The balance of your personality vs horse

paddi22

paddi22

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Based on a different thread - what is the chemistry of a good horse/person partnerships.

I am very reserved, laid back and calm, I have a very low heart rate, and I click better with very hot fiery mares. I absolutely love their huge personalities, moods and expressiveness, because it's not something I naturally have. But If someone has a gorgeous sensible sporty draught or cob, I can get on it and it goes like a donkey, I just don't get them riding well. Is everyone else the same? is it always opposites attract? can similar style personality of horse and riders click?

I remember reading and article years ago that explained if you were an 8 out of ten with nervous energy, that you needed a horse that was a 2 could absorb and cope with that. And vice versa, if you had a laid back animal you needed a rider that naturally geared it up. Should that concept be more widely understood when people are looking to buy horses?
 
No, I don’t think about it as I change my energy to best suit the horse. That’s being a good horseman.

I don’t believe in the whole personality thing, horses don’t care about that but they are very aware of the energy someone puts out.
 
Ha- Boggle is a hot headed fiesty forward horse regardless of who rides him. He’s had very calm, relaxed chilled out sharers in the past but he’s always Bog.

We are very much a case of similar personalities matching. I get him, he gets me, 99.9% of the time we are on the same page and in it together and we just have loads of fun. I can’t explain it, we just match. I’d trust him with anything. But when we do disagree, it’s a pretty big one. Albeit very rare.

Basically, we were made for eachother in every way ? I’d never date his equivalent human though!!

So yep, I do believe in personalities matching. Of course you can adapt your riding to suit every horse etc but I think the best partnerships are when both horse and rider can be their natural selves and “click” without either having to alter to suit the other.
 
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paddi22 said:
Based on a different thread - what is the chemistry of a good horse/person partnerships.

I am very reserved, laid back and calm, I have a very low heart rate, and I click better with very hot fiery mares. I absolutely love their huge personalities, moods and expressiveness, because it's not something I naturally have. But If someone has a gorgeous sensible sporty draught or cob, I can get on it and it goes like a donkey, I just don't get them riding well. Is everyone else the same? is it always opposites attract? can similar style personality of horse and riders click?

I remember reading and article years ago that explained if you were an 8 out of ten with nervous energy, that you needed a horse that was a 2 could absorb and cope with that. And vice versa, if you had a laid back animal you needed a rider that naturally geared it up. Should that concept be more widely understood when people are looking to buy horses?
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That is me to a T! I need a horse with energy. If I ride a laid back horse it gives me no joy and becomes a plod in my hands. My favourite horse ever was a quirky, fiery mare best described by others as an unexploded bomb. No one had ridden her for months but we eventually managed hacks, shows, dressage and a little jumping. She sadly was very good at injuring herself in the field but the 6 years when she was rideable were amazing!
 
I am definitely a mare girl. Peggy was steady but knew what she wanted. Flo was “a typical mare” I guess. Tali is cheeky and funny. I just love Tali’s personality and she makes me so confident and think she likes me back. They were all very different but they all had something about them. I can deal with a grumpy mare but not a grumpy gelding (or any male for that matter)

I can think of a few horses that do nothing for me and wouldn’t care to have them in my stables. (Mares and geldings) I think I would have all of my girls again if I had the chance but maybe it was the fact they were mine I connected with them more than other horses. I’m not sure.
 
I'm about as far from laid back as you can get but I've always preferred horses with a real spark and energy levels that match mine. I had a wonderful cob who was perfect in every way but after he grew up and wasn't changing every day I felt frustrated by him and sold him. The buyer still owns him and adores him, he really is quite special, just not for me.

I have such a connection with my current horse and I find him really easy to ride but I get comments about how forward he is, often said in a cautious tone as if that's something they wouldn't want in their own horse.
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I like mares but I prefer a laid back horse, even though I am pretty laid back myself. I have had several easygoing, relaxed mares over the years, most but not all, quite bossy, too.
 
In terms of ‘chemistry’ I have found it to be very literally that. I sit on them and feel ‘at home’ and connected in a way I don’t on other horses. I picked the current one out of a photo, something about her face just called to me, and the first time I sat on her I knew. In terms of personality she’s feisty and bossy like me, with a spark of fun.

My husband was similar - love at first sight with his gelding, it was literally like the whole world ceased to exist and all they saw was each other. My son’s current pony - love at first sight. Imagine this half feral, suspicious pony suddenly turning to nuzzle a small boy as he cuddles him, letting him brush all over etc. Even loaded first time to come with us, when we had been told he was tricky to load!

Daughter’s pony arrived hating people, had her foal and watched foal and my daughter hang out together. She adopted my child with her own, and when she was ready to be ridden, that was the child she wanted. She’s quite stubborn with everyone else - dream first pony for my daughter!
 
LEC said:
No, I don’t think about it as I change my energy to best suit the horse. That’s being a good horseman.

I don’t believe in the whole personality thing, horses don’t care about that but they are very aware of the energy someone puts out.
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You're 100% right but having to consciously manage your "natural" energy every day sounds like a pain. I am a fairly anxious person at times and you get better at noticing and dealing with it of course but I'm still glad my pony is mostly on an even keel.

The most noticeable personality match (and clash) we have is neither me nor my mare are fit to be around if we're hungry. She won't learn not to eat everything as fast as possible and I won't learn to keep snacks in the car.
 
I’m probably fairly anxious short tempered on my nerves type person but I’ve had thoroughbreds all along. I think that side of personality doesn’t come into it though when I’m with the horse. I think I like a horse that’s like me in my dreams - elegant and high performing. Well the horse is even if I’m not.
 
I can be an anxious over thinker and although I have tricks to manage it when riding, controlling my breath, my core and grounding myself, it's not the most enjoyable. I prefer bold horses that are self assured which means I can truly relax and worry less and be more confident for my horse ?
 
maya2008 said:
In terms of ‘chemistry’ I have found it to be very literally that. I sit on them and feel ‘at home’ and connected in a way I don’t on other horses. I picked the current one out of a photo, something about her face just called to me, and the first time I sat on her I knew. In terms of personality she’s feisty and bossy like me, with a spark of fun.

My husband was similar - love at first sight with his gelding, it was literally like the whole world ceased to exist and all they saw was each other. My son’s current pony - love at first sight. Imagine this half feral, suspicious pony suddenly turning to nuzzle a small boy as he cuddles him, letting him brush all over etc. Even loaded first time to come with us, when we had been told he was tricky to load!

Daughter’s pony arrived hating people, had her foal and watched foal and my daughter hang out together. She adopted my child with her own, and when she was ready to be ridden, that was the child she wanted. She’s quite stubborn with everyone else - dream first pony for my daughter!
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That is such a lovely story @maya2008.

I guess it is always dangerous to generalise but I will. I find geldings - even forward going ones - always seem to need "mothering" and hoof-holding over anything worrying. My mares always have given a more positive reaction, a determination to work things out for themselves but are prepared to have a discussion with you about it. Definitely a more equal partnership and one which suits me best.
 
I prefer a bold, level headed horse as I can easily lose my nerve and doubt myself. Unfortunately I've ended up with a level headed but needs a forward/bold/confident rider horse as he also isn't confident in himself or loses his confidence easily. So we have our issues sometimes but that's ok because we are a "match" in every other way. It wasn't "love at first sight" either - I actually didn't like him because of his lack of confidence but, he snuggled into me when I was untacking him and it melted my heart. That was 15 years ago and haven't looked back. He challenges me in a friendly/cheeky way and pushes me past my comfort zone because of our confidence issues together (which isn't always a bad thing) though we have similar habits (pretty sure if he were human he would be ADHD/ASD - even the vet has said the same!).
 
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I’m not a confident rider. The 2 horses I’ve clicked best with have both been older, been there done that, mares.

Both quite different - one was whizzy but with good brakes, and the other was steady but would go up a gear. What they had in common though, was the intelligence to understand my shaky, nervous, ‘I think I want you to do this, but I’m not sure’ communication, and to be kind and genuine enough to listen, figure out what I’m asking, and not take the p.

They were also both wise enough and experienced enough to make good decisions for us, in situations where I was inexperienced, panicked, and didn’t know what to do. I could feel them first listening to me and questioning, realised nothing useful was forthcoming, and then deciding ‘right then, come on!’.
 
AE put it well for me. I’m generally quite laid back and a bit lazy but I prefer a horse with a bit of oomph and boldness but not too fizzy, which is a tricky mix. Finn and I are very similar and we are like a pair of comfy slippers. Bertie is a bit more forward and reactive. I’m not great with very anxious or needy horses but he’s just about the right side of it for me, and his plusses outweigh that.
 
I can be an anxious person in situations but generally not around horses. I'm stubborn, try to be kind, mostly calm but can get frustrated. Energy I think I'm 4.

Tilly - confident, mostly calm but when something spooks her she can stop and work it out. Energy is 6. She likes to be moving not so much standing still but not hot and feisty.
We get on really well.

Fidley - anxious, spooky, low confidence. High energy when worried but on an average day is lazy. Can plant.
I was never confident riding her but she never put a hoof wrong.
 
smolmaus said:
You're 100% right but having to consciously manage your "natural" energy every day sounds like a pain. I am a fairly anxious person at times and you get better at noticing and dealing with it of course but I'm still glad my pony is mostly on an even keel.
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Completely agree with this. I'm a worrier, so I can deal with, and even ride, sharp hot headed horses occasionally, but I'd be exhausted by owning one. That's why I have a very steady natured, kind cob gelding. He's not always the most confident but because I trust him not overreact or to hurt me, we muddle along together very successfully, and we're often the ones leading everyone else past strange spooky things out hacking. Interestingly we were not love at first sight at all - I bought him because he ticked all the boxes and was kind and obedient when I tried him. We "made friends" later, with time. I like my horse time to be fun and relaxing rather than an additional challenge in my life!
 
I’ve got a feisty ginger mare who is incredibly quirky but I totally love her and she makes me laugh! She is much calmer if others ride her! Apparently she and I are pretty well matched, we both get excited about doing fun stuff like jumping/ galloping? I think I probably wind her up a bit but she is the best, whizziest ginger pony out? She is definitely my pony of a lifetime and I’ve never clicked with a horse like I have with her!
 
I've spent years learning to control my own energy and emotions so I can get along with most horses nowadays. Generally, I've clicked better with mares; so far, I've owned 4 mares and 3 geldings, and it was the mares I did best with. But all that will have to change as I bred Aspen and he will be a gelding :)
 
I like hot horses, but not stupid. My perfect would probably be a mix of my current girls. Polly boils over too much into stupidness (hello broken ankle) but I do like her forwardness and eagerness to work. Millie can be absolutely perfect, but she does have a stubborn/nappy streak that drives me mad. I know how to deal with it now, but it doesn’t make it any less annoying when you’re in the middle of a main road and she decides to kick off.
I’ve had two ponies of a lifetime and they were Diva, and my very first pony. They were actually both very different, but I trusted them with every inch of me and I could do anything with them. Both mares.

I wouldn’t choose to buy a lazy horse, I find them too exhausting.
 
My two year old has this certain air of calm about him, and I feel that it rubs off on me. My other similarly bred youngster is more buzzy and cheeky, and I feel more up beat and jolly around him!
I suppose as long as you are happy and they are happy and maintain good manners then it's all good. I guess I do modify myself to suit each horse's personality, but its not something I overthink about, but it's an interesting topic, definitely!
 
I’m an over thinker and ‘sharp’, a bit of a perfectionist and my brain is always going 100mph. I get on best with laid back horses who need a bit of a boost, but have soft and sensitive personalities.

My Connemara was perfect for me; unflappable and laidback but sensitive to the aids. He would have a go at anything I asked, provided I asked nicely and rewarded his efforts. He would have been ruined by someone impatient and ‘hard’ in their riding. It didn’t matter to me that he wasn’t as forward going or reactive because I’d rather put my leg on, I feel much more confident like that.

My favourite horse at the riding stables I’m going to at the moment is a big sensitive warmblood who isn’t particularly forward going. He needs encouragement and firm aids, but you can’t ride with a whip and you can’t tell him off. Once he gets going, he’s lovely but he needs that reassurance first and not too much pressure.

There is one horse there that makes me really nervous; he doesn’t misbehave or anything but he rushes and it’s worse if you try and slow him down, which is something I don’t cope with and find really difficult to manage.

My Welsh has the same personality as me and we make quite the pair! I’m not sure I’d want 16hh of me!
 
I believe in the chemistry, but I am not sure it is based on our energy levels.
I really felt that I connected with my latest pony when I went to see him before buying and I put my hand on his neck under his mane - honestly it was almost physical! And then this morning, I sat on him again for the first time since start of November (his is only just backed). I was on my own, and there was snow on the ground but it was one of those glorious frosty still mornings, and I mounted him and it just felt perfect. Difficult to describe the feeling.
I just want to ride a horse that feels as though it wants to be ridden; has its ears forward, a bounce in its step and a willingness to see what is round the corner. I know that I am much better at handling horses who are anxious that I am at handling feisty personalities. I get cross with them, when I know I shouldn't.
 
I unfortunately am diagnosed with chronic OCD making me an extremely anxious person and I really like routine. These are things I can’t change and so despite having a mare I actually find I get on better with geldings who also thrive off routine (I’m generalising, it took me a while but I do very much get on with my mare now but took a while of adjusting).
 
My "off the top of my head" answer to this is that any horse or pony that I have owned, or had the opportunity to ride has been the best horse or pony in the world! However, I did own a chestnut mare who was just too unpredictable to be enjoyable. Looking back I think she may have been a kissing spines case but in those days this was never talked of and one was pretty much told to get on and ride!
I like a straight forward horse with no hidden agendas.......... same goes for people! Possibly matches me, a "get what you see" type.
 
I certainly think someone's personality and energy plays a part at times. I sell riding holidays and send the ride operators a lot of information about our clients and their riding ability, but often they change their horse plan when they meet someone on day 1 and feel that whilst the match works on paper, the energy the guest gives off might not be a good fit for that particular horse.

I appreciate the many people can adjust their riding style to match the horse but you can't guarantee that when the rider is unknown to you. For example someone might be a very competent, experienced rider but come across as quite anxious and nervous, in which case matching them with an anxious horse doesn't seem like a good plan.

I would never ask for a feisty mare (I am not a wonderful rider and don't want to die!) but some of my favourite horses around the world have been just that, but I am confident in the saddle and relaxed and perhaps that's why it works?
 
Tarragon said:
I really felt that I connected with my latest pony when I went to see him before buying and I put my hand on his neck under his mane - honestly it was almost physical!
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I've posted this before but the moment I remember as being "god I love this pony" was when we both turned round at a noise and knocked heads HARD. I laughed, she looked at me like "what did you do that for" and that was that.
 
Having been told by an elderly stud groom when I was a teenager that I had an "electric ar$e" as horses were always very forward going for me, I have worked hard over the years to train it out of myself so that my personality doesn't affect my riding. It has certainly made life easier when I've been riding an anxious horse as I tend to be a very quiet rider. However, I can switch it back on when needed which has also proved useful over the years.

I think some horses just do suit their rider/owner but having never had the luxury of a budget that would allow me to go and find my dream horse, I've got used to working with whatever I have at the time. They have nearly all been geldings but it's fair to say I think they have all been happy and relaxed in my company. God that sounds big headed but I do believe in adapting to suit the horse's needs.
 
paddi22 said:
Based on a different thread - what is the chemistry of a good horse/person partnerships.
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My last horse was the most kind, genuine, sweet, polite, gentle horse you could hope for. He wasn't quite right for me. I absolutely adored and appreciated him, but I am too strong a personally for that soft a horse and, in hindsight, there must have been times when he felt pressured and even bullied but just sucked it up and carried on trying to do his best.

Current horse has an edge and more ability to speak up for himself, so once we established mutual respect for each other he turned out absolutely perfect.
 
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