Throughly Depressed. Thinking of jacking it all in.

chickeninabun

chickeninabun

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Mainly posting to have a moan, but some advice would be nice.

I always get depressed at winter time. No time/daylight to ride, mud mud and more mud and if you're not wrestling through mud then you're mucking out.

I'm not looking for sympathy but I get up at 5.30am everyday, feed 4 horses, muck out 3, then turn all 4 out. Back home for 6.45am, showered, dressed, quikc cup of tea and cuddle with my little girls (aged 6 and 3) then out for work at 7.30am and not back until 6pm. Luckily my fab friend brings in for me on an evening. Then I have tea, spend some time with the girls then put them to bed, do some housework/ironing etc and maybe sit down at 8pm if I'm lucky. :rolleyes: In summer I try and go out to ride after the girls are in bed, so wouldn't be home until 9pm+. I have no arena/school so can't really do anything once it's dark.

I had a lesson last night and my horse was no where near fit enough, she just got worked up, sweated up like no-one's business and we hardly did anything right. In winter I can ride once a week, again if I'm lucky. There is no way I can ever get her fit enough to compete for do anymuch with, including lessons and fun rides. We did a Trec competition last year. She was as fit as I could ever make her and to be honest I think I nearly killed her in the POR stage (Hacking/orienteering bit). I had to get off and drag her, in floods of tears because she wouldn't walk any further!! It was awful.:(:( We were out for over 6 hours, mainly because we had to walk nearly all the way round.:(

It costs me over £340/month to keep the horses. That's over £4000 a year:eek:. I'm thinking of sending my loan shetland back (easy enough), gifting my eldery mare to my above mentioned friend and loaning my mare out, then it's not so final and I could have her back at a later stage. A friend suggested sending my mare away to be schooled for a just a short time, but what's the point when I don't get to ride to keep up the trainers good work.

Sorry it's so long, but any advice would be great. If I could have one wish it would be to give up horses for now, but to have my beautiful mare waiting for me in 6 years time, when the children are a bit older and I have a bit more time, but I know I'd never be able to buy something like her again and she's 17 this year.:(
 
Sorry to hear your feeling like that, think we all go through stages specialy winter time. Have you considered moving yards with an arena & maybe consider getting a sharer, maybe go somewhere that offer help so get T/O then you can go up after work & ride?

Hope it all works out
 
Ahh, sending sympathy, hugs and tea and jam tarts your way. Any good?

In terms of advice, it sounds like you are kind of finding the answers yourself. If this is just a temporarly thing due to the weather and all that mud, and you know that come spring you tend to perk up, then maybe just think of that, relax about how it is now, don't put yourself under so much pressure and make plans for the spring instead.

If it's a more long term/serious issue now, and you feel drastic steps are needed, then I do think you may need to downsize in some way. You seem to spend a fair amount of cash but do a lot of work yourself - are there other options for assisted/part livery nearby? Is it possible to get a sharer to help with cash and/or chores? Or a horsey friend who just likes to be around horses and can help?
 
Winter's never easy - but we're nearly out of it now. February is always the worst!!!
It does sound like down-sizing might help you though.
Is the shetland for your girls? Do they get involved? If not it might be better for him to go back home. You can always get something for them in the future if they seem really interested.
Would your friend want to be gifted your older mare - if so that could be a good plan.
Rather than loan out your other mare you could look for a sharer - then you could have say 3 days when you do her so still get your 1 riding day and some horse time, she'd be fitter as the sharer would ride, and you'd cut your costs?
Chin up
x
 
Aw hun, don't beat yourself up for feeling discouraged, we all get that way once in a while and TBH without making excuses for anything, this winter has been particularly dark and dismal, and depressing. I was talking to someone only last night and she said she was feeling really pitsy and depressed, particularly about the mud, and it being dark all the time, and raining (OK so we live in the South West!!, not where there's "drought" (unbelievable!!).

So I just think you maybe need to just wait a little while until the spring and the sunshine comes again, and not make any hasty decisions meanwhile? Things always look better when the sun shines, and you can get out and get your horse(s) fit; and get out competing etc again.

OK so maybe there are some "tweaks" that you could make to your routine and/or lifestyle, and it may be you need to sit down and take an active stock, as it were. It may be that you need to move to a different yard, seek an alternative livery arrangement, make some adjustments, etc etc., but I think you need to make any changes when you're feeling good and positive rather than coming from a place where you're feeling negative and depressed.

Also, and I suggest this tentatively, there are "motivational" professionals out there who might well be able to help you; primarily by taking a detached view of things with you, to help you work through any issues and help you find some solutions. So that might be something you could think about?
 
Spring and the lighter longer evenings are nearly upon us. Certainly consider sending your loan shetland back as cutting down by 1 will give you more time with the others and a slight cut in costs.
At 17 years old it would be a shame for your mare to go!
It sounds like you feel guilty not riding much too. Many are in your boat. I work from home and the horses are very local, but I still struggle to find time to ride more than once a week in winter unless I have some days off.

My mare is on a track system all day now and stabled at night. It has really helped with her fitness level much better than last winter - like you say there is nothing worse than an unfit horse - it's no fun for either of you. You can always think that things will get easier in time with a family, but in reality - you need to make some time for you and enjoy your mare and your hobby. Remember February is said to be the worst depressing month :)
 
Thanks Natz88, and jam tarts and tea are always welcome Bernster.:D

My friend helps me out a lot, she'll look after all three of mine whilst I'm on holiday and things like that, and we always either bring in or turn out, so only really have to go down there once a day. I certainly wouldn't be able to do any of it without her.
I don't like to go to the horses after work, straight from work, because I wouldn't get to see my children, as they go to bed just after 7pm.
I think alot of it is a pressure problem. I feel I need to ride, because that's what I have a horse for, that's what I spend all this money on, but I just can't find the time.
Downsizing would be good, but the elderly mare was got (through my aforementioned friend may I add) for the children to ride, and the loan shetland is for the children too. I feel selfish sending the shetland back, as it's the children who'll miss out, and I feel I can't give up on the elderly one, as my friend helped me get her and she's certainly too old to pass on (31 this year). I'd feel awful saying I can't have her anymore, but carrying on with my own mare, having the oldie at the same yard but watching my friend have to muck her out and care for her.
Oh god, I'm such a winge bag, but I feel so lost. :(
 
Don't beat yourself up you have struggled valiantly against a gruelling winter with a huge committment so it's not hard to see how fatigued you are.I have a similar routine with three horses but minus the small children,although my 18 year old daughter could do lots more to help.Maybe loaning one,and giving up the shetland will help downsize and ease the burdon.There are always plenty of good ponies around for the children to ride,particularly as they get older.Also spring is arriving,and today is so lovely so embrace the good moments when they happen,and try not to dwell negatively on the difficult bits,as this can reinforce your negativity,and perhaps lead to bad decision making.Think clearly about what you can realistically achieve,and do talk to your other half who may have a more pragmatic approach to the dilemna.Sometimes when decisions are made,there is a resultant sense of relief.Good luck and please allow youself some lovely treats to cheer you up.
 
Thanks everyone. And I totally think you are right MiJodsR2BlinkinTite in saying that maybe I should wait until I am in a better frame of mind before making any rash decisions. Maybe the best way forward cannot be seen when the dark cloud of depression descends.

I just keep thinking that I get depressed every winter, because of the mud/dark/lack of riding etc. Should I really be making myself go through this every year. Is summer with my horse really worth it?? I don't know.

I really really need the pressure taking off, of having to think I need to ride/have a fit horse. I need to get my head round the idea of just having nags in the field, who don't give a poop if they are ridden or not, and not caring what anyone else does/thinks. I have the added bonus of having a mare who you can not ride for 3 weeks, then get back on and not have any problems with.

MiJodsR2BlinkinTite said:
there are "motivational" professionals out there who might well be able to help you; primarily by taking a detached view of things with you, to help you work through any issues and help you find some solutions.
Click to expand...

I thought that's what you lot were here for!!:p:D
 
Could you get a sharer for your mare? Someone to help out a bit financially and ride to get her a bit more fit rather than loaning so you still get the enjoyment but a bit of a load off?
 
I feel your pain. That is a lot to cope with. Maybe long term you need to find a less intensive way to keep your horses.

Could you keep them out 24/7? It would keep them fitter for when you wanted to ride.

Alternatively, could you keep the out at night and bring in during day. Still less poo picking and the work could be done in the evening.

This year I have made a sort of track system. The track bit gets poo picked as I will use that grazing all year. There are the 3 inner fields which will be harrowed as I can either leave for hay or rotate graze. it has been a brilliantly easy winter.

Whatever, don't made the decision at the back end winter ....... Only a mad person would enjoy horses at this time of year? It really is almost all work and little play for everyone!
 
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Perhaps this is controversial, but for the cost of 3/4 horses on DIY you could keep one on part/full livery. DIY suits some people but for others it is just not compatible with work and family commitments. Having horses is not supposed to be be a burden.
If you put your horse on livery it may take the pressure off, and allow you to spend all the time on the yard on riding and grooming.

People have already mentioned getting a sharer. Another option if you feel your mare is under utilised may be working livery?
 
My honest opinion is that you've got too much on with three horses and young children to see to. But that is easily remedied, personally I'd give the loan shetland back, and without feeling guilty, when the children are of an age to be able to help with chores might be a more practical time to think about a pony for them.
I'd also gift your elderly mare to your friend, as a true friend I'm sure she'd understand your situation and want to help out.

Then I'd keep your mare, two less makes a huge difference and you can focus your attention just on her. It doesn't matter if you don't get time to ride and your horse is 'stuck in the field'. In fact I usually turn away over winter and just pop out for the odd hack when I feel like it, it makes life much easier!

Remember that Spring is just around the corner and you'll soon feel better and able to cope.
 
Do you have a long commute, or do you work very long hours? Can any of the horses be turned out 24/7? Is it worth looking at a deep litter system (mucking out once or twice a week) giving you more time in the morning with your children? Echo what others have said about February being the worst month for mood for horse keepers. Having said all that I often wonder how people expect to raise children, keep horses not at home and have a full time job. I know that I couldn't do it, and would not want to try.
 
Oh goodness you poor thing. I get depressed in the winter and feel like the horses can be a struggle and my day is a breeze compared to yours!!

You need to simplify!!!

You need to get rid of the other two horses, you sound like you have places for them to go so I would get that sorted.

Can your mare live out? Do you have assisted livery at your yard? If she was mine I would find a yard with a decent floodlit school and that has the option of 24/7 turnout in sheltered fields. Then I would pay a few quid to get someone to feed her and check her one side of the day so that frees up either before or after work to have some down time.

Then go up once a day either early in the morning or in the evening and hopefully you wont be quite so rushed and harrassed! Then you can ride in the floodlights. I actually like riding in the floodlights, theres something very calming about being in the cool dark and quietly schooling when noone is around :).

She sounds a nice horse and I think its important you have an hour or two each day just for yourself and your horse. Also freeing up one side of the day will mean that you can spend a bit more time with your kids as well.

You really need to cut out what is unnecessary or you will just drive yourself crazy. Be ruthless, it needn't be such a struggle. Your trying to be super mum at the moment with two tots a full time job and 3 horses!!
 
Some possible options:

1. Downsize - why have 4 horses, just have one.

2. Find a place where they can all live out all year. Then there's no mucking out and any time spent with your neds in the morning is with them, not doing jobs.

3. If you must stable, then deeplitter and just lift poo out each day.

4. Pay someone to do the mucking-out for you during winter. Mucking out, haynets (if you use nets).

5. Change your work hours.

6. Change your job.
 
I feel a bit the same at the moment, I find that i am forcing myself to ride and not really enjoying it, just doing it because my horse is a baby and needs the work. She actually pulled another shoe off over 2 weeks ago and I just thought s*d it, the weathers going to get nasty and it won't hurt not to ride and she was only reshod yesterday.
I feel guilty as I bred this horse to replace my horse of a lifetime, but have found it hard work educating a baby again.
Hopefully when the spring comes and I don't have to haul off rugs and scrape off mud it will be more enjoyable. I don't have an arena either so have to ride in muddy circles if I want to school.

Looking forward to the summer.......
 
It must be February getting us all down as I had a hissy fit about it all this morning. However, you do have a very great deal on your plate.

Downsizing is the way to go but keep your mare.

Suechoccy said:
Some possible options:

2. Find a place where they can all live out all year. Then there's no mucking out and any time spent with your neds in the morning is with them, not doing jobs.
Click to expand...

I was in this exact spot this morning with my 3 living out, mumbling into my beard that all I do is jobs and never spend any time with them :D The key is to just have the one horse I think!
 
First of all - hugs.
Secondly I know exactly how you feel because I am the same! Only this morning when I'd finally extraced my wellies from the mud, de-hayed my hair sprayed water all over my jeans whilst de-mudding my feed buckets did I say "I've had enough of horses,mud,early mornings - what is it all for?"

I get up at 5.30am and do my horses (I have 2), then rush back so my husband can get to London. Then I get my 4 & 7 year old daughters washed, dressed and throw some breakfast at them. Feed the dogs, chickens & fish. I then get my self ready, take oldest daughter to school, youngest to pre-school, then myself to work. I do the same in reverse pm.

I NEVER get time to ride in the winter. The last time I rode my TB was 3 months ago. The Arab gets ridden once a week by my friend. I pay a fortune for my mud monsters, leave myself exhausted, fight the mud and don't ever get time to ride. I HATE the winter.

But - I love my horses, understand they are my responsibility and look after them well (better than I look after myself!)

I need to loan out my Arab really. My TB is too tricky to loan out/get a sharer for as he is not straightforward to ride. Who would want to ride a quirky 17.1hh 16 year old TB with an occasional rearing habit?

It will get better - Spring is just around the corner. The clocks go back next month - yay!

Whatever you decide to do, I wish you much luck and happiness.:)
 
You have way too many horses than you can personally cope with. Downsize is the easiest answer and good on you, as it looks like you've thought of that:).
 
We also have 4 horses but ours live out 24/7. We had 6 horses/ponies when the children were young.We had sharers then, its much better now they lookafter there own horses.
Maybe yours could live out at least while the children are young, its much easier.
 
Oooo, hang in there,
I wish I was local to you, as I would jump at helping you out.
Am trying to find a share/loan without any luck, am v experience (30 years), sold my horse 4 years ago and really miss her. Now have 2 kids (3 and 5), and alot of yards around here don't like the site of them!
xx
 
First off *big hugs* to you

I think before you give it all up, just downsize as it were.
I would give the loan pony back, gift the elderly one to said friend and just keep on your lovely mare, she is stunning, always loved your mare chickeninabun.

Then I would get a sharer who could give you some of your time back and she would be kept fitter.

This may have been suggested already, not read all replies, hope this would be an option. Right now it sounds as if volume is a real breaking point here, so slim down to one and see how you get on x
 
As others have suggested, I think downsizing and part livery is the answer. Before my two went into full care on a retirement farm, they were on part livery designed for working owners. I am in Australia and as is often the case here, they were in individual turnout paddocks with a shelter in each. The livery manager would feed the horses in the mornings with feed supplied by the owners and do the horses rugs. Really took the pressure off not having to visit the horses in the morning. Sharing is a great idea too. The only time my pony has looked svelte was when I had someone sharing him. Winter is an easy time to be depressed. Everything seems so much harder. The days are shorter. The pressure builds up. Hope that it all works out for you. Cheers.
 
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