Time to admit defeat??

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sodapop

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After nearly 29 years of riding and owning horses is it time to admit defeat and sell up?
I have survived a serious accident that ended my horses life, got back in the saddle with levels of confidence that change as often as the weather.
I cannot find anyone willing to take on one horse for a trim after being let down by my DAEP, no explanations, no replies to my messages; in fact most farriers/podiatrists can't even be bothered to return my calls.
My husband's work hours have got longer and more unpredictable, I often get a phone call saying he wont be back in time to pick our 5 year old up so I can't plan a time to ride, I cant risk being out on a ride in case I get a call.
I have been left too nervous to ride on roads so I have quite restrictive needs from a yard.
I have considered moving to a yard with a floodlit or indoor school so I could still ride with child in tow. It seems hard to find places with off road riding then when I do I phone them and they never phone me back. I appreciate they may be busy or full but they could phone me to tell me or put me on a waiting list. Not to mention my fear that the confidence I have got back will desert me if I change my riding location!
After living my life around horses it feels like life has beaten me :(
Sorry to be so negative,thought I might come up with an answer if I let it all out!
 
Sodapop, that sounds like tough stuff to deal with - lots of things ganging up to make it all seem bleak...when things get like this for me I find, if I'm able to dredge this technique up from the murk, to break it all down into chunks, to try to make the situation more manageable....
so...could you get some help with your little one?...do you have a trusty friend/relative you could leave her with while you ride, or even a horse-mad youngster who could come along and sit with little one whilst you ride in exchange for some horse experience or even a small amount of money?
Have you had any help to deal with the aftermath of the accident you survived? Is this something you could contemplate? Many us underestimate how much these things can affect us..or rather, we know they do affect us badly but sometimes don't feel 'entitled' to get some perspective or help to process and eventually move on.
Would it help to take a break from your situation for a while, just so you can reassess, rather than having to contemplate completely giving up? (perhaps you know someone who could short-term loan, or turn away your horse for a short while and either get paid/unpaid help to do horse chores)
It sounds like you need a pressure-release valve somewhere that can give you a bit of breathing space to just process...I know that's what I have to force myself to do when it all gets 'on top'..
Be kind to yourself and remember you have survived a traumatic event...I think you are tremendously brave to have carried on and to be able to say that right now, things are tough...(((hugs))
 
sodapop said:
After nearly 29 years of riding and owning horses is it time to admit defeat and sell up?
I have survived a serious accident that ended my horses life, got back in the saddle with levels of confidence that change as often as the weather.
I cannot find anyone willing to take on one horse for a trim after being let down by my DAEP, no explanations, no replies to my messages; in fact most farriers/podiatrists can't even be bothered to return my calls.
My husband's work hours have got longer and more unpredictable, I often get a phone call saying he wont be back in time to pick our 5 year old up so I can't plan a time to ride, I cant risk being out on a ride in case I get a call.
I have been left too nervous to ride on roads so I have quite restrictive needs from a yard.
I have considered moving to a yard with a floodlit or indoor school so I could still ride with child in tow. It seems hard to find places with off road riding then when I do I phone them and they never phone me back. I appreciate they may be busy or full but they could phone me to tell me or put me on a waiting list. Not to mention my fear that the confidence I have got back will desert me if I change my riding location!
After living my life around horses it feels like life has beaten me :(
Sorry to be so negative,thought I might come up with an answer if I let it all out!
Click to expand...

Sorry to hear about your accident, particularly your poor horse, it must have been horrendous for you.

Moving to a yard with floodlit facilities is a good move perhaps you should visit rather than relying on a telephone call then you can have a chat and see for yourself whether its going to be suitable for you.

It sounds to me that it's all about' baby steps' for you, one step at a time, find a suitable yard to suit your needs in getting your confidence back and see if you can arrange a baby sitter twice a week perhaps? Good luck :)
 
So sorry you feel so defeated ,its not the end of the line do try and find a suitable yard with plenty of off road hacking and a school ,many people have to ride with child in tow and if hubby working a lot how about a sharer to ease the load ,you bounced back from the accident and you can find a way round this too your confidence will grow once you have the right yard and routine in place x
 
Sounds like something has to give in your life at the moment. Perhaps a break from horsemanship will give you time to regroup, spend more family time and most important have a rest! You can stretch yourself too thin and end up not enjoying anything.
Life hasn't defeated you it's just changed for you temporarily. Do consider having a horse break as an option rather than defeat and best of luck :)
 
Dont admit defeat. Try and adjust what you have got to suit the life changes. Can you find a sharer who will be flexible and help out when you need it?. If you know that somebody else is doing something with your horse then you wont feel guilty and you will know that your horse is still getting lots of TLC and also hacking out so that he wont be spooky or silly if you then want to have a hack at the weekend. If you can find a yard with good atmosphere and floodlit facilities then you can squeeze a little ride in whenever you get the chance.
My equines help keep me sane and just going for some peace poo picking is enough to square things.
Good luck with whatever you decide
 
Just to update and thank those that replied.

It was absolutely bizarre but the day after I posted I finally found a farrier that said they would do my horse, so fingers crossed he is coming out this week.
I then answered an ad in a local paper and managed to find a yard with a floodlit menage,the people seem really kind and prepared to help out. I have took the plunge today and arranged to move at the end of the month.
I hope this is the start of things getting better because I get very sad at the thought of life without horses.
Fingers crossed and thanks again for the advice and support!
 
sodapop said:
Just to update and thank those that replied.

It was absolutely bizarre but the day after I posted I finally found a farrier that said they would do my horse, so fingers crossed he is coming out this week.
I then answered an ad in a local paper and managed to find a yard with a floodlit menage,the people seem really kind and prepared to help out. I have took the plunge today and arranged to move at the end of the month.
I hope this is the start of things getting better because I get very sad at the thought of life without horses.
Fingers crossed and thanks again for the advice and support!
Click to expand...

:D:D:D Love it when things come together!
 
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