To rejoin the horsey world or not....

[Dyllymoo]

Hey everyone

So after nearly 18 months away from horses after I had to have J pts and all the drama that came with that I find myself missing horses.

When I gave up I sold everything, horsebox, saddle, everything.

I find myself missing being around them. Unfortunately due to the drama around J I don't have anyone I can ask to go and spend time with their horses (how sad is that).

I'm browsing youngster ads (I know, I know!) And feeling so sad that even if I did get a horse I wouldn't be able to keep them near home as all the yards near me wouldn't allow me (or at least some of the liveries would make me feel unwelcome).

Then I feel like I might as well just not got down that route as its heartbreaking.

Anyone else felt like that? What did you do?

 

[Kaylum]

I volunteer for a horse charity. It's helped me keep my horse contacts without the drama whilst putting something back into the equine world.

 

[Sossigpoker]

Why wouldn't the yards near home have you? This sounds extreme - is this really the case or something you just feel ?
Could you ask in local fb groups if anyone would let you come do some grooming and poo picking etc so you can see how you feel being around horses again ?

 

[Pearlsacarolsinger]

I suggest volunteering with an RDA group where there will be plenty of other horsey people so that not only will you get a horsey fix but make new contacts.

 

[asmp]

I suggest volunteering with an RDA group where there will be plenty of other horsey people so that not only will you get a horsey fix but make new contacts.

This. Often our RDA wants people to share the looking after and riding of the ponies and horses when they’re not being used for RDA.

ETA re: livery yards - are there not any small yards or individuals who take liveries so you can avoid the yard politics? Over the years I’ve had my horse stabled at people‘s houses.

 

[catkin]

It sounds like you are missing horses but not the bit of the horse world that you were involved with before.
Volunteering with a rescue or RDA are great suggestions, you get your horsey fix and will possibly meet different horsey people.
Also have a think about what bits of the horsey world you really are interested in, are there any activities/breeds in particular, or do you just love hanging out with horses - take the opportunity to 'reset'

 

[Leandy]

I can't share my own experience as have never really given up, however completely agree with the volunteering idea. There are many competition centres and events desperate for volunteers to help run events. Have you tried fence judging at XC events for example? There always seems to be a shortage of fence judges. You will meet some lovely people, feel useful, see some nice horses and generally have a good day out. I don't know your history but find it very unlikely that, assuming that you did not do anything illegal, there is no local yard where you would be welcome. Are you sure this is not just in your head rather than actual reality? Even if you managed to cause a bit of a rumpus 18 months ago (but really not sure how??), you will find no-one else remembers now. They will all have moved on, it may well only be you still dwelling on this past event.

 

[Crazy_cat_lady]

How about having lessons somewhere nice to start with, you could pick somewhere a little further away and choose something you'd like to do eg hack/ have lesson. Choose somewhere with nice horses too.

Volunteering at a rescue is a great idea.

Is there another hobby you could do to fill the void?

I don't think I'll ever go back to horses, I'm a few months given up, I'm going to the gym at the weekends and almost started to feel like I was enjoying it last time! I hate running but have signed up for a race for life in June as always toyed with doing it... oh I HATE running too ?

I'm also another that like you wouldn't be able to go back after events that unfolded following the decision I made, so fully understand your plight. However if you're just having lessons, you could pick and choose when you do it, so have a bit more flexibility about going a little further away?

 

[canteron]

I don’t know your history but I am pretty sure that it might be a good idea to contact a livery yard (one you liked and admired the owner) and clear the air for your own well-being.
I would send them a message saying that you are sorry for any unpleasantness, it came from a good place of being desperate about your horse and maybe you could have 5 mins of their time to apologise so you can really move on from the heartbreak of losing your horse (or similar!).
Also riding lessons great idea - you may meet new people and have fresh start.

 

[Skib]

I am sorry you have been ostracised. But if it is any comfort to you, I know no one else on the yard where I ride and have only twice got to know another RS student. It stands to reason that if one has 1 to 1 lessons and hacks solo, one is always on ones own.
I have never owned a horse but I have none the less ridden once or twice a week for the last 20 years, so I am sure you could find something.
For me, the ideal and what I have now is a share to hack solo. But before I shared or had a regular horse to hack, I would shop around for a variety of routes to hack and for lessons too depending on what I wanted to learn or the RI whom I wanted to learn from. Being free of ties is an opportunity and not necessailly the end of your life with horses.

 

[Ratface]

I suggest volunteering with an RDA group where there will be plenty of other horsey people so that not only will you get a horsey fix but make new contacts.

Re the RDA: some years ago, our local RDA advertised for paid help. I applied. The manager rang me and amongst her many questions, she asked me to tell her if I could lift a bale of hay over my head, five times in a row. I said that I probably couldn't. She told me, in that case, I'd be "useless", and put the phone down. I did consider contacting the Chair of the group, but didn't bother, in the end.

 

[Annagain]

I know you had a really rough time when you had J PTS but I think you may be overestimating the animosity towards you. I'm sure those who were so unkind to you were a vocal minority and there will be others who either don't have a clue what went on, who understand that it's none of their business or are supportive. Unless you try, you just won't know.

 

[Dyllymoo]

Thank you so much for your replies everyone.

I have previously contacted the local RDA and got told they have too many volunteers so they don't need me (shame as I volunteered there from the age of 7 until I was 15..... many years ago!).

I will never call a yard owner and apologise... 2 of them were some of the worst instigators of the abuse towards me and I have absolutely nothing to apologise for.

Unfortunately there are no yards locally that I would consider and the others were involved in the bullying so its just not worth going that route.

We are currently doing up our house and my OH has said we might be able to move to.somewhere with some land but I think it's a pipe dream

Ah well.... maybe it's just not the right time.

 

[Errin Paddywack]

she asked me to tell her if I could lift a bale of hay over my head, five times in a row.

That is just bonkers. There are very few people who could do that unless they were very light bales. Sounds a right weirdo.

 

[cauda equina]

Yeah, who were they expecting to volunteer, Geoff Capes?

 

[Red-1]

Re the RDA: some years ago, our local RDA advertised for paid help. I applied. The manager rang me and amongst her many questions, she asked me to tell her if I could lift a bale of hay over my head, five times in a row. I said that I probably couldn't. She told me, in that case, I'd be "useless", and put the phone down. I did consider contacting the Chair of the group, but didn't bother, in the end.

I would contact head office to complain, that is awful for you and the charity. It is possibly the same yard manager.

 

[Winters100]

Re the RDA: some years ago, our local RDA advertised for paid help. I applied. The manager rang me and amongst her many questions, she asked me to tell her if I could lift a bale of hay over my head, five times in a row. I said that I probably couldn't. She told me, in that case, I'd be "useless", and put the phone down. I did consider contacting the Chair of the group, but didn't bother, in the end.

Seriously? That is absurd! I consider myself to be quite fit and strong, and I can do anything needed for my horses, but I am sure that I could not manage to lift a bale of hay over my head even once. How very rude, and not at all the level of behavior one would expect from the RDA.

 

[Crazy_cat_lady]

Thank you so much for your replies everyone.

I have previously contacted the local RDA and got told they have too many volunteers so they don't need me (shame as I volunteered there from the age of 7 until I was 15..... many years ago!).

I will never call a yard owner and apologise... 2 of them were some of the worst instigators of the abuse towards me and I have absolutely nothing to apologise for.

Unfortunately there are no yards locally that I would consider and the others were involved in the bullying so its just not worth going that route.

We are currently doing up our house and my OH has said we might be able to move to.somewhere with some land but I think it's a pipe dream

Ah well.... maybe it's just not the right time.

I completely understand why you don't want to call and apologise, you shouldn't have to

Happy for you to pm me!