The Hardest Decision

[Shazzie2024]

This really isn't an easy one.

I've had my now 11 year old mare since she was 6 and have got to the point that I am terrified of her behavior.
She has been a bit of a character since we got her, however it was a bit more managable to start with, and my super knowledgeable trainer has been helping me every step of the way. She has always had a tendancy to nap which would sometimes end up with rearing, however nothing particularly scary. We have now escalated to rearing at any sign of resistance. She rears if she doesn't want to go forward, rears if she spooks, rears if she stops at a fence. She even stands in the field and rears for apparently no reason. The behavior is really odd and is becoming more and more extreme, leaving us wondering if it's potentially a neurological problem? She is not as bad out hacking, but because of the weather an work commitments i struggle to hack her out through the week, meaning when i do at the weekends she can be quite explosive, causing more problems.

I have spent ££££'s with vets, physios, chiropractors, saddlers (ETC) trying to work out if there is a pain related reason for the way she carries on. Her episodes are so intermittent, she might not do it for 6 months, then all of a sudden it starts again. I am now at the point that my trainer will not continue to try and work with her and the rider I have trying to help me with her will now not get on her either. I am left with what to do with her. I don't think I could ever really trust her to try and ride her again myself.

We are coming to the conclusion that Euthaniasia may be our only option. I would be terrified to sell her on and her be passed around or beaten, and we cannot afford to keep her as a non-ridden pet. She can also be quite aggressive towards people in the field so do not see a future for her as a companion or, god forbid a brood mare. The thought of putting a seemingly healthy horse down is absolutely ruining me, and of course (despite my better judgment) I absolutely love her.

I think what I am asking is, can anyone else see another option for my poor girl? This really is a last resort for us and if I saw another option I wouldn't hesitate to take it

Thanks xx

 

[poiuytrewq]

I think, honestly from what you've written, you really don't need to feel bad about euthanasia. You've done the investigations. She dosen't sound particularly happy about life. Your professional help has given their opinion, probably not lightly.
I wouldnt wait until you get yourself or some one else injured. There are far worse prospects than dead for horses like this.
Sorry. x

 

[Shazzie2024]

I think, honestly from what you've written, you really don't need to feel bad about euthanasia. You've done the investigations. She dosen't sound particularly happy about life. Your professional help has given their opinion, probably not lightly.
I wouldnt wait until you get yourself or some one else injured. There are far worse prospects than dead for horses like this.
Sorry. x

Thank you for being so kind, I keep blaming myself that I have let her get this bad, but the bottom line is that i could never sell her and she is too big and unpredicatable to be a field ornament. Just so horrible.

 

[94lunagem]

You sound like you have done all the responsible things so far, done the investigations and sought professional help.

Credit to you for not wanting to 'fob off' a problem onto someone else, and indeed having concern for your horses future in someone else's hands. I would have asked if she might have a happier future as a companion but it doesn't sound like that would solve anything, she wouldn't be the first whose owners didn't think they would suit companion life.

I usually think that if you have asked this question, then you are already some way to knowing it is the right thing.

Be kind to yourself and know you have done everything you could. Sending hugs.

 

[nagblagger]

That horse is not 'seemingly healthy' if she was she wouldn't be acting like she does. You have tried all avenues and you will still be acting in her best interest to PTS. Difficult but right decision.. Hug.

 

[splashgirl45]

So sorry you are going through this, sounds like you have tried almost everything, she sounds very unhappy and if all vet investigations haven’t shown anything PTS isn’t the worst thing for her, it is a difficult thing to do. The only other thing I can think of is getting an assessment from someone like Richard Maxwell or Michael Peace, there are others but I can’t think of their names.
It’s such a difficult decision but she is obviously not enjoying life and you need to make sure she doesn’t hurt you or anyone else. Look after yourself and good luck

 

[SEL]

I don't think she's healthy if she's acting like this - you just haven't found the underlying cause and sadly you might never find it.

My PSSM mare made it clear she preferred not to be ridden. I have land so can manage her safely - and actually without the pressure of being a riding horse and with a stable herd she's totally different - but my OH has instructions that if anything happens to me then she finishes her days at our place.

Its always such a hard decision but it sounds like you have a horse who is suffering somehow and if the vets cannot get to the bottom of it then euthanasia could be the kindest option for all of you xx

 

[slimjim86]

A friend had a homebred that was similar to this, on a good day he was a total angel and did a nice medium dressage test, maybe pop round the xc fences in the field or whatever but on other days he was dangerous. He reared up and came over backwards on the road, bolted and went through a fence and onto a busy A road, and many other scarey things, when he was "having a bad day" he just totally flipped and lost all sense of self preservation. He had every workup possible at the vets and nothing was found, he went to Richard Maxwell who said he was dangerous and should be PTS. The vets said they could only assume their was a brain tumour as nothing else made sense and he was eventually PTS, it was heartbreaking but whatever caused his behaviour clearly made him really unhappy and no one could help him so this seemed the kindest option for him.

 

[Above the snowline]

It’s never easy to put down any animal but it’s the right thing to do. You are a responsible caring owner. Be proud of yourself for not taking the easy option of selling her cheaply knowing that she could potentially kill someone and have a miserable life. I wish there were more people like you.

 

[Shazzie2024]

It’s never easy to put down any animal but it’s the right thing to do. You are a responsible caring owner. Be proud of yourself for not taking the easy option of selling her cheaply knowing that she could potentially kill someone and have a miserable life. I wish there were more people like you

What a kind thing to say thank you very much

 

[Shazzie2024]

Thank you all for your input, feel very supported and better about my decision. Such an awful position but I feel the bottom line is that i can't keep her and I can't pass her on, so no other option really. Will be the saddest of days, I just hope it'll all go smoothly and she will have some peace at last

 

[ycbm]

I see you have made up your mind, and I really don't see that you had much other option. It's certainly the most responsible thing to do for all concerned including her.

Such a hard decision when they are young and you have no answers why they are like they are. I hope things go as well as possible on the day.
.

 

[coblets]

You could try consulting with a veterinary behaviourist as a last resort. No one can blame you for PTS though

 

[Fransurrey]

I see it written many times that there are worse things than pts/death. Certainly you'd get no judgement from me. I don't think anyone has that right to be honest. Sounds like it would be a very responsible thing to do and it does sound neurological.

 

[oldie48]

Not an easy decision but the right one. You are being a responsible owner.

 

[Arzada]

Thank you all for your input, feel very supported and better about my decision. Such an awful position but I feel the bottom line is that i can't keep her and I can't pass her on, so no other option really. Will be the saddest of days, I just hope it'll all go smoothly and she will have some peace at last

She's a very fortunate horse to have an owner who will keep her safe to the end. I hope that all will go well for you both on the day

 

[Ratface]

A friend had a homebred that was similar to this, on a good day he was a total angel and did a nice medium dressage test, maybe pop round the xc fences in the field or whatever but on other days he was dangerous. He reared up and came over backwards on the road, bolted and went through a fence and onto a busy A road, and many other scarey things, when he was "having a bad day" he just totally flipped and lost all sense of self preservation. He had every workup possible at the vets and nothing was found, he went to Richard Maxwell who said he was dangerous and should be PTS. The vets said they could only assume their was a brain tumour as nothing else made sense and he was eventually PTS, it was heartbreaking but whatever caused his behaviour clearly made him really unhappy and no one could help him so this seemed the kindest option for him.

This was the exact scenario, with the same outcome when I was stabled at a very good yard near me. A post mortem was carried out and the horse had a brain tumour.
It was so sad, as he was usually a really nice horse, but when he was in what was obviously agonising pain he was potentially lethal.

 

[Barton Bounty]

My friend went through a similar situation. She got her xrayed , scanned, you name it.
She spent a week in the vet school and they determined migraines caused by a tumour behind the eye. Sadly you can only do what you can.

 

[YourValentine]

Years ago, we had an Anglo-arab, who could be a total sweetie one minute and try to kill you the next. Like your mare we'd observed the same flip in behaviour in the field.

Even though we had the land we made the call to have him PTS because he was clearly unhappy, and something wasn't right. And he was going to injure/kill someone one day.

We knew it was the right call, though not an easy one to make. But in the weeks and months after it was a relief to not be worrying about him or our safety.

Its not easy but sounds like, like us, you know its the right call.

 

[Goldenstar]

I had a three year old I bred put to sleep for random aggressive behaviour .
This behaviour was with her from almost the day of her birth the final straw was her attacking in stable and knocking me out I came round outside the stable with a broken hat ( I handled her in a crash cap ,luckily ).
It’s not all about the horse there comes a point where your well being matters most, all angst worry and sleepless nights need to end .
Those who disagree will tend not to have walked in your shoes .

When you know it’s time it’s time .

 

[Pearlsasinger]

This really isn't an easy one.

I've had my now 11 year old mare since she was 6 and have got to the point that I am terrified of her behavior.
She has been a bit of a character since we got her, however it was a bit more managable to start with, and my super knowledgeable trainer has been helping me every step of the way. She has always had a tendancy to nap which would sometimes end up with rearing, however nothing particularly scary. We have now escalated to rearing at any sign of resistance. She rears if she doesn't want to go forward, rears if she spooks, rears if she stops at a fence. She even stands in the field and rears for apparently no reason. The behavior is really odd and is becoming more and more extreme, leaving us wondering if it's potentially a neurological problem? She is not as bad out hacking, but because of the weather an work commitments i struggle to hack her out through the week, meaning when i do at the weekends she can be quite explosive, causing more problems.

I have spent ££££'s with vets, physios, chiropractors, saddlers (ETC) trying to work out if there is a pain related reason for the way she carries on. Her episodes are so intermittent, she might not do it for 6 months, then all of a sudden it starts again. I am now at the point that my trainer will not continue to try and work with her and the rider I have trying to help me with her will now not get on her either. I am left with what to do with her. I don't think I could ever really trust her to try and ride her again myself.

We are coming to the conclusion that Euthaniasia may be our only option. I would be terrified to sell her on and her be passed around or beaten, and we cannot afford to keep her as a non-ridden pet. She can also be quite aggressive towards people in the field so do not see a future for her as a companion or, god forbid a brood mare. The thought of putting a seemingly healthy horse down is absolutely ruining me, and of course (despite my better judgment) I absolutely love her.

I think what I am asking is, can anyone else see another option for my poor girl? This really is a last resort for us and if I saw another option I wouldn't hesitate to take it

Thanks xx

Have you tried stripping her feed right back to grass/hay only? I only say this because I had a mare whose behaviour was very erratic and we eventually worked out that her reactions to feed were behind it. However she was never really right again and spent the rest of her life as a companion. If you feel that your only option is to pts that is the right decision. She is obviously not comfortable/happy for some reason.

 

[lynz88]

OP, I really feel for you - it is so, so, so tough when they can have moments of "good" for a series of time and then a string of "bad behaviour" followed by good again. From reading other responses regarding similar behaviour and given you haven't been able to reach a diagnosis, I personally, would sleep well if I decided to PTS thinking that it may very well be a brain tumour (even if never confirmed) if it were mine. I think you have/are making the correct call - desire to see if there  could be anything else and given she can't happily be a field ornament, are making the correct final call. It is so unbelievably hard and I wish you all the best.

 

[eggs]

I’m another who knew a horse that could be excellent most of the time but would suddenly flip and just take out anything in his way. He was on a yard with a very experienced YM. The decision was made to pts after the YM had her arm broken during one of the horse’s episodes. A PM was done which showed a brain tumour.

In your situation I do not think you should beat yourself up about pts your mare.

 

[Surbie]

This feels like a weird thing to say, and I hope it doesn't come across badly, but she is a lucky horse to have you.

I hope it goes as well as it can when the day comes.

 

[MiJodsR2BlinkinTite]

Just couldn't bypass this thread without saying that I would wholeheartedly support a PTS decision with this horse.

So very sorry OP, but I suspect there is something terribly wrong. You've done your best, your very best. But at the end of the day you have to consider your own (and others') safety.

I lost one to trigeminal headshaking. It sucks. So sorry for you in the position you are in.

 

[Snowfilly]

I would say this sounds like a brain tumour. I lost a loved one to a brain tumour and he described random days of unbearable pain and storms of emotions and feelings with no cause, including panic and terror, which he couldn’t think through.

This was a person with an understanding of what was happening and it was awful. For an animal, I can’t think of anything much worse.

I would wholeheartedly support PTS and see it as a kindness to her.

 

[mustardsmum]

Go easy on yourself, you are a responsible owner and you have a horse that is clearly troubled and is putting you and others in danger. Anyone who criticises you for a pts decision will never have been in the situation of owning a dangerous horse and all that comes with it. If she has a tumour, her behaviour will sadly only get worse. Hope you feel the support here helps ease your decision.

 

[Ceriann]

So sorry for your situation - you sound like you’ve tried everything to manage your mare and she isn’t responding. It’s so hard and you’ve done as much as you can. I have a now 15 year old who was similar to this - easy a lot of the time but when she blew (for apparently no reason) she was dangerous. No self preservation and scary. Full work up and nothing She luckily did become a fairly easy companion but I knew I couldn’t sell her and she’s not been ridden for over 8 years. If she wasn’t at home I would have been faced with the same decision. In this situation PTS has to be at the top of the list - there should be no criticism if you do that.

 

[Boulty]

I think you’re completely right to not even consider passing her on in any way with what you’ve described. I would not describe a horse displaying these signs as totally healthy whether the cause is mental or physical.

I don’t think PTS would be unreasonable as it’s highly likely there IS a reason, it’s just not an obvious or easy one to identify and tbf depending on exactly what it is it might not be fixable anyway and you sound like you’ve tried very very hard to make things work.

The only other thing I could suggest if you were looking for last chance saloon options is if the investigations were done by a non specialist vet would be to take her for a poor performance workup at one of the big referral centres where they might be able to spot more subtle things. Alternatively someone like Tom Beech or Rob Jackson who takes a whole horse approach may be able to spot something random that a GP vet may have missed. (I spent 2 years trying to convince my “normal” vets to investigate something subtle with my previous horse. Tagged onto another livery’s Tom Beech visit and suddenly I didn’t feel like a crazy person anymore! He ended up referring us to Leahurst after the horse failed to improve with treatment where they found a bunch of issues that led to me having him PTS.). Only mentioning in case you did want to pursue anything else but TBH from what you’ve said it’s unlikely to lead to a different outcome.

 

[Wishfilly]

I know you've spent a lot of money on investigations, but even if those didn't find anything or anything conclusive, she doesn't sound healthy? She's showing extreme behaviour and it's escalating. If she's doing it in the field (plus her other behaviour in the field) then it sounds like she is not completely happy/symptom free even when not ridden. I get what you mean by "seemingly healthy" but equally there's obviously something going on, it's just not been possible to find the cause, and that means you've got nothing to treat.

If it's got to the point where pros are refusing to work with her, then I think that's a sensible time to make the call. If things are getting worse, what if she got to the point where a vet couldn't get near her? I think it may be better to PTS now rather than wait for a crisis either because she becomes too tricky to handle, or because she has hurt herself in the field? Or because you're injured and there's no-one else to handle her?

It sounds like you have done all you can. If it makes you feel better, then maybe spoil her for a week with all the treats and grooming etc if she enjoys that before PTS?

I don't think you're being selfish at all here, I think you're making a very responsible choice about a horse that could seriously injure someone.