Too many riders in part loan

[Foxy050483]

Hi, I am looking for some advice and how to put this politely to the owners.

I have been loaning a horse for a year now, everything has been going well between the horse and I, no problems and I have helped Exercise her, mainly hacking, schooling and lessons. I get on well with the owners and text updates every time I ride etc. I care for the horse like it is mine.

I loan her off someone that rides once a week or so and I ride 2 days a week and do yard duties on these days. I pay £100 a month inc farrier.

I am generally a real people pleaser and don’t like to upset ANYONE! I take offence at any sort of criticism and it will generally plague my mind for days afterwards.
The owner (Who I made the contract with) of the mare has a daughter, who is late teens, she also owns another horse at the same yard, she rides every week or so. initially the owner and her daughter said I could compete on my part loan, as that was something I wanted to do, but I don’t have any transport so the daughter said I could go along to some events with her and her horse. Then covid hit.

Anyway, fast forward 6 months & the daughter is now letting a friend of hers ride the horse that I loan. I presume the mum (owner) allows this as she is often there when she is riding. The friend does not have a loan agreement but as the weather is getting better she is going out riding my loan at the weekend with the daughter. My loan is shattered when I come to ride her a day or so later. The friend is also riding her when they have events/competitions at the yard.
I am often not even invited to these events or they are last minute invites and the friend is already riding the horse.

To be honest I need to figure out a way of explaining this to the owner And that I Feel a little left out and Basically I am not interested in loaning the horse anymore as it’s not turning out the way I wanted it to. How the hell can I explain this to the mother and daughter without upsetting them?
please let me know if you think I am being too sensitive and this is part and parcel of part loan!!!

 

[DabDab]

It's a shame if you get on with the horse, but I would just hand in your notice on this share. Unfortunately this situation is likely to just continue/progress the way it is...intentional or not, on at least some level they know what they are doing.

It's rubbish but that is the risk you take with sharing a horse.

 

[ycbm]

I'm not quite sure why you are worried about upsetting them. You pay them money for something you are no longer getting, and if you mean you pay the farrier on top of £100 a month, and do the work as well, it's a not inconsiderable contribution you make. In return they are sometimes leaving you with a horse which is too tired to do the riding you want to do and the competition they promised you had been taken away from you.

I agree with DD that this is unlikely to change and you should walk away from this loan, but without worrying about upsetting the owners.
.

 

[tiahatti]

I'm sorry it was gone this way. I think as others have mentioned you should find a new share.

 

[Pearlsacarolsinger]

The owners don't seem to be worried about upsetting you. I am with the others, just hand in your notice on the loan and if they ask why, tell them what you have put on here.

 

[FFAQ]

Crumbs, £100 a month and farrier fees is a lot for a part loan! You can part loan one of mine any day ?!
As others have said, find another part loan. Someone will jump at the chance ?

 

[Cloball]

This sort to thing happened to me as a teenager with my first part loan. It went wonderfully for ages and at one point I had 2 ponies to ride and I got so much out of it. We were up 3-4 times a week and would help out with turning out all the yard horses on the weekend, lots of yard jobs etc.

All of a sudden one summer the owner started letting a friend's daughter ride the pony when we weren't there whom was very confident but very novicey all she would do was motorbike around the school and jump. It all came to a head at a competition where we both tried to ride and essentially the pony got so wound up I couldn't get on. We (my parents and me) ended the loan as we clearly wanted different things for the pony, and the poor pony was getting rather confused.

 

[Mrs. Jingle]

I think you have been VERY easy going not to have already mentioned this to the person you have the loan contract with. Basically you are paying for the privilege of the occasional ride on an already knackered horse, and help two days a week with all yard duties etc. Add to that no chance of doing some of the comps that they have at the yard. £100...hmmm......aren't they getting just a little more out of this loan arrangement than you are, in fact a hell of a lot more!

I wouldn't even negotiate, terminate the loan, politely and calmly tell them why and let them get on with it and they can also charge the daughter's friend for the use of the horse.

Plenty of owners would bite the hand of you to get you to help exercise their horse, pay them for the privilege and also get 2 days a week free of all stable duties. Pity you don't live near me I wouldn't have had to let me gorgeous big horse go if I had someone like you around. I would have happily paid you lol!

 

[criso]

Agree with everything that's been said above.

In terms of how to put it to the owner, i would say how much I have enjoyed riding the horse, but now they have daughters friend to help, it would seem they don't need your help anymore.

 

[Equi]

Be aware they are likely to want to keep you for the money so if they say we won’t let X ride anymore don’t take it as truth, they might just hide it better.

 

[Wishfilly]

Don't worry about upsetting them, just give them notice calmly and politely. If that upsets them, that's on them, not you. £100 a month is a lot when you are doing jobs and no longer getting the benefit of the share.

I'm sure you will be able to find something else suitable!

 

[Foxy050483]

Thank you everyone. I’m off to see another part loan on Monday which I will be able to compete on so ? If that doesn’t work I’ll just go back to jump lessons which I was doing before, it’s actually the same price as loaning this other mare.

I agree, I’m terrible at knowing when I am having the pi** taken out of me. I’m truly angry at the owners daughter as she is very domineering And has influenced her mothers decision making.

thanks for all your advice.

 

[SusieT]

So its only natural that if the owners daughter has a friend who is now riding that they would use their 'spare' pony to allow her daughter to enjoy her friends company -realistically if it was your pony and your daughter you would happily do this. Now they may think you are happy to have a horse to ride so not realise its upsetting you. It may have just morphed into this.
So you essentially pay 100/month for 2 days/week use of the pony - are you still getting that? thats about 12.5 /ride- when you break it down that is actually a very reasonable rate.
Now, if pony is tired when you ride it, can you up the fitness so this becomes less of a problem?
It depends what you want- if you want to continue riding the pony 2 days/week then you might sit down and say ' I've notice dpony is tired with the workload, could we agree a regime now that he/she is being ridden more to make sure we vary his work as I dont want to sour him'

If you dont want anyone riding him not on your days you may have to offer to 'do ' those days as well as in fairness 100/month is a drop in the ocean in pony keeping costs so it is entirely fair of the owners to allow other people to use him on those days if they see fit. It is the unfortunate part of sharing.

 

[SusieT]

ps - it isn't really unreasonable for a daughter to influence a mothers decision making - in situations like this family comes first is how the world works unfortunately.

 

[Mrs. Jingle]

Thank you everyone. I’m off to see another part loan on Monday which I will be able to compete on so ? If that doesn’t work I’ll just go back to jump lessons which I was doing before, it’s actually the same price as loaning this other mare.

I hope it works out for you on Monday, and if not the idea of resuming jump lessons until something more suitable comes along is a good one. I really do think that this 'loan' had run its natural course and was not in your best interests to carry on with it - good luck and let us know how you get on.

 

[CrimsonDivine]

If it were me I'd just tell them "I'm sorry but this just isn't working out for me any more" and if they insist to know why just say "It's too much to go into detail, I'd rather not, I'm sorry" or something like that. That or say "it wasn't as I expected" and leave it at that, either way you're not lying and those kind of comments should be acceptable in my opinion. As previous post said; just cancel with them calmly and politely. A real shame though as it seems that you were happy with your loaned horse, typical that some people just end up ruining it for others like that.

 

[Goldenstar]

You just have to move on its bad luck but it’s life good luck with finding another .

 

[PinkvSantaboots]

Just say it's not working out for you and find something else there are plenty of horses looking for sharers good luck for Monday.

 

[IrishMilo]

It's fairly normal when you're part loaning to be one of two/three people involved in riding/caring for the horse. I can't really see much of an issue unless the daughter's friend is riding on your days?

 

[windand rain]

Wish you were near me too I usually struggle to give riding away and would never chrge someone or ask them to do more than they wanted to do. Admittedly the people who ride usually do want to help as they learn and can eventually manage their own
Not much riding unless you are small and light this week as the youngster is not broken in the old girl is a bit stiff and the rideable one is only 11.3 hh

 

[Winters100]

Maybe I view this a bit differently to some, but to me you riding twice a week and the owner once is not nearly enough work to get/keep the horse fit, so I would be happy if they have found someone to move it on the days that it is currently not ridden. If the horse is tired at the moment it should soon improve as it gets fitter.

Regarding competing you could always have a word and ask if you could pay something extra to have the horse on competition days. I don't know what prices are like in the UK, but 25 pounds a week sounds quite reasonable to me for 2 days riding a suitable horse.

If you like the horse and the yard then I would not walk away without at least having a chat and trying to resolve things. It could be that the daughter's friend has been brought in to solve the problem of the horse only being exercised 3 times a week, and that if you want to do extra days they may be happy with that.

Good luck and I hope that you solve the problem, either with this loan or by finding something else suitable

 

[criso]

I do know owners that have more than one sharer, maybe owner and 2 sharers each riding 2 days a week and it's worked fine, but this has been all adults with clearly agreed days and limits.

Daughter will want to ride with her friend and as it's a looser arrangement it could well creep into more than just weekends during the holidays. If unsupervised they may not think about how much is too much and may leave the horse needing a rest after and if that's the OP's day, they may lose out.

I had a situation when I shared where the owner told a friend their daughter could come up and ride. Wouldn't have been a problem except they weren't working so came up whenever they felt like it with no prior arrangement and a couple a of times, it was on the days I rode so I'd come up after work and would not be able to ride. Horse was older, not that fit and had some old issues so not really up to a demanding jumping session in the morning and me riding again after work. Luckily the daugher wasn't around for long.

 

[ester]

It's fairly normal when you're part loaning to be one of two/three people involved in riding/caring for the horse. I can't really see much of an issue unless the daughter's friend is riding on your days?

I was thinking the same TBH and a fairly usual amount to pay with chores (depending what OP meant re. farrier). Part loaning your days are your days and what the horse does the rest of the time really isn't up to you/I wouldn't particularly expect to be informed. But if the situ isn't suiting for whatever reason (including not being able to compete when you wanted them) then best to just look elsewhere.

 

[Lois Lame]

They sound like users. They might get upset when they find out you want to end the loan, but that's because users do tend to get upset when someone stops them getting their way.

 

[Foxy050483]

I don’t mind the friend riding each week to be honest but the main insult is when the friend is allowed to ride at competitions at the yard! They don’t even give me an option of riding. Sometimes they don’t even tell me about events. My riding is fairly good, I’ve owned horses for over 15 years so I do not think that is the problem, although I am starting to wonder! ?

 

[LadyGascoyne]

It’s just not a good fit.

It is reasonable for them to do whatever they like with their own horse on the days that it is not loaned to you.

It is also reasonable for you not to like them letting others ride for free, and compete, when you pay for the privilege.

It is just not the right situation for you. There will be others and, as you can see from the replies above, if you are a reliable, nice sharer who rides well, you will always find opportunities.

 

[Jasper151]

I shared a lot back when I was younger and I found there to be 2 main sorts of people that look for a sharer - those that genuinely need the help with the exercise and care of their horse and those that want help financially. One arrangement I had was set days for the horse, and a considerable monthly contribution along with yard duties for all the horses on the yard, the owner then took on a couple of other sharers who could only do the days I had so someone couldn't ride on 'their' day. Needless to say that didn't last long. There was one that I did a lot of work with to get it riding away nicely only for the owner to let everyone she knew jump on it and it turned into a nightmare. But I did have some great experiences too. If it isn't suitable for you now, then finding something else is probably for the best. I would be honest if they ask why, as they genuinely may not have any idea.

 

[Lexi 123]

They are using you for the money I would definitely end the loan. It will get to the point where you can barely ride the horse.

 

[Winters100]

They are using you for the money I would definitely end the loan. It will get to the point where you can barely ride the horse.

I don't really get why you think this? The owner rides one day a week, sharer 2 days and the daughter's friend at weekends. So horse is working 5 days a week, does not seem unreasonable, and 25 pounds a week does not sound a huge amount.

 

[Ample Prosecco]

I dont really understand either. As long as the horse is not being ridden on your days I can't see the problem. A part loan is exactly that- part. What happens the rest of the time is up to the owners.

The competition element sounds like it was a very casual 'you can compete sometime' offer not a firm commitment. And the daughter now has a friend who wants to ride and that offer is not coming through. Which is a shame for you but equally I dont think the daughter should feel like competing the pony is something she has to let you do if she would prefer to compete with a friend. Unless I haven't understood the original agreement around this part.

Loans can be great but if the expectations of the loaner and the owners don't match it can also be stressful and upsetting. Owners can resent loaners getting possessive over the horse and loaners can feel pushed out. So as others have said - it sounds like it is just not a good match.

If it's not working for you, just walk away politely. But be aware that if your next loan is also a part loan that you may run into exactly the same issue as 2 days a week is not a lot of riding and most horses will be doing other things outside of those days.

A competition loan is unusual especially if you will be transported to the event. I'd expect to pay a lot more for that and to pay for fuel everytime you go out. So for you next loan try and make sure you are on the same page about all that.

Good luck. I hope it works out for you. X