zoeshiloh
Well-Known Member
Or at least full to date.... 27 characters so far. This has been a work in progress and posted in parts on Soapbox, so forgive me for re-posting on here those that have read it - It's just some people do not stray onto Soapbox.
Disclaimer; This is all just a bit of fun, it is not based on anyone in particular, and if anyone thinks it sounds like them, it is either coincidence or paranoia! I have made up the usernames, but not checked to see if they exist, so I apologise if I have accidently used someones username. I have actually used things I do as some examples, so please dont be offended anyone just some light hearted humour!
Forum Covenant
Jennifer walks in the front door. Drops her schoolbag and heads for the PC. As the internet whirs to life, she starts to type Coco was soooooooooo naughty tonight he was evil to catch! on a thread entitled how was your day. After pressing the submit button, she is off to trawl through the competition riders section of the forum what excuse can she use this time for not going to the show she had promised other HHOers she would be attending... Coco had colic she types, then scuttles off to look at other threads.
At the same time 200 miles away, Moggy Timiss has logged on as ScuttleFrog and begins to look through the threads posted that day. She watches out for the usual troublemakers TrollFace, PutToRights, PusscatWillow, knowing that she will need to police the threads as Admin are too lazy/busy/dont give a dam. Spotting a thread by PW, she clicks on it sure enough she is attacking the good old BHS. ScuttleFrog launches a counter-attack immediately Grow up and stop whinging! The BHS was started back in.... and then spends half an hour putting the world to rights. Once completed she is off to trawl more threads; correct grammar, belittle dyslexics, tell those off who post in the wrong place, My BF is cheating on me NH sorry but posted in the General Chat section why?!? ScuttleFrog hits the keys harder and harder as she becomes more cross as the disrespectful forum users she no longer has time to enjoy the forum herself, because she spends all her time chasing the troublemakers (or those she deems to be troublemakers anyway). Eventually, at midnight, and having spent six hours striking terror into HHOers that dare cross her, ScuttleFrog switches off the PC, and Moggy climbs into bed.
HairyHarriet looks at the picture on the screen before her and types Hes too long in the back, short in the neck, tail too high, cannons too long, hooves at the wrong angle, and he has an evil eye. I wouldnt bother showing him. The fact that she has never so much as sat on a horse is irrelevant she is the expert on horses she has read enough books to know! Another thread titled CC my jumping position catches her eye immediately she rants Give more with your hands, shorten your stirrups, lean forwards more, straighten your leg, look up and then goes on to point out the horses faults too, just so the owner is aware of how rubbish they are.
Jack jumped 4ft today we competed in a massive ODE last week and beat Pippa Funnell, and then we are off to the national dressage champs next week! ProEventRider lets her fingers glide over the keys, wishing what she had typed was true. Of course, no one on the forum would ever find out it wasnt, but she wished deep down that she actually had the confidence to back up her claims. The fact that Jack IS an eventing schoolmaster, and HAD beaten Pippa on numerous occasions (under another rider) is irrelevant ProEventRider cant even bring herself to get out of trot. The very thought of riding makes her shake, and the entire time spent in the saddle she is praying she will stay safe until she dismounts. Sadly her confidence on board has deserted her. Riding is now a chore, no longer enjoyable, no matter how much she kids herself it is. Instead, she will live her dreams out via a keyboard, knowing that those reading her words believe every one of them.
My daughters new horse is off to his first BE event today he has already competed at 4* level with Ian Stark but he thought the horse would be better suited to Debbie. TalentsMum then pastes a couple of pictures of the £100,000 investment onto the bottom of the thread and presses submit. The fact that she has made ten similar posts in less than six months means most people skip over her thread, and few bother to respond. It appears that either the daughter cannot ride well enough to cope with the horse power her parents are investing in, or that the parents are being duped into buying overpriced cart horses. Looking at the previous records of the horses in questions clearly shows which is the case. TalentsMum logs off the computer, and Jane wanders outside to check how her daughter is doing. The last horse Brutus, a £50,000 TB gelding previously ridden by Mark Todd is being loaded up ready to go to his new home. Having no aptitude for dressage, and a tendancy to get strong across country, Jane sold him for just £5000. But that doesnt matter this new horse will be amazing he should be, he cost double the price. She glances to the school where Debbie is sitting nervously on the powerhouse chestnut. The jumps are standing at 2ft, and she shouts to Debbie to pop over a few. Debbie reluctantly points the horse towards the first one, gives a massive pony club kick and holds on for dear life, doing her best to steer with washing line reins. Sticking on, through luck more than judgement, she bursts into tears and dismounts she doesnt want to jump, why wont her mum listen to her! Jane shakes her head and retreats inside perhaps this is another dud horse that wont match her daughters talent. He has an amazing jump, we are very excited about his future Debbie is really getting to grips with him now, this will be her top horse for the future She types, ignoring the sobs coming from outside.
MaryMoo doesnt venture onto GeneralChat instead she prefers to stay in Soapbox and keep everyone up to date with her love life. Well, life in general in fact. So I moved in with OH, but now he is taking money out of my purse, and his ex is texting him, and my ex wants me back, but my best friend says I should stay with OH, but she has the hots for my ex, so what should I do? Then, starting another thread she types I have a pain in my neck and it really hurts Should I go to the Dr what do you think is wrong with me?. Later that night another thread entitled My best friend is cheating on my brother with my ex and sure enough MaryMoo is the author, once more detailing her troubled life and asking advice. Soapbox was deinately an apt forum title, for the goings on in MaryMoos life would rival Eastenders for Soap of the Year.
JigglePig posts My horse has a bad knee advice please WigglePo sees the post and replies He is fine, stop exaggerating, he walked in sound tonight. Both girls are at the same livery yard, but love to contradict one another on the internet something they would not dare do face to face. How many rugs should I put on Bert posts WigglePo. JigglePig responds I told you his fleece and a quilt would be fine you can borrow my spare sheet if you want. Why they cannot just communicate face to face at the yard is beyond all those that read the ongoing dialogue.
I am so angry! Someone fed my horse an apple, then the YO took their side in an agrument, then the fence fell down and I have to mend it, the YO wants me to rake the school by hand after use! MoaningMaud furiously punches at the keys, telling everyone what a rubbish day she has had. Almost as bad as yesterday when she told them all about her friend letting her down when she was meant to dog-sit. But last week was the worst, when her horse threw a shoe and stupid farrier wouldnt come out for days. Oh, and the week before that, the saddler was so rude to her!
How much is he worth JemmimaPuddleQuack types. Having just paid a horrendous vet bill for her 17hh 20yo gelding, she now has to sell her youngster to keep herself afloat. The only trouble is, she cannot afford to pay the £150 it costs to put an ad in Horse and Hound. Instead, she types a description, ads a few pictures, and posts on the forum. Rather than putting the obvious (and against forum rules) For Sale thread up, she rewords the title to fall within regulations. There, that should get someone interested. She notes the thread below her own is someone asking Are there any people that still want to share a horse and further down the page Would you loan a horse like this? At least she isnt the only one!
Tabitha is busy washing JJs legs off when she notices a small cut, just above his knee. Despite it being a tiny cut, and there being copious amounts of wound powder in the tack room, she gets to work with her mobile phone taking pictures of it at every angle before rushing inside to ask the experts. OMG JJ cut himself tonight in the field what should I do?! along with half a dozen picture of the aforementioned cut. She then sits, glued to the PC screen for an hour, pressing refresh every few seconds. While reading the numerous responses, she completely forgets that JJ is still tied up outside, minus a rug, with freezing cold, wet legs.
Reiki101 pounces mercilessly; My youngster had his first set of shoes today instantly she replies did he really need shoes? Nailing metal to a horses foot is barbaric... going on to detail the structure of the horses foot, and why, despite the fact it is unnatural to ride a horse on manmade surfaces, it is perfectly ok to leave the foot in its wild state. Another post about turnout catches her eye Is he pair-bonded with another horse in the field? Are you taking his partner away does he wear a rug? Why? and lots of other similar questions fly back and forth. After hunting through the threads, with a nose for sniffing out owners incapable of making the right decisions for their horses, Reiki101 leaves her desk and Sugar-Pea-Honey-blossom drives home to see to her own horses. Using her parelli halter, she leads Fifi in from the field, backing her up, turning her, and playing some games during the walk to the yard. Once Fifi is stood on the yard (not tied up of course she doesnt need to be) Suagr-Pea-Honey-Blossom gets to work, cleaning her feet, grooming her (Fifi biting her arm at this point shows the horse wants to groom her in return) and then engaging in Reiki and Angel Healing. Fifi looks longingly at her stable (now used only to store myriads of lotions and potions, all with natural ingredients of course) before following her owner back to the cold, windswept, muddy field without so much as a rug to snuggle into.
Janines heart stops. Stood in the field is her horse without its rug. She then notices the discarded coke can in the hedge. The rug is in a muddy heap on the floor, and one of the surcingles is broken. Oh My God. She grabs her blackberry and instantly alerts everyone on the forum. Horse thieves in Ipswich I just went to get Merry in and she wasnt wearing her rug. There was a coke can in the hedge obviously thieves are removing the rugs from horses they want to steal, then marking the field with old cans so their friends know where to come later! Please be vigilant!. She hurriedly scoops up the broken rug (obviously the thieves broke it trying to get it off) removes the can (so rusted that they must have selected it on purpose to look like it had been there a month or more) and heads back to the yard to warn everyone else. Then shell be off to B&Q to buy more chains and padlocks for the gates. Thank God she has warned everyone though!
My life is rubbish, school sucks and no one likes me at the yard scrawls GemGem09. She sits and waits for the responses, and sure enough MeLovely soon replies Chin up hun, it will get better. Then HelpingHand and MightyMind join in Youve lots going for you and Talk to your parents about school, try and talk to people at your yard, they might just be afraid to talk to you first. GemGem09 smiles - what can she post next? My best friend has been in a car accident she types. Well, it is kind of true someone she vaguely knew from school, but never really spoke to was in an accident a few days ago. Straight away the forum rallies round her Lots of vibes for your friend and more offers of support, phone numbers of those willing to chat and help her through it pour in. The next week A horse at our yard had to be PTS again, more condolences GemGem09 gets that warm glow from the sympathy again she had never so much as patted the horse, he had belonged to a horrible woman, but what does that matter the forum crowd are paying her attention and thats what is important.
I thought Carls performance lacked any sort of merit. The horse was constantly behind the bit his piaffe was not engaged, and his changes sloppy and not correctly united. Eds test wasnt much better, he was way over marked I think the judges are just marking highly now because they expect the horse to do well, they arent actually bothering to look what he is really doing DressageDivaSuperstar spends an hour dissecting yesterdays World Cup Qualifier one rider at a time, making sure everyone notices how she describes the riders aids in intricate detail, and what she would have done better. Pressing submit, she heads to the yard to sort out her own horse for the evening. There are two young girls in the school, so forgetting her own horse stood by the gate, Georgina instantly strides towards the arena fence. Thats good girls, but try and get a bit more impulsion Stacey your horse is not moving through, and Amy yours is going quickly but not using his back at all. Amy and Stacey roll their eyes they never asked for her opinion! Georgina rushes to tack her own horse up and goes into the school to help whoever else is riding at the same time. As she bounces around in sitting trot with her horses chin on his chest, and stomach practically parallel with his neck, she screams across the school Ask your horse to bend more to the left to an unsuspecting 4yo on her Shetland.
Hi Im new to the forum, I have a 16hh black Andalusian stallion, I am 20 and a single male. I love going for long rides on the beach, cantering through the waves as they wash onto the sand. Anyone want to come for a ride ;-) HorseyHips smiles as he writes, pausing to simultaneously pick his nose and squeeze an adolescent spot. Chatting up the girls down the local stables didnt work they laughed when he fell off of the hairy cob he had been given for his first riding lesson earlier that day. Then he overheard someone talking about a forum perhaps that would be sure-fire route to some serious flirting, and who knows, maybe more? At 17 he must be the only male in his class still too awkward around women. Sure enough his plan starts to work Welcome to the forum where do you live? responds RaunchyHaunchy.
Where do I stand legally? LegalEagle swoops down onto the post and responds instantly, hopefully before anyone else has a chance to; As a solicitor I can say the following.... and after quickly summarising half of her law textbook (well, perhaps she isnt quite a qualified solicitor yet) in a few paragraphs, she goes off looking for other threads where she can help. Help with Biology dissertation oh yes, LeagalEagle is straight on it I did a Biology GCSE so I can help you and the thread beneath that states Ive been bitten by a cat what should I do straight away LegalEagle is there My dads cousins brothers uncle is a Dr, this is what you need to do.... . After a few hours, LegalEagle feels her work is done, and retires to watch another episode of The Bill who knows, tomorrow a policeman might need her help on the forum, and then she can tell them exactly what to do.
QuietQuirky has spent the last ten minutes writing a detailed response to JazzFest123s thread How much to feed a 16hh TB? Despite being a qualified BHSI and having ridden alongside the likes of Pippa Funnell and WFP, QQ cannot bring herself to press submit for negotiating the cross country course at Badminton is nothing compared to leaping into the firey cauldron that is the world of equestrian forums. Instead, she presses the delete button, and gingerly makes her way back to the main board, posting the odd well done or healing vibes post, but certainly nothing containing an opinion of any sort.
Paula unwraps her last Christmas gift, her husband sitting on the edge of his chair, gauging her reaction. A Dubarry handbag falls into her lap, and after giving him a brief kiss on the cheek, Paula makes a bee-line for the PC everyone on the forum MUST know how lucky she is! She logs in as PandaPop and types rapidly OH got me the most amazing Dubarry bag for xmas! My parents bought me a Stubben saddle, and my MIL bought me that barbour jacket Ive wanted for months! She is sure that everyone will be as happy as her because she now has these assets. Refreshing the screen she sees that already PoorHorseOwner has posted I am soooo jealous great just the reaction she wanted! Of course no one else on the forum can afford these things, and if they claim they can, they must be lying! She knows she is one of the most privileged on there... It doesnt matter that they live in a semi-detached house, or that her husband took out a new credit card to buy her the bag (the fact the saddle from her parents was second hand, and the barbour was last season is irrelevant too).
Jesstified writes My 3yo WB is a nutter he rears when I put a saddle on him and hes only been sat on a few times. Saddle etc checked help! The next day she finds a PM in her mailbox. Hi, I read your post Id love to come and help, I have loads of experience with difficult and young horses. Call me - KnoItAll At the end of her tether, Jesstified trawls the forum, checking previous posts made by KnoItAll, searching for pictures to gauge her riding ability. Sadly, no pictures exist, but plenty of posts offering advice, mainly with sentences starting I had a horse once that did this.... Deciding to give it a go, Jess makes the call Carly turns up a week later 15 stone and wearing jeans and trainers. It becomes apparent immediately she is terrified to even go near the youngster, let alone attempt to sit on him. Eventually she puts a headcollar on him, leads him around the school a few times, then retreats back home. That night Jesstified reads I made loads of progress with Js youngster today he just needs to know who the boss is. Jess is not surprised two weeks later when all of her calls have gone unanswered, her messages unreturned, and KnoItAll has changed her online identity.
I dont think that keeping a horse in 24/7 is right in my opinion it is just plain cruel types Opinionated. As the responses come in thick and fast, she suddenly realises that the majority are disagreeing with her. Actually some horses are happier being in 24/7 claims Agrophobe69 and HelterMind writes Many horses are brought up to live in 24/7 actually, and being out can do them more harm than good. Feeling the tide is turning, Opinionated quickly taps away at the keys; No, what I mean was maybe it is cruel for some horses to be in 24/7 it could be right sometimes. Trying to press the edit button on her original post, she realises the time to change it has it expired. Dam. She sends a rapid note to Admin Please delete thread she cannot look like people were going against her opinions. Admin reply As the thread does not breach T&Cs we will not remove the thread. The only option is to turn off the PC and return in a few days when people have forgotten that anyone ever disagreed with her...
TopHorseBreeder logs onto the breeding page and begins scanning through the posts. New to Breeding - What stallion? catches her eye. She tuts under her breath, opens the thread, and launches into an essay on why the forum member should not send her mare to stud. Only the very best mares should be bred, what are her bloodlines? Do you have any foaling experience? Do you know how expensive it is? Do you have a good breeding vet not just a common-old-garden vet? If you are asking what stallion to use, do you think you have enough judgement to be capable of breeding a good horse?- The rant goes on for several paragraphs. TopHorseBreeder has had enough of all and sundry thinking they can breed horses it is something that the privileged few should be allowed to do only. Why wont the government bring in licensing for studs? Why cant it be that all stallions MUST be licensed in order to remain entire. The counter arguments that appear when she voices these opinions are just silly in her eyes those who say well what about the riding club horses out there? Who will breed horses that arent aimed at top competition? I mean who would want to buy a horse that had no chance of competing at Olympics?? Only the sort of person that shouldnt be owning horses anyway in her opinion!
WeatherGal opens up the metcheck website, listening to the radio and keeping one eye on the TV weather forecast at the same time. After cross checking with Farmer Weekly weatherwatch and the met office online, she opens a thread and types Who else has heavy rain?. It doesnt matter that two threads below someone has posted Our road is flooded and three below that Heavy rain due in Scotland she has checked all her information, sourced it from the best possible databases and posted the facts, not just hearsay or opinion. Ten minutes later, there are still no responses to her thread, but another four above hers have joined in Gateways like bogs Horses staying in due to wet weather Do you ride in the rain? and How to keep a horse occupied in bad weather? . WeatherGal sighs and replies to all of their threads According to metcheck, the weather is going to be bad all week there, at least now people will read her hard-researched facts rather than worrying about whether their haynets are full enough.
Please help me find my ex-racers history Posts RaceGalRosie. Like wasps to a jam jar, the forum racing-fans pounce, engaging in their own chase to be the one with the most information for her in the fastest time. RacehorseRescue uses the Racing Post website to find out how her horse was bred, whether it ran, how much it sold for, and any other Weatherbys stored information. RapidRacer scours You Tube and racecourse websites, looking for video links and pictures of the horse in action. RacingStud delves into the library of Tatersalls sales records that he has sitting on the shelf, and RaceFan just uses her indescribable knowledge of nearly every horse that has ever ran since she was born. As the posts appear thick and fast, each member feels that they have given RaceGalRosie the best response, and that they still rule the forum when it comes to turf trivia.
How much is he worth for insurance purposes? OlympicHopeful types she has seen other How much posts and they are always people trying to advertise their horses, bending the forums terms and conditions. Well, Otis is definitely not for sale, and hes already insured for £10,000 she just wants people to look at his pictures and tell her how wonderful he is. At a guess, around £3500 his conformation isnt flawless, and he makes an odd shape when he jumps ShowjumperGem replies. OlympicHopeful quickly types; The pictures arent great he looks better in real life, and the jump is soooo small he is hardly bothering (The fact the jump was actually the biggest he had ever conquered without stopping or sending poles flying is irrelevant). I agree with SJG He looks odd, and he is 10 but hasnt really done anything other than local shows - £3500 is really the maximum. HeggertyHag posts. Within minutes, half a dozen people have commented on Otiss conformation and lack of competition record, valuing him anywhere from £1500 - £3500. OlympicHopeful clicks edit post deletes the body of text, and replaces it with Deleted by OP obviously the people on these forums dont know what they are talking about, most of them probably dont even own a horse!
How do I clean my Dubarrys? writes PoshTotty she knows that there are half a dozen threads on the subject already, and that to find them she need only type Dubarry into the search function, but then how would other forums members realise she had bought a new pair of boots? Two days later she logs on again; How long is the wait for a Devoucoux saddle? she asks Daddy has promised her one for her birthday but it would be too obvious to post Im getting a new saddle. No, instead it is much more polite to ask the question in a way that makes everyone aware you can afford the item in question, but arent rubbing their noses in it... Just before the summer season kicks off, PoshTotty posts Oakley Supreme versus Ketterer? Opinions please and waits to see how many you are so lucky posts are received. She loves her life!
Livery yards in Sussex please help Posts KickingKatie. Within 24 hours a handful of replies appear, and a few PMs drop into her inbox. One yard, Low Valley sounds perfect, so she calls the forum member HelpfulHannah to get more details. Within two weeks, Katie has installed herself and her robust Shire x (Gino) at Low Valley, and her and Hannah are the best of friends. Forum life ticks by, one agreeing with the other on everything posted. Then, one day, Katie cant get to the yard she texts Hannah asking if she could possibly put Gino out. Hannah, helpful as ever agrees. A few days later, Hannah is turning him out every morning, changing rugs, making up feeds, and before she knows it, acting as a full livery service for Katie. Finally, at the end of her tether, she posts What would you do another livery taking the mickey inevitably KickingKate logs on and replies Dont reply if you dont know the full situation! An online war breaks out all night fierce posts and threads are volleyed back and forth until eventually HelpfulHannah posts Livery yards in Sussex urgent, please help! Having had enough of her friends attitude, Hannah ups sticks and moves her horse away, wishing she had never replied to KickingKate in the first place!
BeenThereDoneIt hovers over the keyboard. My horse is so spooky help NervousNettie has appealed. I had a horse once like this what you need to do is.... BeenThereDoneIt replied, making sure she also finished her post with But now my horse is fine, and we can go anywhere. Another thread catches her eye; My horse has an abcess best course of action? Shes straight on it; Ellie had an Abcess last week our farrier said... Someone else has posted a thread entitled Help my horse hates plastic bags BeenThereDoneIt is there with an answer; A horse I once owned was terrified of plastic, but I got him over it like this... Having scouted for any more threads where she can use her wealth of knowledge (and experience) to help others, BeenThereDoneIt logs off and goes to bed, dreaming of a day that she might actually own her own a horse of her own...
Disclaimer; This is all just a bit of fun, it is not based on anyone in particular, and if anyone thinks it sounds like them, it is either coincidence or paranoia! I have made up the usernames, but not checked to see if they exist, so I apologise if I have accidently used someones username. I have actually used things I do as some examples, so please dont be offended anyone just some light hearted humour!
Forum Covenant
Jennifer walks in the front door. Drops her schoolbag and heads for the PC. As the internet whirs to life, she starts to type Coco was soooooooooo naughty tonight he was evil to catch! on a thread entitled how was your day. After pressing the submit button, she is off to trawl through the competition riders section of the forum what excuse can she use this time for not going to the show she had promised other HHOers she would be attending... Coco had colic she types, then scuttles off to look at other threads.
At the same time 200 miles away, Moggy Timiss has logged on as ScuttleFrog and begins to look through the threads posted that day. She watches out for the usual troublemakers TrollFace, PutToRights, PusscatWillow, knowing that she will need to police the threads as Admin are too lazy/busy/dont give a dam. Spotting a thread by PW, she clicks on it sure enough she is attacking the good old BHS. ScuttleFrog launches a counter-attack immediately Grow up and stop whinging! The BHS was started back in.... and then spends half an hour putting the world to rights. Once completed she is off to trawl more threads; correct grammar, belittle dyslexics, tell those off who post in the wrong place, My BF is cheating on me NH sorry but posted in the General Chat section why?!? ScuttleFrog hits the keys harder and harder as she becomes more cross as the disrespectful forum users she no longer has time to enjoy the forum herself, because she spends all her time chasing the troublemakers (or those she deems to be troublemakers anyway). Eventually, at midnight, and having spent six hours striking terror into HHOers that dare cross her, ScuttleFrog switches off the PC, and Moggy climbs into bed.
HairyHarriet looks at the picture on the screen before her and types Hes too long in the back, short in the neck, tail too high, cannons too long, hooves at the wrong angle, and he has an evil eye. I wouldnt bother showing him. The fact that she has never so much as sat on a horse is irrelevant she is the expert on horses she has read enough books to know! Another thread titled CC my jumping position catches her eye immediately she rants Give more with your hands, shorten your stirrups, lean forwards more, straighten your leg, look up and then goes on to point out the horses faults too, just so the owner is aware of how rubbish they are.
Jack jumped 4ft today we competed in a massive ODE last week and beat Pippa Funnell, and then we are off to the national dressage champs next week! ProEventRider lets her fingers glide over the keys, wishing what she had typed was true. Of course, no one on the forum would ever find out it wasnt, but she wished deep down that she actually had the confidence to back up her claims. The fact that Jack IS an eventing schoolmaster, and HAD beaten Pippa on numerous occasions (under another rider) is irrelevant ProEventRider cant even bring herself to get out of trot. The very thought of riding makes her shake, and the entire time spent in the saddle she is praying she will stay safe until she dismounts. Sadly her confidence on board has deserted her. Riding is now a chore, no longer enjoyable, no matter how much she kids herself it is. Instead, she will live her dreams out via a keyboard, knowing that those reading her words believe every one of them.
My daughters new horse is off to his first BE event today he has already competed at 4* level with Ian Stark but he thought the horse would be better suited to Debbie. TalentsMum then pastes a couple of pictures of the £100,000 investment onto the bottom of the thread and presses submit. The fact that she has made ten similar posts in less than six months means most people skip over her thread, and few bother to respond. It appears that either the daughter cannot ride well enough to cope with the horse power her parents are investing in, or that the parents are being duped into buying overpriced cart horses. Looking at the previous records of the horses in questions clearly shows which is the case. TalentsMum logs off the computer, and Jane wanders outside to check how her daughter is doing. The last horse Brutus, a £50,000 TB gelding previously ridden by Mark Todd is being loaded up ready to go to his new home. Having no aptitude for dressage, and a tendancy to get strong across country, Jane sold him for just £5000. But that doesnt matter this new horse will be amazing he should be, he cost double the price. She glances to the school where Debbie is sitting nervously on the powerhouse chestnut. The jumps are standing at 2ft, and she shouts to Debbie to pop over a few. Debbie reluctantly points the horse towards the first one, gives a massive pony club kick and holds on for dear life, doing her best to steer with washing line reins. Sticking on, through luck more than judgement, she bursts into tears and dismounts she doesnt want to jump, why wont her mum listen to her! Jane shakes her head and retreats inside perhaps this is another dud horse that wont match her daughters talent. He has an amazing jump, we are very excited about his future Debbie is really getting to grips with him now, this will be her top horse for the future She types, ignoring the sobs coming from outside.
MaryMoo doesnt venture onto GeneralChat instead she prefers to stay in Soapbox and keep everyone up to date with her love life. Well, life in general in fact. So I moved in with OH, but now he is taking money out of my purse, and his ex is texting him, and my ex wants me back, but my best friend says I should stay with OH, but she has the hots for my ex, so what should I do? Then, starting another thread she types I have a pain in my neck and it really hurts Should I go to the Dr what do you think is wrong with me?. Later that night another thread entitled My best friend is cheating on my brother with my ex and sure enough MaryMoo is the author, once more detailing her troubled life and asking advice. Soapbox was deinately an apt forum title, for the goings on in MaryMoos life would rival Eastenders for Soap of the Year.
JigglePig posts My horse has a bad knee advice please WigglePo sees the post and replies He is fine, stop exaggerating, he walked in sound tonight. Both girls are at the same livery yard, but love to contradict one another on the internet something they would not dare do face to face. How many rugs should I put on Bert posts WigglePo. JigglePig responds I told you his fleece and a quilt would be fine you can borrow my spare sheet if you want. Why they cannot just communicate face to face at the yard is beyond all those that read the ongoing dialogue.
I am so angry! Someone fed my horse an apple, then the YO took their side in an agrument, then the fence fell down and I have to mend it, the YO wants me to rake the school by hand after use! MoaningMaud furiously punches at the keys, telling everyone what a rubbish day she has had. Almost as bad as yesterday when she told them all about her friend letting her down when she was meant to dog-sit. But last week was the worst, when her horse threw a shoe and stupid farrier wouldnt come out for days. Oh, and the week before that, the saddler was so rude to her!
How much is he worth JemmimaPuddleQuack types. Having just paid a horrendous vet bill for her 17hh 20yo gelding, she now has to sell her youngster to keep herself afloat. The only trouble is, she cannot afford to pay the £150 it costs to put an ad in Horse and Hound. Instead, she types a description, ads a few pictures, and posts on the forum. Rather than putting the obvious (and against forum rules) For Sale thread up, she rewords the title to fall within regulations. There, that should get someone interested. She notes the thread below her own is someone asking Are there any people that still want to share a horse and further down the page Would you loan a horse like this? At least she isnt the only one!
Tabitha is busy washing JJs legs off when she notices a small cut, just above his knee. Despite it being a tiny cut, and there being copious amounts of wound powder in the tack room, she gets to work with her mobile phone taking pictures of it at every angle before rushing inside to ask the experts. OMG JJ cut himself tonight in the field what should I do?! along with half a dozen picture of the aforementioned cut. She then sits, glued to the PC screen for an hour, pressing refresh every few seconds. While reading the numerous responses, she completely forgets that JJ is still tied up outside, minus a rug, with freezing cold, wet legs.
Reiki101 pounces mercilessly; My youngster had his first set of shoes today instantly she replies did he really need shoes? Nailing metal to a horses foot is barbaric... going on to detail the structure of the horses foot, and why, despite the fact it is unnatural to ride a horse on manmade surfaces, it is perfectly ok to leave the foot in its wild state. Another post about turnout catches her eye Is he pair-bonded with another horse in the field? Are you taking his partner away does he wear a rug? Why? and lots of other similar questions fly back and forth. After hunting through the threads, with a nose for sniffing out owners incapable of making the right decisions for their horses, Reiki101 leaves her desk and Sugar-Pea-Honey-blossom drives home to see to her own horses. Using her parelli halter, she leads Fifi in from the field, backing her up, turning her, and playing some games during the walk to the yard. Once Fifi is stood on the yard (not tied up of course she doesnt need to be) Suagr-Pea-Honey-Blossom gets to work, cleaning her feet, grooming her (Fifi biting her arm at this point shows the horse wants to groom her in return) and then engaging in Reiki and Angel Healing. Fifi looks longingly at her stable (now used only to store myriads of lotions and potions, all with natural ingredients of course) before following her owner back to the cold, windswept, muddy field without so much as a rug to snuggle into.
Janines heart stops. Stood in the field is her horse without its rug. She then notices the discarded coke can in the hedge. The rug is in a muddy heap on the floor, and one of the surcingles is broken. Oh My God. She grabs her blackberry and instantly alerts everyone on the forum. Horse thieves in Ipswich I just went to get Merry in and she wasnt wearing her rug. There was a coke can in the hedge obviously thieves are removing the rugs from horses they want to steal, then marking the field with old cans so their friends know where to come later! Please be vigilant!. She hurriedly scoops up the broken rug (obviously the thieves broke it trying to get it off) removes the can (so rusted that they must have selected it on purpose to look like it had been there a month or more) and heads back to the yard to warn everyone else. Then shell be off to B&Q to buy more chains and padlocks for the gates. Thank God she has warned everyone though!
My life is rubbish, school sucks and no one likes me at the yard scrawls GemGem09. She sits and waits for the responses, and sure enough MeLovely soon replies Chin up hun, it will get better. Then HelpingHand and MightyMind join in Youve lots going for you and Talk to your parents about school, try and talk to people at your yard, they might just be afraid to talk to you first. GemGem09 smiles - what can she post next? My best friend has been in a car accident she types. Well, it is kind of true someone she vaguely knew from school, but never really spoke to was in an accident a few days ago. Straight away the forum rallies round her Lots of vibes for your friend and more offers of support, phone numbers of those willing to chat and help her through it pour in. The next week A horse at our yard had to be PTS again, more condolences GemGem09 gets that warm glow from the sympathy again she had never so much as patted the horse, he had belonged to a horrible woman, but what does that matter the forum crowd are paying her attention and thats what is important.
I thought Carls performance lacked any sort of merit. The horse was constantly behind the bit his piaffe was not engaged, and his changes sloppy and not correctly united. Eds test wasnt much better, he was way over marked I think the judges are just marking highly now because they expect the horse to do well, they arent actually bothering to look what he is really doing DressageDivaSuperstar spends an hour dissecting yesterdays World Cup Qualifier one rider at a time, making sure everyone notices how she describes the riders aids in intricate detail, and what she would have done better. Pressing submit, she heads to the yard to sort out her own horse for the evening. There are two young girls in the school, so forgetting her own horse stood by the gate, Georgina instantly strides towards the arena fence. Thats good girls, but try and get a bit more impulsion Stacey your horse is not moving through, and Amy yours is going quickly but not using his back at all. Amy and Stacey roll their eyes they never asked for her opinion! Georgina rushes to tack her own horse up and goes into the school to help whoever else is riding at the same time. As she bounces around in sitting trot with her horses chin on his chest, and stomach practically parallel with his neck, she screams across the school Ask your horse to bend more to the left to an unsuspecting 4yo on her Shetland.
Hi Im new to the forum, I have a 16hh black Andalusian stallion, I am 20 and a single male. I love going for long rides on the beach, cantering through the waves as they wash onto the sand. Anyone want to come for a ride ;-) HorseyHips smiles as he writes, pausing to simultaneously pick his nose and squeeze an adolescent spot. Chatting up the girls down the local stables didnt work they laughed when he fell off of the hairy cob he had been given for his first riding lesson earlier that day. Then he overheard someone talking about a forum perhaps that would be sure-fire route to some serious flirting, and who knows, maybe more? At 17 he must be the only male in his class still too awkward around women. Sure enough his plan starts to work Welcome to the forum where do you live? responds RaunchyHaunchy.
Where do I stand legally? LegalEagle swoops down onto the post and responds instantly, hopefully before anyone else has a chance to; As a solicitor I can say the following.... and after quickly summarising half of her law textbook (well, perhaps she isnt quite a qualified solicitor yet) in a few paragraphs, she goes off looking for other threads where she can help. Help with Biology dissertation oh yes, LeagalEagle is straight on it I did a Biology GCSE so I can help you and the thread beneath that states Ive been bitten by a cat what should I do straight away LegalEagle is there My dads cousins brothers uncle is a Dr, this is what you need to do.... . After a few hours, LegalEagle feels her work is done, and retires to watch another episode of The Bill who knows, tomorrow a policeman might need her help on the forum, and then she can tell them exactly what to do.
QuietQuirky has spent the last ten minutes writing a detailed response to JazzFest123s thread How much to feed a 16hh TB? Despite being a qualified BHSI and having ridden alongside the likes of Pippa Funnell and WFP, QQ cannot bring herself to press submit for negotiating the cross country course at Badminton is nothing compared to leaping into the firey cauldron that is the world of equestrian forums. Instead, she presses the delete button, and gingerly makes her way back to the main board, posting the odd well done or healing vibes post, but certainly nothing containing an opinion of any sort.
Paula unwraps her last Christmas gift, her husband sitting on the edge of his chair, gauging her reaction. A Dubarry handbag falls into her lap, and after giving him a brief kiss on the cheek, Paula makes a bee-line for the PC everyone on the forum MUST know how lucky she is! She logs in as PandaPop and types rapidly OH got me the most amazing Dubarry bag for xmas! My parents bought me a Stubben saddle, and my MIL bought me that barbour jacket Ive wanted for months! She is sure that everyone will be as happy as her because she now has these assets. Refreshing the screen she sees that already PoorHorseOwner has posted I am soooo jealous great just the reaction she wanted! Of course no one else on the forum can afford these things, and if they claim they can, they must be lying! She knows she is one of the most privileged on there... It doesnt matter that they live in a semi-detached house, or that her husband took out a new credit card to buy her the bag (the fact the saddle from her parents was second hand, and the barbour was last season is irrelevant too).
Jesstified writes My 3yo WB is a nutter he rears when I put a saddle on him and hes only been sat on a few times. Saddle etc checked help! The next day she finds a PM in her mailbox. Hi, I read your post Id love to come and help, I have loads of experience with difficult and young horses. Call me - KnoItAll At the end of her tether, Jesstified trawls the forum, checking previous posts made by KnoItAll, searching for pictures to gauge her riding ability. Sadly, no pictures exist, but plenty of posts offering advice, mainly with sentences starting I had a horse once that did this.... Deciding to give it a go, Jess makes the call Carly turns up a week later 15 stone and wearing jeans and trainers. It becomes apparent immediately she is terrified to even go near the youngster, let alone attempt to sit on him. Eventually she puts a headcollar on him, leads him around the school a few times, then retreats back home. That night Jesstified reads I made loads of progress with Js youngster today he just needs to know who the boss is. Jess is not surprised two weeks later when all of her calls have gone unanswered, her messages unreturned, and KnoItAll has changed her online identity.
I dont think that keeping a horse in 24/7 is right in my opinion it is just plain cruel types Opinionated. As the responses come in thick and fast, she suddenly realises that the majority are disagreeing with her. Actually some horses are happier being in 24/7 claims Agrophobe69 and HelterMind writes Many horses are brought up to live in 24/7 actually, and being out can do them more harm than good. Feeling the tide is turning, Opinionated quickly taps away at the keys; No, what I mean was maybe it is cruel for some horses to be in 24/7 it could be right sometimes. Trying to press the edit button on her original post, she realises the time to change it has it expired. Dam. She sends a rapid note to Admin Please delete thread she cannot look like people were going against her opinions. Admin reply As the thread does not breach T&Cs we will not remove the thread. The only option is to turn off the PC and return in a few days when people have forgotten that anyone ever disagreed with her...
TopHorseBreeder logs onto the breeding page and begins scanning through the posts. New to Breeding - What stallion? catches her eye. She tuts under her breath, opens the thread, and launches into an essay on why the forum member should not send her mare to stud. Only the very best mares should be bred, what are her bloodlines? Do you have any foaling experience? Do you know how expensive it is? Do you have a good breeding vet not just a common-old-garden vet? If you are asking what stallion to use, do you think you have enough judgement to be capable of breeding a good horse?- The rant goes on for several paragraphs. TopHorseBreeder has had enough of all and sundry thinking they can breed horses it is something that the privileged few should be allowed to do only. Why wont the government bring in licensing for studs? Why cant it be that all stallions MUST be licensed in order to remain entire. The counter arguments that appear when she voices these opinions are just silly in her eyes those who say well what about the riding club horses out there? Who will breed horses that arent aimed at top competition? I mean who would want to buy a horse that had no chance of competing at Olympics?? Only the sort of person that shouldnt be owning horses anyway in her opinion!
WeatherGal opens up the metcheck website, listening to the radio and keeping one eye on the TV weather forecast at the same time. After cross checking with Farmer Weekly weatherwatch and the met office online, she opens a thread and types Who else has heavy rain?. It doesnt matter that two threads below someone has posted Our road is flooded and three below that Heavy rain due in Scotland she has checked all her information, sourced it from the best possible databases and posted the facts, not just hearsay or opinion. Ten minutes later, there are still no responses to her thread, but another four above hers have joined in Gateways like bogs Horses staying in due to wet weather Do you ride in the rain? and How to keep a horse occupied in bad weather? . WeatherGal sighs and replies to all of their threads According to metcheck, the weather is going to be bad all week there, at least now people will read her hard-researched facts rather than worrying about whether their haynets are full enough.
Please help me find my ex-racers history Posts RaceGalRosie. Like wasps to a jam jar, the forum racing-fans pounce, engaging in their own chase to be the one with the most information for her in the fastest time. RacehorseRescue uses the Racing Post website to find out how her horse was bred, whether it ran, how much it sold for, and any other Weatherbys stored information. RapidRacer scours You Tube and racecourse websites, looking for video links and pictures of the horse in action. RacingStud delves into the library of Tatersalls sales records that he has sitting on the shelf, and RaceFan just uses her indescribable knowledge of nearly every horse that has ever ran since she was born. As the posts appear thick and fast, each member feels that they have given RaceGalRosie the best response, and that they still rule the forum when it comes to turf trivia.
How much is he worth for insurance purposes? OlympicHopeful types she has seen other How much posts and they are always people trying to advertise their horses, bending the forums terms and conditions. Well, Otis is definitely not for sale, and hes already insured for £10,000 she just wants people to look at his pictures and tell her how wonderful he is. At a guess, around £3500 his conformation isnt flawless, and he makes an odd shape when he jumps ShowjumperGem replies. OlympicHopeful quickly types; The pictures arent great he looks better in real life, and the jump is soooo small he is hardly bothering (The fact the jump was actually the biggest he had ever conquered without stopping or sending poles flying is irrelevant). I agree with SJG He looks odd, and he is 10 but hasnt really done anything other than local shows - £3500 is really the maximum. HeggertyHag posts. Within minutes, half a dozen people have commented on Otiss conformation and lack of competition record, valuing him anywhere from £1500 - £3500. OlympicHopeful clicks edit post deletes the body of text, and replaces it with Deleted by OP obviously the people on these forums dont know what they are talking about, most of them probably dont even own a horse!
How do I clean my Dubarrys? writes PoshTotty she knows that there are half a dozen threads on the subject already, and that to find them she need only type Dubarry into the search function, but then how would other forums members realise she had bought a new pair of boots? Two days later she logs on again; How long is the wait for a Devoucoux saddle? she asks Daddy has promised her one for her birthday but it would be too obvious to post Im getting a new saddle. No, instead it is much more polite to ask the question in a way that makes everyone aware you can afford the item in question, but arent rubbing their noses in it... Just before the summer season kicks off, PoshTotty posts Oakley Supreme versus Ketterer? Opinions please and waits to see how many you are so lucky posts are received. She loves her life!
Livery yards in Sussex please help Posts KickingKatie. Within 24 hours a handful of replies appear, and a few PMs drop into her inbox. One yard, Low Valley sounds perfect, so she calls the forum member HelpfulHannah to get more details. Within two weeks, Katie has installed herself and her robust Shire x (Gino) at Low Valley, and her and Hannah are the best of friends. Forum life ticks by, one agreeing with the other on everything posted. Then, one day, Katie cant get to the yard she texts Hannah asking if she could possibly put Gino out. Hannah, helpful as ever agrees. A few days later, Hannah is turning him out every morning, changing rugs, making up feeds, and before she knows it, acting as a full livery service for Katie. Finally, at the end of her tether, she posts What would you do another livery taking the mickey inevitably KickingKate logs on and replies Dont reply if you dont know the full situation! An online war breaks out all night fierce posts and threads are volleyed back and forth until eventually HelpfulHannah posts Livery yards in Sussex urgent, please help! Having had enough of her friends attitude, Hannah ups sticks and moves her horse away, wishing she had never replied to KickingKate in the first place!
BeenThereDoneIt hovers over the keyboard. My horse is so spooky help NervousNettie has appealed. I had a horse once like this what you need to do is.... BeenThereDoneIt replied, making sure she also finished her post with But now my horse is fine, and we can go anywhere. Another thread catches her eye; My horse has an abcess best course of action? Shes straight on it; Ellie had an Abcess last week our farrier said... Someone else has posted a thread entitled Help my horse hates plastic bags BeenThereDoneIt is there with an answer; A horse I once owned was terrified of plastic, but I got him over it like this... Having scouted for any more threads where she can use her wealth of knowledge (and experience) to help others, BeenThereDoneIt logs off and goes to bed, dreaming of a day that she might actually own her own a horse of her own...
