Thinking of euthenasia at this point

So so sorry, I've been following this in the hope she would pull through.
My heart goes out to you, but at least she's not suffering any more.

RIP, wee horse...........
 
Thank you everyone.

I woke up this morning and it took 10 minutes for it to register what had happened - I'd forgotten.
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Heartbroken.
 
Very very sorry to read this thread. Carrie, you have to accept that you did EVERYTHING you could, you took tremendously good care of her and did your absolute best and paid experts to do their best... you really could not have done any more, it was just her time to go now, and you did that bit right too. Huge sympathies and admiration.
 
i am so so sorry for your loss just remember you did every thing ou could you know the time was right coz your girl let you know that. i know how you feel i lost my girl a month ago this sunday and i still cry every day. go to hoof prints to heaven light a candle and put a pic and a tribute on for her i did it there is some lovely tributes. big hugs to you and rip horse!
 
hey carrie i have been following this and i am so sorry for your loss i can imagine you are heart broken i didn't know either of you and i am crying.
You have been amazing very strong god bless you.
RIP little mare.
Nicky
 
So sorry about your horse, its been a very sad to read and I've got a lump in my throat just following the thread.
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Sounds like you have been very brave through all this and of course you have done the right thing, after exploring every option.
 
I am sure that I am one of many HHO members who do not post very often but have been following your heartbreaking story this week with tears in our eyes.

Please do not go down the 'What if?' road. Anyone who followed events last week knows that you did everything you possibly could. You followed the advice of professionals which is all anyone could have done given that it was a new situation for you. I would have done exactly the same.

Am sending lots of 'be strong' vibes and good wishes for your horsey future. Any horse that ends up in your care will be the luckiest horse in the world. Hugs Hugs Hugs. Jo X
 
Tears are steaming down my face from just catching up with this post. I am so so sorry at your loss but you have given her the best of everything so don't punish yourself with what if's.

My thoughts are with you. xxxxx
 
So sorry to hear about your mare. I lost my first horse 6 years ago in very similar circumstances, she had laminitis (cushings related) and despite the best veterinary and farrier care all four pedal bones sank. I can still see the pain in her eyes to this day. Don't beat yourself up about what happened - it is just one of those sh***y things that happens when you have horses. Remember all the lovely happy times you had with her. I made up a photo album of my girl and look at it when I'm feeling sad (off to look at it now!)
Hope you are feeling better soon
 
I have a few what ifs for you....

What if you hadn't been such a caring and responsible owner?
What if you hadn't heeded the warning signs?
What if you hadn't done everything in your power to help her?
What if you hadn't done what she finally needed?

Take comfort from the overwhelming positive things you did for her, including letting her go. You should be proud of yourself.
 
Thank you everyone. I will have more energy to post more tomorrow, but for now I just wanted to say that everyone here has made me cry with what they have said. I am going to say a prayer for her on that site. I prayed for her before bed last night.

My husband and I went off to the moors today and had a nice day to try and get our minds off it all. We haven't been able to but it's been a lovely day to mark her death, looking at all the areas she used to get ridden before being moved. She got taken by the lorry this morning (we didn't want to be there), and we will get her individual ashes back and take them to a very special place we have all shared together.

We have our other horse to put our energies into. He still looked for her this morning (over the stable wall) and there's sadness in his eyes. He's eating and is OK but we are watching him closely, plugging all our energies into him. We have been twice today but our friend has dealt with turning in and out, and each time we go to the stable in autopilot to check what jobs need doing, then remember there'll be no droppings cos she's gone
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Thank you everyone.x
 
Hi Carrie,

I really hoped today when I logged on that there was going to be some good news..I am so sorry that you had to make the ultimate decision in caring for your horse.

All of us who have lost horses know how bad you must feel at this time.

I can only really repeat what others have said - you did everything right for your horse, including making a very difficult decision at the end.

Take care of yourself and
RIP horse - No pain now

Wendy
 
Only just found this post Carrie, and wanted to tell you how much I admire you for letting her go.
I would have advised talking to Robert Eustace and accepting his advice, and it seems you did just that.
I think when the damage is as severe as hers was the quality of life is always limited afterwards, and I don't think horses understand the concept of pain and getting better, sometimes they just accept it .
You did exactly the right thing, and gave her a chance, then accepted it hadn't worked.
Hugs from me, it takes a loving owner to have the courage to do what you did, that mare was lucky to have you...
 
I have only just caught up on your post. I am so sorry that it had to come to this but you did the right thing and she is at peace now. Take care and keep your memories forever there, the nice memories and the thought that you loved her and cared for her right until the very end. xx
 
oh Carrie, thinking of you. Feeling your pain.

You did the best for her for all the time you were together.

She was so very lucky to be so well loved and cared for.

lots of hugs.

xx
 
Thank you to all of you. Just got back from the yard - gave my boy a bath as was such a nice day. My husband rode him out and I schooled him.

Another lady at the yard was saying that it's done everyone a favour as it's made them more wary. Now I know I don't want her death to be in vain but I am afraid I couldn't stop myself saying 'well I'm glad someone gained something from this'. I feel so awful now
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It's too soon for people to be saying 'thank you, your mare's death has helped me no end'. I just can't take this anymore. I feel like someone is sitting on my chest and stabbing my stomach with a huge great knife.
 
I agree Carrie it is a bit soon for people to say that sort of thing ! One can only assume that they at a loss of what to say, some people find it difficult and they sound a bit blase.

They probably didn't want to upset you more if that makes sense!

Can't imagine what sort of pain you're going through, lots of cyber hugs x
 
Thank you jakesmydog. I will never ever forget the support people on this forum have shown.

I think the particular lady who said this does say things before thinking. She keeps talking about the horse they had PTS 6 years ago and I feel I am unable to talk about this to anyone. My husband and I deal with things in different ways but he gets mad at me because he can't see my way. I know that my other horse will keep us going and we love him just as much, if not more than, we did before. He will get so much attention. But this lady also said 'you're lucky, you've got another horse, we didn't have that when we lost ours'. Having another horse doesn't make it easier... sure it keeps you going but in a way it's also really painful because everytime we go up there there's a moment where we go into autopilot thinking about BOTH horses and then realise she has gone. I think it all has to be about her as despite being a really lovely, kind lady, she does turn everything into her... as in we've just lost our mare but this morning we ended up counselling her for the loss of her horse 6 years ago. I just want to be able to scream at someone 'I MISS HER AND I WANT HER BACK' but no one will listen to me. Oh God I sound so selfish now
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The horse she lost was 26, ours was 15. She said 'most animals don't even get to 15' and I said 'yes, I know, but she should have easily got to 30 if she'd not got ill' and she said in a stressy voice 'you can't say that, X should have got to 30 and he went early at 26.' My mare was in her prime and she didn't deserve this. She was one of the most genuine, kind horses I've ridden or met. Everyone at the yard burst into tears when they heard the news - such a young horse with so much to give and still evolving.

I've just been so violently sick. I was asleep and I suddenly woke up and needed to be sick. It just kept coming and coming. My body aches and is so weak and drained. 6 weeks of pushing for her (and she wanted us to push for her, as she was pushing for herself right until her last 24 hours). This pressure on my chest from all the crying. My breathing hasn't been normal for weeks because of worry but now I am struggling because of the pain. I don't get tummy bugs and haven't really eaten anything so it's not that - it must just be a culmination of my body's reaction to this. I've never felt like this before (but then we do have a lot of other stresses in our lives at the moment as well).

So I am so glad I have people here to talk to. I like to hear other people's stories; it helps. I just get upset when I feel people in my real life won't allow me a word in edgeways. Call me selfish but this pain is about MY horse now
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I want to reply to everyone personally but everyone has been so kind, I feel it would take me weeks. And little miss blonde here only just found a couple of PMs that have been sent over the last week or so!!! I just don't know how we will ever get over this.
 
I know you think you won't but you will in time, I'm sure everyone will tell you this!

You are such a long way from me ( land locked in Leics) I feel I would like to hug you
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and make it all go away. When my dad died a few years ago, an aunt said to me;
Better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all.

I always think of that; my life, and I'm sure yours too, is so much richer having had things to cherish whether it be family, friends or animals. I feel so much love for my children, pony, dogs that I swear I could burst!!

Take care, and keep talking x
 
Has she been x rayed and the heart bars fitted using the x rays for guidance? If not how can the farrier rpossibly know they are in the correct position?

If you haven't already, get her x rayed with the point of the frog marked with a drawing pin and a marker such as a needle taped to the front of the hoof. If you check out the Roberty Eustace book you will see this is crucial for the correct position of the shoes. I would deff' speak to the clinic direct and if you can get her down there.
 
Thanks, custardsmum, but yes we had her x-rayed and they used drawing pins, did everything right, farrier used the xrays to guide him. The vet consulted with Robert Eustace. She has gone now, anyway, and I don't blame the farrier or the vet or Robert Eustace - we all did our best for her, spent hours trawling for answers, reading books, listening to experts, sitting with the horse, doing everything possible for her. She had blood tests, xrays, regular farrier visits and vet visits. As Robert said, some horses, despite everyone's best efforts, just don't respond to treatments and it's unclear why.
 
So sorry to hear about your mare.
Sitting with tears pouring sown my face.
Such a touching story. I have a recovering laminitic so know some of what you have been through.
Take care and you did all you could for her thats all she could ask for.
xx
 
So sorry to read your news, I was really hoping she'd pull through.

You've absolutely made the right decision. You gave her chances that not every horse owner would have, but took the brave decision before she suffered. It takes a lot of courage to do that.

Please don't doubt yourself. Forget the what ifs. You did the best you could for her.

It will get easier, over time. I know you can't believe that now, but it really does. I still shed a tear for my old girl, 2 years on. But mostly I can remember just the happy times, and not be sad.

Big hugs. We're all thinking of you xx
 
Thank you, Rama. I feel so lost
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I took videos on my phone on Friday and I don't know what compelled me but I opened one this morning and you can guess what happened.

I hope things get easier. My husband found one of her rosettes this morning, stuffed into a file somewhere. She just seems to keep popping out everywhere (lots of her hair in the tumble drier for example). Can't get over it
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Hi Carrie

It does get easier (promise), but you won't ever forget her, and I'm sure you wouldn't want to.

I really don't have any advice for you in how to deal with it, except maybe to make a memorial of some description. I made a picture collage of Posie after she was PTS, and planned to clean and paint her shoes (that's still a plan!). My mum planted a tree for one of our cats years ago - that's a nice memorial, as it flowers every year and it's a good way of remembering her.

Perhaps you could find all her things (like rosettes, shoes if you kept them etc), and put them into a wooden box with her name on. (Sorry, can't remember if you said you were having her ashes back or not) That way, you have a memory box for her, as well as putting things away so you're not reminded of her suddenly, while you're not expecting it.

You need to give yourself time. You won't get over it instantly. They're our best friends, and part of the family. Take time to grieve for her.

xx
 
Oh Carrie. I am so very very sorry for the loss of your lovely horse.. You done everything you could for her and i know its all so raw just now thro time you will see that.. Just wanted to say i am so sad for you.. big hugs.. x
 
Carrie my heart goes out to you, don't beat yourself up though you did your best by the sounds of things.

(((((huge hugs to you)))))
 
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