Tips to wean daughter off of outgrown pony?

[lachlanandmarcus]

I think it is very important that if the pony is to be sold, that it is the child's decision, even if you have 'helped create the circumstances' in which that choice is made (by loaning out old and getting new or enforcing the no riding rule etc).

12 is a tricky age to be a girl and emotions are very very extreme, it is far more important that she has confidence in you to never let her down than it is for her to have a pony that her legs dont dangle on, or even that she rides at all.

 

[Maesfen]

Couldn't agree more with Lola and FMM.

Does she realise how silly she will look with lanky long legs down to the ground and how you will be classed because you are 'making' her ride such a small thing instead of getting her something bigger and more suitable? At her age, image counts with her peers so play on it if you must but go pony hunting regardless; probably by the time you've found something she'll have come around to your way of thinking and a new pony soon takes over from the sadness of moving her friend on to other people he can teach to have fun.

 

[tazzle]

I think the most important question for a parent in this situation is....

WHY

why must the pony go ?

why does she have the pony in the first place ?

why does the child ride the pone ?

why does she need to continue riding ?


If these are answered honestly then it will become clear whether the child is riding to satisfy the adult ( whether competitively or not) and their perceptions of what "horse ownership" is all about .... or whether the child has the pony as a friend / companion with riding as a nice bonus.

For many of us (adults and children) the horsemanship / companionship / relationship is more important than the riding aspect and I do not think it is fair to negate the value of a horse as "just a pet" if that is what gives pleasure.


I can only really answer the origioanl question in what I would do

I would not want to betray trust or force my child to give up a beloved companion just because I thought she needed to move up. If the child was genuinely to tall or heavy for the pone I would explain the reasons to her and encourage her to do other fun things like driving or agility. I would make it clear that if child was too big that riding was out of the question and leave it to her as to when, if at all, she found riding was more important and she did want a bigger pone.

 

[Arizahn]

I agree - let her decide when it is time to sell, if ever. Showing in hand and driving would be great experience for both her and the pony. It would let her learn new skills, make even more horsey type friends, and also broaden the pony's CV for when/if he is ever sold or put on loan.

She may be worried that the riding school would work him too hard, or that an inexperienced or bad rider would hurt him during a lesson.

I hated it when my parents sold my pony. Mum wanted me to move up to "big" horses and take up show jumping like my friend at the yard. I had no talent for show jumping and have never grown any taller than 5'4" as it turns out. So my 14.2" schoolmaster was all I ever needed. Mum then went off the idea of replacing him since I wasn't competitive or talented enough and I drifted out of riding entirely after a while. It was ten years before I got back in the saddle.
My friend, who Mum was trying to model me on, also had to sell her old reliable cob and take on a young feisty thoroughbred - so she could "progress". She ended up losing all her confidence, and quit riding completely. She never went back to it.

 

[Lolo]

I agree - let her decide when it is time to sell, if ever. Showing in hand and driving would be great experience for both her and the pony. It would let her learn new skills, make even more horsey type friends, and also broaden the pony's CV for when/if he is ever sold or put on loan.

She may be worried that the riding school would work him too hard, or that an inexperienced or bad rider would hurt him during a lesson.

I hated it when my parents sold my pony. Mum wanted me to move up to "big" horses and take up show jumping like my friend at the yard. I had no talent for show jumping and have never grown any taller than 5'4" as it turns out. So my 14.2" schoolmaster was all I ever needed. Mum then went off the idea of replacing him since I wasn't competitive or talented enough and I drifted out of riding entirely after a while. It was ten years before I got back in the saddle.
My friend, who Mum was trying to model me on, also had to sell her old reliable cob and take on a young feisty thoroughbred - so she could "progress". She ended up losing all her confidence, and quit riding completely. She never went back to it.

To be very honest that's a different scenario entirely although a very sad one. A 14.2hh schoolmaster who you haven't yet outgrown is not the same as a 11.2hh welshie who you have entirely outgrown.

 

[jinglejoys]

Equines are way more than riding
she could always try driving or Horse Agility

 

[TicTac]

Couldn't agree more with Lola and FMM.

Does she realise how silly she will look with lanky long legs down to the ground and how you will be classed because you are 'making' her ride such a small thing instead of getting her something bigger and more suitable? At her age, image counts with her peers so play on it if you must but go pony hunting regardless; probably by the time you've found something she'll have come around to your way of thinking and a new pony soon takes over from the sadness of moving her friend on to other people he can teach to have fun.

Rubbish! I say let her keep the pony untill she is ready to let it go.

 

[intouch]

I've seen huge kids riding little ponies in PC games - She'll give him up when she is ready. Who exactly is it that wants a bigger pony??

 

[team barney]

OP, you will be amazed at how much your daughter could learn.

We actually learn very little about horses because we are too busy riding them to bother most of the time. Taking a break from riding and immersing yourself in their existence is very insightful and educational. There are many books that could teach her about various aspects of horsemanship, anything from colour genetics to the history of Welsh ponies.

Inhand showing (sorry I forget who mentioned it) is also a very good idea, it will get your daughter out competing still - if that is important to her/you - and it will get her used to handling her pony in different environments. Being a Welshie there are 100's of classes available for her to enter, most shows have a welsh class.

I also believe (correct me if I am wrong) that you can compete Le Trec in hand too.

The driving world is very social if that aspect is important to her and there are many different discipline within it to choose from.

In short her options are endless if you keep her pony

 

[lula]

I've seen huge kids riding little ponies in PC games - She'll give him up when she is ready. Who exactly is it that wants a bigger pony??

this is what i was thinking that comes off a bit in the OP, sounds like you are keener for this bigger pony than she is?

Children dont see the bigger picture because they are children. If you'd bought her a kitten you would completly understand her feelings if you now told her you were going to give it away, just because its a pony doesn't mean the emotional connection with her much loved animal will be any less.

i think its something to be proud of that your daughter doesn't want to dump the pony simply because its outgrown and its no use to her as far as riding is concerned , well done you for bringing up such a lovely girl.

Just give her time to get used to the idea, dont push it, she'll soon come round. Shame you cant keep the old pony in retirement tho although i completely understand you may not be able to.

 

[Marley&Me]

I think it is very important that if the pony is to be sold, that it is the child's decision, even if you have 'helped create the circumstances' in which that choice is made (by loaning out old and getting new or enforcing the no riding rule etc).

12 is a tricky age to be a girl and emotions are very very extreme, it is far more important that she has confidence in you to never let her down than it is for her to have a pony that her legs dont dangle on, or even that she rides at all.

Totally agree with this post.

We have all been 12 and in love with our ponies and would rather die that sell our best friends. In the end I would "create the circumstances" and enforce the no riding rule if she is genuinely too big. Let her have the winter not riding and then in the spring when all her friends are getting sorted for pony club etc etc maybe she will change her mind.

If not, there is more to horses riding, and perhaps driving will be her thing....for a laugh google "saddlechariot" that is one way to keep going with an out grown pony!

 

[Megibo]

i'd be no help, i still have mine!
mum has tried to get rid a couple times behind my back though, cause she knows i'm so attached.
had her six years and never plan for her to go anywhere. yeah i could do with a bigger one but the new boy should make at least 14.2 and it is only a year and a half to wait!
plus she's 13.3 and solid, i'm 5ft 4 and not going to grow much more! so we can continue fairly happily i think

 

[HashRouge]

this is what i was thinking that comes off a bit in the OP, sounds like you are keener for this bigger pony than she is?

Children dont see the bigger picture because they are children. If you'd bought her a kitten you would completly understand her feelings if you now told her you were going to give it away, just because its a pony doesn't mean the emotional connection with her much loved animal will be any less.

i think its something to be proud of that your daughter doesn't want to dump the pony simply because its outgrown and its no use to her as far as riding is concerned , well done you for bringing up such a lovely girl.

Just give her time to get used to the idea, dont push it, she'll soon come round. Shame you cant keep the old pony in retirement tho although i completely understand you may not be able to.

I agree with this. Don't just up and sell the pony without her getting used to the idea. She may be one of those people who is happy to have a pony to look after than one to ride, in which case, I'd let her keep it if I were you. If not, a few months of no riding may well change her mind. Don't force her though, or you will always be the bad guy and really, you should be proud she is so fond of the pony. I've only ever had one horse and she was bought when I was 11, so I'm sure you can imagine that at 21 I really am a bit too tall for her. But I'm not too heavy, so I don't mind if we look a bit silly

 

[Suziq77]

Apologies if this has been said before, I haven't read all the above posts. Is there any way you can lease/loan him and loan a bigger pony for her? If she saw how another little girl would love him to bits it might start to get a bit easier to let go....

 

[Brigadoon]

Some kids can sell ponies, others cant. When I outgrew my Sec B first pony I sacrificed a bigger pony so I could keep her. I loved her to bits and she led a pampered life right up to a few years ago when she died a really old lady. I did some lead rein classes with friends kids and she was always in the ribbons but I did not want anyone not treating her the way I did. It might sound a bit like I was up myself but I just could not bear it. I had to have a day off school when my best pal sold her pony as she kept her at my parents place. I was lucky I got the chance of riding other horses but I did not mind when I was not riding as I enjoy the bond and care even more than riding. I commend your wee daughter. Someone suggested driving..this sounds a great way to keep the pony fit. Someone out there would surely let a great lass like this ride their pony. If you were closer to me I would even let her ride mine, she sounds a very thoughtful soul.

 

[Lexie81]

We are going through this now! Daughter is 8 and our pony is a Section A 11.2hh and rising 24 yrs old. My girl is tall for her age (like a skinny bean pole hubby is 6ft 7!) And although she isn't too big for his yet and no way too heavy (just under 5 stone bless her!) she is starting to outgrow him ability wise, she wants to jump higher and move up a level and he just can't do that. We have found a little girl who she knows from school, they are going to come and loan him from our yard, paying us what they would pay for the lessons the girl has been having so basically what they pay will cover his keep.
We have also found a lovely loan pony 13h perfect second pony. Daughter is very excited but even though her first pony is staying with us I am still getting random out bursts of tears from her, I think cause she knows its kind of the end of an era as next season she'll be competing the new one. I keep telling her he is still her pony and she can ride him whenever but she is still finding it hard! She adores him and he has given her so much.

Could you find a loaner/sharer? Then find a loan pony for your daughter?

 

[StormyMoments]

when i was 8 i got my first pony and at the age of 10 i have lost all of my confidence and he chucked me off daily because he knew he could, the last time i rode him he chucked me off and i broke my leg. when i was finally able to ride again i was scared, i didnt want to get on him but i loved him and my mum knew that and she said that she wont sell him unless i say so, after a month and still having no bucked up the courage to get on i told my mum to sell him and he went to a lovely home where he was better suited and the girl wasnt over horsed like i was ( 13.3hh nf tank) i cried for weeks about the fact that he was gone and i missed him every day, i took a year out of riding as i felt so awful for selling him but i knew it was the right thing, and at the age of 12 i got a loan pony who was a bitch to put it politely and she really did teach me to ride as she used to rear and go over back wards and rodeo and she got me off quite a lot but there is one thing i always think is that now i dont regret selling him, he was better off and so was i and i probably wouldnt be riding now if i still had him, let your daughter make the decision dont push it on her you dont want her to resent you for it because im damn sure i would!

 

[Mare Stare]

Well, thanks for the replies everyone!

The little grey monster stays....for now!

I've been reading the replies throughout the day, didn't comment because I was undecided at what to do.

See, I personally DON'T like this pony and he doesn't like me. He looks so pretty but is such a grouchy face puller. He doesn't like people much - he just about tolerates them. There's no malice in him - he's never bitten or kicked anyone - but if he was human he'd be just like Kevin The Teenager from Harry Enfield's old show. (For those of you too young to remember Kevin The Teenager - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dLuEY6jN6gY )

Daughter on the other hand loves him.

Anyway, I've made a compromise with her. She gets to keep him until the summer time (no riding!) and we'll review the situation then. And in the meantime I'll be on the lookout for a pony to loan wvtb.

 

[henryhorn]

The easiest solution is buy her a bigger pony one that is really super to ride.
It usually doesn't take long before the original pony isn't the focus of attention and she will likely allow him to go to the new home.
If she flatly refuses then perhaps she just adores the lookingafter aspect rather than riding, and as it's supposed to be her hobby I think you should listen and agree.
She may well come to a decision herself if she sees her mates all having fun..

 

[Hollie15]

Sounds good.

Your first pony is so special. My first boy was retired, and I remember he used to stand and watch me ride the other horses at the gate in a right humph!!

I would never have let him go, nor do I think I could ever ever sell a horse now. My girl has a home for life, lost her once, she aint going nowhere!!

We got a useless sec A who is a face puller and a bum turner, and I'm the only one that loves her.
Riding isn't everything, especially at that age, he is her best friend. I still cry when I think of my first pony. Hope all goes well. Glad you didnt decide to force her into selling!!

 

[hackneylass2]

Let her keep him. If she grows tired of not being able to ride him and dosnt want to drive him so be it, time will tell.
I'd just say no larger pony until small grumpy beast is sold. She may keep him till the end, she may tire of not riding, but only she will know the real depth of the relationship she has with the little beast.

 

[MrsMozart]

Adding my two pence worth

Let her keep the pony.

Let her be the one to make the decision to sell/loan: it's part of the growing up process.

I've seen children forced to sell and the sadness that follows. I've seen children given the space (and support) to come to that decision in their own time.

We still have big daughters' first ponies. Both girls know that they don't get x because of the cost of keeping said ponies, but that's the trade-off and they've both gladly accepted it.

 

[Enfys]

I am with the "Let her decide when..." brigade.

We had the most fabulous NF ever, he did so much for my daughter, we HAD to sell him because of circumstances and although my daughter understood why it just ripped my heart out seeing her so devastated when we left him at his new home. He'd still be with us now if we could have kept him.

She has a smashing Morgan mare now, she really isn't interested in riding much anymore, but loves this horse, so she stays...fortunately she is a sweet creature and I am in the position where keeping one more horse is neither here nor there. I'd ride her, but she's 16h - too big for me, I prefer my horses much smaller.

 

[jeeve]

Have you considered breaking the pony to drive? I did this with our 10hh falabella x and he loved it!

The kit is inexpensive - a secondhand cart will cost in the region of £250 and you can start with an import harness - I always used imported leather ones and never had a problem and they were around £70. Ebay is great to source webbing or leather harnesses.

You can get one of those picture guide books about driving. The most complicated thing is understanding how to fit the harness and your daughter can 'long rein' the pony around a paddock and get him dragging tyres etc. I had no knowledge of driving when I decided to break mine to it and it was all quite straightforward and commonsense and best of all great fun for me and the children She may surprise you and want to get into competitive driving!

This is a good idea. Can you have a second pony for her. Often once they bond with new pony, they are able to let go more readily of the old pony.

My kids hate selling them, which is why we have 7 with another on the way. But am getting to the point where will need to sell or loan 2 out, because finances are tight. Esp. as keep needing to give my kids cash.

 

[QueenOfCadence]

Well, thanks for the replies everyone!

The little grey monster stays....for now!

I've been reading the replies throughout the day, didn't comment because I was undecided at what to do.

See, I personally DON'T like this pony and he doesn't like me. He looks so pretty but is such a grouchy face puller. He doesn't like people much - he just about tolerates them. There's no malice in him - he's never bitten or kicked anyone - but if he was human he'd be just like Kevin The Teenager from Harry Enfield's old show. (For those of you too young to remember Kevin The Teenager - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dLuEY6jN6gY )

Daughter on the other hand loves him.

Anyway, I've made a compromise with her. She gets to keep him until the summer time (no riding!) and we'll review the situation then. And in the meantime I'll be on the lookout for a pony to loan wvtb.

Aah! Glad you could both compromise, but if she does decide to keep the little grey - respect her decision