Those of you who have lost horses...

[Flicker]

I lost my 9 year old last June, he was the most amazing huge character. I had had him 6 years, 3 of these were mainly rehab, with the help of my chiro and vet I made the decision to put him out of his pain. I was at home alone but still going to the yard to look after my retiree, my other half was on a course during the decision and event and my parents on holiday. I was on sick leave for a few days as I couldn't pull myself together, I spent this time searching for my next partner. I lost a 17hh bright bay TB gelding and within 2 weeks brought home a little grey 15.3hh ID mare, I am totally in love and it is the best thing I did for my sanity.

Awful to have had to go through that alone. I had loads of friend and family support and it was bad enough! I love IDs. So glad to hear a happy story.

 

[Flicker]

10 years ago I had my scatty, beautiful, loving, thoroughbred mare PTS after two years of lameness, surgery and failed rehab. I'd bought her at a point in my life when I was very low and needed something to get out of bed for in the morning. After she was PTS I was heartbroken but I immediately started looking for a new horse and it took me three months to find one. I bought the polar opposite to my mare - a cob cross gelding who is safe and sensible, leg in corner type who looks after me. After two years of lameness I wanted a horse I could just get on and have fun with. He's certainly fulfilled his role and we've had a go at everything over the last 10 years. He's always up to try anything new and takes it all in his stride. He's not affectionate and cuddly like my mare was but I love him just as much for all his other virtues and I've never regretted buying him for a moment.

I know that feeling of just wanting a horse to get on and go, without the issues she lame, isn’t she lame’ question every time you ride! So glad you’ve found a fun companion, albeit one who is so different to your last horse.

 

[TPO]

Do you regret getting back into it, or are you glad you did?

Not as strong as regret right now (but I've definitely thrown pity parties for one at various points) but if I had my time over I definitely wouldn't have bought the horse I did after losing TPO.

Having bought him, with hindsight, I would have pts sooner for my sake (he was fine, it was a low grade long term chronic thing hence not pts sooner because he was fine. Me, not so much!). It wasnt until he was gone that I realised how exhausting stressful caring for him was. Every day waiting to see what he was like and waiting for the next episode etc

So I guess I'd say in your shoes dont rush into anything. Make sure you get as close to your perfect horse as you can and not because you feel sorry for something or external "encouragement"/pressure from other people.

Maybe take some time to try the things you've never had time or money to try because of horses. Horse might still win hands down but at least then you know and dont have what ifs or if onlys

 

[Flicker]

I still had my retired boy when mine was PTS which helped, as I had to keep coming to the yard. I had a share pony at the time so I kept riding. Honestly, I didn't start to feel better about it at all until I got my current boy... It took me a very long time to grieve for my mare, even with my new boy, but having another helped me realise that I had enough room in my heart for another one.

I think, we’ll with me certainly, that there is a tiny bit of guilt about moving on sometimes. Like we aren’t honouring their memory. Which is crazy, because our hearts are way big enough to hold all of them.

 

[Flicker]

Yes Boggle Newbie is grand, doing tons of groundwork until Corona is over.

?

 

[Flicker]

I had Tinner pts last month. He was diagnosed with ems on 9th January and the vet said he would never even be able to walk around the block and was on borrowed time already. I had ridden him three times in 2019 due to his ongoing problems.

I tentatively sent a message out to friends saying I was looking for something to loan or buy, gelding, been there done that, who would settle into my gelding herd of three. Someone told me of a rising six Highland mare, bulletproof (literally - OH fired his shotgun 20 feet from her last week, she wandered closer to find out more).

Tinner went down hill very quickly and I called time. Devastated. Had already arranged to try the mare, so rode her the day after Tinner was put down. Mentally very wobbly and thank god the view from the saddle was completely different. I think if I had left it a couple of months I could quite easily have given up riding completely.

She is currently in the field with the other two, one retired and one companion, just chilling and waiting for the pandemic to ease.

So sorry to hear about Tinner. Your mare sounds cracking, I love a Highland. Hope you have loads of fun together when this craziness lifts.

 

[Flicker]

i lost my mare to cushings in 2016 and before she was pts, i was sure i would not have another. after 2 weeks of being horseless, the house was clean(thats a first) dogs walked lots, garden tidied and i was then like a ship without a rudder, had no purpose as i had horses for over 50 years. i then got my loan horse who i had for 2 years but had to give her up as i couldnt physically cope with DIY and couldnt afford to pay for the heavy work to be done. if my lottery comes up with enough to buy my own place and pay for a groom ,i will have another horse or 2 or 3 etc.....

I‘m so at that place - house amazing, wardrobe refreshed, cats and OH just wishing I’d get out from under their feet!!
Keep playing those numbers ?

 

[Flicker]

Nothing makes it easier in a sense. But at the same time Jeff gave me no option in the outcome. He had been with me for 12 years, I rode him in his work for the 4 years before that. We had been through hell and high water together both in racing and out of it. And whilst I would give anything to have him back I know I did right by him. I made the decision a long time ago that I would not get another big horse. I have Gray and I have the Welsh cob to ride as well as whatever shetlands I feel like hopping on so I don't need another.

Racing hardens you to certain aspects of life but it is always different when it your own you are holding and not one that belongs to someone else.

It is not a decision that is easy for us. But absolutely the right one for them when we do make it.

 

[Flicker]

Not as strong as regret right now (but I've definitely thrown pity parties for one at various points) but if I had my time over I definitely wouldn't have bought the horse I did after losing TPO.

Having bought him, with hindsight, I would have pts sooner for my sake (he was fine, it was a low grade long term chronic thing hence not pts sooner because he was fine. Me, not so much!). It wasnt until he was gone that I realised how exhausting stressful caring for him was. Every day waiting to see what he was like and waiting for the next episode etc

So I guess I'd say in your shoes dont rush into anything. Make sure you get as close to your perfect horse as you can and not because you feel sorry for something or external "encouragement"/pressure from other people.

Maybe take some time to try the things you've never had time or money to try because of horses. Horse might still win hands down but at least then you know and dont have what ifs or if onlys

Thank you. This is extremely sound advice and I will take it to heart, and remember it when the time comes to start looking again.

 

[NinjaPony]

I think, we’ll with me certainly, that there is a tiny bit of guilt about moving on sometimes. Like we aren’t honouring their memory. Which is crazy, because our hearts are way big enough to hold all of them.

I felt that too. But I soon realised that I WAS honouring her memory by using all of the experiences we had together to give another pony a good life. She helped to make me the rider I am today and being around horses keeps her memory alive for me.

I took a lot of comfort in small things, like keeping her boots and bridle, and using them on my new boy. Every time we hack out in her bridle it makes me think of her. I still remember my mum telling me that I would find another horse I loved as much as her, and it's true. You just love them in different ways, for different reasons.

 

[scats]

I've always had another 1 or 2 when I have lost one, but I do genuinely always end up getting another as well. I've never been one of those people who considers it too soon or like I'm replacing them. I find a lot of people feel that they wouldn't want to replace an animal. I suppose I just don't see it like that. I see it that I have a space to offer another horse a lovely home, rather than I'm replacing the last one.

 

[LadyGascoyne]

I rode other people’s horses for about four years after my lovely Lady Gascoyne broke her leg in the field.

Eventually, I started to feel like the pros of not having the responsibility and relationship weren’t outweighed by the cons of not having control of management and I found myself wanting to step back up to having my own.

 

[Jeni the dragon]

If I hadn't had my mare when I lost my youngster, I'm not sure how I would have coped.
I would definitely have got another but it wouldn't have been straight away.

 

[Flicker]

I felt that too. But I soon realised that I WAS honouring her memory by using all of the experiences we had together to give another pony a good life. She helped to make me the rider I am today and being around horses keeps her memory alive for me.

I took a lot of comfort in small things, like keeping her boots and bridle, and using them on my new boy. Every time we hack out in her bridle it makes me think of her. I still remember my mum telling me that I would find another horse I loved as much as her, and it's true. You just love them in different ways, for different reasons.

I had all my girl’s stuff up for sale just before Covid hit. I think I will take them off the market and pop them in storage. You never know. I had wanted to just break the link, but I like your thinking.

 

[Flicker]

I rode other people’s horses for about four years after my lovely Lady Gascoyne broke her leg in the field.

Eventually, I started to feel like the pros of not having the responsibility and relationship weren’t outweighed by the cons of not having control of management and I found myself wanting to step back up to having my own.

I am hoping to pick up the odd ride here and there. I know what you mean about being able to just turn up and ride vs having that special bond between you and your own horse.

 

[Flicker]

If I hadn't had my mare when I lost my youngster, I'm not sure how I would have coped.
I would definitely have got another but it wouldn't have been straight away.

It sounds like your loss was particularly traumatic. Losing a youngster so difficult. You and your mare are lucky to have had each other.

 

[Hannahgb]

I know people who have done this. I wouldn’t dare - there is no way I woukd have the knowledge or experience. Would you do it again, knowing what you know now?

I have no regrets, I would only buy unseen on one that was unbacked. I would buy unseen again, but wouldn't rush it as much as I did. I literally saw her on facebook and bought her within 3 minutes. I would also look into the dealer reputation better than I did!