To move or not to move

[lordchester]

Hello,
So, I have 2 ponies one is 6 and the other 29. They have been at their current yard for 3 years. My old girl has only just the last 6 months settled.
My "issue" is, I am feeling lonely. There is one other livery who doesn't talk. I find myself not riding and always finding an excuse not to ride.
I have recently found a yard near work with 2 spaces. The couple seem nice both ride and have 2 other liveries.
Where I'm at has a cross country course and fields to ride in but no school or hacking. The new yard has a beautiful school that would help with my confidence with my younger pony (I suffer from panic attacks and anxiety)
I said to my yard owner today I am looking else where as I am lonely. She seemed really shocked and disappointed. I hate disappointing people.
She also said they don't want hassle of other liveries.
The long winded question to you all is, I'm confused about moving.
I'm worried what if its wrong and I'm worried about moving my old pony.
What are peoples thoughts?

 

[Sossigpoker]

If you think you'll like the other people in the new place and it will give you some enthusiasm then I'd move. But don't forget horsey people are notoriously unpleasant so there's no guarantee these people are nice.
If your old pony is in good health then I wouldn't worry about moving him

 

[rextherobber]

I'd go too. If its taken the older pony this long to settle, she can't like it that much, and having a school is a huge advantage, especially in winter. And it sounds as if you'd be welcomed back, if you decided you didn't like it

 

[Bobthecob15]

Definitely go, for your own enjoyment and health. Ponies will be fine, you've got to do what's right for you. I was recently at a yard with no other liveries who rode, it was all retirement horses and we never saw the owners so it was literally me and my daughter...so it was so lonely. Can see how motivation to ride can drop in that situation.
Best of luck x

 

[Barton Bounty]

I would say move…. I never understand the concept of owning perfectly healthy horses and never riding. I am in your situation now, my yard is quiet, only one other livery and I absolutely love it, I ride every day on my own, keeps my mental health in check.
I came from a busy yard and although I liked most of the people, it was far too busy for BB seeing the change in him is amazing.
Your potential new yard sounds great and other people may want to ride with you and may even have better facilities or even just people to converse with you. It can be lonely if no one is chatting. I am lucky my bestie stays above my stable so we literally talk all day every day even if just by text.
Make the decision and move, life is far too short

 

[Lamehorses]

Just be careful of your expectations of riding company.
Yard I used to be at was owned by a couple who both rode. They didn't like liveries riding with them, it was their time.
Although there were lots of liveries, only 3 of us actually rode & seldom at the same time if day
If you are needing someone to ride with due to confidence issues you can't expect relative strangers to be helping you out. They might, they might not

 

[ycbm]

I'm going to go against the grain here and say I'd be reluctant to move a 29 year old who took two and a half years to settle into this home.
.

 

[Ratface]

I'm going to go against the grain here and say I'd be reluctant to move a 29 year old who took two and a half years to settle into this home.
.

I agree with the above answer. I have a 30 year old. He's been on our yard for 10 years. I'm the only livery. The YO and her staff team have known each other for years. They don't exclude me, but I feel like an outsider. I don't ride now as I'm disabled. Previously, I used to school in the outdoor school and hack out by myself in the local beautiful countryside. It's a bit lonely, but I go to be with my lovely horse, groom him, do carrot stretches and generally enjoy his large personality.

 

[PinkvSantaboots]

I would move what is the point of having the younger pony if you don't feel like riding where you are.

Check that the new place is OK with everything beforehand though.

 

[Snapshot2016]

Im in a similar situation to you, I too have anxiety and am a people pleaser! Iv hardly ridden my horses, didn't want to go to the yard, did the bare minimum, One of my horses has separation anxiety, both of mine are settled and I worry about moving them, Write a list of pros and cons but maybe just have a word with yourself like I just have and get back in the saddle. Don't rush in to anything and have regrets. I have decided to stay put because my horses are settled and I do have it pretty cushty where I am x

 

[chaps89]

What kind of livery arrangement are you on? If it’s assisted in any way I’d consider leaving the oldie where they are now they’re settled and moving the young one so you can enjoy riding more.
Won’t work if you’re purely diy or have still been riding the older one of course.

 

[JGC]

Could you move just the younger one?

 

[Smogul]

Just be careful of your expectations of riding company.

If you are needing someone to ride with due to confidence issues you can't expect relative strangers to be helping you out. They might, they might not

Totally agree. If it is as small a yard as you say, other liveries may be there because they value quiet time with their horses. Also, they may not be willing or able to help you with your confidence issues. At the minute, I wouldn't go out with someone who is prone to panic attacks as I am getting used to a new pony and need all my attention focussed on them. I can't deal with anyone else's problems.

 

[TheChestnutThing]

Definitely move. Horses are our escape from reality. You need to be somewhere where it becomes like this for you.

 

[Annagain]

It's a tricky one, I can see both sides. Our yard is on the market so we face potentially having to move soon. I have a 29yr old who has been there 18 years and a 15 year old who's been there a year. I'm fine with the thought of moving the younger one but I've already decided I won't move the 29 year old unless he can move with some of his friends and can stay in a herd with just them. I won't have him being chased around getting introduced to a new herd. He's quite a submissive horse and nobody in his current herd is nasty to him as they know they don't need to be but a new herd might be.

On the other hand, a move sounds like it would definitely be better for you, unless you can persuade your current YO to let someone else join you there? If you had a friend you could vouch for would your YO let one more person join you? Failing that I think I'd make arrangements to ride with the new YOs a few times to make sure your riding is compatible (will they go at your speed out hacking?) and to check that you'd get on and if that goes well, move but leave in such a way that you can go back if your oldie doesn't settle. Explain to your YO that it's nothing to do with her or the yard but that you need riding company so need to try something different.

 

[Abacus]

I don't think anyone at your new yard is responsible for being your company, including the YO unless they are willing to do so. It is very hard to find the right yard for you and the horses and at the same time the right friendship group. Have you explored any other local possibilities? The concern with moving somewhere with just 2 liveries is that you might not make friends, or be suitable companions for hacking, or have similar schedules. Perhaps on a bigger yard you might find more options. I would also say that while you are kind to consider your current YO's disappointment, you can't stay through guilt. At lease try to let that factor go from your considerations.

 

[cauda equina]

There seems to be 2 things going on here:
You are lonely
You lack confidence

I wonder how much these problems are bound up with each other, and if moving yards is the best way to address one or both

About your confidence - do you have a regular instructor? I see you have no school where you are, but a lot can be done in a field
And perhaps your loneliness is actually anxiety - wishing you had a footsoldier/wingman/general prop if your 6 yo has a silly moment?

I think it would be worth looking at trying to bolster your confidence where you are first, rather than moving yards and expecting the other liveries to solve the problems for you

 

[lordchester]

Just wanted to clarify, my confidence and anxiety have come from the loss of my mum and the mental health struggle I've had with this. Not my young pony being silly, she is a good girl and I am very lucky how good she is. The loneliness is more company to chat too than always riding company. Sorry, I should of made that clearer in my original post

 

[eggs]

Could you leave your older pony where they are and move the younger one to the new yard? Before moving it would be worth having a chat with the other liveries to see what they are like / the sort of riding they do. Some liveries are very 'cliquey' and you may still find yourself being excluded.

Is your older pony still in work? If yes, could you find a sharer who you could hack out with?

 

[PSD]

Just wanted to clarify, my confidence and anxiety have come from the loss of my mum and the mental health struggle I've had with this. Not my young pony being silly, she is a good girl and I am very lucky how good she is. The loneliness is more company to chat too than always riding company. Sorry, I should of made that clearer in my original post

Sorry for your loss. I too lost my mum last year and now suffer with crippling anxiety so I fully understand. I moved yard in January (almost a year after my mum died) and it’s completely changed me in respect of riding etc. I’m more relaxed and happier, my old yard was fantastic but no longer suitable.

As a person I haven’t changed, but I do tend to ride more and do more with my pony now than I did. Perhaps the yard move was what I needed, who knows. But I would move if you’re unhappy.

 

[supertramp]

Ive just moved for the exact same reason, I was so lonely, and only spending the minimal amount of time with my pony, it was such a waste. I found another yard, spoke to the owner and explained why i felt the need to move, she completely understood, and told me about rides I could do with her and the other 2 liveries, there is a tea room onsite, the group WhatsApp is pinging daily, I have moved. My previous yard understood my reasons for leaving. My 22 year old walked of the lorry into his new home, munched on a haynet and was very settled, maybe he felt that i was settled as well, who knows? I have been on forest rides in groups, chatted and laughed, and also hacked on my own and enjoyed discovering new places, but am so happy to have company, its important to me. If hadnt moved, i think I may have retired him, there was no longer any joy in riding.

 

[Crugeran Celt]

I would say move…. I never understand the concept of owning perfectly healthy horses and never riding.

I have owned my cob for 17 years, he is perfectly fit and healthy but I stopped riding him seven years ago. He is a happy boy as a field ornament. I do miss riding but don't miss riding him.

 

[Smogul]

Just wanted to clarify, my confidence and anxiety have come from the loss of my mum and the mental health struggle I've had with this. Not my young pony being silly, she is a good girl and I am very lucky how good she is. The loneliness is more company to chat too than always riding company. Sorry, I should of made that clearer in my original post

Fair enough but I still don't think you should rely on chatty company in such a small yard. It is very easy to forget that other people have problems too and may value a small quiet yard so they don't have to hear about other people's issues. You might well be better looking for a larger yard with reasonable facilities and a mix of liveries.

 

[JumpTheMoon1]

You need to get over your feelings of being lonely - your priority is the welfare of your 2 horses.ENJOY looking after them and i would rather be lonely than speak to people on these yards.Speak to your horses they are the best company - far better than people.

 

[saddlesore]

I’d move, there are great yards out there with friendly liveries

 

[Sugar Plum]

Routine and familiar faces are critical in the search for a yard, plus all the other important (to you) things on the list. I was at a yard where only 3 people rode and mostly not when I was riding. It became very lonely after coming from a yard where we all arrived at reasonably similar times and could interact.
If you are feeling nervous, this will be worsened by being isolated, you will have no one to bounce your fears off and receive encouragement from. As others have said, a new yard may not provide all of this, but you may find a friend or two who can help you on your journey. I was so incredibly lucky to have a fellow rider take me under her wing and she took me out on hacks with her very dependable pony which kick started my confidence. That sort of person is quite hard to find though.
It is a tough choice for you as you have two horses at the opposite end of the spectrum but I would say for your youngster, exposure to a busy yard is essential for their development. You don't want them to feak out when they go to busy shows which a quiet yard may result in. Good luck!