The days leading up to the hardest decision

[Xmasha]

My dearest Asha is being let go on Thursday, I can’t even write the correct words. She’s 24 and has been with us for 19 of those years,
she will leave the most wonderful legacy and a lifetime of happy memories, but my heart is breaking.
You know one day you will have to make that call, but the days leading up to it are just awful. I need to spend time with her before Thursday, but I can’t bring myself to look at her at the minute. That’s just awful isn’t it.
She’s out with her grandkids none the wiser, happily grazing and content to not come in. Her daughter is away at the minute as we've weaned her from her foal, and shes due back on Friday. Ive thought about bringing her home early so she can say goodbye to her mum. But if i do that we will have a few days of whinnying and i just dont think thats fair on Asha., i just want to keep everything quiet and in the same routine for her.
She has been the ultimate family horse, ridden by me and both my children when they were growing up. The kindest mare with a hint of sass and a wicked sense of humour. A firm but fair lead mare who has excelled in being a mum, grannie and nanny. I really dont know how we as a family but more importantly the herd will cope without her. Two of the mares in the other field are jostling for position at the minute which is unusual, do they know ?
Id noticed she had slowed down a little recently, so have had all the necessary checks done, all ok for her age, but at the weekend i noticed some strange behaviours. So had the vet come yesterday, and we are in agreement that she is/has developed some neurological issues. The vet explained that the next stage would be seizures. So thats the decision made. I couldnt live with myself if i left her to start having seizures.

this photo is when she was 12
This is from this summer . She’s on the left , grandson and daughter on the right

 

[eahotson]

I am so sorry. There are no words really. I hope that in the future,given time,you will have many happy memories.

 

[ycbm]

The waiting is the worst bit. It's so hard but you've made a very good decision at with faultless timing for your lovely mare.
.

 

[MiJodsR2BlinkinTite]

It is never easy; my old girl had a lot of issues including trigeminal headshaking as well as sub-clinical laminitis.

For her last 24 hours we let her out on the lovely green pasture that she'd always craved her greedy heart for, and she was in total bliss. Totally unaware of what would be happening when "the lorry" belonging to the knackerman rolled into the gateway.......

She was back out with her herd, happy & content.

There is no "right" or "wrong" way. You have to do what feels right to you. She will be perfectly happy where she is and if you are upset then she is likely to pick up on this. So I do not think you should beat yourself up about keeping her distant for these past few days.

Bless you, so sorry you are in this position, but it does sound like you are making the right choice with letting her go now. She'd thank you for this if she could.

It isn't ever easy, thinking of you.

 

[SEL]

I "liked" in sympathy. I had to say goodbye to the horse who stole my heart the first time I met him and it still hurts. I've only just got around to putting his rugs away 2 months later.

I spoilt him rotten and took loads of photos in the last few days after calling the vet. I gave him a really good groom and bawled my eyes out. He got to go on the rested field and stuff himself senseless. It's awful even when you know it's absolutely the right call **hugs**

 

[Peglo]

So sorry to hear this. Such a heartbreaking decision. She is beautiful. Take care if yourself.

 

[eahotson]

I "liked" in sympathy. I had to say goodbye to the horse who stole my heart the first time I met him and it still hurts. I've only just got around to putting his rugs away 2 months later.

I spoilt him rotten and took loads of photos in the last few days after calling the vet. I gave him a really good groom and bawled my eyes out. He got to go on the rested field and stuff himself senseless. It's awful even when you know it's absolutely the right call **hugs**

It was my old dog that really hurt.It was two years ago now and there are still things of hers that I won't part with.One is her toy mouse that she loved all her long life.I won't give it to my new dog.

 

[Sealine]

I'm so sorry. The waiting is sometimes the worst bit. You know you've made the right decision for your beautiful mare. It's lovely you have her offspring to remember her by. Take care of yourself.

 

[Goldenstar]

Lovely mare , the run up to it is the worst bit .
Lucky is the horse who meets this day with its long term owners

 

[meleeka]

I’m not brave enough to do the waiting bit, so mine have always gone the day the decision is made. You have my sympathy, but it’s the right decision for sure.

 

[southerncomfort]

Oh I'm so sorry.

It's the worst kind of pain knowing you are going to lose an old friend who means so much to you.

That she goes looking so well and content despite being unwell is an absolute credit to you.

Thinking of you. Xx

 

[Tiddlypom]

So sorry, Asha. The waiting to get the deed done is IMHO the worst part of letting our oldies go.

You have done her proud over the years.

 

[The Xmas Furry]

Really sorry Asha, its so hard, she's a lovely mare.
Yes, it's the hardest time, I take it hard once I've had to make a final decision, the waiting feels interminable. Hugs xx

 

[babymare]

I’m am so sorry but as others have said the waiting is the hardest. Keep to your routine but with some extra cuddles. The days before I sat in the field just watching my lass. She is beautiful and lucky girl to have you by her side. Take time after to allow self to grieve. Grief hits us so differently xx

 

[Snow Falcon]

Don't put pressure on yourself thinking you have to act a certain way. Do want you are comfortable with. The waiting is the hardest.

I hope it is peaceful for you Thursday. Letting them go is heartbreaking but it's an act of love and kindness.

 

[Birker2020]

I booked Bailey in about ten days before she was being pts. But I was in between jobs at the time so was able to spend loads of time with her which was nice. I actually enjoyed the time we had together, it was really special. I'd had her 17 years, she was 24 when she died, I loved her so very much. I'd delayed having her pts because I had an interview for the job I'm still in now, I knew it was a 2 year contract and knew I'd never get through the interview in the days after losing her so I asked the vet if we could delay and with extra painkillers we did so. I got interviewed and got offered the job that day.

Partner and I had extra time over the May bank holiday with her and we let her go on the Tuesday 1st June, she went about 10.08am. It was a beautiful bright day and we'd spent loads of time taking photos, we'd taken down her strip grazing and she had grass up to her knees the hour before the vet came. We led her to a field that was free instead of the gloomy indoor school. It was so peaceful and she had the sun on her back. We stayed with her while she had her sedation and then let the vet take over before the actual injection although we were only feet away from her but hidden behind a trailer as I couldn't watch her go down.

I'd always said when it was her time to go if I had to make the decision it would have to be made that very day but in reality I took great comfort from spoiling her and loving her for that extra 10 days of time, having lots of photos and memories. I don't regret any of it and she just literally fell so peacefully, she let out a snort and that was it, she was gone.

I think I always deal much better with things that I can control myself like pts than with other things that don't seem to have any conclusion or timeline or that I am unable to control.

Look after yourself x

 

[nagblagger]

I am sorry you have to go through this, she looks lovely. The waiting and knowing what is going to happen is the hardest and most stressful.
Once the decision was made to PTS my 2 oldies, I had to wait 2 weeks due to 'dynamics' ( cows in fields that were suppose to have been collected) and I wanted it to be the least traumatic day for my boys after being on good grass etc without hassle from cows and sheep.
Lying in bed at night all the thoughts go through your head so you can't sleep, I was getting crankier during the day - but not once did i alter their routine and they knew nothing was going to happen. It was a long 2 weeks.
Once it is done, although upsetting there was 'relief' that they had no more suffering and the deed was over, then felt guilty because i felt relief! Any owner who puts the needs, and quality of life, of their horse first are by far the best owners. You have the full support of HHO.
Thinking of you for Thursday. Hug

 

[Xmasha]

It was my old dog that really hurt.It was two years ago now and there are still things of hers that I won't part with.One is her toy mouse that she loved all her long life.I won't give it to my new dog.

Sorry to hear about your dog. Dogs are even harder arent they. Im still not over losing Wallace in May. But as the saying goes, better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all x

 

[Xmasha]

It is never easy; my old girl had a lot of issues including trigeminal headshaking as well as sub-clinical laminitis.

For her last 24 hours we let her out on the lovely green pasture that she'd always craved her greedy heart for, and she was in total bliss. Totally unaware of what would be happening when "the lorry" belonging to the knackerman rolled into the gateway.......

She was back out with her herd, happy & content.

There is no "right" or "wrong" way. You have to do what feels right to you. She will be perfectly happy where she is and if you are upset then she is likely to pick up on this. So I do not think you should beat yourself up about keeping her distant for these past few days.

Bless you, so sorry you are in this position, but it does sound like you are making the right choice with letting her go now. She'd thank you for this if she could.

It isn't ever easy, thinking of you.

So sorry about your old girl, i bet she loved being out with her herd.
Thank you for your kind words, and especially the bit about her thanking me. That made me cry, but helped if that makes sense. I think she would understand, i think shes ready.

 

[Xmasha]

Thank you all for your kind words. Its such a good place to write down how you feel, as you all understand .

 

[daffy44]

I'm so sorry you hae to go through this, she looks fantastic and is a lucky mare to have had such a great life with you.

I dont know if this will help, but it really helped me when I had to make the final decision for my adored mare. A good friend of mine who is also my horse's physio, she had known and treated my mare for all the time I had her, and she knew how close we were and how much we had achieved together. I was agonising over the decision, and she said to me that as I knew how much my mare loved me, and I did know, we were extremely close, so she said, given that, didnt I think that if she could chose, my mare would chose me to be the person who made that call for her. I hadnt thought of it like that, but she was right, I knew that I was my mares person, and that made the decision, and the subsequent days easier.

 

[wren123]

What a beautiful mare, my sympathies x

 

[LadyGascoyne]

I am so awfully sorry to hear that. What a fabulous horse, and what a legacy she will leave.

Thinking of you, take care of yourself.

 

[Laurac13]

So very sorry Asha is beautiful thinking of you x

 

[SussexbytheXmasTree]

So very sorry she looks beautiful and how wonderful that you have her offspring. I’ve recently lost my 27yr old but I didn’t have long between the diagnosis and pts which although relatively sudden meant I didn’t have days of dread leading up to it so I really feel for you ?

 

[spotty_pony]

So sorry to hear this - the build up to it is the worst bit. It sounds like she has had a fantastic life with you though. Thinking of you x

 

[View]

So sorry, it always hurts like hell when we make our final act of kindness for one of the family.

Treasure those wonderful memories, and be kind to yourself.

 

[MidChristmasCrisis]

What a brave and most terrible decision you have had to make…my heart aches for you and all those who love Asha. Have a hug…

 

[Ratface]

A beautiful mare. Deep condolences for your loss. You are the sort of owner every horse should have.

 

[Barton Bounty]

She is a beautiful girl and how amazing you have her offspring, wonderful to carry on her legacy! Thinking of you