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wernickwonder

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i am having loads of trouble went to see mare rode her from stable in ring and rd but she has not settled in here at all doesnt seem to like me i have had a parelli teacher in and made good progress but she was supposed to be perfect for anyone beginner or intermediate but having put her out in field i cant even get a lead rein on her have had to cancel farrier and saddlery people told i have to build up her trust but 4 weeks in not going well and on verge of giving up she is so nervy thought cobs were laid back about to give up so sad
 
To be honest it sounds as if you'd be better off on full or working livery at a riding school.

The horse will get the consistant handling it needs and you can build your confidence up, even if it is a short term thing until you get sorted out.

Having to cancel a farrier and saddler because you can't catch your horse doesn't bode well I'm afraid.
 
Are you on a yard with experienced people who could help you ? You sound as though you need more support in getting to understand and settle your new horse.
Some good books with easy to follow advice are those by people like Richard Maxwell, Micheal Peace and Kelly Marks.
Could you find a good local instructor or an Intelligent Horsemanship Recommended Associate to help.
Hate to say it, but ditch the Parelli, it isn't a good idea.
 
wernickwonder said:
I am having loads of trouble. Went to see my mare, rode her from stable in ring and road, but she has not settled in here at all. She doesn't seem to like me. I have had a Parelli teacher in and made good progress, but she was supposed to be perfect for anyone - beginner or intermediate. Now having put her out in field I can't even get a lead rein on her. I have had to cancel the farrier and saddler. I'm told I have to build up her trust but four weeks in it's not going well, and I'm on the verge of giving up. She is so nervy. I thought cobs were laid back.
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Well, first things first - get some help in catching her. Your YO or an experienced livery should be able to help you with this. And get her in to a nice, good routine.

Also, get yourself a decent instructor rather than a Parelli instructor, as this will be far more help to you at this time.

How old is the little horse, and where did you get her from?
 
As Touchstone says. You need some exerienced and calm help, maybe over quite a long period.

Your mare may have been sedated, or worked hard earlier in the day, when you went to try her, and not be the kind of horse you thought in the first place.

On the other hand, and please don't take offence at this, you sound quite young and inexperienced?? The cob will be picking up all sorts of vibes from you. This is not a thing that can be solved overnight, and personally I would be keeping well away from Parelli methods (but that's just my own opinion).

Don't forget it takes just as long to bond with a horse properly as it does with a new friend - maybe longer.

Get that help, give it time, and begin with small things. Catching her would be a start!
 
Yes, as amymay says. Did you see her caught at previous home? If so could you see if the previous owners would be willing to help? It could be a previous issue or it could just be a settling in thing & the new field & friends are more interesting.
 
If I remember correctly you have only had her a short time and this is your first horse?

I am thinking you probably need to get her moved to a really good part/full livery yard for a couple of months where she will feel secure with people handling her with confidence. You will have the stress taken off you. Perhaps then she could be ridden for you there and you could start having some lessons on her in a controlled environment. Bringing her in each day will help you have some time with her grooming etc and take some pressure off you.

It will cost time and money - but that's horses. I think your expectations are a little unrealistic - the thrill of getting the horse has rather overshaddowed the practicalities until now I guess. Quite understandable but now is the time to get some expert help. Some natural horsemanship is great, it is just common sense and confidence a lot of the time. Parelli is probably not the way forward on its own. A good instructor need not cost a lot. We have someone we found on here to help with our youngster. She is really cheap:D but my goodness, she has helped us. She uses a good mix of natural horsemanship, common sense and good old fashioned experience (plus a little bit of witchcraft:p). I suspect you are just being too "nice" and your poor horse just doesn't have any confidence in you or herself as she is not sure what is supposed to be happening.

Don't give up and don't be embarassed to need help. This time next year it will feel very different I am sure.
 
I can only echo what the others have said. It sounds like you need to be on an experienced yard; probably on part or part livery for a while. Although there are DIY yards with Yard owners who will help with this sort of problem.

Horses and ponies often try it on with a new owner. A bit like toddlers they want to see what they can get away with. When they find out they can get away with not being caught then they will become harder to catch and you end up in a vicious cycle. You need help - probably professional help - to get out of that.

Like many I am not a fan of parelli - which is basically a way to seperate people from money. Natural or intelligent horsemanship principles are fine - but you have to get near your horse to be able to use it! If you choose to go back to parelli at a later date then fine - but make that choice fully aware of the various options. And the drawbacks. In the meantime you need someone practical to help you now.

If you post your location someone may be able to point you in the direction of a suitable yard or even an instructor who can help. You need to get into a good routine and good habits; start building a relationship wth your mare.

As Misst says this is a passing thing and if you get help now it can all be sorted. Well done for asking for help. The great thing about horses is that we are all learing all the time. We all need help from time to time!
 
Thank you all for your replies I am going to move her to my friends yard until things settle down I do need help suprised so much negative reaction to Parelli but you are the experts and I really cant afford it would rather spend money on Part livery and wont feel so isolated :o
 
Good advice from everyone here. Ditch the Parelli and find a Natural/Intelligent Horsemanship trainer to come and help instead. Keep her on full livery for a few weeks and "shadow" the person handling your horse so you can see how they go about it. Cobs aren't necessarily the plods some people think they are, they can be as spooky as TBs!

Horses are incrediby sensitive to human emotiuons and if you are feeling depressed, frustrated, disappointed your mare will pick up on this and chose not to want to be with you. Most horses are looking for a confident and quiet leader that they can trust, it's not that she doesn't like you she just doesn't think you are confident enough to be her leader and is testing you out.

Give us an idea of your area and someone on here may be able to help.

Chin up chuck! It will get better.
 
Just a thought - were you keeping her on her own in a field? If so this could explain her nerviness. Most horses dislike being on their own as they feel very vulnerable, their natural instinct is to be in a "herd" no matter how small.
 
Good instructor + decent livery yard + experienced friends/liveries/back up = successful first time ownership.

Good luck :)
 
wernickwonder said:
Thank you all for your replies I am going to move her to my friends yard until things settle down I do need help suprised so much negative reaction to Parelli but you are the experts and I really cant afford it would rather spend money on Part livery and wont feel so isolated :o
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I think that this is a good plan. :) I hope you are soon enjoying your horse, with the right support I am sure you will be.
 
JFTD said:
Good instructor + decent livery yard + experienced friends/liveries/back up = successful first time ownership.

Good luck :)
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Absolutely!!

Your going to make a lot of mistakes and I suspect your little horse knows it. She'll need to feel that you are a strong leader who will keep her safe and at the moment your not.

Lots of very good advise on here, take it.:)
 
Tammytoo said:
Most horses are looking for a confident and quiet leader that they can trust, it's not that she doesn't like you she just doesn't think you are confident enough to be her leader and is testing you out.
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This ! Sensible worlds from TT. I have had a few horses and am a reasonably experienced horse person but new horse/new owner combinations can be challenging. I've just bought a second and I'm aware of how important it is to be confident and show good leadership, although that can be tricky if you aren't necesssarily feeling it yourself, so I'd echo what people are saying about relocating and having lots of help and support.

The people on my yard have been so helpful and supportive, it's been great for me if I am ever having a wobble in confidence. Not that new pony has done anything wrong, but it's all too easy to think 'what if' or send them vibes that you might not be 100% on top of things !
 
Good luck OP it sounds as if you are heading in the right direction. Looking forward to some positive updates.:)
 
Tammytoo said:
Good advice from everyone here. Ditch the Parelli and find a Natural/Intelligent Horsemanship trainer to come and help instead. Keep her on full livery for a few weeks and "shadow" the person handling your horse so you can see how they go about it. Cobs aren't necessarily the plods some people think they are, they can be as spooky as TBs!

Horses are incrediby sensitive to human emotiuons and if you are feeling depressed, frustrated, disappointed your mare will pick up on this and chose not to want to be with you. Most horses are looking for a confident and quiet leader that they can trust, it's not that she doesn't like you she just doesn't think you are confident enough to be her leader and is testing you out.

Give us an idea of your area and someone on here may be able to help.

Chin up chuck! It will get better.
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Thank you so much I live in Norfolk near Diss my friend has a cob in full livery so may go there if they have room i just had a dread of people seeing how much of a novice i am and i am not young just a very immature 56 year old lol i thought i could teach myself obviously not !
 
wernickwonder said:
Thank you so much I live in Norfolk near Diss my friend has a cob in full livery so may go there if they have room i just had a dread of people seeing how much of a novice i am and i am not young just a very immature 56 year old lol i thought i could teach myself obviously not !
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:D As a "lady of a certain age" I am in full sympathy! To be honest everyone is a novice in some respects. I don't ride at all now but have had horses for years and now help my daughter with hers. I am still a novice and I promise there is no shame in admitting it. Every time you get a new horse or do something new with your "old" horse you are a novice! If people are kind and understanding they will just support you, if they aren't - move on - life's too short.....
Enjoy your horse:)
 
First things first.

Get a vet to check the horse over before you do anything else.

She may have ulcers or pain that is causing the behaviour.

Also - is she on any feed?
 
wernickwonder said:
Thank you so much I live in Norfolk near Diss my friend has a cob in full livery so may go there if they have room i just had a dread of people seeing how much of a novice i am and i am not young just a very immature 56 year old lol i thought i could teach myself obviously not !
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Don't think like that, not everyone was born in the saddle and even some that are, know surprisingly little. So many mature people come into horses once the kids grow up, career is sorted and time and money are more plentiful.
Get the catching issue sorted and when the RI, vet, dentist, farrier etc come, ask lots of questions. Good experts are passionate about horse welfare and they'll probably be delighted to answer all your queries.
I still remember the panicky feeling I had when I had my first pony. Lucky for me, I had a great YO then who patiently taught me the basics and increased my wobbly confidence.
 
You sound like you are doing the right thing moving her onto livery.Horses and ponies do test you to see what they can get away with and if they sense that you are not in charge it can make them unsettled and anxious.

It will get better-I bought my daughters a pony last year and had a very steep learning curve.Luckily I had a wealth of experienced help around,and we got through a few difficult days and came out the other side still smiling.A year down the line we have a pony that we all adore and can do anything with,and who is very happy and settled and I'm sure the same will happen for you.:)
 
I feel your pain ;)

I got my first horse at 51 (although I had had a loaner for 6 months). You need to find a yard like ours, I think. YO set it up specifically for 'first timers' (especially us 'ladies of a certain age'!!). She only does liveries (no DIYers) but she is very reasonably priced. H is on grass working livery, so he is ridden and schooled when I am not available to ride (termtime). There are a lot of very experienced owners, too (also around our age) - all so nice and helpful, never patronising. I feel very lucky! I had my problems at first, but YO and others up there really helped him and me! Now 18 months on, I find myself giving advice to the youngsters and new owners (although I would not pretend for a second to know it all!!)

Have you heard of anything like that near you?

Some good advice on here, though!
 
wernickwonder said:
i am having loads of trouble went to see mare rode her from stable in ring and rd but she has not settled in here at all doesnt seem to like me i have had a parelli teacher in and made good progress but she was supposed to be perfect for anyone beginner or intermediate but having put her out in field i cant even get a lead rein on her have had to cancel farrier and saddlery people told i have to build up her trust but 4 weeks in not going well and on verge of giving up she is so nervy thought cobs were laid back about to give up so sad
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Well done you for getting help - PNH instructors are extremely good with dealing with this sort of thing, this forum is a bit anti PNH, but if it is working I would ignore the nay sayers.

I had a new mare that took ages to settle in when we bought her, and I took her to a PNH trained instructor, she helped me enough that my children were able to begin taking the previously rearing and napping pony to pony club. They were all confidence/anxiety issues the mare had, the instructor gave me a heap of techniques to use (without her having to be there, so that I could progress a little each day) which i found invaluable.

I think this is the strength of NH/PNH in that they teach you what you need to do to teach the horse, rather than just training the horse. If you take the time it takes, you will learn a huge amount and you will have the horse you want.

Having said that - it will take time, it is not a quick fix whichever route you go. It does sound like you may have been missold the horse, or she is not a good fit for you. I have seen PNH/NH take really problem horses to basically angels, but it is not a 4 week journey it is months and months of hard work and time put in, plus support of instructor, getting from where you are to where you want to be may take longer than you are prepared to put in.

It is extremely discouraging to buy your dream pony and find out it is more of a nightmare - I had a rescue mare that caused me so much angst I nearly gave up on horses, but i also learned a heap of skills through my NH instructor over the three years that I had her. She was always a challenge but we achieved some amazing things in that time.

Have a good talk to your instructor about your options and how you are feeling, and then consider same. They are there are can see how much time and what kind of issues you are facing, so should be able to be straight with you.
 
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