Those with young children...

atlantis

atlantis

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And no childcare... How do you do it? Practically i mean.

I have a just 2 year old (on monday) who is pretty outdoorsy but i currently don't have a horse. My husband works late which only leavesbweekends. Ive been trying to figure out how to fit some riding in. I'd love a share but can't commit enough and I don't want to have to let people down.

So I'm at my friends son's first birthdsy today and her mum clicks that we've moved near to her oldest friend, who has a couple of (lovely) horses knocking about but has developed arthritis so is struggling to ride i think. So she rings her there and then and she is happy for me to ride 'a bit'.

I'm over the moon, but it leaves the problem what to do with my little girl. Its not a livery yard just their horses and i have no idea of the setup etc but was just wondering how people manage kids and horses. Do you go armed with a dvd player in the car or totally rely on childcare or what? I have to ring this lady obviously as she's expecting me to but i have no idea how much I'd be able to ride and i don't know what to say.

Thanks for reading. I've got corona if you fancy any!!
 
When the weather is good you can put them in a buggy outside the school. Or yer in the car with a DVD is good. If your daughter is pretty good and the horsey trustworthy you may be able to do what i did. There was a plastic mounting block in the school and i used to pull the mounting block a foot or 2 away from the wall she could watch me and play in the sand, that used to keep her occupied for the longest.:)
Also get some mini mucking out tools and get her involved it will stop her getting bored to quickly, so when your grooming tacking up you can have her with you.
 
I was lucky; I had a very understanding hubby. However, I couldn't leave him with the children every time, so my plan developed as follows:

At first I had one pony, and took tot for lead rein rides.

Then I had second baby, and acquired a governess cart and harness, and took them both out in the cart.

As they got bigger, and I had more children, I acquired more and more ponies, until...
Last Sunday we rode out with a friend, her 7yr old daughter, and 9yr old friend, plus all 6 of my children. Amazingly, it went really well :o)
 
Hhmmm. Intersting. I just can't imagine how it would work at the moment. She is really well behaved in most situations. Will sit in her buggy with food for a bit but is at her happiest when she is helping mummy!! I can imagine if I were riding she'd want to join in and I can see her getting stuck in with chores!! She'd love it.

If it were at my friend's mum's yard then I wouldn't have any doubts I'd just get on with it!! My friend's mum has told me to stop worrying and get stuck in. Mind you she left my friend in a moses basket in the lorry while she went showing at 1 week old!!
 
During the week my daughter comes with me to do horse care etc which she loves- but I don't get to ride, although she will often help school the mini with groundwork and do some riding herself. (hubby never home before 8pm during the week) Riding opportunities for me only present themselves at the arse crack of dawn on a Sat or Sun when hubby is around to care for her at home. I get up the yard at about 5am and return home by about 10am. Should add, my daughter is 3 nearly 4 yrs old but we have had this routine since she was 2 yrs old.
 
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Thanks Orson Cart that is another option of mine. Early mornings!! I work Tuesday Wednesday Thursday so I probably wouldn't / couldn't consider those days. I'd like to be helpful so if the lady is struggling then offering some help even if not riding is a great idea. Her husband used to be dc of the local pony club so if any pony riding opportunities arise locally they will probably know.
 
I don't get to ride unless someone is available to look after MiniBoo (now 2 years old). She never was the kind of baby that would happily sleep in a pram and now there is no way she would occupy herself for 45 minutes.

Sorry that's not very helpful but I think you need to be realistic before you take on a share otherwise you may end up feeling quite stressed.
 
Mini Hippo is 11 months old and I too have no childcare. I have my mare on assisted grass livery and an understanding OH, but even so I only get to the yard on weekends. My YO is great too.and will bring my mare in for me if she needs the vet or farrier in the week, then munchkin sits in her buggy while I deal with my girl. I am lucky in that my mare is 26 and quite happy just to potter about in pasture with a light hack once or twice a week.
 
Booboos said:
I don't get to ride unless someone is available to look after MiniBoo (now 2 years old). She never was the kind of baby that would happily sleep in a pram and now there is no way she would occupy herself for 45 minutes.

Sorry that's not very helpful but I think you need to be realistic before you take on a share otherwise you may end up feeling quite stressed.
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Thats actually really helpful Booboos. I absolutely need to be realistic and i think i can rule out riding during the week unless mil is around on a friday, which isn't very often (they have a holiday home in norfolk they go to thurs - sunday. She works monday and has florrie while I work tuesday.

So realistically i could prob ride at weekends but maybe take small person with me during the week to help out and get her used to a yard and horses etc. obviously that depends on the lady (whose name i need to find out!!) but thats what i can offer i think.

Its not a share as such just a mutually benificial agreement i think. My friend's mum looks out for me and is sort my horsy mum too. I was trying to explain that i think id struggle to ride but she got on the phone anyway. I think she's giving me the shove i need to get back into the horsey world!! I turned up at her house yesterday in heels and florrie in white shoes and she was most unimpressed lol!! She wanted Florrie to help her bed down!!! I wish they lived closer!!
 
Just be honest with the lady. She will likely love having you just turn up and groom during the week,and ride when you can at weekends. If she is struggling, weekends will likely be very helpful to her.
My daughter was also one who would not sit in a push chair. Sometimes even chores were impossible as she wanted to help but could only do so when safe to. However,for short bursts, I would sit her in a chair,with a toy that would occupy her for maybe ten minutes,while I did things with her in sight. She also loved things like riding in the wheelbarrow, while I picked the muck up,into it. So,she got dirty,but it made a necessary job, fun for her. We don't do the " yuck,it's poo " attitude. It's not exactly dangerous, and she knew not to put it into her mouth!
Many older folk, though not all, also enjoy having young children around,as long as not being a surrogate parent,and may show your daughter things you hadn't thought about,too.
 
My experience was similar to Boobos and SpottyAppy. I couldn't/amn't able to ride with small ones in tow but chores etc yes, great fun. Everything will take a million times longer than normal but it's a great way to spend time and give them that exposure.

A lot depends on the actual set up too. A holding area (car within sight, closeable stable etc) can be very handy for doing things you aren't comfortable doing with Florrie at foot, turnout and bring in etc but this isn't much use if field is a 10 min walk to yard/stable area if you see what I mean.

Go see the lady, the horses and the set up and take it from there.

And what about MIL taking Dlorrie for an extra 1.5 hours on a Tuesday?
 
I would leave riding to the weekend when you can go on your own, if you factor getting there, getting horse ready, cups of tea/biscuits and lots of gossip, oh and a nice leisurely ride, it easily can take 3-4 hours.
If the horses/dogs/etc are good around kids then you can take your 2 year old to 'help' in the week. My kids loved it at that age, but really most of the time was spent saying 'remember not to go between his back legs'! My horse is like a big friednly dog and loves children so I was very happy for my children to groom him and even 'help' me get him in from the field. Also the lady might not be comfortable with children being around her horses so tread carefully. It sounds ideal though. And imagine if the lady says 'oh I love kids, I'll look after her so you can ride' x
 
Ha ha, thats what I was thinking Como!
"Ooh I love Children, lets go and watch cbeebies and eat home made organic snacks and do crafts while mummy rides shall we? "
 
Have you considered looking for a local childminder? As a childminder myself I offer flexible care, so could accommodate a child for say 2 hrs once a week... On average a childminder will be around £3.75 an hr

Would allow you to enjoy a few hrs without worry of what your little one is up to :)
 
That's another thing I was going to say. If you've got the dosh, how about a morning once a week with a childminder or a nursery? At that age most seem to love a few hours in that kind of environment - the novelty does wear off for them though!
 
I think you're all right I need to go and see them, speak to them. Being who their friends with they are probably no nonsense child friendly get on with it kind of people.

Tbh life is so different for me at the moment it seems like a massive jump to include horses again But I need to do it I'm going slowly mad. None of my family gets my horsey obsession.
 
I can identify with how you feel on so many levels (even have wee girl of same name!).

Go and see her, even a once weekly groom might just help your sanity x
 
MiniBoo now goes to nursery for 1.5 hours three times a week and it's really great. She loves it and benefits from the interaction with the other children and I get a small break (if I run I can bring in 4, groom, tack up, ride one, and chuck them all out again!).

I think if the owner is flexible and you can do what you are able to each time it would be a great arrangement. The problem comes with commitment to the horses when you have a toddler that's sick or grumpy or throws a tantrum. I also find I don't want to take the risk of doing the horses with MiniBoo. To give you an example, two weekends ago OH had a broken tooth so the morning was taken up with trying to get him an emergency dentist appointment and he left before I had checked on the horses. So I took MiniBoo down to the fields to find that the laminitic cob had broken through the fence and was loose on the farm, his companion was going bonkers at being separated, and the other horse had caught a leg on a back strap...all while I had a toddler in tow! I actually had to get one of the builders who were working at our house to hold onto MiniBoo while I run around trying to deal with everyone's problems. Luckily I managed to sort everyone out before MiniBoo started wailing so everyone was happy in the end, but it was a very stressful morning!
 
Yep, I've had mornings like that Booboos. The "I'll just do a quick check" morning which turn into a nightmare of broken fencing, or discovering a field injury etc etc. Stressful!

Depends on level of expectation and commitment the lady is looking for.

Please keep us posted.
 
Ooh sorry that took a long time to reply. I hadn't thought about paid childcare. She goes to nursery when I'm at work Thursday Friday. Work might let me swap things around a bit to give me an afternoon off. Tuesdays are a long day so mil has Florrie all day as it is into the evening.

There's a preschool in the village which we were thinking about once we get some free childcare places!!!
 
I have a 2 year old and it was actually easier when he was a baby, then he did sleep in a pram but now - no chance.
I go very early when son and OH is in bed.
When he's in nursey -
When OH is around to look after him

We have now family nearby and I'd feel bad about putting on friends just so I can ride!

Remember the term in which your son turns three he will get 15 hours a week free childcare - that to me reads at three 5 hours sessions to have a really good play with the ponies!

If the horses your looking at aren't that fit one weekend day and one day when he's at nursery for a couple of extra hours might work well to get you back into it.
 
I've been turned down from livery yards before because we have small children :(
I need to find a child friendly organic cake eating livery yard :p

Practically speaking I can do yard duties with toddler in tow (I've had years of practice) and our horses are so laid back they're horizontal. But I've always toddler tested anything I've bought - though I don't expect any animal to be completely bombproof they have to have the right nature so I can do leading horse and pushing pushchair together. Snacks keep them occupied whilst you're doing chores and my toddler loves playing with a dustpan and brush in an empty stable while I groom outside. Toddler knew the names of all the horses on the yard before they could say "mummy" :D Mostly I just downsize things, get all the jobs done in the morning whilst toddler is in a good fresh mood, then just bring in in the evening.
I have arranged childcare so I can get back into the saddle myself as I would not trust a toddler to stay in their pushchair whilst I rode, and a loose toddler + horses is a recipe for an accident.
 
Como said:
That's another thing I was going to say. If you've got the dosh, how about a morning once a week with a childminder or a nursery? At that age most seem to love a few hours in that kind of environment - the novelty does wear off for them though!
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To add to this conversation - The govt has extended funding and there is now funding available for 2 yr olds at pre-schools and nurseries so that may well be worth you looking into ...
 
Not in. Will try later. Thinking about the 15 hrs childcare we can only use 5 hrs a day at her nursery so that leaves 5 hours either in a block or 2 mornings a week. Which will work quite well in a years time lol!!!
 
My LO is 2 and my filly is nearly 2, I'm on DIY so see to her early before and after hubby's work, grandparents sometimes look after LO so I can go up during the day. My LO isn't the sort to sit still for long not that I'm riding yet so haven't tried to bring him to the yard yet.
 
l managed to get a morning nanny, a local nanny whose charges had just started school. She came for three hours, two mornings a week to look after my two toddlers while I got some jobs done. Similar situation with OH working all hours and family 100 miles away. Kept me sane.;) Child minder would offer a similar arrangement.
 
Ive had to give up, my daughter is almost 16mths old and have no help from hubby at all. I had to sell my homebred future competition horse and it broke my heart, ( makes it even harder when his new owner does with him what i bred him for and hes doing really well, reserve champion sporthorse the other day and hes not 3yrs old yet, champion was county ridden show horse ) I couldnt give them both the time and attention that they needed and he didnt have the right mentality to just stand in a field being ignored. I pay childcare fees so i can work 15hrs a week and by the time ive paid that and my bills I have nothing left so dont even get to see a horse let alone ride one.

My husband has said im not allowed any more horses, as myjob is to look after daughter and tidy up after him, the only reason I get up is because baby cant look after herself.

If you have family/ friend support then its do able but i dont and my horsey friends are miles away and the one that is local is busy with her daughters eventers.
 
Oh Flaxen that's awful! My horse is the subject of most of the arguments I have with my OH, (revolving around the old chestnuts of time and money) but he recognizes that I spend 95% of my time looking after the baby,esp as she doesn't sleep well and is still breastfeeding so the 6 or so hours a week I get with my mare are vital to my mental health and happiness. I really believe that you are a better mother if you have some time very week when you don't have to be, be that a job or something more fun. If your OH cannot understand that you are more than a wife and mother maybe you could consider couples counseling to help him to listen to you? I only suggest this as my OH and I have found it really useful in the past and it has helped us to communicate much much better.
 
flaxen said:
Ive had to give up, my daughter is almost 16mths old and have no help from hubby at all. I had to sell my homebred future competition horse and it broke my heart, ( makes it even harder when his new owner does with him what i bred him for and hes doing really well, reserve champion sporthorse the other day and hes not 3yrs old yet, champion was county ridden show horse ) I couldnt give them both the time and attention that they needed and he didnt have the right mentality to just stand in a field being ignored. I pay childcare fees so i can work 15hrs a week and by the time ive paid that and my bills I have nothing left so dont even get to see a horse let alone ride one.

My husband has said im not allowed any more horses, as myjob is to look after daughter and tidy up after him, the only reason I get up is because baby cant look after herself.

If you have family/ friend support then its do able but i dont and my horsey friends are miles away and the one that is local is busy with her daughters eventers.
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oh flaxen :( feel so sorry for you. Have you any friends (non-horsey) with children in your area? Maybe that you could swap childcare with now and then so you both get time off? If I was near you I'd definitely do that for u!!
 
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