Time to throw in the towel?

S

saddlesore

Well-Known Member
Joined
13 April 2008
Messages
4,789
Location
Wonderland!!
Visit site
Bit of background for those that don't know:

Ridden for 23 yrs, owned for 17yrs and bought what has turned out to be a nervous (now 5yo) a year ago. All was going reasonably okay until an accident on the road around 4 months ago resulted in a broken ankle.
Trouble in my confidence is now TOTALLY shattered to the point that some days I can barely get on. I can almost hold it together in the school but hacking out makes me ill, and any time the horse gets tense, I freeze and make things worse.
frown.gif
frown.gif

Just wondering if others have got past this by remaining with the same horse or if they have waved the white flag and moved on?
frown.gif
 
Oh hun. Know how you feel to some extent.

Unless you have a need to hack out, don't. Just do what you're comfortable with. Get a friend or an instructor to be with you. Consider a sharer whilst you get back on track to where you're comfortable.

Hugs hunny.
 
So sorry to hear this
frown.gif


Can someone else ride your horse for you while you get your confidence back on another horse? Can your local riding school help, they should have something very safe for you to practice on?

I lost my nerve too, got it back by actually going through the thing that scared me - a flat out bolt on open ground - and surviving it. However this is not exactly a great way of doing it and it not what I set out to do
crazy.gif
But I do totally sympathise with you
frown.gif
 
Poor you -went through a nervous patch with my lad -he can be a little loopy and i have had several nasty accidents in the past ( not with him )and at my age I think they would have to sweep up the bones with a broom !!
Got through it but every now and again I still have odd momments - if your not having fun move on dont look at it as a failure just a sensible move .
 
Been there, done it! I just couldn’t carry on with my nerves in tatters, so I sold the horse and bought Bodey Cob. The best thing I ever did, I’m having so much fun now. It just has to be fun, it's a hobby, otherwise what is the point????
 
Boo that really sucks! Can't you borrow a happy hacker and a competent rider? You could then chuck said rider on your boy, get on the quiet plod and hack out together? It might well fix the confidence problems in you and help prevent your horse from developing them!
smile.gif
 
I wouldn't see it as throwing in the towel, possibly just realising that the situation isn't right for either of you. I would say you might be better finding someone else for your horse and maybe sharing with a friend for a while to recover your confidence.

Has the situation got any better in the time since the accident?
 
You poor poor thing! You should be habing fun and enjoying you horse, as said above maybe consider a sharer? I certainly wouldn't hack out if you get that nervous as your horse will feed from it and it wont do either of you any good.
Keep your chin up hun and let us know what you decide?
Hugs
Kate x
 
No don't give up and keep him give yourself and him time. If you sell him and buy another you will find that you will still be looking for trouble no matter how good the horse is. Work through the problem and you will both come out better the other side. Or sell him give up for a couple of years come back you still have the same fear.
 
Thanks for all the replies. Its just such a horrid situation becuase apart from the ankle 'incident' lol he is actually a good boy - just naturally a bit of a worrier - not helped by the fact that I'm that way inclined myself.
He has been hacking out well with others so I know that I'm a big part of the problem, but knowing that doesn't solve the problem if that makes sense? Added to this is the fact that the thought of riding a strange horse makes me feel ill!!!
Gah, just feel so useless today
frown.gif
frown.gif
 
I lost my confidence on my horse after a fall. We had ups and downs but i never got it back with him and after a year battling i sold him and moved on. I'm now back to my normal self with a new ned. I think if it gets to the point where the fun has gone and everything feels a chore then its time to move on - before that there's hope!
 
[ QUOTE ]
No don't give up and keep him give yourself and him time. If you sell him and buy another you will find that you will still be looking for trouble no matter how good the horse is. Work through the problem and you will both come out better the other side. Or sell him give up for a couple of years come back you still have the same fear.

[/ QUOTE ]
I’m sorry but I just don’t agree with this! Just because you are nervous on one horse ( a nervous youngster) doesn’t automatically mean you will be scared on a another more sensible horse. Both me and my sister have had horses that weren’t right for us but we sold them, and bought horses that were right for us and now we are having so much fun (in fact we were out playing XC today). Of course this is just my opinion.
 
I have a horse that knocked my confidence, but being a bit bloody minded, I would have carried on trying with her. It was actually lameness that forced me to give up and I got a replacement riding horse. Having the other one made me realize how pointless it is to keep battling on with a horse you don't actually enjoy, they all cost the same to keep.

You could try having some lessons, some teachers will happily hack out with you if that's what you need. However, if you really don't trust your horse, sell him and get another one, life's too short.
 
[ QUOTE ]
Has the situation got any better in the time since the accident?

[/ QUOTE ]

Up and down. Some days I can get on (in the school) and walk/trot/canter and actually RIDE him quite positively without being a passenger and I have hacked him out a few times - although I'm most definately a passenger then! I think the school has become a bit of a comfort zone so I try to push myself beyond it but each time I do, I feel like I actually set myself back if that makes sense?
Others have been riding him so he is still ticking over nicely - thankfully!
 
Just getting on a safe plod and walking round a school will help. Ring round some instructors and be totally honest. A good one can really help.

I can't even remember how many times I ended up either crying or hyperventillating in a school for no reason at all. A good sympathetic instructor was a huge help.

The other thing that helped was time, and determination not to lose to my own fear.

You can do it chick.
 
Strangely enough _Gina_ I was thinking about your situation earlier and how getting Prince really helped you move on. You and JoBo always look you're having so much fun and that's definately where I want to be again!
I think I'll see if I can ride other horses hacking out and see if I feel more confident on them. I guess if I notice a big change in myself then perhaps it is time to move on....... I've grown really fond of the wee terror too!
frown.gif
 
[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
Has the situation got any better in the time since the accident?

[/ QUOTE ]

I think the school has become a bit of a comfort zone so I try to push myself beyond it but each time I do, I feel like I actually set myself back if that makes sense?


[/ QUOTE ]

Isn't that your answer? Seems like you know what you want. I'm with JoBo and Gina, there is no shame in moving on and finding the right horse for you.
 
Oh, have really been there, done that, and still doing it.

Dont know what to say to make it better, other than how many times had you ridden your horse before the accident happend?,,, so no reason top think it wil happen again, easier said than doneI knoe, but you will get there, ride him where you feel safe unitl you feel able to rdie him else where, you wilcstill be nervous, I chose to ride mine at the seaside, my knees where shaking sooo much I had to get off for the sake of my horse.

I got off and started to walked inhand, told myslef it would never do and actualy slapped my slef around the head. Got back on and had a canter. Still nervous, but did take my nerves in hand.

Do not forget our nerves keep us on the ball and alert, and most of all do not beat yourself up, if you do not feel able then do not do it.

This is coming from soneone wo could ride anything and jump well over 5 foot, I now have to suck up every bit of myslef just to get on and enjoy, and after 5 mins I do enjoy.

Sorry long, and GOOD LUCK ((((( hugs ))))
 
I completely lost confidence with my horse when she became dangerous. I didn't ride her for months but lunged her a lot so that we bonded better and I got to know her. I couldn't go anywhere near her without shaking and crying whether it be in the stable, field or anywhere. When people used to try and get me to get back on her I would just fall to pieces. When I finally did start getting back on her and she was naughty I would have panic attack type things. However I stuck with her and I now wouldn't change her for the world, even though she did bolt with me on the road (twice!) the other week.
I think that sticking with the same horse was the best thing for me because it meant I didn't have to beat myself up about the what ifs etc. It also is amazing to know that my pony who was dangerous and nearly had to be shot was the favourite at pony club camp and everyone wanted her. It's a good feeling when you know you've done it yourself.
However that was just me and it did take a long time and for a long time it wasn't fun. So I think only you truely know wether you and your horse can work it out. The thing you have to think about is will changing the horse cancel out all of your problems, or will they still be there?

(Sorry it got long but it's something I could talk about for hours
crazy.gif
)
 
In a strange way I also feel like I would be letting him down if we parted company becuase he is only now starting to trust people, lets you handle his face (was seriously headshy), be caught in the field (only by me
smirk.gif
) and now takes carrots etc from your hand - he was too scared to be near a hand before so in some ways I think he would go backwards again with someone else
confused.gif
Do you think hypnosis and things work to get past a 'mental block' like this or is that just wishful thinking?
 
[ QUOTE ]
The thing you have to think about is will changing the horse cancel out all of your problems, or will they still be there?

[/ QUOTE ]

That's the million dollar question!
 
You poor thing. i sympathise. i got to the stage i couldn't get on a horse without crying/being sick etc because of an accident.

eventually i bought raff as one last-ditch attempt at getting confidence back, and it worked... but it took time.

i've been 'out of the saddle' for a few months (pregnancy) and am very very nervous about starting raff again... so i've been looking into instructors that specialise in confidence giving. http://www.enjoyriding.com/instructors.php

good luck. be strong.
laugh.gif
 
I know exactly how you feel, i am going through the same sort of thing with a pony i loved to ride until he bolted with me and i came out the side door. I rode a few times afterwards but never felt safe on him without somone with me, which ment he was only being riden once in a blue moon. I am lucky anough to have other horses so i turned him away and concentrated on the ones i felt safe on to get my confidence back.I have just started riding him now and touch wood its going well, but i still react if he spooks, but i am staying withing my safty/comfort zones until i feel its right to go further. build up your confidence a bit at a time , ride in the school until your bored with it and you want to hack. Hack out with company it will boost your confidence. Good luck, it takes time.
 
I have to say I lost my confidence on my old mare and after three years of battling I eventually sold her and bought River - best decision ever had loads of fun on him, trusted him totally.

This said she was dangerously naughty - think would rear up and throw herself over backwards in a tantrum. I just wasn't experienced enough.

There is hope if you want to work on it - build things up slowly, but equally there is no shame or harm done by admitting its not fun anymore and moving on.

I know its not easy - I'm worried how I'll feel getting back on my youngster after a nasty fall 6 months ago - we found out he'd hurt his back - hence the bronking fit - so has been off work since - but I've said if I'm too nervous when he's been restarted etc, I'll sell him and get something I am confident on - as others have said its supposed to be fun.
 
Yeah Prince has been great for me. A large part of my problem is that I knew for a long time that I wanted to sell Ru but I had a lot of pressure to keep going by people that just couldn't understand what I was feeling. Jo kept trying to push me in the right direction but at the end of the day it had to be me to decide what to do and once I had done that I felt so relieved! I'd have days where it all went well and I'd think I was being silly and then other days where for no reason I lost it all again. I also felt that if i sold him I'd be a failure and I'd be letting him down.

Bearing in mind as well that he had hardly any education - he was backed and then spent a year going round and round a school - it just wasn't fair to continue doing that with a scared rider. He need to get out hacking. Plus he's a professionals horse - he's been quite a challenge for my instructor but he's done some beautiful work! He's just a little too athletic when he's scared!!!

I was scared of any horse for quite a while - including Bodey - who is safe as you can get. That's why I had to have Prince as I felt instantly confident on him which made me grin form ear to ear after so long of not feeling that way!!!

Jo's theory always sticks in my head now and I think it's good to live by - it's too expensive not to be having fun!

All I can say is listen to your heart.

xxx
 
Take the pressure of yourself, these things take time, sometimes it takes longer for some of us to get it back than others, but thats fine.
smile.gif


On the evenings you don't feel like, simply don't, use your time doing something else on the ground with your horse.

When are feeling in a more daring (as in not confident but enough to get on) make sure someone is with you, for your safety and just to lighten the mood, always helps if you have got someone talking to you, even if its just cracking a few jokes and taking your mind off what you are doing, just walk round for 10 minutes and finish on a good note, or sometimes its helps to build your confidence if you watch someone else ride them too.

Until you have convinced yourself and feel comfortable riding in the school (if you have one) then don't attempt to take your horse out, it will only make you feel worse and will effect your horse. You can't rush these things no matter how much people try and drill it in to you that you'll be ok, its impossible to change the way you feel, you have build the trust up again gradually, doesnt mean you have to throw in the towl, are you in rush to hack your horse out? can you not hack out another horse if your missing hacking out? give yourself and your horse little targets and try to acheive them in the safety of your school, your horse is only young and will have a lot to learn yet.

If you find that you want a horse to ride out and do everthing on now, then perhaps thinking about getting something else, there is no shame in that but don't give up yet...give yourself a chance.

smile.gif
 
I too have ridden for years and years, i bought myself a real nice horse a few years ago to jump and progress through the grades, but when jumping big fences he would land and buck, i fell off every time! and it terrified me so tried to persevire and just jump cross poles till i got my confidence but because i was so tense he started doing it then too, 6 months after deciding i wasnt going to jump anymore i was too scared to even canter on the flat, so I gave him to a friend to ride and sold him on after that, gave myself time to decide if i really wanted another one, then when i did i got Buzz and havent looked back since, I spent along time with buzz just doing things to make me brave and ended up with the confidence to jump senior newcomers on him (he's only 14.2hh) a massive thing for me after almost giving up completly, If your not enjoying it its not fair on yourself and could well be time to move on, no shame in that at all.
 
been there done it. Best advice my (non-horsey) brother gave me was to point out the bleeding obvious - costs as much in time and money to keep a bad horse as a good one. We form partnerships with our horses so if you aren't clicking with your boy, then I would look for another horse and to get your confidence up - try to find a friends horse or riding school pony to get back on. This is your hobby and enjoyment and if you think back to how much pleasure you had with your previous boy and how you are worrying now then that might make it easier. What one person likes another just wont get on with. Even the very top riders will sometimes have to pass on very good horses because they just dont get on!
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top