The Malingerer's Osberton Report

Baydale

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I've tried my best to not have to do these reports, mainly by not doing any events, but this weekend the slave caught me unawares (damn her!)

I knew when she put the bobbly things in my mane that there was no way I was going to get off games. I was quite excited when we got there, but I find the first bit really boring so I made it a bit more exciting by doing a very sneaky flying change when - if you believe what she says - she was two steps off asking me to do a simple change. I thought I'd get better marks for showing some initiative but apparently that's not how it works.
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She seemed quite happy with the mark, 29.6, although there must have been a much cleverer pony that got 27.7.

Onto the coloured jumping bit, which I quite like. Apparently I'd find it easier if I tucked my legs up under my tummy more, but I love the feeling of flying through the air for ages so I do that instead. The slave was much easier to deal with today and didn't mess me about too much; I came to the last combination in travers just to wake her up a bit, but she patted me when I finished and I did the customary shaking of the head whilst mentally saying "God I'm good".
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She disappeared for a while and came back muttering under her breath something about ditches. I think she'd scared herself watching Badminton tbh, cos I'm not normally too bothered about them. Anyway, I pulled her out of the start box and tapped the first fence (just to be sure it was the fixed fence bit we were doing and not the coloured fence bit), then gave the next two about 3ft of space, then we went into the woods. I got a bit of a shock when we went up a hill, 90 degree turn left, then right then I could see one hedge, but it turned out to be three on funny angles. I minced through there, just to be careful, then did a big wide logpile, then she pointed me at something that didn't look like there was room to squeeze over the top of it, so I made her catch the flag with her left toe (it's a good job I'm toned and buff at the mo cos HumungaHorse would never have got his fat belly through that gap).
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Then we did a bank thingy, carefully again (you have to be sure there aren't monsters lurking), then she kicked like mad and actually smacked me - the cheek of it - over a triple bar with a ditch under it. I was so irritated I took off with her down the hill, lept over a brush parallel then galloped out into the field, did a skinny one, then she kept me galloping to a ski jump. I put a little one in (that shut her up!), then did another skinny brush. I was really getting into it by now and she didn't dare smack me to the next couple with ditches under. There was a bounce near the end, again my cue to spend ages in the air (ok, I was showing off
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) then galloped to the finish.

She seemed happy enough and I saw my chance to fill my face with grass, and deservedly so after all that effort. She started burbling on about what a good boy I was
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and that I'd been clever working out where and when to fly through the air (she's been whittling on about rotational falls this week, whatever they are, so I'm guessing whatever I was supposed to do I did right.....what a relief).
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We had to rush home but it turns out I got her a prize for being third best pony. I'd have thought I was The Best Pony, but maybe that's just out of the gang of us at home? I got polos and a scrummy tea so I was happy whatever, and I told that HumungaHorse he'd better pull his finger out if he was going to ever be as cool as me.
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She said something about Aston, but then was whispering so I'm guessing she doesn't want to tell me when in case I stand in my stable and bang my legs together.
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What a great result. Was it much different to the CIC2*?
 
S_J She said Friday, can I meet Sarnie then and I'll tell her how to do dressage if she'll tell HumungaHorse how to do showjumping (he doesn't listen to me).
 
The CIC must have had a big extra loop starting from the skinny well fence, and there were a couple of fences that had extra parts to them for the CIC.
 
Great deal Sarnie is Friday too about an hour behind you by the looks of things in the next section. Please tell her about nice dressage tests and she will be only too happy to explain the concept of SJing to Humungahorse!
 
Hector, you are such a superpony, please tell my 2 how to do the dressage as beautifully as you because they don't listen to me at all.
loads more lovely points, and points mean polos, so you should be extra-happy.
 
Dear Hector,
How about a swap? You can come and see me for a holiday and show me how to do travers and changes (but not for too long cos that bit's really boring) then we can do lots of XC without the boring other bits. I WON'T SMACK YOU!!!

My two can go and live with Nicky for a bit and do dressage boot camp so that they too can be clever ponies and get polos.

How does that sound?
 
Well done my lad! But it is not on hitting the first hard fence to try & get out of the rest of it. Mind least you didn't do it with the nasty light coloured poles.
Bet your breath was really minty afterwards! Now tell R he has to behave next weekend & to pull his socks up like yours!
I will save some x strong mints for you with the customery duster!!
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Wel done H - you are a very clever boy and I hope you enjoyed your polos. Please try not to stand on yourself between now and you next event, or your mummy will be v cross with you.

Fiona
 
What a super report - you had me laughing out loud! If you ever give up eventing you could get a job at H&H. You are a very clever boy and your slave deserves a pat on the back too!
 
Thankies everyone. I'm happy to do swapsies and come and stay with you Gamebird (I'm Yorkshire born and bred so it would be like a homecoming) as long as I get fed lots for showing you my moves.

Kerilli it's cos I'm older and wiser that I do dressage ok, I learnt early on that if you do it nicely your slave won't make you do it for so long. I can chat to James and Katy if you like, but you know what youngsters nowadays are like....
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k9h you saw right through me, that I could get to the event and still try and injure myself on the first fence. I'll have to think up some more cunning plans now that everyone (Fiona!) seems to be onto me.
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Well done Malingerer!! Isn't it so much more fun going out winning prizes for being fabulous than stuck at home pulling a 'sickie'?
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No!
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There was good grass there, that's the only reason I went.
 
Fantastic result, well done
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We must have seen you, but I dont think I was awake enough to register!! When did you go XC?
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