thinking of selling my horse after what happened last week.

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Quartz

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After the incident on Friday with my horse bolting off with me, I am having a much bigger confidence crisis than I realised. Today was the first time I have ridden since and I did not enjoy one bit. I was in the ring with him just taking it easy and trotting and he was not with me at all. His ears where everywhere, turning his head not concentrating at all and spooking at anything so charging off again!!! I really really did not enjoy and got off after 15 mins to lunge him instead. Also had my 5 year old daughter with me which didn't help and it was very windy. I have a jumping lesson on Thursday which I just feel sick about and cannot bear the thought of doing. It just all made me realise that however much I love him, I can't just keep him as a pet and maybe I should sell him.
 
Chin up!

Many people on here have been in the same situation as you (myself included)
Your Horse was probably more spooky today because of the wind and if you were feeling nervous he would have picked up on that.

I would say have a long conversation with your instructor and tell her about the incident and maybe turn the jumping lesson into a flatwork lesson just to get your confidence back with your Horse, taking little steps at a time. Maybe lunge the day before to get the freshness out of him, all the Horse's at my yard seem to be a bit more fresh at the moment, due to Spring coming and the spring grass coming through.

It took me a while after a bolting accident but I slowly got my confidence back ( I was all for giving up on Horses too as I felt physically sick when I thought about riding again)

Take your time and I'm sure you will get your confidence back, with the help of your instructor.

Good luck x
 
have you had all checks made ,saddle, teeth , back etc for any underlining problems unfortually horses pick up on nerves too, and play on it , how old is he , would it be a good idear to turn him away for a little bit ,then bring him back into work after some time off ??
or possibly getting someone else to ride him , and then go back and have lessons on him ,
and if you fill he still isnt for you then sell
 
Maybe afew lessons - flat work will help you out? i can understand where youre coming from having been there myself and girls on my yard having the same experiences as you.

This isnt critisism but if youre nervous and tense on him he is going to be feeling that way and it may be making him worse (again ive done it myself). I am not saying its easy to fix but try not to give up hope too quickly, as you may sell him, and end up with something worse and think "what if i had tried a bit more with him"

But only you know your horse

Hope it all works out what ever you decide - chin up ;)
 
Although i'm all for carrying on and honestly you will get there in the end, we are supposed to do this for fun and if you really are that worried maybe you should sell him and get something else.
 
Agree with all the above. If you were nervous to start with, it wouldn't have helped, especially if your horse was already in a twitchy mood!

Make the most of the upcoming lesson, explain to your instructor and see how you go. Hopefully having someone there giving instruction will help with the nerves if you're still not feeling up to it Thursday
 
LaurenBay said:
Chin up!

Many people on here have been in the same situation as you (myself included)
Your Horse was probably more spooky today because of the wind and if you were feeling nervous he would have picked up on that.

I would say have a long conversation with your instructor and tell her about the incident and maybe turn the jumping lesson into a flatwork lesson just to get your confidence back with your Horse, taking little steps at a time. Maybe lunge the day before to get the freshness out of him, all the Horse's at my yard seem to be a bit more fresh at the moment, due to Spring coming and the spring grass coming through.

It took me a while after a bolting accident but I slowly got my confidence back ( I was all for giving up on Horses too as I felt physically sick when I thought about riding again)

Take your time and I'm sure you will get your confidence back, with the help of your instructor.

Good luck x
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Thanks for that. I did see my instructor today and said I was going to ride today as I was nervous about getting back and especially scared about thursdays lesson. She told me not to be silly! Needless to say that didn't help!! Shes not very good at listiening!!
 
Quartz said:
Thanks for that. I did see my instructor today and said I was going to ride today as I was nervous about getting back and especially scared about thursdays lesson. She told me not to be silly! Needless to say that didn't help!! Shes not very good at listiening!!
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in that case get a different instructor , the last thing you need is for someone to push you ,something happing then you go even more back , you need someone who is going to be supportive and help you overcome your fears ,and make you and your horse a team again
 
dont cancel your lesson.

I think you need to have your lesson but say to your instructor you need to go back to basics (they should know this already) dont feel rushed into anything. It sounds like what happened did so because of the poor set up. Having your daughter there, the wind etc probably made you feel anxious. Draw a line under it and put it down to experience. You will be in a much better state for riding when you have ur instructor there and none of the other things that were putting you both off, deep breaths and relax- you are doing fine!
 
[ She told me not to be silly! Needless to say that didn't help!! Shes not very good at listiening!![/QUOTE]

well im afraid listening is part of her job and so i would find someone better. I like to be pushed but only when i feel safe- its your instructors job to gauge that
 
Try lungeing him first and keep your daughter out of the menage - kids never help the old nerves!!

Try to stick with it for a bit longer -

Good luck.
 
I think you owe it yourself and your horse to give it more time, what happened the other week is obviously still very fresh in your mind and it's only natural that you will feel like this, specially if you didn't get that much wanted boost of confidence last time you rode, but that could just be down to a lot of other things combined, time of year (spring grass coming through), perhaps it was windy so your horse was already on his guard, the fact that you were expecting something to happen therefore a tad nervous which wouldn't of done your horse any favours.

Go back to basics, get some control back, enjoy your lessons.

If you are being made to jump on a horse that'snot listening to you which in turn is making you nervous, your not really achieving anything from a jumping lesson... are you?, perhaps you should try another instructor that wants to get you and your horse back on track first before you think about jumping.

Have a good long and honest think about the things you want to get out of your next lesson, go through this with your RI before he/she turns up, hopefully then you can all work through any issues, if your instructor is not listening or taking into account what both you and your horse require in your weekly lesson....the find someone else who will.


Good Luck.
 
How long have you had the horse? Has it always been like this or is it a new thing? Also what are you feeding it? Have you changed yards/routine etc?
 
Alimac19 said:
How long have you had the horse? Has it always been like this or is it a new thing? Also what are you feeding it? Have you changed yards/routine etc?
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I've only had him a year. Things have just been getting worse, and my instructor doesn't listein. Changing instructors would mean changing yards and going further afield. I just feel like I can't do it anymore, I really didn't realise I felt this bad until today.
 
why would it mean changing yards ??
do they have some hold over who u use , if so box your horse and take him for a lesson somewhere else
 
If the yard won't let you bring outside instructors in, what about asking a trusted friend?

I know that for me, having been in a similar state of nerves as you are, that just having someone I trust to stand in the middle and make a few suggestions, chat or just tell me everything looks fine from where they're standing is enough to calm my nerves.

Don't ride on windy days! I still don't very often. Just lunge! Although be aware that lungeing gets them very fit very quickly - well it does mine! So just groom! ;-)
 
madhossy said:
If the yard won't let you bring outside instructors in, what about asking a trusted friend?

I know that for me, having been in a similar state of nerves as you are, that just having someone I trust to stand in the middle and make a few suggestions, chat or just tell me everything looks fine from where they're standing is enough to calm my nerves.

Don't ride on windy days! I still don't very often. Just lunge! Although be aware that lungeing gets them very fit very quickly - well it does mine! So just groom! ;-)
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I completely agree with this. If your instructor won't listen to you then cancel lessons for just now. As suggested, have a friend in with you to just stand there and chat. Take the pressure off and just potter about in the school. It might take a week, a month or several months, there is no hurry.
 
i know how you feel and it is horrible, i had a pony who you would get on and he would constantly buck until i was on the floor, after he did it a couple of times, in decided to sell him, he went on trial to someone but they decided they didn't want him so i had him back and started riding again. i did it very slowly had my dad walk him round to calm him down then give me a leg up and lead me around on him then evewntually unclip him!!in my mind i would work out how to control anyrthing he did, so if he bucked i would sit back, try to pull hid head up and push him on and this worked. so try to get a plan of what to do if something happens!! maybe it would help if you started from the begining maybe someone leadig you intil he calms down and settles in.

it is reslly hard but you just have to rhink you are doing it for you and your horse, good luck hope it goes well

HMM :D
 
Quartz said:
I've only had him a year. Things have just been getting worse, and my instructor doesn't listein. Changing instructors would mean changing yards and going further afield. I just feel like I can't do it anymore, I really didn't realise I felt this bad until today.
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I really feel for you. It definitely doesn't sound as though you have the wrong instructor if things have been getting worse and she doesn't seem to recognise this.

If riding is your hobby it is lousy to be in your situation. I think there are probably many of us here on the forum who have had a crisis of confidence and struggled on with a horse that is not that suitable for us. Sometimes we get through it and are very glad we persevered. However there are probably others who wish they had sold the horse earlier on. There is no shame in admiting a particular horse is not suited to you and that is not to say that there isn't a potential buyer out there for whom your horse would be ideal.

If you wanted to persevere with your horse I would definitely move to another yard and find a sympathetic instructor.
 
I have to agree with the others, your instructor is not right for you (or anyone by the sound of it!). Okay, for starters, don't put yourself in any situation which could knock your confidence further. If it's windy, or your horse seems too much on his toes, just lunge him. Put his tack on in case you decide you want to hop on though, but don't feel that you have to. Wait for a nice sunny and calm day (even though they are a bit rare at this time of year). Don't do any jumping lessons until you are confident again on the flat, and then, when you do, start small, with poles on the ground and some grid work. Good luck. If it's any consolation, lots of horses are spooky and jittery at this time of year. We are just coming out of winter and spring is round the corner. Don't make any rash decisions until early summer. If you still feel the same way, then think about selling.
 
Hi, I've not had time to read replies so sorry if I am repeating what others have already said.

I know you feel really down right now but dont give up.
I had an awful accident and felt like I'd never ride again, but with the support of a good instructor, sympathetic riding buddies and a lot of time and patience I am now riding very happily again and I am so glad I didn't give up.

When your reluctance to ride is over taken with fear, that sick to the stomach feeling is very real and a lot just wont understand, I was almost physically sick getting on a horse at the beginning and physically shook with fear, and considered myself mental to put myself through it but horses are a way of life and I wasn't willing to give my way of life up.
You must have the right instructor for this, one who is is gentle on you and understands but one that will also get you take take steps forward and regain your confidence.
If you have good understanding pals to ride with, this also plays a huge part to getting your confidence back.

Good luck, I know its not easy, but when the confidence starts to flow again, it starts to flood back !! x
 
Thanks everyone for your comments, I have read through them all but have not been very good at replying to any of them just because I just feel so rubbish at the mo. But I am grateful. I had a chat with my mum this evening and told her how I was feeling (I don't tend to tell people). I have also been advised by a friend to sell him. But my mum suggested the I talk to my instructor and say I want to change from group to private lessons so it can be catered around rebuilding my confidence and if I don't want to jump don't. As you all point out I am paying her and she needs to help me, or if not I need to go. I am going to give it at least a couple of months to see if I am still in the same mind to sell or not. Thanks once again.
 
Quartz said:
and it was very windy.
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You see, I dont even ride mine when its really windy - even sensible horses go loopy in the wind I believe! If it helps, I've had horses bolt with me in the past at the beginning (one bolted with me 3 times) but they all came right and never did it again. If a horse has bolted once, it doesnt always follow that it'll do it again.
 
Quartz said:
Thanks everyone for your comments, I have read through them all but have not been very good at replying to any of them just because I just feel so rubbish at the mo. But I am grateful. I had a chat with my mum this evening and told her how I was feeling (I don't tend to tell people). I have also been advised by a friend to sell him. But my mum suggested the I talk to my instructor and say I want to change from group to private lessons so it can be catered around rebuilding my confidence and if I don't want to jump don't. As you all point out I am paying her and she needs to help me, or if not I need to go. I am going to give it at least a couple of months to see if I am still in the same mind to sell or not. Thanks once again.
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You say you don't tend to talk about your feelings- is it possible your instructor hasn't understood how upset you are? I find I'm the same- im trying to talk to people Bout something that really bothers me, but because of the way I am it never sounds as bad as it should do!! Try talking to her properly and alone, see what she has to say. If still being told to stop being silly, definately not the I structor for you!!!

If you've been having problems for the last year, is it worth sending beastie to a professional to reschool? Or maybe get one to ride once a week?

I agree you should avoid riding if it's windy, or if one of you is in the wrong mood.

Chin up, there's always people to help if you ask!!!

Good luck :-)
 
What happened to the back and vet checks? If I were you I just wouldn't ride him, and get those done as a priority. Of course your confidence is in bits. If it turns out it is physical, you're going to feel really bad for having kept riding him.

Also re selling him, with what he did the other day, you really shouldn't sell him until you know what it is. If you get the physical all clear you can start to solve the problem. But to sell him on at this point just wouldn't be ethical.
 
skewby said:
What happened to the back and vet checks? If I were you I just wouldn't ride him, and get those done as a priority. Of course your confidence is in bits. If it turns out it is physical, you're going to feel really bad for having kept riding him.

Also re selling him, with what he did the other day, you really shouldn't sell him until you know what it is. If you get the physical all clear you can start to solve the problem. But to sell him on at this point just wouldn't be ethical.
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The back check is next week, then will see what she says and get the vet out. I would be 100% honest if I sold him, and I would have all the checks done first. I would not send him to someone unsuspecting of his character as it would a. be dangerous to whoever brought him and b. unfair on him as he would end up going from pillar to post. Whatever happens I love that horse, I just don't know if I can deal with him. I'm a good enough rider I just don't want my confidence smashed to pieces all the time, its not what I'm in this for.
I was probably wrong to ride him, you are right, but I am stressing more and more each day that I just needed to get back on before I never wanted to again. However I stil feel c**p so didn't achieve anything. And yes I do find it hard to stand up to my instructor so also worry about saying I don't want to do my lesson on Thursday. I didn't used to be this pathetic!!
 
Please don't beat yourself up! Agree with others, your instructor doesn't sound terribly helpful. Did you describe the bolting incident to her? And what did she say? Is she happy to get on the horse herself for you?

I really would just give yourself a break, hold off until the vet's been. If your instructor gives you any stick just tell her you're putting your horse, and you first. I know of a horse with ks that started to behave just like yours, what if it's something like that? Keep us posted and chin up, you're definitely not pathetic xxx
 
Also - if you're worrying about your lesson - why not lunge before hand so at least the edge is taken off him before you ride? This is what I did with my TB last winter - I never rode him until he'd done 10-15 mins on the lunge.
 
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