thinking of giving up horses

[impresario08]

Last December I had my horse of a lifetime put to sleep. I have had a wonderful horse on loan since August, but in my heart I still really grieve for my old boy and I don't feel like I'm in the right place mentally for a horse. I feel like I would be letting my new horse down, he gets the best feed rugs farrier etc that I can find/afford and he is really attached to me. I genuinely enjoy looking after him and he's a nice person to be around. I have no desire to ride, though.

My head says take time away from horses (and pay off the 5k vet bills! I am only in my mid 20s and it scares me to have a bill like this hanging over my head) But my heart is really attached to this new horse and I would feel like I was betraying him if I sent him back /let him go. I am currently unable to ride due to injury and an ongoing investigation. I also feel on the other hand the longer I have him the more attached I will get and the harder it will be?

Has anyone been in a similar situation?

 

[Lintel]

Sorry haven't quite been in a situation like that but if I were you I'd let go just now and get those debta cleared the last thing you need at your age is a 5k debt hanging around. Give yourself some time away to grieve what's for you in life won't go past you and if your meant to have this horse - it won't go past you
My heart goes out to you its a hard place to be in.

 

[wyrdsister]

Not exactly the same, but close: very nearly lost & then had to retire my horse of a lifetime. She wouldn't settle staying with me (tried for over a year, moved yards, still stressed & hurting herself) so had to send her away on retirement livery, knowing if she didn't calm down or her condition worsened I could still lose her. Couldn't face not having a horse, so ended up sharing a friend's mare & then took her on loan. Loved the new mare's company, but spent a year or so feeling guilty for 'replacing' LP & forcing myself to ride, while feeling guilty for not appreciating O enough!

One day, something changed: I didn't get off wishing I still had LP. I did still want her, obviously, but I no longer wanted O to BE her. Had a blast for the next few years, really enjoyed O for herself & the new partnership. I was gutted when I had to give her up (long, unrelated story, & I've not given up horses). Only you can tell what is best for you to do, but I'm glad I persevered. Grief is a tricky thing to deal with. In my experience being sad & lonely is better with a horse than without one.

My sympathies for your loss.

 

[impresario08]

Thank you for the replies so far

 

[hotair]

I was in a similar situation a few years ago with my pony which i had owned for about 9 years, i had massively outgrown him and he was getting very old so the decision to retire him to a friends yard was made, i got a new riding horse but as much as he was lovely i never felt the same about him as i did the pony after a year or so retired i lost my pony to old age and was heart broken and didnt have the inclination to ride any more so made the decision to have a break. I had a break from owning and regular riding for about 3 years, i just rode friends and familys horses the odd occasion i felt the urge to ride, then after a while when i had had a chance to have a break and grieve the loss of my boy i decided i would like to own again. I rode my cousins cob to get back into it then started looking for a horse of my own. I now have a lovely ex NH horse and thoroughly enjoy riding and competing again i think the break did me a world of good and allowed me to get my thoughts in order. Good luck with what ever you decide to do and so sorry for your loss it really is awful.

 

[impresario08]

I was in a similar situation a few years ago with my pony which i had owned for about 9 years, i had massively outgrown him and he was getting very old so the decision to retire him to a friends yard was made, i got a new riding horse but as much as he was lovely i never felt the same about him as i did the pony after a year or so retired i lost my pony to old age and was heart broken and didnt have the inclination to ride any more so made the decision to have a break. I had a break from owning and regular riding for about 3 years, i just rode friends and familys horses the odd occasion i felt the urge to ride, then after a while when i had had a chance to have a break and grieve the loss of my boy i decided i would like to own again. I rode my cousins cob to get back into it then started looking for a horse of my own. I now have a lovely ex NH horse and thoroughly enjoy riding and competing again i think the break did me a world of good and allowed me to get my thoughts in order. Good luck with what ever you decide to do and so sorry for your loss it really is awful.

thankyou I think I would like to find out what life is like without horses and give myself the time to grieve. At the moment I don't have the headspace to.

 

[canteron]

You have a few choices, but as the horse is a loan horse the first thing to do is speak to the owner - be prepared for their first reaction to be one or horror that you are returning a loan horse in the depths of Winter, but once they are through that then hopefully you will be able to have a constructive chat.

If you do care for the horse, are you in a position to help the owners find a new loan home, it does always make it easier if you know the horse has gone somewhere nice.

Another option is to ask whether the owner can take the horse back until the Spring and then, once you are better, you will help them get the horse fit to find another loan home at that time?

Clearly, what you can offer depends on both your situations, but as you clearly like the horse, in the long run you might feel easier if you have done what you can to help it find a good new life.

 

[impresario08]

thankyou

 

[maxapple]

I'd have a break for a while - perhaps talk to the owner to explain and give them chance to make arrangements for the horse.

I had my special pony pts in August and had to move my horse to retirement livery at the same time. I ride a friends pony occasionally but just don't feel like being committed to another horse at the moment. I'm having a break for now and may just think about part loaning in the spring.

It's hard when your heart is not in it - and for you I'd aim to clear that debt too first.

 

[GSLS]

I'm in the same situation RE: not wanting to ride but happy to care for. Thinking of turning mine away...

 

[TulipBlaze]

I had a break after losing my boy, it gave me the time I needed to recover. For the first month or so I had very little desire to ride, but after three months I was itching to get another horse again, and my "drive" came back. If it doesnt feel right, it probably isnt, trust your gut. Best of luck, I am sure the desire will return again once you are ready. x

 

[MS123]

Could've wrote that myself OP. Lost my late mare 2 1/2 years ago, and shortly after I took on a loan horse who was absolutely perfect. Extremely talented and I absolutely loved her! Had a few wobbles here and there about my late mare, and the fact that T would never be my own, but it was all fine and I just shoved those thoughts to the back of my head and continued - won many winnings with T, I brought her on from a 4 year old and we both did very well together.

2 years into having T I realised I just wasn't happy anymore - I still missed my late mare, the fact T would never be mine (her owner would never sell her) had really started to affect me, I'd gotten myself into some debt too (at 21 I shouldn't have debt at all). I realised I needed space away from horses, completely! So I sent my beloved T back, it was so hard, but completely the right decision.

3 months on and I'm so much happier for having a break away. My debts are going down and I've decided to go travelling next year (something I've always wanted to do)

Best of luck OP. For me, it was the best decision. Getting those debts cleared is very important!! Horses are always there for you to come back to. The break away I'm sure would do you the world of good too!

 

[impresario08]

thanks all for the new replies

 

[dollyanna]

I lost my precious girl suddenly 12 yrs ago. At the time there was no way to replace her anyway, I had another year of my 1st degree and then went on to a 2 yr MSc, and I had agreed with my parents that they would fund her because they had bought her so didn't expect me to cover her keep but wouldn't fund another that would be my choice to buy. I borrowed friend's ponies, carried on with volunteering for RDA, moved miles away after 3 yrs to set up my own business but close to another yard where I had free access to ponies, plenty of offers of riding, loaning etc some of which I took up. But there always came a point where, however much I cared for the pony, I couldn't stay interested enough to continue with them. I just couldn't connect with them enough. After a few yrs of this I realised that I was finally ready, and needed, my own pony again, and it took another couple of years to actually be able to afford them, but it was worth not rushing into it because they are their own people, I have the distance I needed to take what my old girl taught me and transfer it to them but there are no comparisons, I am not looking back at what I had but enjoying what I am moving into.
For me, loaning would have been so wrong, however much I loved the horse, and having the space let me come to terms and grieve fully for the amazing person I knew before.

 

[TPO]

I had a fairly bad run of it. I had three mares and lost on in 2008, one in 2009 and my "one in a million" in 2010. After losing my first mare in 2008 I bought a gelding who wasn't as sold and it took a year to get him fixed (mentally); by which point I was exhausted so sold him on to a great home but he unfortunately dropped dead in the field two months after they got him home.

So I'd gone from 3 to 2,then back to 3 to 2 to 1 then none

After losing my last mare, who was also my "one in a million", I decided to take at least a 6mth break and finally have a winter without horses. Pay off the vet bills/debt that had accrued because of said horses and save up so come the spring I'd have the funds if I decided to get another. I've had horses since I was a tot and I was 28 when I lost TPO (The Precious One )

But because I'm me I lasted about 10 days before I started looking for another. I've had a horrendous 4yrs with the horse I did get due to vet failings and his general wish to break in everyway possible so it's been completely draining. Perhaps if things had gone the way they should have I'd think differently but with hindsight I really wish I'd taken that break and had, at least, a winter off.

I decided that my current horse really would be my last and if his next attempt to knacker himself/bankrupt me was successful then he'd be PTS and I wouldn't get another. But then I bought a 2yr old....

My big horse was scheduled to be PTS in September but I just couldn't get comfortable with the decision and having done it so often before I know the drill... Anyway things have been changed and he's doing better than ever and my 2yr old is a complete star. He reminds me why I do it.

Only you know the answer but with my "been there done that" head I'd say take the break, give yourself some time and get finances in order if that's causing you stress.

Thoughts are with you, it is hard. You'll never get over it but you will get through it.

 

[Prince33Sp4rkle]

100% understand what you are feeling.

I lost CS only a couple of months ago-he was my horse of a lifetime and taught me everything, put me on the map and showed me how to make dreams reality.

When i told people i was getting a 2yo SO many said "oh why dont you get something older, then you can carry on riding and competing".

They missed the point totally-i needed a bit of head space to clear things in my own head, no way could i have gone from competing CS one week to a new horse only a few weeks later.

I have my lovely Goofy to look after and play with and get ready to back and i cant wait to sit on him in spring, but i KNOW deep down the break from riding MY horse will have done me good and a whole year out of competing will let me go back to it in a better frame of mind.

what i will say, is that if you are enjoying just looking after the horse, explain to the owner why he wont be ridden yet, and keep him? horsses rarely mind not being ridden if they have fuss and food and interaction with other horses and with you daily.

hugs xx

 

[impresario08]

Thank you