Things a groomer never likes to hear...

[PucciNPoni]

Some of the groomers on here might relate:

1 - he's only a LITTLE matted (and you know that it's going to be a walking carpet)

2 - it takes HOW long? when you explain that bathing, brushing and trimming, detangling and clipping nails on their overgrown dog will be required in the salon for 3 hours

3 - When is your first appointment? (you give them a date) and they say NOTHING sooner? (erm no, I DID tell you the first available)

4 - He doesn't bite (yeh really? those are generally the ones that DO)

5 - I left my last five groomers because..... (groomers generally don't like shop-hoppers)

6 - He gets done "regularly" (you ask how often) and they say "well, once or twice a year" (and the dog is a Bichon Frise!)

7 - The last time you groomed my dog, you nicked him - you ask where and they say "under his tummy there's these little red dots in matched pairs where you cut him six times" and so groomer asks to be shown where and the owner points out the NIPPLES! Groomer says "Oh, that's his nipples" and the owner says "Don't be ridiculous - it's a boy, he's not got nipples!" erm, okay.

C'mon fellow professional doggy peeps (groomers, vet nurses, and trainers - give us some more!). This is meant to be light hearted - I could do with a wee laugh today!

 

[Slinkyunicorn]

St Sweep has been going to the same hairdresser for 12 years now - she adores him and he spends the day there I always apologise fir the state of the minger when we get there I get told off for bathing him in cold water as she feels sorry for him!! I try to explain I am trying to save her from asphyxiation from the stinky dog but she won't have it! Sweep is one of her oldest 'clients' so gets extra cuddles and fuss and is excused any amount of disgusting things he has hidden in his coat

 

[BigRed]

This is not quite what you want - but my colleague has a spanner and she has been clipped twice now - both times they have made a really bad job of it. Can anyone recommend a groomer that they can take this dog to - they live in Belvedere, Kent. He'd like it to come out of the parlour, looking like a Cocker Spaniel. The last person has just clipped everything except her ears off, really close. including the first two inches of her tail, the rest of her tail is eau natural. It looks awful.

 

[s4sugar]

" you won't use a muzzle will you"............ usually means the little darling bites without warning.

 

[Spudlet]

When a training class begins with a list along the lines of 'He WON'T do x, y, z, a, b, c....' you know it might be a long one...

 

[Faithkat]

I was a groomer for over 20 years and yes, I can well relate to all the points mentioned.
I had a good one once with a standard poodle. It was only in a lamb trim so nothing too challenging for the owner! My son took the dog back to the client and conversationally asked how often they brushed the dog . . . "that's what we bring him to you for" came the reply . . . so, yep, the dog was brushed once every 3 months. . . . . but then, of course, poodles don't shed, do they??????? If I had a fiver for every time I have pointed out to people that "if it grows hair, it sheds hair" (that's why poodles, bichons etc get so matted; just because the hair is not visible on your clothes, furnishings etc doesn't mean it's not shedding) - I'd be a VERY rich lady. And then there are the people who buy a Bichon because they fell in love "with the one on the Crufts prgramme" and of course, don't do any research, thinking that Bichons come looking like and that and they won't have to do anything to keep it that way . . . . . .grooming is totally soul-destroying!

I also worked at a vet's for over four years and some of the comments that people made - honestly, it does make you wonder if there should be some sort of exam before being allowed to own a pet:
Client : How can the cat be pregnant? She only goes out during the day and I thought cats could only get pregnant at night . . . . .


Client: But my little girl can't be having puppies, she's never been near a boy, we're ever so careful . . .
Vet : but don't you also have her litter brother?
Client (brightly) : Oh yes, but they're brother and sister, they wouldn't do anything like that . . . . . .
Vet (despairingly) : Oh yes they can and they will . . . .

 

[FrodoBeutlin]

3 - When is your first appointment? (you give them a date) and they say NOTHING sooner? (erm no, I DID tell you the first available)

LOL I *always* do this, but that's because whenever I say, with a disappointed air, "nothing sooner", the groomer always, inevitably manages to find a 'free spot' about one week earlier

 

[PucciNPoni]

LOL I *always* do this, but that's because whenever I say, with a disappointed air, "nothing sooner", the groomer always, inevitably manages to find a 'free spot' about one week earlier

LOL, it all depends greatly on the client! If it's someone I've never heard of or haven't heard from in a loonng time, I'll be dam*ed if I'm going to materialise time in my packed diary.

For example - I booked last Tuesday off as a personal holiday. I don't take many, haven't been "away" but sometimes I'll take a day off just to fit my OWN dogs in. There are other people renting space in my shop, so it's not as if the place is closed. Anyway, last tues I was in grooming two of my own. I stupidly answered the phone. It was someone who's dog I groomed once over the winter. She wanted an appt that day or the following. Sorry, booked for about 2 weeks. "Oh," she says "But I'm going on holiday on Thurs and wanted him done sooner". Sorry... then a wee while later someone else rings, same story. And then some new people. I passed them on to my other two collegues. Nope, they want me or will just go "elsewhere". And then later one of my oldest clients stopped in with her dog. She assumed I'd be working, and thought she'd bring her dog in that she had collected from the vets the day before - he's been really ill and prognosis was not good. She was bringing him in for me to say good bye. Wondered if I had any spaces - told her the 20th. She wasn't sure if he'd be around that long. Nearly suggested she leave him that day - but managed to re-order my day the following day and come in an hour earlier to clip him before we officially opened.

THat's another thing a groomer never likes to hear - when a long time client's pet is dying.

HOwever keeping it light - more on that subject:

"You charge HOW MUCH?!" is a good one. I just smile and nod

Faithcat - a woman rang the other day - wanted to book in three poodles. She complained about the former groomer because she "made a mess of them and shaved off their tails!" When I asked if it was because they were matted she said "No - but even if they WERE, isn't it their job to brush it?!!" Erm, lady, try telling that to a hairdresser when you've got a head full of dreadlocks.

 

[PucciNPoni]

"I also worked at a vet's for over four years and some of the comments that people made - honestly, it does make you wonder if there should be some sort of exam before being allowed to own a pet:
Client : How can the cat be pregnant? She only goes out during the day and I thought cats could only get pregnant at night . . . . . "

OMG, that just about made me spit my soup out all over the place! LOVE IT

 

[GeeGeeboy]

Ha ha, as an assistant groomer i can relate to all of the above but especially number 3! That does my head in!!!!!!!
We recently had a lady in with a cocker spaniel, complete with matted feathers who wanted her dog done in HALF AN HOUR!!! And yes, that included bathing and nails!!!! We told her it would take 2 hours and she was gob smacked!

 

[Flint1990]

I work in a vets a common one with overweight dogs

Your dog needs to loose some weight, so just feed its daily allowance of food no extras or treats........So we can give him sausages....erm no, cheese? No just his complete food. How about ham.......

So frustrating but humerous at the same time x

 

[EAST KENT]

" you won't use a muzzle will you"............ usually means the little darling bites without warning.

Added to "can I stay ,she`s a bit nervous" You absolutely KNOW the little cow intends eating you.

 

[s4sugar]

Ha ha, as an assistant groomer i can relate to all of the above but especially number 3! That does my head in!!!!!!!
We recently had a lady in with a cocker spaniel, complete with matted feathers who wanted her dog done in HALF AN HOUR!!! And yes, that included bathing and nails!!!! We told her it would take 2 hours and she was gob smacked!

I had a Pyrenean owner ring to arrange a pre show bath for a 9 month old dog pup - still at the squatting & peeing up his front legs stage.
Talked through the timings so the coat had chance to settle & explained he may need to pop back to rewash his front legs the day before the show. Sorted the price.
I said I'd need three hours and the guy went ballistic as the last place he took him took less than 3/4 hour.
Yeah right! I told him to go back there then, Bye!