To those with non horsey OHs, how do you cope?

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Troyseph

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I mean , I guess some of you will be lucky and have a more laid back OH but mine is constantly moaning about the horses.

My boys live out 24/7 so it's not like I'm down there hours mucking out etc! :rolleyes:
And I don't even go down every day(I prefer to) because my best friend goes down when I can't!

It's just constantly the same argument" you spend too much time with the horse"

" spend time with your horse while I'm at work!!!" ( we have a 16 month old- easier said than done!)

" weekends are family time not horse time"

And every time I spend money on them..." so your uh trim with the barefoot trimmer cost £15 today, do I get £15 to spend on myself now?"


It's the same thing over and over and over again, I'm so sick of the arguing.

I don't take the pee in the slightest...I'm down there half hr most days checking/cuddles/;) and try to ride when my mum can baby sit whilst he's at work,

And I took on a part time evening job(2 shifts a week) to pay for my boys so I don't ask him for anything financial....

Any advice please..?
 
My OH doesn't argue about it (well, we have had one argument a long time ago!) but I can tell he doesn't approve of the amount of money my horse costs, particularly when we are skint. He knows though that she is part of our lives and he doesn't mention it.
 
Mine too scrunchie!! Although to be fair he has chilled out a bit lately as we only have the daughters pony & he's much happier knowing that she's off out playing with horses than playing with what we were playing with at her age:D
 
Hi,

Me and 'im have been together for 16 years and it's only been in the last 4 months (after a 19 year absence) that he's finally seen how horsey I really am - finally have my first pony and he's lover-ly :).

It's a big step for me and my husband really is afraid that i'll damage myself - but then again he'll be taking his motorcycle test soon - so to be fair we're both taking up dangerous sports - granted mine is a little more costly.....:eek:
 
My OH is non horsey and most of the time he is pretty chilled about the time I spend with the boys,other times he cant stand it. But after he realises that im going anyway, he will ask how they are when I get back. He does refer to them as "the other men in my life though" .
 
Really sympathise with OP. I have the same. My only way of dealing with it now, after being so sick of the moaning, was to tell him to bl**dy shut up and that I, like you, have taken on extra jobs to pay for the horses, non of his money goes on them and that the subject is closed. I must admit it doesn't really make the best marriage as I've also told him point blank that the horses are staying so he might as well get used to it or does he plan to spend the next 20 years moaning? If so then the door is over there!! I mean it too. But I don't have a child so I guess it may be easier to be hard/selfish.

So I just get on with it, never tell him anything about the money I spend and sometimes take time off from riding to spend time with him and do housework/gardening so earn some brownie points.

But it really isn't a good situation to be in. I would do anything to have a non horsey OH who was supportive... X
 
My husband has a season ticket for the football, which is a hobby that also takes up a LOT of time, esp the away games...(though costs only a fraction of what my horse does, including all the beer!)

I struggled when the kids were born, but they are 1 and 3 now, so its getting a bit easier..i just get up very early at the weekends to muck out and ride, then i spend the rest of the day having family time-i take the kids with me sometimes-its just a case of juggling everything, which is what we women are brilliant at! (some of the time in my case..)

OH is an IFA, so i try not to go into too much detail about what my horse costs!! Ive had my gorgeous boy 17 years now so he is very much part of my life :)

You both need your hobbies and free time, esp as looking after children is just as taxing as going out to work-i hope you manage to find a happy medium-good luck x
 
i asked my other half if he wud get rid of his kids/not see them for days on end/not spend money on them....obv his answer was no, so i replied well theres your answer then...i think they forget we see our horses as more than just an animal x
 
As the husband of irishbabygirl (WTF is that name about!) She asked my opinion. She is at the yard as much as she can be and I do not mind one bit. It is her hobby and it was long before I met her. Therefore I have accepted them (the horses) and realise that sometimes I do come second best! This said I do not mind. Her time with the horses she loves and she is better for it if she has had a bad day! the 40min in the morning and hour in the evening gives me QT with our daughter or time to train. We have plenty of time outside of the horses. No one should ever be made to feel like they cannot enjoy their hobby. I hope you can make him understand and maybe he will see the benefits of having time to watch/do what he wants.
 
I'm back! Oh god bless my hubby! Yes, very non horsey but very supportive! Just nipped out and came back to see that post he had written! Guess at the end of the day the horses are our hobby - we should and will enjoy our time with them and enjoy doing them! Does your OH have something he could get into that takes as much time as horses do? Then you won't be made to feel so guilty :-)
 
I don't know how some of you can stay married like that? Surely everyone is entitled to their own hobby, especially when they're paying for it? Don't think I will ever complain about my OH again. I have two horses, both on full livery because I couldn't get a stable at my lovely yard any other way, I don't work and we have one 8 year old daughter. He never seriously complains about the time/money I spend on the horses and in fact has been most amazingly supportive in my quest to find out what's wrong with my cob, to the point where he's agreed to a new saddle as old one isn't a great fit and may not be helping, paid for MRI Scan until insurance company (may) cough up, and agreed that I can send my boy to Rockley for as long as needed even if the insurance won't contribute.

So glad I married him! He's not even the slightest bit interested in my horses at all but totally understands my cob was around before him and that they both mean the world to me. Think I now realise exactly how lucky I am!
 
It sounds like your husband needs to have his own hobbies to keep him busy! My husband is a keen cyclist (or should I say obessive!) and he also plays cricket and in the winter he shoots. Fitting this in with 2 kids and 2 dogs does take a bit of juggling, but I accept that these are his hobbies and make him happy, he accepts that my horse is my hobby and that makes me happy too! We have a fairly set routine, I ride during the week (usually 3 times) when the kids are at school and on a Sunday morning when he had time with the kids. He cycles nearly every evening and on a Sunday morning, and uses Saturdays to hit the road (provided it fits in with shooting / cricket). If I want to do a pleasure ride I try to pick dates when he is free. It works for us most of the time without conflict!

I think you both have to have "me" time to make a happy relationship.
 
I have my horse & my hubby has his football.. At wkends we try to go out and do our hobbies at the same time so when we are home we are home together.. He is in no wAy horsey but does pop up the yard sometimes & walks the dog as he knows how much I love him showing an interest & coming up to see me. He does moan from time to time if I'm out for ages or late somewhere because of the horse but he wouldn't want me to be without my boy coz he says it's my stress reliever and it keeps me sane.
 
Troyseph said:
Any advice please..?
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Probably not anything useful from here sorry... :D

But, did you have the horses before you met him and was there a "can we afford to keep the horses on one wage if we have a baby" discussion before pregnancy?

He's obviously not horse orientated and I'm just wondering if he has a bit of resentment that as the main bread winner (I'm presuming from your post that you're home with the little one rather than working outside the home full time?); and as you have the baby, he sees the horse expenditure as depleting family funds?

A SAH parent raising the kiddies contributes to the family every bit as much as the one in employment outside the home IMO - and it's perfectly healthy for both to have interests outside of each other and the home...

I'm just wondering if that's how his mind might be throwing it around if he is the main source of income... Even to the point of thinking that if you're working a few evenings that the money should go towards the family rather than the horses...

It might take a bit of juggling but maybe a bit of 'date' time if there's a chance he's feeling pushed out by the horses and a baby - some time together and time to maybe sound out something that might be an interest or hobby for himself?
 
I am lucky and have a husband who puts up with me......still likes to moan though! I have seen a lot of marriages break up over the wife's 'obsession' with horses,and whenever my hubby pointed that out to me I would jokingly say....don't make me choose or you had better learn how to use domestic appliances! Its tough if he hasn't got a hobby of his own. mine gave his up when we had children....which made me feel selfish because I couldn't part with my first 'baby'. I think deep down he knows how unhappy I would be if I didn't share my life with the horses, I worked full time while bringing up 3 kids and had up to 4 horses/ponies for daughter during this time. Kids are grown up now, and they probably have moaned more about the horses than hubby. Money / time spent on horses that should be spent on them!

I think in the end hubby just decided the horses were not going away. I would be a miserable cow without them, also they were my saviour when I suffered from stress, the exercise kept me slimmer and fitter than would have been without them. No time for affairs ! I have always made sure I paid for them, and tried hard to have time for other wifely duties, and be there for the kids. Bloody hard work and risky ! like I said I saw many a marriage that didn't cope with it.
 
My OH has another hobby that takes up all his spare hours (every 2nd sunday, every second friday night and every saturday afternoon to midnight) and that is a minimum plus every night after dinner say from 8pm till 11pm. He spent $12000 AUD on credit card last yr on his hobby and that does not count cash which I cannot track, and he still complains about the time I spend on horses and the cost.

But do try and make him feel like he comes first and horse second) even if not the case, because it helps
 
Wow if my OH ever moaned about the horse he'd know I'd walk right out the door and never come back. Horses are my thing and football is his. I am lucky that we both support each other in this and go to watch each other on weekends and my allocated livery money is disregarded as money already spent so doesn't cause arguments in that respect which I think helps.
 
Mine doesn't really moan but I wish he'd take more of a interest in the respect of asking me if I've had a nice ride etc. I always ask him if he's been out on his bike for example! At least I have HHO xx
 
I divorced mine, :D he spent seven years moaning about the amount of time I spent at the stables, asking the same stupid questions i.e. why do I have to go down twice a day, started timing how long I was down there for! I even put my horse on part livery to try and make things a bit easier but then he moaned about how much it cost. When he suggested that maybe I should only ride every other weekend so we could spend time "quality" time together and the thought of spending quality time with him made me feel physically sick I decided it may be time to leave.
 
Has he always been like that or just since you had the baby?

My oH was fine until my daughter came, and then he made me put my horse on loan, tired and emotional I did not have the strength to argue.

Got my boy back after loan went horribly wrong, which made me ill, he complete changed, and now he gets really involved, especially with daughters pony.

I can't believe the turn around :)
 
My OH is massively supportive even though he has no interest. He very kindly paid all costs whilst I was a stay at home mum for 5 years. He also bought my current horse after I lost my last one.
Although he is very happy that I am picking up all costs again, I know he would do it again in a heartbeat if necessary.

I don't think I could be with a man who wouldn't or couldn't tolerate my animals. After all, they were there before he arrived on the scene.
 
I had two non horsey OHs (not at the same time I hasten to add!) Who were very resentful, it was awful the constant nagging and comments. My ex once said I'd never have a proper relationship because of my horse! Ha! I am now engaged to an amazing man, have a 5 month old baby and now have 2 horses. He doesn't mind one bit and comes with me to do them, I've been ill the last few days and he has got up for work early and done them for me :-) if he can't accept it you may find you have a choice to make at some point and I've not often heard the man winning! Good luck x
 
quirky said:
I don't think I could be with a man who wouldn't or couldn't tolerate my animals. After all, they were there before he arrived on the scene.
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Yes, me too. My animals are a HUGE part of my life and happiness. I couldn't contemplate life without them or life with someone who doesn't appreciate that.

Funnily enough my bf is actually allergic to horses :rolleyes:, but spent much of his Christmas break traipsing round the fens for hours with me and my 4 year old because I needed a walker. He asks lots of questions to learn more about horsemanship and tries to help when he can at the yard. He's very much looking forward to seeing me compete with said young horse when we're ready.

I couldn't imagine anything more miserable in a relationship than the person I love nagging me not to spend time with the animals/hobby that I love. :confused:
 
Isit just that he is not into horses or is it animals in general? My OH wasn't particularly into horses when I met him but it was clear he liked and respected animals. Is there some jobs he could do with the horses that would make him feel more involved? My OH was not so keen when we were at a yard and I spent a lot of time talking to the other horsey ladies and there were very few men for him to talk to but now we have the horses at home he loves doing all the outdoor jobs - fencing and moving hay etc and even helps pick poo! There is maybe some hope if you try to involve with. Otherwise agree you need to find him a hobby. Good luck!
 
Mine does have the odd moan, esp when he lost his job and money became a big issue. We also have a child so time and money is short. I work silly hours 40 odd most weeks so he doesn't see much of me esp as horse is on diy. After the 1st year OH started to walk the three miles to the stables as we can't afford a second car to do my horse each morning. I now go straight to work in the mornings and do the horse again on the way home. This has made it much easier for me to put up with the odd moan from him!

My main problem now is that I desperatly want another horse as mine is 22 yrs old and has ruptured his tendon, poor old boy. But I think the volume of oh's moan mode will increase somewhat if I do! We have agreed to wait until the earlier of my son becoming a teenager who doesn't want mum and dad hanging around with him or current horse passes on.
 
Forgot to say, mine also wrote a book which he claims isn't in anyway biographical but does have an assertive wife and a much loved older pony in it...LOL
 
My OH isn't horsey at all, he never asks about the & if I am telling him something he just smiles & nods :rolleyes:

I do sometimes wish he paid for attention, but his hobbie is fishing & i have no interest what so ever so we are equal :p
 
My OH is very supportive and appreciates the benefits of my hobby - fresh air, exercise, friends etc. He has his own hobbies which, while not so expensive maybe, do take up some time. He doesn't complain about the costs as I pay for everything - I don't know if he would be quite so easy going about it if he was paying, though! I have always earned my own money, even when the children were small I worked part-time.

I think you need to get your hubby a hobby - or get him involved in the horses!! Mine is now a regular visitor to the yard and has muttered about 'he would carry me, wouldn't he?' ;)
 
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