Thought I had got through this.

benson21

benson21

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but I havent. My tears are flowing as I type this. I dont know where this has come from. I know I cant have him back, and I know crying wont change anything. But today I cant stop.
 
BIG hug, I'm new to the forum but picked up your story from snippets of other posts and I'm so, so sorry. Even more big hugs to you x
 
Ahhh big hugs hun!!!

It all may have happened a while ago but some horses leave such big holes in our lives when they are gone you're bound to feel like this from time to time...

It was such tragic circumstances too that it's undoubtedly tougher on you.

Try and think of the happy times you had together and imagine him looking after you from up there as I expect he would be.

xx
 
benson21 said:
but I havent. My tears are flowing as I type this. I dont know where this has come from. I know I cant have him back, and I know crying wont change anything. But today I cant stop.
Click to expand...

If you look back at a few of my posts recently about Starla, you'll see your not alone in feeling like this.

It sucks. Have a hug xxx
 
But that what I am struggling with. The memories. Hearing Donovan eat his tea and slurping on the juice like Benson did. thinking of his breath on my face as I cuddled him.
 
Ah bless you.

It is hard but you will get through it and gradually you will identify Donovan's new quirks which will make you smile...

Not being funny but give Donovan a big hug, cry into his neck and tell him everything... I'm sure he won't mind and he might give you a hug back and hopefully put a smile on your face.

xx
 
It is so hard. I got a close friend at the yard to explain to everyone else tthat I did not want to discuss Kaz (my old girl), in any way or hear her name mentioned. Talk to me about anything else but her. When I was (emotionally) ready to talk, I would bring the subject up, but leave me to do so when I am ready. Have to say it took about 6 months before I could mention my dear old girl without bursting into tears. Don't put yourself under pressure to be fealing better, that hole will always be there, time just teached you to accept it a little easier.

Spend extra time hugging Donovan, let him be your rock & help you cope with your pain. You'll be surprised how much they understand your need & will stand there soaking up your grief as you hold onto them (I used to bury my face in my youngsters neck, hugging her, & with her long mane falling over me). Use those noises to help you remember the good things about him, his quirks etc, rather than as a painful reminder. He will always be with you, it's just you can't touch him at the moment. You've got so many more memories yet to create with the horses you have now & in the future. They wont fill that empty space, but have their own places in your heart, cherish their differences. Their time is short, but what they give in that time is so precious.

I hope in time you are in a better place. Lots of hugs to you, pass them onto Donovan.
 
Cry as much as you need to we all have those days, i had a weep yest when rang my mum at the yard from work to see how lady was (due to foal) and kept calling asking after Ellie and not Lady, i lost Ellie in nov and it was this time of year she would be foaling normally.
I had a good weep as i realised i will never get to cuddle her again
 
I just cried reading your post. Lost our beautiful boy last July and like you keep thinking everything is fine but now and then the tears come for what might seem like no reason. Having been here before I know it really does get better so hang in there. It takes time and you will always miss him a little because you loved him so much.
 
chocolate is helping! Stood in the queue snivelling as you do, and then eaten the whole bar. Bugger the diabetes tonight!!!!!!!
 
Aah bless you. Please don't be so hard on yourself. I don't think we ever got over such a loss, but in time we do learn to live with it.
It's early days and if you feel like sobbing buckets, then you should.
Huge hugs x
 
Lots of hugs Benson, allow yourself to cry and greave and indulge in the odd bar ;-), its only natural, gone but never forgotten xx
 
To be honest, I think after what you have been through (horrific) you have every right to feel like you do and there are always going to be times when you break down and ask yourself "why?". I still have those moments now about animals we have lost in accidents and none of them were anywhere near as horrendous as what you went through. It makes me upset just thinking about that happening.

Enjoy the chocolate - maybe have a glass of something too!
 
The chocolate has definately helped, unfortunately I cant drink because of the morphine, which is a bit of a bummer, but used to it now. Havent had a decent drink in 13 months now!!!

Thank you everyone for your shoulders that I have been able to cry on! Gratefully received!!
 
I think it's perfectly normal to cry. I would be more suspicious of someone who wasn't emotional over the death of their horse. Even when I think of my last dog, who I had to have PTS 10 years ago, I can well up when I think of her lying there, so trusting but unable to walk and feeling the guilt, even though I knew there was no other option. You don't have to "get over it" - there is no pressure and you should cry as much as you want to. People do understand. x
 
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