maybe let her visit once/twice a week and give the horses a stroke and a carrot but not every day for the whole time she's visiting her horses.

I do feel for the child but the OP's horses are BIG horses, not little ponies suitable for a child to be running round after and grooming alone! I know they are most likely lovely but due to their size they could do a lot more damage. If the girl wants to visit I think her parents/grandparents should at least go along to supervise and so the OP can have a word with them.

Maybe find out if there is a riding school in the area and point her and her parents in that direction? So then she can have a go at riding too or helping out properly.
 
Dry Rot said:
My neighbour asked if I could find her 12yo son "a few small jobs" on the farm. No way! I managed to get out of that one reasonably tactfully but I am still labelled the grumpy old ***** next door.

I even hesitate to employ an adult when I think about all the Health and Safety implications. Not least, I would be required to sit down and write out a risk assessment for each task, take out extra insurance, provide protective clothing and a first aid kit, and then check up on employment law. Has the OP had a police check to ascertain that she is not a pedophile??
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That is such a good point, and something that I am really conscious of. When I was younger my little brother was very nearly killed in a farm accident - farms are not playgrounds and that point has been slow to filter through to the industry because most farms are family businesses.

Livestock and horses are incredibly unpredictable as most of us will know, taking on someone else's child around two large horses is a big ask - I know there are lots of people who have been 12 year old girls and found kindness in horsey women, but the culture we are in now does not really favour the ones with the liability ie the horse owner.
 
I don't dislike children, except precocious or ill mannered ones, and I've worked with children for many years previously; however I don't like having other people's children effectively foisted on me. I pay plenty of money and work hard to keep a horse, and when I was a child I also worked hard in return for being around horses, why should this child's parents effectively have all the perks for free? It is hard work supervising kids, especially gobby ones that are in to everything!

I'm afraid I'd also be having a word with the grandparents and padlocking the gate, in my experience the polite hard working kids that are desperate to be around horses won't force themselves on anyone, and I've also had bad experiences with kids who think they can do what they like and even steal things when they've been given an inch and taken a mile. Horses are owned for your pleasure, and if that means spending time on your own with them for stress relief without feeling obliged to cater for every horse mad kid then that's what the op should do. This is why riding schools exist.
 
I have had similar local problem, OP, with a lad and his sister/cousin/whatever, they are about 10 years old and have been found ''playing'' in a stack of heston straw bales, ''playing'' with the JCB, with the new born calf in its mother's pen - it was all pretty horrifying, but actually the final straw came when after a whole night spent in the lambing shed, I was standing in the shower at 6.30 am, glanced through the bathroom window and there they were, telling me, through the window into my bathroom, that no 58 is running around the shed looking for its mother... That morning I went and told the mother that I appreciate the children are hard work and that she cherishes the moments they are out of her hair, but I would appreciate if she didn't consider me a free babysitter. She doesn't speak to me now, but the kids never appeared again.
 
I really feel for the OP; I don't like children and I love quiet time with my horse. I'm a pretty grumpy and stand-offish person so don't tend to get pestered by children thank goodness. My horse is an expensive hobby that I work hard for and I'm not minded to share the experience with random strangers for free. I was a pony mad child whose parents paid for lessons and got me a loan pony; I would have been skinned alive if I had pestered horse owners.
 
I haven't read every page so apologies if this has been suggested before, but as a parent I suggest you go and talk to the parents/grandparents and scare the living daylights out of them with all the hair-raising/tragic stories out there about kids being injured or even killed by horses. You won't see them again once the carers realise the risks!
 
HGA-12 said:
^ agree

I too used to feel I was strange at never liking kids or babies. You know I only held one of my nieces when they were babies that was it and only 5 minutes and I said that is enough. I don't like the sound babies make and walk out shops if one starts (don't get me started on kids on planes) .

We can't all like kids or we would be more over populated than we are, friends say oh isn't my baby beautiful. I just smile, but inside I think its like all babies bald and fugly. That is me i cannot change like the rest of the non bearing children people. Having a kid is not the b all and end all.

I have had winging kids go on and on, I tolerate about 15 minutes then have to walk away. When your tired after a days work, all you want to do is chill- groom your horse and spent quality time of an hour or so. Not spend and hour answering mundane questions.

The sad truth is we get slated and labeled as mean etc to not liking children, and the people wanting kids wont see our point of view or understand why we don't like them.

I bet most of the non maternal group here understand why others want and love kids, but when the shoe is on the other foot, we are not given the same respect.
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I totally agree with twobearsarthur and HGA - 12. I was born non maternal, hated dolls etc. and yes I've been happily married for nearly 30 years to a MAN. We are not all programmed to reproduce and do not wish to be lumbered with other people's offspring, who actually can make me feel quite nauseous.
 
I'm a non maternal person as well and I fully understand you, OP. Lots of sensible advice has already been given, so I'm just chiming in to support you. I still remember how a mother expressed well-meant advice for me to get a different horse, just because I refused to give her darlings a free ride on my youngster! She honestly thought that I'll have "no real use" for an energetic and opinionated horse, just because I'm "not able" to give rides to random kids, and what good is a horse if he's not suited for a green beginners' horsey fix, eh? What a cheek!
 
Another thought - how about insisting that she can only come to the field if she has one of her gransparents with her - they'll soon get fed up with that!
 
Sleipnir said:
I'm a non maternal person as well and I fully understand you, OP. Lots of sensible advice has already been given, so I'm just chiming in to support you. I still remember how a mother expressed well-meant advice for me to get a different horse, just because I refused to give her darlings a free ride on my youngster! She honestly thought that I'll have "no real use" for an energetic and opinionated horse, just because I'm "not able" to give rides to random kids, and what good is a horse if he's not suited for a green beginners' horsey fix, eh? What a cheek!
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its worse when you own ponies. apparently that means anyone can randomly come along and feed them/get in field with them and expect pony rides. my ponies are not children's ponies-I wouldn't do that to them :p
 
Thank gods I have a 16.3 hand heavyweight beast then! :D True, it doesn't always intimidate needy people who think they are always right.

"Can I give him a snack?"
"Er, no, please don't, besides - he may bite."
"Oh, don't be silly, I KNOW he won't bite me!"
*a quick hand motion to shove something in his mouth*
"OW, he bit me, why didn't you tell me that?!"
*sigh*
 
This thread reminds me Mark Rashid's description of his first stolen encounters with someone else's horses at the age of 10.
Lucky for him, the old man who owned the horses was generous in giving his time to a small boy who hung around his property.

Perhaps back in 1972, the Health and Safety excuse was still called commonsense, and perhaps the notion that giving time to children wasn't seen as babysitting for free.
 
Sleipnir said:
Thank gods I have a 16.3 hand heavyweight beast then! :D True, it doesn't always intimidate needy people who think they are always right.

"Can I give him a snack?"
"Er, no, please don't, besides - he may bite."
"Oh, don't be silly, I KNOW he won't bite me!"
*a quick hand motion to shove something in his mouth*
"OW, he bit me, why didn't you tell me that?!"
*sigh*
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What is it with people being so insistent with animals! We used to have a dog that really didn't like strangers so it was always a bit of a problem when we had guests round. He was fine if you left him alone and generally after 10-15 minutes he would come to check you out and if you remained indifferent to him you could normally stroke him after a while. HOWEVER...you would always get some pain in the butt who would insist on trying to stroke him and be his friend (9/10 it would be men). We would say over and over "just ignore him" but people couldn't accept what we, the owners, were saying. No, they were convinced that they could force him to like them!

Anyway...sorry post hijack! I don't think the OP is mean-hearted, sad, whatever. I like children but to be fair this would annoy me! OP is not a free babysitter and should be allowed to sort her horses out alone. I was horse mad as a child but I wouldn't dare venture into other peoples fields and badger them. I was polite and would only go where I was invited. I don't think OP should even have to compromise and give the child jobs to do.

As someone else has said, if the grandparents are indifferent I would say one must be present with the child at all times. I'm sure the visits would be less frequent! And then you could say she is allowed only when you are there, and with a GP and she is not to touch ANYTHING, if she does she is not allowed back
 
Sorry but I would be of the 'not on your life' camp.

I have waited 20 years for some me time in the form of my boy, and would not be willing to be pestered or even sued in the worst case scenario. I dislike children and atm I am going through a few things regarding family so my usually long fuse would be considerably shorter.

Plus he bites...
 
I don't think the OP is being mean either, not everyone likes children and we are all entitled to our own opinions and views and shouldn't be made to feel they are wrong just because people don't agree. Just because one person might be ok with it doesn't mean she has to be.

I also find it quite surprising that despite the OP saying she doesn't want the child around, suggestions are being given for her to allow the child a day or afternoon with her which is clearly not something she wants so is unfair to say she should compromise.

I too, was a horse mad child and loved visiting my nan who lived in the countryside. Every time we heard the clip clop of hooves, my horse mad cousin and I would rush outside to watch the riders hack past the house and I'd admire them from the front garden. Sometimes the riders would stop to chat and allow us to pet the horses or even give a treat to them but not everyone would and if they didn't, I never thought them as rude or mean spirited at all. There was also a field behind my Nan's house which had the most gorgeous big black horse in to graze and myself and my cousin would often go up of an evening and watch him from the side of the fence (there were no gates on the side that went by my Nan's house) but it was post and rail fencing so we would sometimes stand on the rails to see him better if he was far away. My nan knew the owner and said we could go and visit which we did, but we stopped outside the gates and asked permission to say hello to the gorgeous black horse we'd been admiring. The owner politely declined but still allowed us to watch from the yard gates but we got the message from her that we weren't welcome on the yard and we were fine about it although devastated that we couldn't see the horses up close and would have to settle for watching from afar. The owner also had told us we weren't to feed them because they were event horses with special diets and that was also why we couldn't go on the yard. We never bothered her again.

Years later I was allowed to visit (under supervision of one of my parents until the owner was confident in me) a private yard once a week for two hours to bring in, groom and turn out the horses there. I was 11 years old and was looking after a little welsh mt pony and a much larger ex racehorse! I stuck to the commitment for about 5 years, until both horses had sadly passed away from old age and then I went on to go to an equine college.

I didn't live in an area close to riding schools so was extremely grateful for those Saturdays I got to spend with the horses and for how much it taught me.

Sorry to ramble on and hi jack the thread!

I would definitely padlock the gate, especially as the child has left it open - I find this appalling and extremely thoughtless when you think of what could have happened - horses escaped etc... It's not always about injury to the child, what about the child causing (not intentionally) injury to one or both horses through her actions? I would also put notices up saying no entry and tell the child that there is a notice now up so she is no longer allowed to visit.

If the grandparents aren't particularly bothered about her being a nuisance then I'd also send a letter informing them that from now on she is not allowed to visit, there are now signs up and the gate is locked due to her coming up unsupervised (by the grandparents) and she left it open... And inform them of the dangers and you could even include an address and phone number for a local riding school where she would be more appropriate at and to be honest it would be a better learning experience for her and as another poster said, she would be around other kids her own age.

As a precaution for you, OP, I would also be ringing the police to find out how you can stop this from happening. Especially as it is likely she is visiting when you're not there and just the idea of that would bother me greatly if I were in your shoes.

I totally get that she may just be an over eager child, desperate to help and be close to the horses but just because there are horses near her does not mean that OP's field/yard is the place for her to do this and it certainly doesn't mean OP should take the responsibility or else be considered "mean spirited". OP is allowed to do as she pleases with her horses and if she doesn't want the child around then she is allowed to say so.

I hope you can resolve this OP, I can imagine it must be a concern while you're at work wondering what the child is up to, if anything, with your horses! It's a worry that you don't need, I am sure.

Sorry for such a long response!
 
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MerrySherryRider said:
Perhaps back in 1972, the Health and Safety excuse was still called commonsense, and perhaps the notion that giving time to children wasn't seen as babysitting for free.
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I think that in 1972, if a child got pushy and was sent away with a flea in its ear for pestering an unknown adult, its parents would have told the child that it got what it deserved, and told it to stop being so annoying.

Make no mistake, having responsibility for someone else's child is a big commitment. I did it voluntarily for several years when I helped out running a local junior cricket club. Some 12 year olds are great, helpful and responsible. Others are a complete nightmare and you need eyes in the back of your head at all times.
 
MerrySherryRider said:
This thread reminds me Mark Rashid's description of his first stolen encounters with someone else's horses at the age of 10.
Lucky for him, the old man who owned the horses was generous in giving his time to a small boy who hung around his property.

Perhaps back in 1972, the Health and Safety excuse was still called commonsense, and perhaps the notion that giving time to children wasn't seen as babysitting for free.
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This was me! My parents were totally non horsey, riding was not permitted- far too dangerous - but I saved my pocket money and drove the riding school mad by having a half hour lesson once a fortnight and then picking the hairs off my clothes as I cycled home.

I'd run to the gate whenever I heard hooves on the road and hope and pray the horse owner would offer me a ride. To this day I try to remember what it was like to be pony mad and so allow young people to 'help' me whenever I can. A few weeks ago after a ride on the beach we were getting the horses ready to go back on the float and a family that we had seen out on the beach came back to their car. The little girl I'd guess about six asked if she could stroke Serenity, I sad yes and then asked her if she would like to sit on her. It made her day!

I also remember all the people who helped me along the way, and many of them were very long suffering and put up with my constant questions. It is now my turn to give back and the main reason I work with Pony Club as I do.

OP try to remember what it was like to be a child, adults are always telling you to go away. Horses can be a real life saver for some kids.
 
Letting a random child pat and sit on your horse is a bit different from being constantly pestered every day though. It's a one off thing and I would probably do the same.

However I would not put up with a child coming to my yard every time I was there and annoying me. It's my time and I don't want to share it.
 
Copperpot said:
Letting a random child pat and sit on your horse is a bit different from being constantly pestered every day though. It's a one off thing and I would probably do the same.

However I would not put up with a child coming to my yard every time I was there and annoying me. It's my time and I don't want to share it.
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x 2 plus the child is opening gates and going on the property uninvited -thats a HELL NO in my books.
 
PinkFairy said:
I also find it quite surprising that despite the OP saying she doesn't want the child around, suggestions are being given for her to allow the child a day or afternoon with her which is clearly not something she wants so is unfair to say she should compromise!
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I didn't say she 'should' compromise, but that she 'could perhaps' compromise if she didn't want to stop the child coming entirely! Big difference! The OP gave the impression that it was the child being there everyday which was the problem so by saying the child can visit for one set time a week allows the OP to take control of the situation. If the grandparents/parents aren't on side then it seems there is little to stop the child coming to the field gates and being annoying if that is public land, although obviously if she trespasses in the field then OP has the option of threatening to call the police. However, if the OP allows the child to come in and stroke the old horse for say 15 mins once a week, then she can say that is only on condition that she is left alone for the rest of the week and the child never enters the field without permission, otherwise she forsakes her horsey time.
 
Hand the grandparents with a bill, say this is for the insurance you have had to fork out for their granddaughter to visit your premises.

After all, if the child gets hurt, the blame will be on you, despite asking her not to come.

I have children and I would not expect someone else to take time out of their hobby to accommodate them, if they say its ok, maybe the odd one off, as it still would not feel right.
 
My answer would be to not answer any of her questions apart from with a "go away". Don't look at her, don't say anything that encourages her even saying hello, don't even do a pretend grimace. Report her grandparents to the police for harassment, as imagine how different it would be if this girl was an adult it would be classed as stalking!!! Her turning up every time you go down is ruining your enjoyment of your hobby. Don't just get a padlock for when your not there, but pull into the drive and padlock the gate behind you. If they try to come onto your land just turn them back around and again say go away. If you don't want to entertain this child you don't have to and I think you being nice in the first place has caused this issue for yourself, but I am completely on your side. If people think that your being mean well that's up to them, but your priorities are yourself and your horses. However if something doesn't change then I would seriously think about moving, I wouldn't put up with it and I own my own field. Good luck.
 
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