The annoying child - How to deal with this ? Calling all parents

I have a horsemad 14-year old. We have our own horse now, but before we got him, I was very grateful for the many child-friendly horse owners who allowed her to "help". I did make sure they remained "child-friendly" by ALWAYS coming along ... I remained in the background, but I was there. The minute I sensed she had outstayed her welcome, I removed her. If the owners told me that I could go, I went ... they had my mobile phone number, I was never further than a 10-minute drive away ... and I specifically told them to call me the minute she started getting on their nerves (and they did).

Since we got our boy, we have tried to "repay" the favours we received in the past ... and I SOOO know where the OP is coming from. A lot of the parents (even close friends) are absolutely taking the mickey, I seem to have become a free child-care centre. They come earlier and collect later than agreed to maximise their "me time". On many Sundays, I've missed my weekly shop (supermarket closed before I managed to get there) ... I've had to borrow horse feeds from other owners on multiple occasions, because the feed store had closed by the time they finally came to collect their offspring. The most upsetting part was reading their "out with the ladies for a girly lunch" or "clothes shopping with my lovely sister" status updates on Facebook ... whilst I was looking after their kids and living out of the freezer for the following week.

I did lay down the law after a while ... and whilst we still welcome their kids, it's in line with OUR rules and OUR needs now. I shortened the duration of their stay (so mum won't be tempted to even consider a girly lunch), and I asked mum to leave the unruly toddlers in the car (our horse is very calm, but he didn't appreciate his legs being used as pole-dancing props). If they don't like it, then they are welcome to fork out £50 for a "Have your own pony for a day" experience.

OP, I'd send the girl to get her (grand)parents ... the girl would only be welcome if accompanied by an adult, or if a contact phone number was left for you to call once you had enough.
 
Oh god ,am I ever glad i dindnt meet some of you as a kid! My first stables ,helping with the ponies ,age 10,taught me that horses come first and last. That there is a right way of doing things and a wrong way. The yard owner "Shep" was a cantankerous old (but probably no older than me now) git, but he had a heart of gold. It amazes me how often I meet folk in the equestrian world who started at that" crummy back street riding school"and who wont hear a word said against it.The next stage was hanging out at a racing yard age 13/14 and learning a hell of a lot more, dealing with horses worth an awfull lot of money and being expected to do the job. If you are there ,no excuse for age , do what it takes. I remember vividly as a 15 year old , being asked to hold a horse for a blood sample by the vet. Horse is due to go racing that day. I have horse headcollared ,in box . Vet flings door open and waltzes in leaving door open . Horse exits with me hanging on to headcollar (more like dangling from). I bloodywell didnt let go!!! Eventualy we stopped and I led him back to his box ,and as a 15 year old ,respecting my elders and betters ,I called the vet a pratt. yep I guess I was one of those kid you hate.
 
I seriously doubt that anyone here hates a kid. That's a strong word to use. What is more likely to annoy us, to irritate us, is the behaviour of some children in particular - misbehaving, unwilling to learn and treating the horse in question just as another cheap distraction that should entertain them just "because it's a horse". Why should anyone feel morally obliged to provide horsey fix to such people? Our horses - our decisions!
 
sarahg83 said:
I started politly, by just saying i was busy, but she just ignores you, then i stopped answering the door, or acting like she was not their, but she just continues anyway. If i say no she just looks at me with this blank face. I treated myself to a load of horsey lotions and potions one day and she wanted to help unpack the car, but i said no, that i wanted to leave it in the car to take to the yard, she ended up ignoring me like she always does and dropping it and the bottles all burst. All i got was a "woopsie" and off she went. The parents have started parking behind my car so i cant get out now, when i knock the door they say they cant move it they have had a drink, or dont bother to answer the door. They continue to let their children pester me, constantly. I dont understand why the child likes to talk to me, as i dont ever do anymore than schowl at her now, but still she continues to natter away and knock the door. If a tell her with a firm voice i just get spat at, and she runs home. We have considered moving, but then i feel i should t have too.
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Have you thought about putting up CCTV so you have evidence to back you up? Doesn't need to be installed professionally, as,long as it records and you can validate the date and time, by showing say the time and date from a tv once a day. You can buy small wildlife cameras from places like Maplin, or even theory install your own CCTV, for about £100. You then have your hard evidence, likewise with the parking as that is plain hassling you. Maybe an injunction which seems extreme, but may save your sanity.
As to the horsey kids, we often have them appear from the local village. I try to allow them to see the horses, and answer questions, but tell them they may only come in if they ask first, and not just walk in unannounced. So far, that has always worked in over 30 years of owning the yard. None have ever taken riding up as far as I know, which seems to be a sad reflection on their parents not being able or not wanting to take them for lessons.
 
Spottyappy said:
Have you thought about putting up CCTV so you have evidence to back you up? Doesn't need to be installed professionally, as,long as it records and you can validate the date and time, by showing say the time and date from a tv once a day. You can buy small wildlife cameras from places like Maplin, or even theory install your own CCTV, for about £100. You then have your hard evidence, likewise with the parking as that is plain hassling you. Maybe an injunction which seems extreme, but may save your sanity.
As to the horsey kids, we often have them appear from the local village. I try to allow them to see the horses, and answer questions, but tell them they may only come in if they ask first, and not just walk in unannounced. So far, that has always worked in over 30 years of owning the yard. None have ever taken riding up as far as I know, which seems to be a sad reflection on their parents not being able or not wanting to take them for lessons.
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Filming young children? Now that might open up an entirely new can of worms!

Contact a child protection agency and seek professional advice….oh, and make sure you keep a record of your communications.
 
Mike007 said:
Oh god ,am I ever glad i dindnt meet some of you as a kid! My first stables ,helping with the ponies ,age 10,taught me that horses come first and last. That there is a right way of doing things and a wrong way. The yard owner "Shep" was a cantankerous old (but probably no older than me now) git, but he had a heart of gold. It amazes me how often I meet folk in the equestrian world who started at that" crummy back street riding school"and who wont hear a word said against it.The next stage was hanging out at a racing yard age 13/14 and learning a hell of a lot more, dealing with horses worth an awfull lot of money and being expected to do the job. If you are there ,no excuse for age , do what it takes. I remember vividly as a 15 year old , being asked to hold a horse for a blood sample by the vet. Horse is due to go racing that day. I have horse headcollared ,in box . Vet flings door open and waltzes in leaving door open . Horse exits with me hanging on to headcollar (more like dangling from). I bloodywell didnt let go!!! Eventualy we stopped and I led him back to his box ,and as a 15 year old ,respecting my elders and betters ,I called the vet a pratt. yep I guess I was one of those kid you hate.
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Not at all Mike, because the adults in all those places wanted you there.
 
Mike007 said:
Oh god ,am I ever glad i dindnt meet some of you as a kid! My first stables ,helping with the ponies ,age 10,taught me that horses come first and last. That there is a right way of doing things and a wrong way. The yard owner "Shep" was a cantankerous old (but probably no older than me now) git, but he had a heart of gold. It amazes me how often I meet folk in the equestrian world who started at that" crummy back street riding school"and who wont hear a word said against it.The next stage was hanging out at a racing yard age 13/14 and learning a hell of a lot more, dealing with horses worth an awfull lot of money and being expected to do the job. If you are there ,no excuse for age , do what it takes. I remember vividly as a 15 year old , being asked to hold a horse for a blood sample by the vet. Horse is due to go racing that day. I have horse headcollared ,in box . Vet flings door open and waltzes in leaving door open . Horse exits with me hanging on to headcollar (more like dangling from). I bloodywell didnt let go!!! Eventualy we stopped and I led him back to his box ,and as a 15 year old ,respecting my elders and betters ,I called the vet a pratt. yep I guess I was one of those kid you hate.
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I think the times are different today ... when I was a kid, I was allowed to roam the streets with my brother. If any neighbor caught us doing something wrong, we were told off, dragged home to our parents, who gave us a another telling-off or even a spanking ... oh, and another one if we dared to ask "why?".

You can't do that today .... I asked one of the kids who "help" with our horse not do do something ... I did ask nicely and I did say "please". The kid did as I said, but then wept for ages once mum had come back. When we finally figured out why, she told me that the kid was very sensitive to criticism, and could I therefore please not say anything, but wait for her to return so she could find the right words to phrase the request.

Somebody I know once caught a group of kids attempting to damage public property (we are talking about thousands of pounds, not just ripping out a few flowers). When he dragged the ringleader back to the parents' house to complain, he was proudly told that the kid had leadership qualities ... and then threatened with the police for detaining the child.

Many parents today aren't like our parents were. I've had kids dropped off for full days without food or drink, with the expectation that I should feed and water them (healthy eating, of course). They expect you to have the same health & safety standards that schools and nurseries are legally obliged to maintain. Allowing your kids out on the streets or up the yard today is no longer considered the parents' responsibility ... it seems to be considered a "playdate", were the "hosting adult" takes on full responsibility.

So no, I don't think this has anything to do with "hating" kids ... it's more a case of hating to take on responsibility for them without being given the appropriate means to control them.
 
Dry Rot said:
Filming young children? Now that might open up an entirely new can of worms!

Contact a child protection agency and seek professional advice….oh, and make sure you keep a record of your communications.
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Not sure it does,it's not actually the child you're recording, but the situation especially with parents blocking car in. We have CCTV at my yard, private yard so no one should be on it anyway without permission, police have advised all ok. I do have signs up. At home,however, we have professionally installed CCTV and no signs, and we are not legally obliged to have them as long as only recording our own property.
 
Gosh not sure how I missed this thread before! Poor Op I feel for you, this child sounds incredibly irritating and to have it hanging around everyday would be awful. Some people, child or adult can just grate on your nerves whilst other's might not be a problem. You can't like everyone that you meet.

I don't have children and have never wanted them but I did have two ponies and had a great time borrowing three young girls to ride them and take to pony club. However this was my choice and they were all nice polite girls. I wouldn't want one thrust upon me. I don't mind answering questions once but everyday would have me committing murder!
I do hope you resolve the situation.
 
I suspect that because the child lives with its grandparents, that likely tells you alot about their own parenting skills - their own child isn't capable of bringing up a child. Apples and trees me think.
 
MerrySherryRider said:
Perhaps back in 1972, the Health and Safety excuse was still called commonsense, and perhaps the notion that giving time to children wasn't seen as babysitting for free.
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Back in 1972 parents actually used to take care of their kids, not palm them off on someone else at any available opportunity. That might be harsh, but I know a volunteer youth club leader who had to keep the club open until midnight on two occasions because the parents had gone to a show and out for dinner, thinking that the club leader wouldn't let them go home alone and would look after them until they'd finished their evening out. (They were excluded from the club after the second occurence).
 
Mike007 said:
Oh god ,am I ever glad i dindnt meet some of you as a kid! My first stables ,helping with the ponies ,age 10,taught me that horses come first and last. That there is a right way of doing things and a wrong way. The yard owner "Shep" was a cantankerous old (but probably no older than me now) git, but he had a heart of gold. It amazes me how often I meet folk in the equestrian world who started at that" crummy back street riding school"and who wont hear a word said against it.The next stage was hanging out at a racing yard age 13/14 and learning a hell of a lot more, dealing with horses worth an awfull lot of money and being expected to do the job. If you are there ,no excuse for age , do what it takes. I remember vividly as a 15 year old , being asked to hold a horse for a blood sample by the vet. Horse is due to go racing that day. I have horse headcollared ,in box . Vet flings door open and waltzes in leaving door open . Horse exits with me hanging on to headcollar (more like dangling from). I bloodywell didnt let go!!! Eventualy we stopped and I led him back to his box ,and as a 15 year old ,respecting my elders and betters ,I called the vet a pratt. yep I guess I was one of those kid you hate.
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but that was back in the days when kids were still sent up chimneys wasn't it mike :p seriously though, back in the day, it was different, kids had respect for their elders and did as they were told or had a clip round the ear!
 
I haven't read all the replies, but it sounds like I could have wrote this about last summer, although I never loose my rag I just go and sit in the tack room for about 20 minutes!

Theres 2 sets of kids, 2 boys that live just at the back of the stables, and then a girl who comes up with her grandad (even though its a dead end lane with only the stables and peoples back gardens)

Now the boys, they do ask questions which can be annoying, but they annoy me as I have to ask them several times not to shout and scream and climb on the fence, whacking it with sticks all the time, normally as I am about to mount. Come back from hacks they will suddenly jump out of trees screaming. Towards the end of the year they were finally getting the message. I was just so wondered about them spooking the mare and her ending up on top of them! I haven't seen much of them so far this spring...hopefully it will stay that way!

The girl just asks question after question....why this, why that, whats that whats this. I just try my best to politely answer them, but I do find me self finishing up alot quickly than I normally do just to get out of there, which is annoying as the stables are my get out time.

But....I was probably also one of them annoying kids .....:O
 
Fides said:
Just tell the grandparents she isn't welcome. They may think that because you haven't said anything you are ok with it...
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If this was my daughter, I would be approaching the owner to ensure she was not making a nuisance of herself, not sitting back and allowing her to do this! I would not be allowing her to do this without checking it was ok. I can understand the girl, and had a similar experience at an old yard I used to loan at - could've killed this one girl, and even my daughter hated her....nosy, questions, in your face, telling us what to do....drove me insane!!!
 
I can both sides of this. I came from a non horsey working class family and I basically would have never had the opportunity to ride if it wasn't for annoying people and cadging rides, I started when I was about six with a travellers pony from the fair that was waiting outside the school for his little sister.
When my children had ponies we always shared them with children that didn't have their own in return for help but I have been a baby sitting service you have to be very clear with the guidelines. I always told the parents their kids were treated like my own in the fact there would be ice creams for all but they would also get told off if they did something silly, just like mine would.
One winter I had a colt who is very much a Barbie pony in a paddock near some houses. I had a line of electric fence inside the boundary so the children could not get to him and his friend who is a 11.2 thug. The nearby children thought he was lovely and I explained he was a nice pony but a stallion and could give them a crafty nip. I turned up one day to find all of his foot long mane plaited, very smug and pretty he looked.
As I knew the kids lived in the houses I wrote a nice letter and went and knocked on some doors. Now I have always been taught if you want to get rid of children give them your full attention, that now applies to their parents. I told the parents if their daughters wanted to ride I had a more suitable pony as this one had issues due to it being a stallion, that it was not safe for their children to be in the field and if they wanted to ride ring me at a suitable time and they could bring them over. Never heard or saw them after that and I found out they had loaned a pony.
I find if you ask the parents to make any effort in supervising their children because of the insurance implications their interest disappears. Probably a bit late for the other poster but kids can smell fear like horses and will play on it to aggravate you more and it would have been better to negotiate a bit of poo picking in return for a 'lesson' and paid a visit to the parents or grandparents and ask them to come and help, now you are just seen as a stuck up posh bird with too much time who they want to get at.
I think you need to stop this escalating even if its not your fault, think of the least annoying thing she can do with you and get her grandparents involved, its harder to be horrible to someone you know. If you try the nice way and it doesn't work then get the CCTV and a court order but she is just a child who wants to be near a horse and to her its very black and white,
 
Personally I wouldn't not be even thinking about moving, i would be padlocking the gate at all times!
When she showed up i'd tell her she was trespassing and that she has breached trust by turning up and leaving the gate open when you weren't there!
Then i would be going round the grand parents and be either telling them that if anything happens to 'my horses' that they would be paying the vet bills (if it has been caused by the child I.e leaving the gate open) i would also be mentioning that she is in fact trespassing when you are not there and leaving the gate open.

And to the other lady (can't remember your username! sorry! :() i would be calling the police daily and reporting everything and also recording it if i could, i think a CCTV camera is a good idea,
for the parking behind your car i would be taking pictures and sending that to the council, as i'm sure it must be parking at the end of drive or making the road to narrow for emergency vehicles??

OR! i would start ringing there door bell at oohh 4am in the morning? (im not a morning person so if that would have happened to me the child might not have been so lucky!!)

What about the paper as well that will grab someones attention!
 
I'm one that wouldn't tolerate an intrusive, unaccompanied, rude, or irritating child, encroaching on my leisure time.

Tonight though I had a nice chat with a gaggle of children who were passing by and who wanted to see the horse. The difference is the parents were there and had the children stand still and well back from the gate while 'the lady' (me, apparently! :p) was busy, so as not to spook the horse, and only came forward when I switched off my trimmers and asked if they'd like to stroke the horse. Lots of questions as to why I was shaving my horse's legs, etc., but nice well mannered children I enjoyed speaking to. Same situation but with a pushy, omnipresent, child and I would have wanted them to go away.
 
Capriole's post is a lovely example of how it should be. Completely OT, but is there any scope for the BHS, or similar organisation, organising a school visit? Done tactfully, perhaps these horse mad youngsters could have their curiosity satisfied in a safe and constructive way? It might also be an opportunity to point out that pestering owners on private property without being invited might not be a good way to learn! I taught 12 yo's for two years and apart from being a lousy teacher it was probably one of the most rewarding times of my career. They need a firm hand but I found them enormous fun!
 
another who thinks that calling OP mean for not wanting this girl around is unfair.

from another perspective the girl is technically trespassing and her dreams, lack of attention, unfulfilled love of horses is not the OP's problem
 
fatpiggy said:
I suspect that because the child lives with its grandparents, that likely tells you alot about their own parenting skills - their own child isn't capable of bringing up a child. Apples and trees me think.
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Wow....Seriously?! Talk about speculating, you don't know a thing about them. I spent every day with my Grandparents (and the horses next door) as my mother left my father with three very young children to raise by him self and he needed to go out and work self employed to keep a roof over our heads and food on our plate.
 
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