To those with non horsey OHs, how do you cope?

I had horses when I met him. He used to ride but got bored so we sold his horse. After I had the kids he started making noises about getting rid of the ponies I had because I never did anything with them. I had two kids under 2 years old and had developed diabetes on top of graves disease so was feeling really ill, surprise surprise I wasnt doing a lot with them !!
It came to a head one day and he gave me the ultimatum him or the horses. I told him where the suitcases were as having had to wait until I was 21 to get my first horse I never intend being without them, had been obssesed all my life I cannot imagine life without that contact.
He stopped moaning so much from that day onwards , now we have 5 ponies for the kids (mine are long gone) and we have just spent some of his redundancy on a new lorry , we are out and about a lot and help with RDA.
After 24 years he finally gets it and is prepared to spend enough so that I can travel around more independently so he doesnt always have to come and help.
We finally have more of a balance and I spend as little as possible on them but the kids compete a lot and he does accept that now.
Perhaps you need to have a heart to heart and try and get over his resentment, good luck
 
My husband is VERY resentful of my horse and ponio.Hes always saying that I put them before family (kids are teens now and not babies).Now he NEVER spends time with me,nor does he take me anywhere,not shopping either. He goes off on his own.Tells me I spend my child benefit on them but pay the rent/water,not him.
So I can keep the animals I make lifelike dolls and sell other stuff on ebay to keep the two of them.I have REALLY cheap grazing.He just hates them.Tells me that the money I spend on my mobile phone,horse insurance,this could go towards the council tax. (hes working) I dont work,which was never a issue until recently.Its ok for him to buy clothes,eat at BK or MD.He has his car.I dont drive, I DO NOT smoke and I rarely drink.I dont buy myself anything expensive. He is a self centered*** He moans about paying this and that,but he ran my bill up,therefore he needs to pay it.
Those of you who have horsey OH are very lucky!!!
 
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I got my 1st horse after the kids and I 1st had him on working livery so only went down weekends and a couple of afternoons in the week, so that I could learn all I could and I could gently get hubby used to me being out and about, independant of him and kids.
He was fine with this until I took horse out or working and onto DIY.
Big shock for him then I think. I picked up extra hours to pay the extra needed and at 1st he did resent time I spent and felt some wierd jealously.
Roll on 6 years and I get told to go to the yard! especially if I am in a bit of a bad mood.
It took a couple of years to adjust but now it is considered normal for me to be at yard for hours at the weekend and a couple of hours in the evening.
I think it just takes the non horsey partner a while to adjust, imagine if it was the other way around and he was spending money and his hobby was taking him away from the family for hours at a time, everyday. A bit of give and take I think is the best solution and spoil him rotten when not with the horses.
 
Mine's non-horsey (although he loves the dogs to bits) and used to have a moan before he realised that I'm a much nicer person when I've been to the yard. Also, if I couldn't go for any reason I used to find him lots of jobs to do and make life uncomfortable by hoovering around his feet etc! It's amazing how many things you can find at home that need doing/fixing.
It helps that he has his own hobbies though and he is now resigned to the fact that as soon as we find a house to buy we will have horses at home. I have a sneaking suspicion that once he gets used to them I'll find him in the field having a sneaky chat and cuddle.
 
It used to work with me and OH. We don't live together but we see each other near on 5 days a week. He used to work away alot and for extra hours in the evenings as he had a demanding job. So left me plenty of time to ride and mess about with pony. Unfortunately he has had a change of role at work and is about alot more which is nice and my horse is now retired so I don't spend as much time at the yard anymore. So we see alot more of each other lately. Although I am getting a 2nd horse so hoping it will still work between us with me not being about so much, also hoping that he gets his old job back, which he is working on so that he keeps himself busy while I'm not about :) hopefully it will work out as I plan :)
 
Mine used to argue, hence why I am now single.
I snapped when he said instead of going to see Ned, I should stay the night with him, so we could spend some quality time together. He then got his friends over to smoke some weed and completely ignored me. He was so handsome that I didn't realise quite what a jerk he was until then. I'm still mad at myself for staying instead of seeing Ned.

One of them, who had SUCH an ego, was put in his place by Ziggy, the youngster :P He kept saying how he wasn't scared of horses and that they're silly creatures. He looked terrified when Zigg came trotting over to say hello in a rather excitable manner. I stepped in and shooed Ziggy away. The ex threw such a strop haha!!
 
My husband used to ride my old mare but he really doesn't get on with my gelding... despite the fact I bought him for us both to ride! He goes surfing though, so we don't argue too much about the horse, as he disappears off into the sea for hours on end! He gets a bit grumpy when the sea is flat and I am out riding, but he can't really say anything, given our garage is full of surfboards and there are always wetsuits drying in the bathroom, and he has to work out every day he isn't in the water to keep himself fit enough for the big waves... He has a lovely surf van which is 4x4 and capable of pulling a single trailer, but I can't persuade him...

We recently had to reassess our finances because we are having a baby and I am going to work part time... He would NOT even consider me parting with the horse... only because it would mean he couldn't go surfing!!!!! We have agreed a budget whereby he gets to spend as much per month on surfing and equipment as I do on horsey, and we will see how we fare...

OP you definitely need your husband to get himself a hobby, the more expensive the better!!!
 
I'm quite lucky in this respect. My none-horsey OH knows that horses are 'my thing' and he respects that. He works over time and has offered to get a second job just so I can afford my horses. If I'm not feeling well, or if we have plans to go out in the evening he will come to the yard with me and help me get the horses in and fill haynets, muck out and do odd jobs while I ride. I don't get home til gone 8 most evenings and he always has dinner ready, does most of the house work and takes the dog for a walk - I'm thoroughly spoilt actually!

I think he's proud of the fact he can say "my wife has two horses" hehe :D
 
I sympathise OP.

My DH is difficult to please. If I rush the horse (no riding, just the bare minumum at yard) I am told keeping "a field ornament" is a waste of money. If I spend an extra hour or two hacking out or schooling, I get gripes about the amount of time I'm spending up there. :rolleyes: No winning sometimes :mad::rolleyes:
 
Gosh, I,m very lucky after reading these posts, it can certainly be difficult with a non horsey other half. My hubby had nothing to do with horses till we married. I do endurance when I can and you need a good other half to spend hours waiting around to crew you, luckily he does this with no complaint. He prefers race rides as he,s competitive but spends hours waiting around during graded rides. Note to self, appreciate hubby more!
 
My OH is not horsey but likes to help me out poo picking and some of the heavy stuff, he brings the dog and enjoys being out. Find him a job to do and make him feel included and who knows he may come round. ;)
 
I dont think its a simple as horesey or not, if the patner has there own hobby its fine. TO the OP, please try not to let him bully you or make you feel guilty, you are a person not just a wife and mother:)
 
My BF is very unhorsey. Ridden twice and watched me once in the last 6 years. However he is very patient with me (unless it comes to me watching dressage), always asks if I had a good ride and pretends to take an interest when I tell him about my adventures or a pony I saw.

He even puts up with me spending hours lurking on here or looking up horses for sale, even though me getting one at the moment is a bit of an impossibility.
He often skyplusses stuff for me without asking and I think he enjoys watching the puissance, although I think he likes the horses crashing more, and he especially enjoys it when Ellen Whittaker is on telly. :rolleyes:

I think he is secretly looking forward to our return to the UK so I can get my own horse and he can spend weekends sat in his pants playing Football Manager without me critisising ;)
 
I have a very un-horsey hubby, my boy moved yards a year ago and he isn't interested in seeing where he is at all!! Money arguments is not an issue, we have no kids, we both work and have a joint account which we both contribute equal amount to which covers bills, the rest of our wages is ours. We both agreed on this situation as why should hubby have to pay for my expensive hobby, I can buy what I like without answering to anyone, hubby has a motorbike. At w/ends if I have no competitions we spend the time together to earn brownie points, when he is bored he starts bitching about "playing with my pony", having had horses all my life he has (hopefully) accepted that they will always beca part if my life. It would be nice though to gave someone who either shared in my hobby or was a bit more supportive.
 
Mine's unhorsey but as a livestock farmer he understands the time taken looking after them. As far as competing goes I try & go out on sunday mornings as he is otherwise occupied..... he's a church organist too!
 
Reading these posts I've realised I have an angel for a husband.:D
When we first met I didn't have any horses at the time (after having them all through my childhood and teenage years) but warned him that the day would come again when horses would play a big part in my life.
When our daughter came along and developed a passion for horses I was over the moon. We finally got back in to horse mode 8.5 years ago and now have 4. All at livery.
He won't ride them but he will do the necessary repairs or odd jobs that need doing. He'll muck out etc if I'm ill and when I broke my wrist and couldn't drive our daughter to the dressage competitions, he took over for me. He fitted a camera in the trailer for me and is very supportive when it comes to the important competitions. He won't admit it but he is very proud when our daughter does well. He takes the photo's and video footage.
He never complains about the money we spend, thought he does joke that we have the best dressed horses in Holland. I work full time to pay for them and the extra money goes into the household finances.
If he wants anything he goes and buys it. He doesn't begrudge me spending the money on the horses and I don't begrudge him having what he wants.
He loves it in the winter when we're at the stables on an evening as he gets to spend some quality time with his PS3 :D and....... dinner is usually ready when we come back in. He also made sure that his company car had a tow bar and was big enough to pull the trailer and to pile all the stuff in that we need for competitions.
I love him to bits and sorry girls he is not for hire!!!!
 
What do you mean cope? Why would I want him to have the same hobby as me?! I like that I get time away from him and that we have our own interests.

If you mean how do I cope with all the time and money I pour into them without him getting the huff? That's easy. He's a nice guy and he loves me and he knows the horses make me happy. Plus he has his own time consuming interests so we're often both out for hours at a time anyway :) I pay for them myself so really I don't see the problem :confused:
 
My OH never moans about my horse, and is extremely supportive.

In return, I support him in his hobby (AKA standing on a freezing cold beach for hours watching him zoom up and down and waiting so I can help him land his kite) and where possible fit the horse in around our time as a couple - I'll get up and ride at 7am while he has a lie-in, for example.

We've never even had to discuss it - we just support each other :)
 
Theocat said:
My OH never moans about my horse, and is extremely supportive.

In return, I support him in his hobby (AKA standing on a freezing cold beach for hours watching him zoom up and down and waiting so I can help him land his kite) and where possible fit the horse in around our time as a couple - I'll get up and ride at 7am while he has a lie-in, for example.

We've never even had to discuss it - we just support each other :)
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You said that much more eloquently than I did but this is what I was trying to say! We just want each other to be happy so it's a no brainer really :)
 
Poor old you, it does sound like you both need a good old chat about it. However, if you are no longer working and you are living on one wage I suspect its money, not the horses which is making him behave like this.

My OH is not horsey. He doesnt resent my time with them, as we have had pets and he understands that animals need to be cared for. He event went to the PC Nationals one year with me and Mini TX as he was so chuffed that his little girl had qualified for a national competition. He does enjoy coming to dressage though, and can be sometimes persuaded to go eventing if its a nice day. He even enjoys coming to the yard on summer evenings to join the rest of the crowd for a drink, and likes the active social life that my horsey friends and I have.

However .......... he does make a huge fuss about the cost of it, and can get very nasty over it. For example I spent £65.00 today on some shavings, some new haynets and a tub of MSM. All essentials, and needed to be purchased. He saw the receipt in my bag and hit the roof. As I dont have a joint bank account with him, I do have to lie about the cost a lot. Now comes the interesting bit - we both have good jobs, and no money worries really. I am the major wage earner at home with a job that takes me well into higher rate tax (grhhhh), he earns a very good salary as well and I do pay for mostly everything, so really how I spend my disposable income is really my concern. Seeing as he can save most of his salary as well, and oh, gets the rent from our investment properties as well.

It does annoy me, he even tried to get my instructor to sell my horse, as he knows I never will do it, just so we can have more money.

I do hope you can sort this out, as although my issues are trivial compared to yours, it really does drag you down. However, if it came to a choice between my OH and horses, my horses would win hands down every time. At least they dont nag.
 
I've been with the OH nearly 5 years. The first 4 years I spent every weekend on an airfield (he flys and is an instructor) and spent my time either BOILING hot in summer, sun burt and pushing planes about or FREEEEEZING cold in winter,......pushing planes about and cursing the landies for not starting! I enjoyed it most the time, and went to week long shows with him etc (camping on airfields). I have always been horsey (ridden since was 7, some local shows etc and lots of horse re/hab and trainning - my fav!) but sue to me flying most weekends and money issues, I stopped riding other than on holidays. So, I decided I would loan a horse and go from there, then bought my girly at the start of Dec last year.

Point being,.....the OH can not / has not the balls to complain and moan about it being cold or time being spent there as he is fully aware of the time I put into his passion!! He is very good, he does like her but isnt horsey. If he comes down he makes himself useful, even does poo picking! He still flys, but when he doesnt for what ever reason, he comes and 'plays horses'. He is also very generous and will buy me horsey bits if I need them and am running low in cash, and does so without hesitation or moaning. I think I have a pretty perfect balance :0) the horse has never caused an argument, and neither has his flying. Acceptance on both sides we have different passions, and help each other out when needed :)
 
I'm very lucky with my OH. his first wife had no hobbies so everytime he went to football (used to play semipro) she would be on the phone after the match ringing asking how long he'd be. The same with his training etc etc. So he never really had a social life without a big argument. He used to ask my permission to go out !!!!!! Im lucky that I finish work by 2pm so get the horses done by 5ish and home before him. I try to have lessons in the week and try to do evening dressage etc as Sunday is both our only day off. Luckily he enjoys xc, hunting etc so will come and watch. Dressage is the work of the devil so never watched in 16 yrs and the 2 occasions he's watched sj I've fallen off so he's banned. I pay for the horse out my own pocket but he'll pay for holidays etc. He's just booked badminton xc and an over night hotel so I'm very lucky. In return I'll have a bath run for him (he has a very stressful job) and have dinner ready for when he's finished in the bath. Sounds a bit stepford wives but I love cooking and wouldn't have the freedom to do what I wanted with my horse if I had to contribute more money to the house. (we both put £600 pm into a joint account which covers mortgage, all bills and adds a bit to our savings)
 
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