The most horrific morning. Heartbroken

Sometimes the horses circulation affects how the drug works. Bad circulation can cause what you sadly experienced. You are incredibly brave, you made the right decision, you did the right thing and she is no longer in pain.
I too, am in the same situation, she won't make Autumn as planned, and the dates fixed. She also has been with me 17 years. I am so sorry for you, but you did right by her. X
 
ester said:
How awful, so sorry. I am also gobsmacked that the vet didn't have a back up available.
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Many practices now don't have a firearms licence so there is no back up .
I would never ever allow a horse to PTS using drugs without a catheter being used it's just a too big a risk that something like OP describes happens .
OP awful experience but it's over now you will forget in time my first horse was PTS by injection and although not as awful as your experiance it was bad enough the whole horror it will fade .
I always use bit of sedation and shot now.
 
This must have been so traumatic to witness. I agree with those that say she wouldn't have known much about what was happening.

My old girl couldn't have sedation as she'd knackered her leg and couldn't have taken even a light dose, so the vet used a catheter in to her vein and she was gone as soon as the drug hit her brain.

Sometimes things don't go as planned but please, please don't beat yourself up and make sure you talk through what happened with a good friend as it'll help you process what happened. x
 
Goldenstar said:
Many practices now don't have a firearms licence so there is no back up .
I would never ever allow a horse to PTS using drugs without a catheter being used it's just a too big a risk that something like OP describes happens .
OP awful experience but it's over now you will forget in time my first horse was PTS by injection and although not as awful as your experiance it was bad enough the whole horror it will fade .
I always use bit of sedation and shot now.
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I aware of that as I said above and it is something I check before using a practice I wouldn't use them if they had no one.
 
I am so sorry this happened, you done your best and your horse is now at peace

I have seen this happen so thank goodness for your farmer neighbour

Be kind to yourself you have been through so much today, you probably also have a huge bundle of happy memories with your mare try not to let this outweigh those good memories, the situation today was totally out of your control. Take care of yourself
 
Something like this is my biggest fear. My boy is terrified of needles and terrified of the vet so I've always said he will be shot when the time comes. I am so sorry OP, nothing we can say will make it all better, but please know we are thinking of you :(
 
I'm so very sorry. You must take some comfort from those who are able to assure you that your mare will have been unaware of what was happening.

My large equine practice has surrendered its gun licences. They always sedate first then inject. My cob went very peacefully this way in the excellent hands of my young Irish vet. She said that as a vet student she had witnessed several PTS by gun which had gone horribly wrong, so she is very anti gun herself.
 
I am so sorry for you. I don't think your mare would have been aware, but dreadful for you. You did your best.
 
I am so sorry to hear your news. I hope soon this will be forgotten and the wonderful times that you spent with your Best friend will fill your memory xx
 
I'm so sorry. I've been through something similar and it's dreadful.
Just remember she's out of pain now and you did your best for her.
Don't blame yourself.
 
JJones said:
I made the decision this morning to have my elderly tb pts. She has suffered arthritis for a few years and gets lymphangitis. I already had decided to let her go before winter.
This morning her leg had ballooned up with lymphangitis. She wouldn't eat and was shaking. Rather than treat her I decided it was time to let her go. I spoke to vet at length saying I wanted the best possible scenario. I.e straight down and not thrashing about as I'd had a mare do years before after the sedation reacted.
Vet came out and we agreed no sedation just like most of my other horses as it's generally better that way. She injected the first injection of somulose in. I saw blood come back into syringe. I've had many horses pts over the years and generally they go down after the first.
By the 3rd and final one she was still standing. Then she started losing her balance and crashed through the stable partion. To cut a long story short she wouldn't die. She kept trying to stand up and kept crashing into the partition
Vet went and got a bottle of barbiturate. She was lying still enough by now to inject safely. Again I watched and blood came back so she'd got vein. A whole bottle of barbiturate went in. We thought then she had almost gone as she stopped breathing but reflexes in eyes. Then she woke up again, becoming alert. She tried putting a bottle of magnesium in her veins and at this put she went unconscious but not dying.

I have no words to describe the heartbreak. My beautiful horse in her last hours.

Eventually our farming neighbour came and shot her.

I thought I was doing the right thing and now I have to live with what my horse went through. 17 years of loving her and that was her final moments.

The vet was on phone to senior vet and she is not inexperienced herself. They both said it does happen. I've never seen a horse not die after all those drugs.
I don't know if something did go wrong or it was as she said.
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\so sorry for you OP -, it is times like this we are emotional anyway without something like this going on. Poor poor you and poor mare, it is unusual (IME) for this to go wrong. All I can do is send virtual hugs xx
 
so sorry to hear this. this is why i would always shoot, this scenario is just not something i would ever want to go through. rest easy now lovely, and op you did the thing most owners dread and you handled it as best you could. try not to feel bad for the end, but remember the good times and know what you did was in her best interests.
 
So sorry OP. Please try not to beat yourself up.
I know what you're going through, I lost my much loved 21-year old homebred in June, it took 4 bottles of somulose. The vet only had 3 with her so we had to wait for another vet to turn up with another bottle. The vet administered the last bottle direct into the vein, rather than the cannula, and it worked immediately, which makes me suspect the cannula wasn't inserted correctly.
I'll never have another pts by injection.
 
So, so sorry - pts is traumatic enough without experiencing what you went through. Im sure, at this time, there are very few words that can console you x
 
Very sorry to hear this, it must be devastating for you in many ways. But please don't let one morning ruin 17 years of happy memories. It was just a moment in time & none of us can predict the outcome of these things.

Take care
 
I'm so sorry - this must have been a horrible experience. As the above poster said please don't let this ruin all those memories, and those with hindsight should just please keep it at that, hindsight. You did your damned best for your horse, hold your head up and no regrets xxx
 
Sorry to hear this. I know exactly how you feel as the same thing happened to my old girl. Because of the way it was handled afterwards I changed vet. I'd never had one injected for fear this would happen but the vet convinced me otherwise. The only good thing to come out of it was that I found an amazing practice.

I really feel for you. It haunted me for months so be prepared....all I can offer is a shared experience but feel free to pm if you want to talk about it.

So very sorry x
 
I'm so sorry that you and your mare had to go through this. You made the best decision for her, trying to be the kindest and do the right thing, I'm so sorry it wasn't the peaceful ending we all hope for, so very sorry xx
 
I'm so sorry you had to go through that :-(
It is hard enough making the decision without having it be so traumatic.
Try to take comfort that she is at peace now and won't have been aware of what was happening.

Take care of yourself and speak to people you are close to. You will be in shock :-(
 
Always always shoot them please, to many do not go easily, I know the sound of the gun is upsetting for you to hear, but for the horse it is instant. They are not aware of anything untoward going to happen, they can be eating a feed, and enjoying a meal, please remember this, I am so sorry to hear what you went through, but more so the horse. just dreadful xx
 
I am so sorry to hear this. It is never an easy decision to make, whether in an emergency or a planned pts, so with the extra trauma, it is even worse. We usually use the gun. but a few years ago, I had to have a big ID mare with cellulitis, which had become sepsis, pts. The vet was here when the decision is made and we rang for the Equine Crem to come out but there was some miscommunication and the EC thought they were just removing the mare after the vet did the deed, so didn't bring the gun. Fortunately the vet had stayed with us for the hour that we waited for the EC and injected the mare. Not something I wish to see again.
I doubt that your mare knew anything about what was happening, I have seen seriously ill dogs appear to 'fight' the injection because their circulation is so poor at the end and it sounds as if your mare was the same. In fact I need to thank you for posting because the ID mare didn't go down easily and it is only writing this that it has clarified in my mind just how ill she must have been that evening.
Try to concentrate on your memories of the good times you had with her, rather than the end (easier said than done, I know).
 
I'm so sorry for you. I had a youngster die in my arms at the end of last year when the vet just couldn't get there in time. It's an awful situation, but honestly I think at the end they aren't really aware of what's going on. I hold on to that thought and the fact that although those last 2 hours were heartbreaking there isn't any more pain. Please don't beat yourself up, your horse is out of pain now xxx
 
I'm so sorry, and please don't blame yourself or the vet. Neither of you could have foreseen this.

I've held quite a few for the injection, and all but one went very peacefully. The one that didn't was almost exactly as you describe but if I'm honest I believe it distressed me & the vet more than the horse - the owner wasn't there so never knew. I've never seen one go wrong with the gun but I know someone who it did & from the sound of it that was worse.

I'm a coward. I had the unlooked for opportunity to have Jim pts by injection & wanted to take it but was scared of it going wrong. My lovely vet arranged for the hunt to be there with a gun as back up though it wasn't needed as he just laid down & was gone.

Big hugs for the loss of your girl x
 
I am sorry that the end for your horse was not as peaceful as you hoped for.

Please don't blame yourself, having a horse PTS is not guaranteed to be peaceful whichever way you do it, not sure why anyone would criticise you when you have made good provision.

I have had 2 first hand discussions with people present when PTS did not go well, one was by injection with the vet, the other by captive bolt. Neither is infallible, both were nasty.

I also think your horse will not have been fully aware of what was happening. I think the body fights on once the consciousness has gone. Remember the good times, and that you horse is running free now over rainbow bridge.
 
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ladyaga said:
Always always shoot them please, to many do not go easily, I know the sound of the gun is upsetting for you to hear, but for the horse it is instant. They are not aware of anything untoward going to happen, they can be eating a feed, and enjoying a meal, please remember this, I am so sorry to hear what you went through, but more so the horse. just dreadful xx
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This is not helpful, are you trying to make the OP feel even worse? The gun is not infallible either.
 
I'm so sorry that such trauma was added to an already sad event. But don't beat yourself up, you did what you thought was right, the vet did their best, you all did right by her. I very much doubt it was as traumatic for the mare as it was to you. Take it easy on yourself; the raw pain will eventually lessen and you'll have all your years of good memories to look back on x
 
ladyaga said:
Always always shoot them please, to many do not go easily, I know the sound of the gun is upsetting for you to hear, but for the horse it is instant. They are not aware of anything untoward going to happen, they can be eating a feed, and enjoying a meal, please remember this, I am so sorry to hear what you went through, but more so the horse. just dreadful xx
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I've had two pts by injection and held a few more. There has never been a problem (granted they were all sedated first and a cannula used) so I don't think it's fair to say they should all be shot. I've heard horror stories about that too so I think it was just rotten luck for OP. I'm sure it was much worse to watch than it was for the horse. She wouldn't have been aware, it's just the body acting on auto pilot, much the same as reflexes after they've gone.
 
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