Time With Horse Vs Time With OH

Flosii said:
Everyone is different and I think that couples have to accept each others hobbies and passions.

My OH knows that my horse is my passion and understands that there are times where my horse will come first. (for example when I was in a rush due to a ball and I ended up having to call the vet out, OH asked if I would like him to come to the yard and wait with me but I said it was fine and that he should go to the function.)

On the other hand OH loves his game shooting and dsuring the shooting season is regularly away on shoot days and will stay away for two or three days at a time leaving me to look after the asortment of animals.

But it works for us.................... as long as your arrangement and lifestyle suits you and your OH then why worry about what anyone else thinks?!
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Oh I'm not worried about what anyone else thinks - we just doour own thing and are different from all of our friends who all seem to have the same interests. I was just interested to see how other people planned their horse and yard duties around life that's all. :)
 
I struggle but i appreciate its simply because i expect too much - i have a demanding job (which my OH doesnt like much), which i need to pay for my horses (we moved house 12 months ago and the key driver was to get land to have them at home - we need my salary to pay for the place) but because i work long hours i need my OH to help out or to carry the weight of other household things. Its tough and i never seem to get the balance right of work, OH and the horses - he is brilliant though and does far more than he wants to (he is a teacher so has a bit more free time than me). My OH will occassionally have a grumble about the horses (I have 3) - his biggest grumble though is that i spend too much time thinking, talking, worrying about them (he's less bothered about the doing things with them) - having only moved them out of livery to home 6 months ago this is in the main due to getting used to once again taking full day to day responsibility. Despite the hard work and the worry that i somehow never seem to quite get it right i know next year will be easier (once we have been through every season at home and get a routine) and nothing beats waking up, opening the curtains and seeing my three girls in their paddock or being able to pop out late at night and check on them in their stable (which i did about 4 times the night of the storm)!
 
Interesting to read the replies.
I have a friend who is lucky enough to keep her horses at home, her OH works shifts and is not horsey at all. He is more the old school type who expects everything (housework etc) to be done by her and he pays the bills. She has a part-time job which pays for her horses. She has actually told him on more than one occasion that if it wasn't for the horses then she wouldn't be there! Maybe it's just me but I find that really bizarre that she is content to stay there feeling like that, can't imagine how it makes her OH feel!!
 
Jaycee said:
He is more the old school type who expects everything (housework etc) to be done by her and he pays the bills. She has a part-time job which pays for her horses.
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My OH expects me to do all the housework AND pay half of the bills lol :P

Not really true, but it certainly feels like it sometimes. I wish I could switch to part time, it would make the whole time-with-horse-vs-OH conflict a non-issue.

Can't say I'd stay with someone just so I could keep my horse, though.
 
That's bad if he expects her to do everything!! I'm lucky in the fact that we share all the bills and the housework too. He's a good egg :)

Also, I saw on his iPad internet page last night (sneaking a look as I walked past) and it was open on the Robinsons website looking at things... Xmas presents maybe?!! :D
 
You see i dont see it has horse v OH at all but im lucky with my guy. what he loved when we met was my passiion for horses as he is passionate about sailing. he understood my time and need to be with baby and i equally embraced his love of sailing. When i got call to say baby had colic before i came of phone to vet a flask ofcoffe being made and he had keys ready to drive me and he sat with me at stable all night.when i had baby pts in aug he was my quiet rock just there understanding what i was going through. Never once had he questioned the time or money i spent on my lass. Im a lucky lady esp as we get married next year :)
 
I know, I think OH thinks ponies come first!! He's actually very sweet about them though, bar the occasional Findus joke...
 
I cannot understand people who say a horse is more important than a person, someone you are meant to love. So if both your horse and partner where stuck in a fire and you could only choose one to save you'd pick a animal..?if so you clearly with the wrong person.

My husband will always be the no1 thing in my life, he does not grudge me my horse or time with it but then I'm considerate , I go up ride and come home. At weekends it helps he has his own interests so he will go I his bike and I will go seen horse but I always make time for him, and if I ever had to choose, he would come 1st.

This is also why I have my horse on full livery so all I need to do is ride and also the reason I will only ever have 1 horse. So that the horse does not take up all my spare time.

I feel sorry for any man made to feel 2nd best to a horse, it must be soul destroying
 
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Daytona said:
I cannot understand people who say a horse is more important than a person, someone you are meant to love. So if both your horse and partner where stuck in a fire and you could only choose one to save you'd pick a animal..?if so you clearly with the wrong person.

My husband will always be the no1 thing in my life, he does not grudge me my horse or time with it but then I'm considerate , I go up ride and come home. At weekends it helps he has his own interests so he will go I his bike and I will go seen horse but I always make time for him, and if I ever had to choose, he would come 1st.

This is also why I have my horse on full livery so all I need to do is ride and also the reason I will only ever have 1 horse. So that the horse does not take up all my spare time.

I feel sorry for any man made to feel 2nd best to a horse, it must be soul destroying
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I do agree with this - he is the most important thing in my life and I'd be lost wthout him. I make sure he feels like a priority and he knows he is - that's why he would never ask me to choose between him and the horse because there is no need to.

I am on DIY as I cannot afford full livery but the yard is almost next to our house so that's ok, it is easy just to nip there to turn out/bring in. And like I said before, the YO is more than happy to do services and you can py for full livery on the odd day to give you a horse free day for something else.

My horse is important but I always make sure my OH feels important too, I'm only happy when he's happy and vice versa.
 
It is a compromise, surely? I don't live with my BF so we schedule in time around our various hobbies. He knows I have a responsibility to my horse, and he also understands that we get more time together in the summer as horse is out 24/7. Winter is more difficult and he understands that too. He never begrudges me time with my horse. In the late summer I had a spate of weekends where I was competing and seeing friends a lot, so when that happens, he takes the opportunity to make the most of time doing his hobbies and seeing his friends. If I go eventing or hunting then he will go off and do man things with his friends for the day. When I ride after work, he will arrange to play squash or go to the gym. Likewise, if he has a card tournament (or whatever stuff he does) on a Sat, he lets me know and I arrange a competition for that day. Then, we will sort out a weekend when neither of us are doing anything and ensure we spend it together. We might go for a long walk, have a day out at a museum/ country house, go for dinner, or even just a day on the sofa watching films. He is really understanding about the time my horse takes up - he always spends the weekend at mine because getting to the yard from his is a mission for me, so I try to ensure we have at least one weekend day a month where the horse goes on full livery and we can spend it together.

It is just a case of being organised. I also don't expect him to spend his entire weekend watching me competing or up the yard helping me poo pick. He isn't horsey, he will come up occasionally but I don't make him. I can't understand these women (and I know plenty of them) who insist their OH helps them at every competition or does yard jobs for them. It's your hobby, let your OH have that time to do his own stuff!
 
chestnut cob said:
I can't understand these women (and I know plenty of them) who insist their OH helps them at every competition or does yard jobs for them. It's your hobby, let your OH have that time to do his own stuff!
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Oh god, I know what you mean - I have seen them at competitions sat there looking all miserable and bored for hours on end. Poor things! If I tried to make my OH come to a competition all day or even at the yard I'd never hear the end of it. He will show his face every now and again if it's for something special, however his supportiveness is from leaving me to do my own thing at the yard because he knows I always make time for him. Plus he is plenty happy enough to get rid of me for a few hours in the day to do his own stuff too!

And yes, summer is a completley different kettle of fish - hurry up winter!! I hate it already!
 
Cheshire Chestnut said:
Oh god, I know what you mean - I have seen them at competitions sat there looking all miserable and bored for hours on end. Poor things! If I tried to make my OH come to a competition all day or even at the yard I'd never hear the end of it. He will show his face every now and again if it's for something special, however his supportiveness is from leaving me to do my own thing at the yard because he knows I always make time for him. Plus he is plenty happy enough to get rid of me for a few hours in the day to do his own stuff too!

And yes, summer is a completley different kettle of fish - hurry up winter!! I hate it already!
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I qualified for some DR champs in the summer (which I didn't go to in the end, but that's by the by) which the BF wanted to come to, as he thought it was quite an important comp. But he won't come to watch me jump. He is quite happy to sit with me and watch Badminton or similar on TV, and will agree to come with me to a big horsey event (if I can't find any horsey friends to go with!), but he outright refuses to watch me SJ or XC. Says he is terrified about seeing me fall off, and that having him there might make me nervous and fall off, so then it would be his fault if I was injured. Loves to see the photos and hear all about it after though, and makes me call him when I get off horse so he knows I'm OK. He also worries that he'd get in the way. My Dad makes quite a good groom and has a lot more time on his hands than BF, so when I'm competing I now get Dad to come with me to walk the course the day before (if local), then he meets me at the yard to come in car to competition with me. He's great at calming me down when nervous, good photographer, loves being involved with the horses, good carrier/ fetcher of stuff and doesn't get offended if I shout at him! Since my Mom died he does get a bit lonely at weekends so it works really well all round - BF does his stuff, Dad feels useful and important, and he enjoys the day/ weekend out with me.

I love the fact we both have our own hobbies and haven't sacrificed them for each other - it is healthy to have time doing different things, plus it gives you stuff to talk about when you see them later. Agree with you CC, I feel a bit sorry for those clearly long-suffering non-horsey OHs who you see at the competitions. Usually just playing with their phones!
 
chestnut cob said:
Agree with you CC, I feel a bit sorry for those clearly long-suffering non-horsey OHs who you see at the competitions. Usually just playing with their phones!
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Maybe there's a gap in the market for a 'Boyfriend Tent' at shows and competitions with Playstations, beer and Sky Sports....??

Sorry to hear about your mum, your dad must be glad of having something to do that not only keeps him busy but something where he can watch you be happy at the same time. Dads are great at shows and I don't think they mind being shouted at a bit, stern direction I like to call it! Especially when my dad gave me the most enthusiastic leg-up ever just before my Best Turned Out class, that threw me over the other side and landed me in all the hay with grass stains all over my white jods...! :( ha!
 
I had been married for 25 years when I bought my first horse. During that time I worked full-time, did 90% of the household chores, paid all the bills.

My o/h always had time for football, golf, cricket all time consuming hobbies.

I cannot imagine him entering into a debate about whether his spouse was short-changed when he spent all weekend playing cricket!! (I can't do those smiley faces.)
 
chestnut cob said:
I can't understand these women (and I know plenty of them) who insist their OH helps them at every competition or does yard jobs for them. It's your hobby, let your OH have that time to do his own stuff!
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I always feel so sorry for those blokes, they look so folorn standing there, holding a water bucket or something, so obviously a fish out of water and bored! Completely different if they are horsey and enjoy being there.

Personally, I have never found my horses get too much in the way of the rest of my life; don't get me wrong, I've done the early morning training sessions, weekends away at competitions, and spent more money than I care to add up, but I've always managed to maintain a good job and full personal life as well, its really no different to any other hobby. Anyone who begrudges you time spent on a hobby you enjoy probably isn't worth being in a relationship with.
 
Well we have three cats and a welsh D! I dont think my OH is concerned that my horse gets more attention or time. I have always had my horse on rented land rather than a stable yard and that means I can get jobs done quicker as not distracted chatting to friends etc. I also get up at 5am every day to do my horse in the mornings and that means that I can spend a bit more time at weekends as OH is still in bed.
He knows that having a horse is a responsibility and would not want any animal to not have the care it needed. I can only assume he is happy with the situation as we have just invested a lot of money in building a stable and barn opposite our house to make life easier for me in the winter months...rather than struggling round the roads walking to my horses field.
 
That is a great idea Cheshire Chestnut lol...

Time I spend @ the yard as alot of the time causes battles here - didn't have horses when I met my OH so its been a bit trickier. He has zero interest at all and hasn't even seen my new horse I got 2 mths ago lol.... TBH now that my youngest is at Montessori , I try to get all my riding in in the mornings & then am gone for couple of hours on a Saturday, summer was tough with all the shows as Sunday is supposed to be a " Horse Free Zone" lol but for winter will die down as any of the shows we are doing are mostly on a Saturday...

Cheshire Chestnut said:
Maybe there's a gap in the market for a 'Boyfriend Tent' at shows and competitions with Playstations, beer and Sky Sports....??
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my horses are at home so unfortunately for husband he has to put up with more than most lol Although now he does call them 'our horses' which is a forwards step!! He is also very good at helping me with mending broken stables or fixing fencing etc. but I haven't managed to get him hitched up to a shavings fork lol

He enjoys watching me ride and is happy to come along for trips to the beach or XC schooling but not to shows as there is too much waiting around (I agree with him there)

He also has a time consuming hobby of his own - I support him in this, go places with him, help him with training when necessary etc. so it works both ways. I am glad he has a good hobby too, it's better for the sole :D
 
I already had my pony when I met my husband. In some ways I'm lucky as he was bought up with horses so knows what is involved but doesn't want to come to the stables. We have always agreed that Sunday was our day, so we can pursue our own interests the rest of the week. If I want to ride on a Sunday or he wants to do something we always ask if the other one minds. This works for us as we are both independent and it would actually be very easy for us to spend no time together!
 
When I started going out with my ex, I made it VERY clear from the start that horses would ALWAYS be a major part of my life, he chose to accept that.

Unfortunately, it didn't last and he became my ex. Yes, of course time was spent together, but trying to get me to get rid of horse...? Not a chance!

I made a vow, I'd remain single if I never found a bloke who was horsey!

Lucky me, found one! :D There is never any expectations of time spent, as we are mostly with the horses now together!

He doesn't come to every show with me, as he enjoys fishing in the summer as well, but i can be out all day with the horse and he's doin' his own thing, I could roll in at midnight and he's fine with it!

Certainly know I'm lucky, but there has to be some understanding at the beginning of a relationship on what commitments are important to each other, and a mutual ground found...
 
Me and my OH have known each other since we were kids. So he's always known me and my family are animal lovers and into horses. Been a couple for 18 years, married 10 years have have 2 children. Our daughter is horse mad and keeps her pony at my sisters livery yard. My OH makes out he's ok with us going to the yard but really he isn't. He never watches her ride or compete, if she does well at a show he's not bothered, when he has come to anything he's been so miserable. If i have a weekend away from the yard my husband doesn't want to do anything with us anyway so can't win. I love the social side at the yard probably because I don't have that at home. My son used to ride but my husband discouraged it so he's a yard hater too... Men I'd pick horses any day! ;)
 
My OH is as involved in horses as I am - his passion is hunting - and he works away from home for weeks on end to fund our horses. I get a summer to myself, riding for others and teaching while our guys are on holiday, and a winter of hunting with my partner.

:D :D
 
Cheshire Chestnut said:
Maybe there's a gap in the market for a 'Boyfriend Tent' at shows and competitions with Playstations, beer and Sky Sports....??

Sorry to hear about your mum, your dad must be glad of having something to do that not only keeps him busy but something where he can watch you be happy at the same time. Dads are great at shows and I don't think they mind being shouted at a bit, stern direction I like to call it! Especially when my dad gave me the most enthusiastic leg-up ever just before my Best Turned Out class, that threw me over the other side and landed me in all the hay with grass stains all over my white jods...! :( ha!
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Haha! I shouldn't laugh, I'm sorry, but can just imagine your Dad getting all overenthusiastic and launching you out the other side!! :D

And thank you, that's kind of you. He helped me at a HT recently. It was my first 90cm and he was at the first fence to take a pic (horse spooked wildly at him as well, due to where he was sat... :/) then ran down to the finish. He got there just as I crossed the finish line and was really disappointed he hadn't got the camera, as he said my face with its big grin was a picture. But yes, you are right, he loved seeing me enjoying myself and being able to be part of that. I was on such a high when I finished and he really did enjoy seeing that, helping me out and then hearing all about it all the way home (even though he doesn't really understand it!). He has always said that he will do yard jobs for me if I need a hand too, ie fetching in, mucking out if I'm stuck at work. I sometimes get him doing jobs in my house too (he lives about 1.5 miles away) because he enjoys walking around with his dog, and feeling useful (which prob sounds incredibly patronising and isn't meant to, but you know what I mean).

There is DEF a gap in the market for the boyfriend tent. Shall we go into business?! ;)
 
DragonSlayer said:
Unfortunately, it didn't last and he became my ex. Yes, of course time was spent together, but trying to get me to get rid of horse...? Not a chance!
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I went out with a guy like this in my 20s. His usual complaint was "why do you have to spend all weekend with that bl00dy horse?" and when I asked him what he'd prefer me to do, the answer was "come and watch me play rugby like all the other guy's GFs". Err, stand around in the freezing cold rain watching a bunch of fat blokes rolling around in the mud? No thanks!

Certainly know I'm lucky, but there has to be some understanding at the beginning of a relationship on what commitments are important to each other, and a mutual ground found...
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Agree. Understanding and respect I think.
 
Rollin said:
I cannot imagine him entering into a debate about whether his spouse was short-changed when he spent all weekend playing cricket!! (I can't do those smiley faces.)
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I agree there :P I would never dream of making the OH feel guilty about weekends away snowbaording/kayaking in fact it is actively encouraged. He doesn't begrudge my need for horses or travel or dancing til 4am (or all of the above) we don't live in each others pockets which I think comes from having to do the long distance thing from time to time. Mind you I wouldn't be with someone who dictated how I used my time or who made me feel guilty for doing something I enjoy. Mind you he does understand why I love it even in the rain and mud as his hobbies can be similarly mad.( Just had a thought does moaning about the playstation count as a hobbie? Maybe I am being a hippocrite :S )

ps Can I have share in the BF tent
 
When I got my first horse, the only thing my OH said would bother him about me spending lots of time at the yard would be if I sat around gossiping in the tackroom as his work colleague's wife had a horse on the same yard and she'd spend ages chatting but not riding. I don't do that anyway - would rather be with my horses than anyone else on the yard!

My OH is very understanding (and has his own all-consuming hobby anyway so understands). My horses come first in that I will always put their basic care first but if I felt that they were jeopardising our relationship then I'd have to do something about it because I need my OH's support (not financially but emotionally and practically). My OH does love the horses and has ridden. He comes to the yard with me every Thursday night after work and helps (by which I mean "plays with the foals while I muck out") and we stop for a drink together on the way home.
 
Loving all the responses on here - some of which have had me giggling :D

I believe we have turned a corner with my OH and my horse today... I rode to our house in the village and he came outside, fed him a carrot and stood next to him with his hand on his back, just behind my saddle!! This is a HUGE step for my OH considering he usually stays at least 10m away from a horse, they might have bonded over a carrot!! ;)

AshTay I love that he plays with the foals haha!!
 
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