Things are changing for me and I'm not sure I like it! - Advice

cblover

cblover

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Hi all, I'm after a little advice and support really.
I've not ridden since last Sept after an accident that has left me in a lot of back and left hip pain. This is being investigated through MRI scans and steroid inj ect.

I no longer have the horse in question but have a smaller, older cob still and an unbacked clydesdale mare aged 9. I don't ride my cob as I'm too big for her but I have a sharer for her who is happy to keep her ticking over when the weather is nice. She works shifts, so she does what she can, when she can. That's fine, my cob has done loads with me over the years and is now 15.

After riding almost daily for the best part of 25 years and my whole life revolving round looking after horses, it was very hard not being able to ride at first or have the level of involvement I'm used to. However, as the time has gone on I find myself questioning whether I will ever ride that frequently again. It scares me!!!!
I'm enjoying lying in on a weekend, going off for the day with hubby and not being governed by the horses, sitting down during the afternoons sometimes with a book, taking the dog for a walk....that kind of thing. I've not even joined my riding club again this year and I've resigned off the committee after 10 years. Scary thing is, I've not missed it one bit. Hubby even remarked on that yesterday.

This feeling is so alien to me and poses so many questions. I'd never sell my cob but my plan was to back my clydesdale. Do I still do that? Is it ok to take break from riding? I'm worried I'll not get back riding if I do.

I'm torn between what I've always known and done and this new found freedom. Cheers for listening!
 
I don't think "because I've always done it this way" the best basis for an interesting life.
And you don't sound ready to be thinking about backing horses yet, re. pain and investigations. I'd keep on doing what you are enjoying. : )
 
We do change as we get older, I used to hate gardening, now I enjoy pottering round pulling up weeds, tidying borders, even mowing the lawn. If you are financially able to carry on as you are for now I would do so. You have a sharer for your older boy so he is keeping as active as he needs to from the sounds of it. An unbacked 9 year old! Don't suppose it will matter if she waits a bit longer, if you do decide you really don't want to do it any more then you can rethink keeping her. As for taking a break from riding, I didn't ride from age 30 through til 42, no money spare so had no choice. With a couple of weeks of deciding I wanted to ride again I was sharing a horse and with 6 months bought my own again. Its like Ive never been away :)
 
What I would do is ask someone like Cumbrian Heavy Horses if this horse was any use for them to use as a lead horse, not for beginners as he would be ruined, [was 9yo a typo btw]?
You could lease him for two years and see how you feel after that. You see I am the opposite, I was forced to give up, and if I had the cash and facilities [2xlottery money] I would go and buy the last three back.
I have had to force my self to do other things, have recently started a bucket list, and do study courses online. I would give all that up tomorrow if I could.
 
I like you used to live for my horses. Seven years ago I bought a welsh sect d who has been difficult to say the least, I got a bit disheartened with the riding and now only ride when I feel like it. I don't feel guilty, the horse really doesn't mind being left in the field and as they are at home with me I enjoy handling them every day just don't ride. Enjoy this time and you may or may not get back into the riding as much as you did before but does that really matter if you and your horses are happy?
 
Our priorities do change as we get older anyway, without the catalyst of serious injury. If I were you and could afford to, I would find someone locally to back the Clydesdale (who is probably going to be pretty easy, if she is a typical Clydie) and then you have more options open to you. You may at some time in the future be able to ride the mare yourself, ime they are usually keen to please and, although they can go up a gear, if required to, are happy to potter around taking life easy if that is what their rider prefers.
 
Coblover I used to ride most days and at one time had 5 horses. Nowadays I get lots of pleasure from grooming my 2 horses. I sometimes take them walkies inhand and sometimes ride one of them but I do very little riding nowadays compared to the past. Theres nothing wrong in having horses and not riding them. There life to enjoy me and DH now enjoy going out some weekends eg to National Trust houses or the beach.
We still love our horses and care well for them but riding isnt as important as it used to be and TBH life is much more relaxed nowadays.
 
I've owned horses for nearly 20 years and always enjoyed the riding and the grooming/general looking after bits. Now I am 57 and work is more hectic than it has ever been, I really struggle to get the time to do anything with them in the week and find at the weekend I have started to want to do other things and don't want to spend so much time with them.

I do think things change as you get older - you want different things out of life. I remember when in my late 30s/early 40s being very dismissive of the older "happy hackers" on our yard. Now I have turned into one of them myself.
 
My horse is in his late teens, although fit and well and I hope he will go on for a good few years yet. But I wonder if anything happened to him, if I would replace him. I am finding the stable work harder as I get older and although I enjoy the riding I don't have the drive for competitions - although that is in some way to do with family circumstances. There are lots and lots of things I think about doing, but always at the back of my mind is "Got to get back to look after the horse."
I too used to rather look down my nose at the "older ladies" and I have turned into one. The only thought is that if you gave up, just how easy would be it be to get back into again.

But people and circumstances change, you can still be involved with the horse world, but when and how much you want, and not be ruled by having to be there and having to ride and having to do stable duties. I think you need to wait until your injuries are sorte, you will have had a break from riding and then you will know if you have really missed it and want to get back, or carry on as at present.
 
Thanks all for your support and advice. We own our own land, 3 acres with stables and barn so it's fine with regard to always having the facilities if I have a break. I'd not be backing my clydesdale myself, but I do have a person lined up to take her in June-July. I have always thought of riding as my reward for all the work you do looking after them, so it's hard to replace that I suppose.

I think being in constant pain and not riding is sending me slightly stir crazy! Lol
 
I think it's natural having had an accident. Give yourself some time. I would get the Clydie backed because she's too big to be a pet (!) and see how you feel. I gave up for 10 years and am back at it more embroiled than I was in some respects (have transport and am an adult with my own land which wasn't really the case when I gave up). Life changes as long as you are happy in the here and now I wouldn't worry too much. You can always pick it back up.
 
Thanks for straightening my head a little folks. I will get my Clyde mare backed and with any luck I will be the one to ride her....probably not as much as before. There is a chance she will have to be sold but at at least she will be more versatile for me to find her a good home if she is rideable. I'd never sell my own land so that will always be there. I've just never had an extended break from riding like this and it's unnerving. It's been 8 month now!!
 
I'm starting to get to that point. My current boy is 18 and hopefully will go on for many more years but I'm starting to think that when he goes I may not get another as I still can't afford to move out so would be probably wanting to try and save for a mortgage deposit and be a bit practical for a while. Though I'd probably miss summer hacking. Will need to have a long hard think I think. Maybe things will be completely different as hopefully it's a long way off.
 
I haven't ridden much for the past 10 months after I lost my horse. I now have a young pony who will be getting backed soon. I have also enjoyed having the time to do other things. When I rode the horses took up the whole weekend and I didn't do anything else apart from work. It has been nice having days out etc. Once pony is backed I plan to ride more regularly again. It's ok to take a break for a while.
 
I'm hoping it is just a break and something I will get back into. It's funny, but I feel guilty not riding my older cob although I know she's fine and I'm too big for her now anyway but it's just that desire to make more memories with her and carry on our journey together. I'll always own her and keep her safe until her last day.
 
I am delighted with this thread. I have spent the last 12 month undergoing treatment for cancer (I posted a thread when I was first diagnosed) and I am all better now. When I was diagnosed, I turned my horse out for 3 months at a friend's yard and then arranged for someone to start riding him and during the summer I visited him maybe once a month if I felt strong enough for a gentle hack which was lovely. He has been back home since October 2014 but I have only been able to ride regularly since February 2015.

Apart from the cancer, there have been a lot of major changes in my life in the last 6 months and I now find I no longer have the enthusiasm for riding that I once had. I now find livery costs too much for me so I have decided to retire my horse. He is 19 and in perfect health and I think he could stay in full work for another year anyway. But his bff retired recently and as I have to move him from his home of 14 years to somewhere cheaper and I am not that bothered about riding, I decided early retirement is the way to go. So he is retiring back to my friend's yard that he was at last year with his bff and I will visit for a hack if I feel like it.

I am a bit disappointed in myself for not wanting to ride every day or even 4 times a week. I love my horse and I love spending time with him but something has changed in me and riding is no longer top of my list and while I don't want to, I miss wanting to, if that makes sense.

I know how you feel Cblover, but wait till you are better and your enthusiasm may well return as strong as ever! I feel a lot better about myself after reading the above replies from other people. What I am going through is not unusual afterall and I am not a bad person for wanting to wind down my riding.
 
ZondaR - you sound an incredibly strong person actually and well done on your recovery. You put it better than i did when you said you miss wanting to ride....I feel that too. I'm almost scared by how I feel really but still love being with them. Mad in fact I'd say with myself. It just feels very weird and I could never say I'd never ride again, that would just crush me. I'm angry that I'm not making more of an effort to ride, although I know it's just sense to wait for my scan results. I have literally lived and breathed them my whole life and I'm sad I feel different now. Where has my enthusiasm gone? Where are all my plans and hopes for this summer? Everything seems such an effort. It's just awful.
 
I was just wondering. If you take your feelings as a generalisation, not just to do with the horses, it sounds as if it could maybe be a time of life thing, the dreaded M word. Im a little older than you, 52, and for the last couple of years I have been really struggling with the feeling of getting older. I cant help but wonder how much time Ive got left (sorry to be so morbid) but am very aware Im over halfway there, time seems to fly by and I want to do so much still. For me, because I had an enforced break from horses and as a child never had the opportunity to have my own pony, I feel that I have a lot of catching up to do. Maybe you are feeling the same in reverse, you need your break now. Just a thought and feel free to tell me to shut up. Im not one for blaming hormones normally, but I definitely do feel different now!
 
You could be right and I don't want you to shut up at all. Lol. I'd like to travel more and experience new things but I'm really scared of flying. I'm mad with myself over that too because I used to be fine. I'm sure that's an age thing.

I just see what the point is of planning for the summer with my horses, or doing any events with the riding club and I suppose that is partly because I don't have a riding horse to do that on at the minute. Ideally I'd like a really safe hack to explore the countryside on. Doesn't sound too hard does it, but I reckon it probably will be. I suppose I have doubts whether backing my Clyde is worth it and if she will ever be that horse I'm looking for. Bless her, she was a rescue case and is so loving. I can almost hear her saying thank you every time I see her. Lol
 
You see, I want a 7.5t lorry. I dont need one, I have a perfectly fine 3.5t van which is more than enough for me and my highland, my hubby has fitted the back with a small basic living area and its perfect, but am I happy with it. No, I keep looking at adverts for lorries. Its just a childhood ambition to own a lorry and now I want to do it before Im too old to be able to climb up into one. I keep getting panic attacks about getting old and decrepit, completely irrational at times but I cant help it. I know its not quite the same as what you are going through but you get my drift.
 
I do get your drift. Change can be scary and I almost feel like it's me not being able to rely on my body to physically do what I want it to do especially frustrating. Since my fall last September, I've just not been the same and the constant pain is grinding me down. I really don't know what lasting damage has been done but the results of the mri should she'd some light on that.

On top of that I'm living with multiple auto immune conditions that I've had for years and the constant joint pain and fatigue that comes with that makes walking like wading through treacle every day. I have mixed connective tissue disease, under active thyroid, pernicious anaemia and liver failure to name but a few. Not too long ago I was up at the crack of dawn, riding first thing, housework done ect and I never stopped all day. It was hard but I never thought about it, I just got on with it.

It's impossible now!
 
I lost my horse last Nov and after we lost him, I was going to have my friend's horse. That took a few months to come to fruition, so between Nov and Feb I was horseless. After having horses for over 30 years, I thought I would be totally lost. Quite the opposite. I really enjoyed the freedom - it was fabulous. I had a winter with no mud, no early mornings, no freezing my socks off. I cant lie, if I hadnt had my friend's horse, I honestly think I would have packed it all in. People do change, and change is good :-)
 
Oh bless you, thats a lot to contend with, Im not surprised youre enjoying having a lie in Getting older is no fun is it, only made slightly more bearable than the alternative I suppose. I was diagnosed with UC 2 years ago, fortunately at the moment its under control with drugs but it may get worse, no way of knowing. You just have to take each day as it comes dont you, learn to be a little bit selfish and look after yourself properly. It is quite a scary time of life, this middle bit. How come I still look in the mirror and see the 18 year old me looking back?
 
My life changed when I met my perfect man. I now find I want to spend more time with him and whilst I love horses I do not want to ride all the time and I am tired of the tie of horses. I went through my teenage years and my 20s totally obsessed with horses all I wanted was to ride to compete to hack for hours to endlessly groom and clean tack even mucking out was fun. It was my life and all my friends were horsey. It all still is fun but I have tired of so much of it, the routine, the yard politics, hanging about at shows, the long days if too much time is spent at the yard. If I could justify the expense and could find a decent yard offering it I would put mine on full livery, something I actively avoided before! I made a lot of changes to make horse ownership work for me. I scaled back everything. Two hours a day is the max time I want to spend at the yard, any more and I start feeling resentful of the time the horses are taking. I still like owning, a share would not be quite enough for me but I was sick of the daily grind so I changed things. I moved yards several times until I found the right one. I gave up any ideas of competing or keeping them fit or making progress all the time. It is about fresh air and relaxing now. I have no in depth yard friendships preferring to focus on life outside horses than hang about the yard chatting. I clean tack once or twice a year used to be weekly. I wanted to do away with fiddling about so I stripped tack , rugs and feed to basics. No more dithering over what rug to use there is one indoor and one outdoor. Tacking up takes 5min. It has been liberating actually and despite still being on DIY I have gone from considering giving up horses to enjoying myself again. You mention creating memories with your old horse and you still can though you no longer ride him. You mention hacking, so break the Clydesdale and hack weekly in walk if you want. Anything horse related that is bugging you, change it until you make it work for you. If you decide to give up horses, let yourself do that and embrace new passtimes instead, it is not bad or failure.
 
Isn't it funny how we all change and thank The Lord it's not just me! Lol. You've all been a breath of fresh air and made me feel better about how I'm feeling. Thank you!
 
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