Time to call it a day - heartbroken

TheSylv007

TheSylv007

Well-Known Member
Joined
25 February 2009
Messages
822
www.ridewelland.co.uk
I have posted here before about my horse Rose's issues with a torn DDFT which has recurred twice. It's been going on for 2 years and we've tried everything including a spell at Rockley following an MRI and an attempt at remedial shoeing. She came back much better but it didn't last and the intermittent lameness came back despite me following all the protocols. Don't get me wrong, Rockley sorted her feet out amazingly but the injury just kept on niggling. I retired her in January and reconciled myself to the fact that she would not be sound for riding but if she was happy mooching, I was happy to pay for her to be retired. Over the last few weeks I've noticed her becoming more unsound, even in walk so I had the vet out last week who said that it is now at the point where things are not getting better, just worse. I said to myself last year that if she didn't stay sound I would have her put down but as her unsoundness was always intermittent, I kicked the can down the road and didn't make the call as I couldn't face it as otherwise she seemed happy. Now I think I have finally reached the end of the road and I am in bits. The vet gave me painkillers for her so she can have a bit of time pain free while I get my head round things but I feel absolutely wretched. Coupled with a relationship breakdown, it all feels very unfair at the moment.

It's like a part of me is disappearing with her as I will no longer be horsey (I can't face having another one and have taken up running and biking to give me an outlet) and I feel so guilty as she's still pleased to see me. I just don't know how long to keep doing this. Is it right to just keep pumping her full of painkillers to make me feel better? Or should I let her have longer? I feel so awful at the thought of making the call while she looks so full of life and I can't stop crying. I've started going to counselling to try and cope with what's going on in my life and I know I have thrown everything I have at this but there is still a part of me that thinks it's wrong to sign her death warrant. Having Rose was truly my childhood dream and the thought of another loss on top of my relationship is so hard to bear.

I don't really know why I'm posting this but I know horse owners have to deal with this all the time, sadly it's part of the deal of having a horse. I just feel broken.
 
I am so so sorry, it sounds like you are having a very hard time at the moment.
In your heart of hearts you will know what is right for your girl.
It is a privilege to make these difficult decisions for our much loved animals, to put their best interests ahead of our own, and selflessly allow them to leave their pain and suffering behind.
x
 
I'm so Sorry, Love. It's never an easy decision to make and we all dread it.

Whatever you decide, remember the wonderful life you've given her and what a caring owner you've been.

(((((( xxxxxxxx ))))))
 
I’m so sorry that you’re going through all this. Like Sheep said, you know when the time is right. I’m of the opinion it’s better to pts too early than too late. Again, sorry you’re going through all this. It will get better in the end; you’ve got to feel the cr@p stuff to feel the good.
 
I am so sorry for the situation you are in. The answer to me is very simple. Does she have a reasonable quality of life? it doesn't matter if that is achieved by painkillers or not. If she does then let her carry on for a while, if not then I think it is time to call it a day now.
When I am in this position I don't plan in advance. Arranging the vet for next week or whatever would have me in pieces. I wait for the quality of life to start to become unsatisfactory and ask to have the horse PTS that day. That has always worked for me.
 
The decision is yours, there is no right or wrong. If you do not feel its right to medicate for pain then your option is to pts. If you medicate she could continue pain free for sometime or need continually higher doses to stay comfortable. There are a number of options and you need to try and work through to a conclusion, that is best for you. Your health is as important as your horse, bear that in mind. I have had a horse on painkillers for years and he is happy and well. My other horse I have made the choice to put to sleep as soon as he shows pain. Two horses two different choices.
 
I have one on painkillers who is mechanically lame, stiff and still full of beans and happy with life. 100% retired. I assess him regularly because he is a very stoic character and dread the day the spark will start to fade.

The other one may well beat him to the rainbow bridge as she isn't retirement material due to metabolic issues.

Personally I think if you can afford to keep them comfortable on painkillers and they are genuinely OK with their life then there's nothing wrong with that. The problem comes when it goes past that and people keep them ticking over because they can't make that call. You can always try danilon for a few weeks and see how it goes.
 
You poor thing. What a horrible situation. You ask ' Is it right to just keep pumping her full of painkillers to make me feel better?'' - If she is happy and pain free on a reasonable dose of painkillers then I am one who really doesnt see the harm in keeping her on them. Few things to ask yourself/think about - Is she quite happy to mooch around the field or quite obviously uncomfortable still? Are you able to afford it? Are you able/happy to keep a bit pasture pet financially? If she is happy enough and it makes you happy having her around even though she cant be ridden then dont rush into anything just yet. Give yourself time, you obviously have enough to deal with.
If she isnt happy, only you know your own horse so be honest with yourself here, then you need to do what is right for her. Its the worst feeling in the world it really is.
If you do have to make 'that' decision then be kind to yourself. Know that you are doing it out of love for your horse, it sounds like you have already tried damn hard so you arent exactly giving up on her. Hugs xx
 
its an awful decision and never easy in any situation been there myself a few times you can only do what you think is right its so rubbish to be going through it.

if she is comfortable now see how she goes through the summer its the easiest time of year when they have soundness problems and then re think it when the bad weather comes and see how she is.
 
I couldn't read and not post. So sorry for your situation. As others have said quality of life over quantity and I think you will know when the time is right. All the time the painkillers are working I would let her carry on but when they stop working then the last thing you can do for her is to let her go peacefully. I kept my elderly pony for a good few years on painkillers. He was eating and happy so why not.
I know you do not plan on another horse but I was advised many years ago to "get another" when my childhood pony was elderly. This was on the advice of someone who had just lost one but had another. I got another and having him was my salvation when my pony went . If finances allow I think you should consider another now as for me, having another made it easier. I was still broken but having my new one certainly helped enormously. For me having something else to love ( I was single) was very important. Fast forward 20 years and my second one is now elderly and I have bought my third!
Best of luck whatever you do.
 
Another who couldn't read and not post - a particularly poignant one for me as my boy is being pts this week. He's another who at a glance looks well and 'normal' but he is starting to struggle - as soon as I saw that, I knew.

I think you will know in your heart what is right, and if the painkillers allow you a little time to come to a hard decision then there is nothing wrong with that. Be kind to yourself, it is the worst feeling - you obviously love her and have tried all you can.
 
Thank you all so much for your kind words, I've got a little time to get my head around a decision. This is one of the hardest things I've ever done and I have to confess I've never felt this low.
 
It is never an easy decision and this has come at a particularly bad time for you. I am another who prefers to judge on quality of life, so if the painkillers work for her and you can afford them, I would give her the summer, at least. For more than one horse, I have booked for the Equine Crem to come at a time when I knew I would be off work, with some time to come round a bit after the event. Others have had to be pts in more of an emergency situation and tbh, I haven't found that the different situations have made any difference to the feeling of loss and upset. What I have found helps is having other horses to care for, it keeps your routine going, ime.
You might feel, in a month or two, that it would be unfair to expect her to cope with winter weather and mud, so make your decision then, or you might find that the pain relief is so effective that she is apparently 'normally sound' and enjoy having her around for a while longer.
Whatever happens, I hope you feel happier soon.
 
Pinkvboots said:
its an awful decision and never easy in any situation been there myself a few times you can only do what you think is right its so rubbish to be going through it.

if she is comfortable now see how she goes through the summer its the easiest time of year when they have soundness problems and then re think it when the bad weather comes and see how she is.
Click to expand...

That's exactly what I was thinking - keep her going through the summer and reconsider the decision in the autumn. That will give you more time to recover from your relationship breakdown as well.
 
Having just gone through this myself I know where you are at. My horse was not comfortable on the 2 bute a day and I didn't want to up it anymore. I was going to give him till the winter too but saw him on a bad day and thought hed had enough. It been awful, but I know in my heart it was the best thing. If horse is sound on a low dose of bute then Id say leave things as they are for a while.
 
It is very hard on you. I'm so sorry, I can only say that the feeling of dread lifts once you've made a decision and only you can do that.
 
I'm so sorry that life is being so unkind to you just now. Hang on in there.

If you think it will help you to keep your horse going a little longer then, if you can keep her comfortable, I can see no problem with you doing so. However, you may find it too difficult in the circumstances, and I would also certainly not judge you for pts sooner rather than later if you think that will be easier to cope with. Your horse has been very lucky to have you as an owner - try to remember that during all the awfulness x
 
I’d see how she goes on the painkillers, you’ll know when she isn’t comfortable anymore. I have kept more than one horse on pain killers over long periods of time if I felt they were still enjoying their quality of life. Don’t rush yourself into making a decision and you’ll know when the time to say goodbye is there.
 
I feel for you, I have been in the same situation with my youngster, take a deep breath and do what you what you think is right. Everybody will want to have an opinion, at the end of the day do what is right for you and your horse. Better too early than too late.x
 
I'm so sorry for you. Life has dealt you some unfair blows recently and to lose your best mate now after everything you've been through together must be devastating.

Could you take yourself off for a break somewhere for a few days after she's gone? Sounds like you'll really need to take care of yourself for a little while.

Thinking of you. xx
 
Penny Less said:
Having just gone through this myself I know where you are at. My horse was not comfortable on the 2 bute a day and I didn't want to up it anymore. I was going to give him till the winter too but saw him on a bad day and thought hed had enough. It been awful, but I know in my heart it was the best thing. If horse is sound on a low dose of bute then Id say leave things as they are for a while.
Click to expand...

This is what I have decided for my 28yo, she is arthritic and struggled with the cold weather last winter. She will need bute to help her through this winter, and will stay on it. When she is not comfortable on 2 a day, then I will let her go.
 
I thought I would just update everyone who very kindly responded to this thread. Rose was put down this morning. The lameness was still evident even on painkillers and she wasn't happy in the field any more. Going to say goodbye to her last night was probably one of the hardest things I've ever done, in all other ways she looked so healthy. At least now I know she has no more pain and the endless heartache of injuries is over.

I will miss her so much, she was my childhood dream come true.
 
Sorry for your loss Take care of yourself You did what was best for her So be proud of yourself for allowing her this freedom
 
I am so sorry for your loss, but what a lucky horse Rose was to have such a thoughtful, kind, caring & loving owner.
Look after yourself, thinking of you at this very sad time.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top