The love of the countryside by the non rural public

I met a couple on the bridlepath a while ago and the girl was making her boyfriend carry her across every muddy bit so she didn't spoil her shoes.

My friend worked at the visitor centre near a Roman fort and got asked by a tourist why the fort had been built on top of the hill so far from the car park.
 
Gloi said:
I met a couple on the bridlepath a while ago and the girl was makiing her boyfriend carry her across every muddy bit so she didn't spoil her shoes.

My friend worked at the visitor centre near a Roman fort and got asked by a tourist why the fort had been built on top of the hill so far from the car park.
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That is priceless. X
 
Gloi said:
I met a couple on the bridlepath a while ago and the girl was making her boyfriend carry her across every muddy bit so she didn't spoil her shoes.

My friend worked at the visitor centre near a Roman fort and got asked by a tourist why the fort had been built on top of the hill so far from the car park.
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LOL, so funny as are all these posts!
 
bumper said:
This thread has made me chuckle :)
I live in the far west of Cornwall, so do see a lot of tourists in the summer. The funniest thing is their grasp of the back lanes..if you haven't been here, they are narrow and bordered by high Cornish hedging, sometimes wide enough to allow two cars to pass each other, sometimes with passing places. The visitors often have no idea how wide their car actually is, so flinch madly when you pass them (their faces are hilarious), and quite often have no reversing skills. Reversing is compulsory, sometimes for many many yards, to get back to a suitable passing place. I have a friend who delivers fresh fish from the Newlyn fish markets to local restaurants, and he has told me of the many times he has actually had to get out of his van and reverse somebody's car FOR them.
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Same at my folks place down in Devon! Dad is a harbourmaster, so drives a Landy with a winch on the front, lights on top and monster wheels - and usually a boat on a trailer. His boathouse is at the end of a very long very narrow lane, with passing places, and he regularly finds himself bumper to bumper with a grackle in a flashy car, who will NOT reverse, even when Dad clearly has a boat on a trailer behind him. He has been known to turn the engine off and pick up the paper - when challenged, he says "I'm an old man, and I don't need to be anywhere urgently, so I can wait".
His favourite story is about the final approach to the boathouse (no vehicular access, apart from him and people bringing boats down),which involves him unhitching the boat trailer from the back, hitching it to the front, and pushing it half way down the hill, into a run off space. He then has to unhitch it, get the Landy round a 90 degree turn, hitch the boat up and carry on down to the boathouse. He found an angry grockle parked in the run off one day, who flatly refused to move, saying that he couldn't find a parking space anywhere else in the village, and that Dad would have to wait til his wife got back from walking the dog. My dear old Dad, being an amenable sort of chap, said " No problem". He got out of the landy, locked it, chocked the trailer wheels, and went sailing.
 
So if we are talking about eejit tourists... I was looking round the baths in Bath some years ago, and overheard some Americans saying 'But where are all the Romans? I thought there'd be Romans.'
 
Fii said:
Oh my god dont get me started!
Oh caught a woman washing her muddy boots in the horses drinking water in the field , she was quite shocked to be told off for it as "other farmers dont mind me doing it" she wasnt even apologetic when he had to tip it all out and refill it!!
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I'd be so furious if I spotted someone doing that!!
 
Gloi said:
I met a couple on the bridlepath a while ago and the girl was making her boyfriend carry her across every muddy bit so she didn't spoil her shoes.

My friend worked at the visitor centre near a Roman fort and got asked by a tourist why the fort had been built on top of the hill so far from the car park.
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On a New Year's Eve trip away a few years ago we went away to stay in a log cabin for a few days and went for a very short walk across the moors to the nearest pub. I was the one made to feel like a loser for wanting to try out my new walking boots and gaiters (Xmas presents) while all the girls kept on their soft knitted ugg type boots and the city boys their trainers. I was the one laughing when the boys had to sacrifice their trainers and carry their girlfriends through the bogs and mud. This is not about city v country, just sensible vs stupid! Yes I'm not the most savvy city type, but I stand on the right and try to not look at a tube map in public, just surreptitiously glance at the ones inside the train :D
 
What a brilliant thread.

We used to have a livery yard with a footpath running through it. Across from the stables and not directly on the footpath was a mown lawn with our garden furniture and flower planters. Almost on a weekly basis hoards of ramblers would settle down and unpack their lunches in my garden and then be horribly offended if I asked them to move on. "But there's a pic-nic table, surely that means it's a pic-nic area?" "Yes, it's MY pic-nic table, in MY garden!" I quickly learned that the most effective thing was simply to let the dog out and then pretend I hadn't noticed anything - greedy Golden Retriever very partial to crisps, sandwiches and even grapes, very hairy and usually moulting, often reeking of fox poo.
 
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Like Stencilface's girl companions my OH has endured a NT acorn camp with townie girls doing the camp as part of the DoE Award. Over the tops of Malham Tarn relaying access paths and fencing in millstone grit when they arrive with designer jeans, and mini skirts, white trainers, no coats or gloves and announce "Oh, we thought we were doing a bit of gardening". The evening trip to the pub (across the fields as the direct route) was the same with them begging to be carried through the mud.

Personally I always remember as a teenager we took a schoolfriend with us on holiday to Wales. She was transfixed by the cows and sheep as she had never seen them in real life. When she asked how they managed to stand on the hill without falling down my mum told her they were specially bred Clwydian cows which have legs on one side shorter than the other so they can walk along the hillside. She completely believed us and the joke was maintained for the whole week, until my mum had to own up out of guilt.
 
Fantastic thread AA.

We have some really funny ones around here - I will never understand the thrill of walking in arable Lincolnshire as I find it rather boring apart from laughing at your neighbour's drunk tram lines, however I somehow feel this is lost on your average rambler. We had a bunch last week who came to complain that one of them had lost their boot in the mud on the path it was so deep, and would it be possible we could put it down to grass next winter as that would be easier for them to walk...

By far the most stupid was a few years ago in some bad snow at my parents. It was absolutely bucketing it down with the white stuff and we had just finished milking for the morning. I went to shut the back gates with dad and we saw what appeared to be a bobble hat...bobbing along the top of the slurry pit wall! My dad went into an utter panic - some "lost" rambler had managed to climb over a gate (with a large "Danger slurry pit" sign on it) into a very snowy slurry pit, and was just wandering across 10ft of frozen cow poo. He got so angry when my dad was frantically shouting at him to walk towards him and get off, and it took a rather confused conversation to drill into him that if he kept on walking, he would meet the part of the slurry pit which had been stirred and wasn't that frozen.

We also have holiday cottages at home, the amount of times I catch them walking through the middle of the cover crops before shoot days makes me want to pull my eyeballs out, especially when accompanied by "seen some spectacular coloured chickens today"
 
With regards to ramblers, what is with the sticks things? I appreciate that they're well dressed for rambling, and at least they're out there doing it, but why do they need those stick in either hand things to walk with? Won't they miss out on all the strengthening and balance benefits just walking without support gives them? Its a bit strange when you run past them on a flat path and they're tottering down it poking their sticks.

But I once saw a group of ramblers heading up a city street (OK I was driving, but it was back from a race) and they were still using the stick things, to walk on a perfectly smooth footpath?!
 
This has made me laugh, but hey us townies can't help being ignorant simpletons and that exactly how we were treated on our break to a lovely village on the south coast a couple of years ago. Oh well we still enjoyed it and I'm sure they enjoyed taking our money, anyway happily back to our concrete jungle of pure ignorant bliss lol. Actually we are very lucky to live next to one of the best forests in the country so have our own little piece of rural life on our doorstep ;)
 
Mithras said:
With regards to ramblers, what is with the sticks things? I appreciate that they're well dressed for rambling, and at least they're out there doing it, but why do they need those stick in either hand things to walk with? Won't they miss out on all the strengthening and balance benefits just walking without support gives them? Its a bit strange when you run past them on a flat path and they're tottering down it poking their sticks.

But I once saw a group of ramblers heading up a city street (OK I was driving, but it was back from a race) and they were still using the stick things, to walk on a perfectly smooth footpath?!
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The sticks are for the ramblers who wish they were in Val D'isere but don't have the budget ;)
 
We have a lot people spending a lot of money to live in the countryside, at the edge of the farm there is a large house divided into mega expensive flats with water frontage. One couple moved in and have moaned ever since, mud on the road (he has to wash his 4x4 every day) smells, cattle on the roads (probably 4 times a year). The best one was when he was behind a tractor and trailer coming out the road from their property, the road is a dead end. He sat in his car with his hand on the horn, the tractor stopped, unhitched the trailer in the road and drove off. He did move the trailer 10 minutes later.
 
jrp204 said:
We have a lot people spending a lot of money to live in the countryside, at the edge of the farm there is a large house divided into mega expensive flats with water frontage. One couple moved in and have moaned ever since, mud on the road (he has to wash his 4x4 every day) smells, cattle on the roads (probably 4 times a year). The best one was when he was behind a tractor and trailer coming out the road from their property, the road is a dead end. He sat in his car with his hand on the horn, the tractor stopped, unhitched the trailer in the road and drove off. He did move the trailer 10 minutes later.
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I never understand why people move to the country and then complain about it constantly - it's mad isn't it? Some young couple came over this summer and posted us an invoice for their window cleaning bill. They felt it was only fair as it had actually been the "field dust" (they bought a cottage next to a field full of spring barley, which is dusty to combine) that had caused the windows to get dirty.

I had to use all my strength to stop OH going around there to return it along with an invoice for cleaning his tractor from their BBQ fumes which they had imposed on it whilst he was harvesting late one Saturday...
 
The other lovely thing they do is chuck all their hedge/grass clippings into the field, have had some who decided the hedge was also all theirs plus a bit of the field.
 
Mithras said:
With regards to ramblers, what is with the sticks things? I appreciate that they're well dressed for rambling, and at least they're out there doing it, but why do they need those stick in either hand things to walk with? Won't they miss out on all the strengthening and balance benefits just walking without support gives them? Its a bit strange when you run past them on a flat path and they're tottering down it poking their sticks.

But I once saw a group of ramblers heading up a city street (OK I was driving, but it was back from a race) and they were still using the stick things, to walk on a perfectly smooth footpath?!
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I met 7 of these once, all in a line-on a pony that's terrified of walking sticks having been through lots of sales rings!
 
this always makesme laugh/roll my eyes/wonder at the world:

when bro was at uni, some cows escaped from a farm and ran on to the uni campus-que one of his friends running in to the halls screaming about the "huge black and white things"

they didnt even know what a cow was!!!!!!!!!how?!
 
I had a couple turn up on the Estate where I work, off the footpath, and when I asked them to go back to the path, and pointed out that we had a shoot on so to wander off would be dangerous, was told they had a Right to Roam, and that there was no such word as "trespass" any more. I couldn't reason with them, but they did, after being confrontational, go back towards the footpath. I checked with our footpaths officer that there was indeed no Right to Roam, but not in time to inform my visitors! Frightening how insistent they were!
 
Friend's rented field is on the edge of a village and has fairly rickety fencing so they have ring fenced about a meter in with electric fencing which does the job well. However, she had a visit from an enraged father who had had to "take his daughter to A&E" as she'd had a shock from the fence. Child shouldn't have been inside the perimeter fence anyway but how dare friend have a dangerous fence that children might touch!
Father had obviously never played "dare you touch the fence" as a kid...
 
margaretb said:
I had a couple turn up on the Estate where I work, off the footpath, and when I asked them to go back to the path, and pointed out that we had a shoot on so to wander off would be dangerous, was told they had a Right to Roam, and that there was no such word as "trespass" any more. I couldn't reason with them, but they did, after being confrontational, go back towards the footpath. I checked with our footpaths officer that there was indeed no Right to Roam, but not in time to inform my visitors! Frightening how insistent they were!
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There are a wave of them that are sure they are right and would argue black was white. Earlier this year I saw someone wandering around a field we were spraying and told him that he was actually on the wrong side of the drain, that the footpath was the other side. "No I'm not, I'm following my GPS device" was the response I got. Great, but your GPS device is wrong, and if you don't get back on the footpath as fast as your little legs will carry you, you will get a face full of fungicide.
 
Blimey, I didn't think this would go beyond my first post ! there is nothing as funny as folk.

Most of the group I rescued on Wednesday had sticks in each hand, but one lady only had one which she handed to me as she left, it was an electric post that she had taken from the neighbours field to help her balance in the mud. The fence is mains and I can only assume it was off when she removed the post !

The yard I had in the 1990's was built around. Prime grazing, beautiful old farm house and buildings all flattened and replaced with a few hundred top end large houses marketed as rural homes. The yard and a neighbouring small holding remained opposite the houses purely because the lane is the boundary between two different authorities and our Council refused planning. With the new houses occupied we had many a funny moment.

One resident arrived with a box and pony, unloaded and marched into the yard and asked me how much a week for the pony. I don't do livery and the man was furious giving me a good cussing and telling me he had nowhere to put the pony because he had left his previous livery.

Another resident complained to the Council about my tractor going up and down the drive to the muck heap. My cockerel caused many complaints. I was young and keen in the 1990's and used to exercise my hunters at the crack of sparrow fart every morning before work, ride one lead one. Complaints received about the clip clopping and horror of horrors poo on the road.

It was a lovely little yard but I wasn't sad to leave for where I am now.
 
I had to take my car for it's MOT the other week. The tester moaned non-stop about how I had clearly driven through a swamp and never bothered to wash my car for the past 3 years. After a brief conversation it turned out he had been down here for 3 days and had come from Manchester. It then got worse when he got inside and screamed ARGHHHHH as he was confronted with Labrador hairs, horse hairs, pig hairs and the odd pig nut that had dropped out of the sack. He was clearly about to blow his stack. I told him I had put the car through a Deluxe BP car wash this morning at a cost of £8 and had used the hoover on the inside but it wasn't very effective and due to the very dodgy country roads, muck spreading season and the immense flooding down here then yes I had effectively driven my car through a swamp to get here and all that "swamp" on the car was only 20 minutes old. He didn't believe me and thought I was disgusting. I asked him what he was going to do when a Land Rover came in for an MOT that wasn't a Chelsea Tractor but a proper working 4x4. He actually looked horrified and said "I thought the countryside was all about clean and healthy living"!

Not sure what he expected people to do, jet wash the car and then have them delivered by helicopter? Why on earth would someone so precious about muck be a car mechanic?!

I have also encountered so many non local idiots that are stuck driving through floods I have now lost count. At what point does someone in a Vauxhall Adam think that water coming up over the bonnet and in the doors is safe let alone a good idea?!
 
We are at 1000,with footpaths along two sides to access the NT land on the other two sides, the sights we see go from funny to concerning, girls trying to walk up to the top in heels, most worrying is babies not properly dressed for the cold on their parents backs looking blue.

There is an old stone gate post in the middle of our field, and playing on web looking at standing stones one day I was horrified to see our old gatepost marked out and photographed as a standing stone. So we now have people climbing over the stone walls, knocking stones off to go And examine the standing stone. Some are very unpleasant when asked to leave!
 
Dunlin said:
I had to take my car for it's MOT the other week. The tester moaned non-stop about how I had clearly driven through a swamp and never bothered to wash my car for the past 3 years. After a brief conversation it turned out he had been down here for 3 days and had come from Manchester. It then got worse when he got inside and screamed ARGHHHHH as he was confronted with Labrador hairs, horse hairs, pig hairs and the odd pig nut that had dropped out of the sack.
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Luckily, the guy who MOT's and fixes my car also runs a farm, complete with cows, chickens, pigs and also a large livery yard. I think if I had to take it to a proper garage, they would refuse to get in it!!!
 
Now my place isn't exactly rural - in fact it's nowhere near as rural as some of you folks, but I've been laughing so much that I thought I'd share the funniest thing that I've ever seen in our field - again perfect townies.

Anyway, I have a footpath that crosses the field and it used to have stiles at either end. To make life easier for a very old local pooch, we'd made a sort of 'dog hole' at our end of the path so that he didn't have to climb through the bottom of the fence or bottom of the stile.

One bright and sunny Sunday morning, up turned some rather elderly walkers, one of which couldn't climb the stile, even with the other walkers lifting her legs and trying to heave her over the top. After about 5 minutes of effort (I was hiding behind my cob shaking with laughter by this time - they'd refused an offer of help) the lady concerned spotted the dog hole. So, the men in the group lifted her from her predicament they'd got her into halfway up and over and set her back down on the ground. At which point she dropped to her knees and started to crawl through the dog hole.

Now this hole was sized for a labrador, needless to stay she got well and truly stuck, when she tried to get her shoulders through. By this time I was laughing so hard that I had to stay hidden - it took them about 10 minutes to get her free and they then decided that perhaps it was easier to walk to the end of the lane and use the gate at the bottom to get to where they wanted to go.

Just wish I had a picture to share with you
 
lhotse said:
Luckily, the guy who MOT's and fixes my car also runs a farm, complete with cows, chickens, pigs and also a large livery yard. I think if I had to take it to a proper garage, they would refuse to get in it!!!
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Same here, he doesn't bat an eyelid or flinch when he has to open my car door!

It's a good job my car isn't a restaurant, I'd have been closed down by the Environmental Health Department a long time ago ..........
 
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