The saddest thing about owning horses?

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smallbutgreat

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I came back from the yard on the brink of tears today, and am having one of those days when I am seriously thinking I cannot continue with keeping horses.

In a nutshell, the owners of the three horses which share a field with mine have fallen out. It's one of those tedious stories about X thinking Y does Z wrong with her horse. Y telling X she should get rid of the teenager who shares her horse, because she rides her into the ground and is too cocky. X complaining to the manager of the yard, who blows out Y. We are on full livery dammit, all the horses are well looked after at the end of the day, but there is a continual cycle of at least one person being out of favour and doing everything wrong (and yes, I know it's been me in the past, but I have just ridden it out and the wave has passed on).

This has happened in each of the three yards I have been on, and the current yard is actually the best of the three. But as I drove home today something snapped. I had had the most wonderful extended midday break from work, grooming my horse for ages and then watching her being ridden. I had felt so full of the joys and privileges of owning such a wonderful animal. But then I took a phone call and felt I couldn't carry on.

Why oh why is there such bitchiness and vindictiveness surrounding horses? Is there any other realm in which people seem so willing to search out faults and criticize each other behind their backs? I am particularly worried about the effect on teenagers caught up in this.

Give me a kick up the bum then and tell me I'm being stupid then, but I have never been so close to quitting horses because I can't stand the people.
 
It sounds like you've been very unlucky, their are some wonderful''horsey''people out there, I'm lucky enough to know loads of them, can't you just not get involved and enjoy your horse, and let the rest wash over you ?, don't say anything, and just smile a lot, I'm an oldy, and have found over the years that a smile can often diffuse a situation.
 
One word - jealousy.
Also too many women always makes for a bitchy environment I'm sure the WI is the same!
Just feign ignorance/being mute/not having any time to chat and give them all a wide berth.
Focus on yourself and your horse and stuff the lot of them.
 
squatmouse I really do beleive you have just been unlucky on your yards, there really are so many places where people seem to happily co-exist and I have never felt at the centre of this kind of problem, although I have to say i have watched from the outside and seen other people falling out regularly.
 
you know i read all these posts and think i most be on the best yard in the world! No one is like that! Yeah they all have there moments but nothing like that! its never going to be perfect but dont let it get you down! you have a wonderful horse what else matters with things like that! keep you chin up dont get involved and have a nice ride!
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it's livery yards, or at least some of them.. you only need one or two nasty jealous vindictive cows, and it can turn into something approximating gang warfare. i was on a yard like that as a teen, one girl was an absolute bi*** and delighted in making everyone else's lives hell, stirring, forming a gang, etc etc. it's always the rubbish riders, too, she was a total wimp and evilly jealous of anyone who wasn't.
there's a lot to be said for finding a quiet little private yard whose owner is happy to have just one livery, imho.
cheer up, it's worth it for the horses... tell them all to f***ing grow up.
 
Squatmouse, I can understand your frustration. I have also been at some horrible yards. But nice ones do exist. Infact it was a similar situation when X said Y who then said Z which finally made me leave my old yard and as Mother hen said there are some nice yards out there. Infact today the farrier came up today and said the horses and owners were realy happy at my yard and my instructer came up and said it was her fav yard as there was no bitchiness. Try and let their pettiness go above your head.
 
I know just what you mean. I use to PTP my horses some years ago when i was on a diy yard, and every one wanted to stick their noses in they couldn't understand that they could not carry any fat and had to be racing fit. I just got to the stage i went up the yard done my horses and went home again i didn't hardly speck to anybody, i just got use to the back stabbing. Yes it was hard some days but do you know what my horse won a PTP for me and it made it all worth it and i can just about put up with most [****] that is thrown at me now. Thank god i have my own yard now and i keep myself to myself and if people want to talk about me than so be it.
 
This is not the saddest thing about owning horses, this is petty crap. When your dream horse breaks down/gets ill/dies that is the saddest thing. I think there a lot of people on this forum who have had to deal with far worse than a bit of bitching.
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I'm at a big competition yard where there is the potential for a lot of problems. However, I must say that I haven't (as yet) had the misfortune to encounter any problems between other DIY owners or those on livery.

Having said that I stay low, I talk to everyone but am not really friendly with any one in particular, I refuse to be drawn into any discussion about other owners or staff on the yard etc. I've found this to be the most effective way of enjoying my horse, but I do sometimes miss having close horsey friends.
 
I think I'm quite lucky in the yard we are at is lovely and friendly. I've not heard of any bitchiness going on. I tend to be friendly, say hi etc to other liveries that are there at the time but then keep myself to myself.

Keep your head down and enjoy your horse and ignore the others having their 'upsets'
 
after leaving a yard that was a complete bitchy nightmare where people had screaming arguments in the middle of the yard and threw things at each other (yes, really!) I have found the best policy is to keep your head down, be civil to everyone but judge no one (publically anyway!!! and generally be above all gossip and not get drawn in to anything.

I think some people think Im snobby but whatever... it makes for a peaceful life!

Cassandra
 
[ QUOTE ]
this is petty crap. When your dream horse breaks down/gets ill/dies that is the saddest thing
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[/ QUOTE ]

KVS ... of course you are right.

Injury, long-term illness or death of a horse are all desperately, desperately sad and in no way would I wish to compare what I've been describing with them. I'm truly sorry if I have given offence by being trivial. And yet at the same time, illness and death do fall within the natural scheme of things, however painful.

Its just because the sort of long-term bitching and complaining and criticism I described is so needless and pointless that it is so very sad, not just for those who are bitched about but also for those who bitch. There is some very vindictive and bullying behaviour that takes place on a long-term basis, amidst what should be such a joyful activity, and I have seen people very ground down by it.

Thanks to all you other posters who have been so encouraging and given me the kick up the arse I needed. Feeling better already for having for having got this off my chest, and I'll continue to search out the quiet hours when few other people are around on my yard ...
 
I'm sorry for you squatmouse. I have heard people talking behind each others backs on a yard I used to be on. I was never involved though. The last yard that I was on it was the YO who was the problem, not the liveries. She was horrible to some people, not me, fortunately, but it used to make me really annoyed the way she spoke about some of the liveries whose only crime was to be older than her and to like gentle hacking rather than competing!

My current yard is really lovely. Everyone is friendly and we all support each other. I've never heard anyone say anything negative and the YO is lovely too. If you have any other options maybe you could move yards? There are some nice ones out there if you manage to find them.
 
I am on a yard with approx 30 horses, all owned by women and dare say, everyone has an opinion on everyione else. I have my couple of friends but will be civil to everyone, but I do tend to keep myself to myself. I am very much in the mind set, that as long as I'm happy and my girly is happy, I don't care what anybody thinks. There are occasions when I really would like to say something, but I don't. So I go home and moan to my OH, who doesn't have a clue what I'm chatting about!!! Chin up
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