Too scared to ride my horse

[Nervousnelly101]

Hi there...I feel like an absolute idiot but in short I am way too scared to ride my horse. It has got to the point where everyday I dread getting up, I’m so anxious about going down the yard and I really don’t know what to do. My horse I love to absolute pieces Iv had him since he was a 2 year old he’s now 8. He is a cob cross and around 15hh. Last year we were doing fine together he’s never been the easiest to ride and always been quite stubborn. On the ground to brush and do general stuff he is a saint. But on his back he can be grumpy and generally doesn’t enjoy work that much. at Christmas I was hospitalised (NOT due to him) and couldn’t see him for around 2 weeks and as soon as I got back the ridding is getting worse and worse. Iv tried asking for help, Iv tried help with training etc but it has now got to the point where I’m petrified to ride him. I don’t think anyone would loan him at all as he’s just not a good riding horse...but I equally don’t want to sell him as I’d like to think he always has a home with me no matter what...but I don’t think there’s any way I can bring myself to now get back in the saddle..I really don’t know what to do...Iv thought about stopping ridding and just having him as a pet but I think everyone on my yard would have a go at me if I did...I just generally feel like crying all the time and I know the longer I leave my decision the more he’s not going to be able to be ridden...and I just wondered if anyone had any advice?? feeling very deflated
P.s he’s been checked all in good health and tack is fine too

 

[J&S]

Do some in hand work with him now, get him to be a little more in tune with you, moving backwards and sideways and lots of moving forward from your voice. When things open up see if you can find a professional to come and assess him for you and then hopefully you will find his strengths / weaknesses and be able to move ahead from there.

 

[Ambers Echo]

Where are you? Sounds like you need a rider confidence coach. There is no reason you can't be fine riding him again. It does not sound like it is a riding or training problem but an anxiety problem and you need someone who understands and can work through that anxiety with you.

 

[PeterNatt]

I would suggest that the question you should ask yourself is that if you could ride a 100% safe horse (and yes they do exist) would you want to ride?

 

[Equi]

Chill out! The more pressure you put on yourself the worse things will be. There is no reason you won’t be fine on him again when you have all your mental ducks in a row but you need to just trick yourself a little. Don’t go with the intention of riding and you’ll find you settle a lot more and one day you may decide to hop on and maybe you won’t either is fine. Next time you do take the notion to ride provided he is actually safe, just get on and hop right back off if that’s what you feel like. Definitely look at some confidence books like kelly marks and when this lockdown is over book with someone. And don’t pay mind to what everyone else says or does he is not their horse and you are not them. Lockdown is the perfect excuse for a break

 

[Pearlsasinger]

It is best not to ride, imho, while we are protecting the NHS, so as above, take the opportunity to do as much work with him on the ground as you can. Try to work out why he doesn't enjoy his work. Does his saddle fit well, or has he had it since he was first backed, in which case it probably doesn't fit now. Does his bridle fit comfortably, especially round his ears - browbands are often too short, especially for cobs. What about his bit, does it fit his mouth conformation? Do you ride in an arena mostly, is he bored, does he dislike the small space? Or do you hack in places which make you feel nervous, is he responding to your anxiety? I remember a poster (Red-1?)on here saying that most horses that she was whose riders believed themselves to be nervous riders were responding to the horse's pain/unsoundness, so a vet check might be a good idea when things get back to a more normal.

In the meantime, Do plenty of in-hand work, get him responding to your voice aids, progress to long-reining, if you can find someone to walk at his head, at first. Do pole work, Trec-type obstacles to keep you both interested and if you can take him out and about, do so.

 

[OrangeAndLemon]

You said you've asked for help already, who did you ask and what was the advice they gave?

If you're experiencing anxiety all of the time, not just at the yard, I'd suggest a chat with your gp when you can. You might be able to self refer for mental health support.

ETA Karl Greenwood is worth a look. The book is great and can give you the extra push you need.

 

[rowan666]

This could have been written by me! I know exactly how feel, (although there is nothing wrong with my horses behaviour atall hes perfect to hack just not much use for anything else) I bit the bullet and put him up for LWVTB and he was sent back 2 weeks later with a stifle problem (not entirely sure what happened) hes currently being rehabbed by a friend who adores but cant afford to take him and I cant afford to keep him through another winter so I am completely stuck with what to do. I have battled with my confidence for years and cannot for the life of me understand where my issue has suddenly come from, on paper my horse is perfect for me, hes extremely comfortable to ride, perfect on the roads and he will (slightly begrudgingly) stay at walk when the other go off galloping but I cannot bare to get back in his saddle. Are you sure your view of him ridden wise is not tainted by your lack of confidence? Once lockdown is over it maybe worth at least trying to loan him out, there are plenty of gutsy riders out there who love a challenge but unfortunately if we lose summer to the lockdown you may struggle to find someone going into winter, it's worth a shot though. If he doesnt fill you with pride and happiness then there is no point in continuing to struggle with him, he could be the perfect horse for someone else x

 

[ozpoz]

Do what you enjoy. Teach him to lunge really well, and learn new groundwork and take as long as it takes to do this. Work on your own core strength while you do this. If you feel after all this is done, and you want to try riding him again then do that with an instructor who will work on confidence. If you don't want to, that is also fine - he is your horse. And if anyone at your yard feels they have reason to question what you do with your own horse, simply say "I'm not enjoying riding at the moment". It's not their business.

 

[Leandy]

Agree with Ambers Echo. You can't do much about getting external help at the moment anyway so do please take the pressure off yourself at the moment.

Iv thought about stopping ridding and just having him as a pet but I think everyone on my yard would have a go at me if I did...

This comment is a bit sad though. You do realise the choice is absolutely yours to make and what others think is not relevant right? Continuing to ride or not, either is a perfectly valid choice! If I were you I would decide not to ride at all until lockdown is over and I would try to make a plan as to what I will do then. There are many options, including, confidence coach, go to a good riding school and see if you can get going on a different horse, move yard away from those who may criticise your choices, give up entirely and sell him, give up riding and find a nice retirement home for him. I'm sure there are many more. Think about how to take those steps when you can. For now, give yourself a break! How you feel about that after a few weeks will help you decide where you want to go anyway.

 

[ownedbyaconnie]

break riding down into small steps.

aim to tack up without feeling nervous, tack up really slowly and then just untack. Do this until it feels normal. You can also then use the time whilst tacking up to really assess everything fits and see your horses reaction to each bit of tack going on. For example I know when my mare needs a saddle fitter out and/or physio because she will turn to look at me when I put her saddle on.

Then you can take it to the next stage and walk to the mounting block. Take the time to work on the ground work around the block, can you get your horse to move around the block from the ground? How long can you get them to stand without fidgeting?

then get on and sit for a few minutes and get off.

then just go for a walk, see if you can stop just using your seat.

And so on.

yiu can take as long as you like to get to each stage. I did similar when I first started hacking on my own, I’ve slipped back and am now a nervy nelly when it comes to hacking but I plan to start doing this again soon. Tiny steps but the key is to always feel like you’ve achieved something no matter how small rather than failed.

 

[Winters100]

Poor you - these situations are horrid - and also much more common than you think when you are in the situation and feeling alone. To me PeterNatt's question was a good one - if someone offered you a ride on a lovely school master/mistress would you jump at the chance?

You mentioned that he is not a good riding horse, but apart from him being grumpy and stubborn you don't mention anything very specific. I wonder if it might be that he is a perfectly good riding horse and you are a perfectly good rider, but just not together? Do others ride him and find him OK? Any professionals ridden him? Only you can answer the question, but if you come to realise that you are just not a good match then maybe the best thing would be to sell him to a good home where he can be a good fit. Don't worry about what anyone on your yard says, if he is not the horse for you then maybe it is best to move on.

For what it is worth I had a similar situation. A horse that I loved, and had tried everything with, having him in full time training ridden by a pro 6 days a week, hundreds of lessons etc, but in the end I had to accept that I was afraid of him, and that checking the wind speed before setting out to the yard was simply not normal! He has now gone to a lovely home, we are in regular contact and they think he is wonderful. 6 months later I bought a school mistress from the buyer of the original horse and have not looked back, even buying a second one because I am enjoying it so much. I would never have got back to this level of confidence and happiness with the other horse - there was nothing wrong with him - we just didn't match.

Do not despair about this. Most long term owners have had at least one who is just not a good fit, and it is nothing to feel ashamed of. He is only 8 so keeping him as a pet might not be the best solution for him and for you, when he might need to be in work to stay fit and healthy and you might have a lot more fun on a nice easy horse. Just think about it, because only you can really know what the situation is. And really good luck.

 

[indie1282]

When you say that he's had all the checks and that he isn't a good riding horse, can you elaborate on this?

I find that horses are rarely grumpy and unpleasant to ride unless there is a pain/comfort issue.

If you have had training and it hasn't helped and made you more petrified then that wasn't the right trainer/training for you. There will be someone out there who will be able to help you.

Did you break him in yourself? What sort of work do you do with him?

 

[MiniMilton]

I have been there so I know how you feel. I got passed my anxiety/fear with the help of hypnosis. Whenever I have an extended break from riding it does tend to come back. It's quite amazing how much our minds can prevent us from doing something we love, but it's also amazing how easy it is to overcome it with the right help x

 

[Quigleyandme]

OP, I can emphasise because the same thing has happened to me twice. The first was triggered by a surgical procedure and the second by an injury. Neither were riding related so I can only assume my sudden attack of nerves was induced by being more aware of my own body and the need to safeguard it on some subliminal cod science level. It did wear off and I resumed enjoying my riding. You have been in hospital so perhaps you are going through the same process.

 

[Wonderlander]

I was in a similar position to you not so long ago with my new mare that carries a serious bronc. After 5 falls in 2 weeks I stripped everything back, only hacked in company for a while, lunging and ground work for a month and started at basics. I rewarded good behaviour with treats.

After this I swapped horses with a friend for a few days to build up my confidence and started some boot camp lessons. Now we are back out riding/jumping and i am much more well equipped to deal with the naughtiness. Since my confidence grew, the broncing has lessened.

Dont give up and good luck!

 

[LegOn]

Its a horrible feeling but sometimes we feel so bad because its something we really want and we have lost our way to having it.

I know with lockdown, it can feel a little helpless but as others have said, its a good time to take a break or try some new skills with your horse. I know you say he isnt a good riding horse at the moment but he will be picking up on your anxiety and dislike of riding and might be feeling a bit down himself. Change up his routine with some inhand & ground work - it can be so much fun! But you can also contact some professionals over video call - you can have some confidence sessions yourself or have a virtual lesson. These are working so well for people at the moment. And also stop being so hard on yourself - he is your horse, but like all relationships there is ups & downs, its good to admit your scared - it keeps you safe but it also means you know the problem & can work towards finding a solution.

 

[MagicMelon]

Is there nobody at the yard that could ride him for him for a while, even if you paid them? Do some schooling etc. for you. The more you watch, the better he'll get and you'll hopefully start to gain trust enough to possibly get back on at some point eventually.

 

[Not_so_brave_anymore]

I totally understand that feeling of having this weight of dread in the pit of your stomach all the time. As others have said, firstly let go of the guilt. If you don't ride, nothing bad will happen, you're not a failure, you will be able to bring him back into work if that's what you decide in the future. Focus on your own mental health first, the horse will wait (plenty of horses have been turned away just now anyway).

Maybe in the future you could get a. Sharer in? Sometimes seeing someone else have fun with your horse can make you feel.more confident. If a sharer were willing to pay say £20 to ride 3 times a week, then you could put that towards one lesson a week for yourself on an "emotionally neutral" horse?

But if you don't ever want to ride again, then that's fine! If you can afford to keep him as an unridden horse, that's also fine- you definitely wouldn't be the only one, and he costs the same whether or not you're riding. You might choose to sell, you might be able to find a good loan home as a companion or as a ridden horse. You have lots and lots of options, be kind to yourself, and try not to exhaust yourself going round and round in negative circles in your head xx

 

[Maryann]

So you had a spell in hospital which is anxiety inducing in itself and now everyone is anxious about the Covid situation in some way. Some people aren't riding at all in case they get injured and those that are riding are less adventurous than usual. All that anxiety around is bound to get to you. It is certainly getting to me. My partner has been the one leaving the premises for a few weeks now and I am starting to feel nervouse about driving.
You could try giving him a good brushing every day and then doing something in hand with him for now to keep him in the 'work is what we do' mindset with a view to getting help from a friendly professional when you can. You might find that when this pandemic passes your anxiety is much more manageable. I am hoping mine will be.

 

[canteron]

Gosh don't ride, there is so much else you can do. If you need inspiration, then look online at TRT or even the dreaded Parelli does have lots to add, I love Hannah at Connection Training, have met her a few times and she is lovely, I am into Featherlight horsemanship at the moment, but lots of people like Buck Brannahan, etc. There are people advertising online courses for more classical dressage in hand. Look at them all and pick the ones you like. The Masterton method has free massage videos worth watching and the Equestian Pole Club on Facebook is awesome!!

My amazing (winning) Grand Prix dressage trainer always says if you can't control each of your horses feet on the ground, then don't even think of getting on. The above will all give you masses and masses of ideas so you are never bored on the ground.

The trick is have your saddle and bridle available. One warm summers day you will feel like getting on, stroke your horse and get off again. The next time you feel like getting on, aim to walk 5 steps, stroke your horse, get off* within no time you will have the true confidence to do more, especially if you repeat some on the ground work patterns you have been working on!

Baby steps all the way. Use the 'non riding' time to educate yourself and in the long time it will be the best time you ever spent!!!

*Also look at one rein stops so you can stop in emergency. Additionally, whenever I get off I say 'Off' and give my horse a treat. Now, any time I get worried, at any pace, if I shout 'Off' he will stop immediately, it is so well trained!! Giving a treat to your horse is a trick from the desert Arabs ..... they really can't afford for their horse to bugger off if they fall off!!!!

 

[MiJodsR2BlinkinTite]

Where are you? Sounds like you need a rider confidence coach. There is no reason you can't be fine riding him again. It does not sound like it is a riding or training problem but an anxiety problem and you need someone who understands and can work through that anxiety with you.

^^^ I would agree wholeheartedly with this. A good professional will be able to stand back and look at the situation with you and your horse, and be able to advise you accordingly.

It may be (and you take the risk) that such a professional would suggest that this horse is unsuitable for you, it may be not, but I would rather more suspect that your confidence issues are impacting upon the working relationship rather than the horse being "wrong" for you.

Ditto advice elsewhere about working on the ground. If you're feeling pressured riding, then don't! No-one says you have to!! Your horse! Your decision!

Don't be rushed, be chilled. And stop beating yourself up!

Groom him, pick up his feet - lots of times. Make him move over to the pressure of your hand on the girth area. Lead him around, over poles, over tarpaulins, flapping bags, etc etc. Look at one of the TREC or Horse Agility sites and you should see some ideas for a little "obstacle course" you could build for yourself now during Lockdown. Play with your horse, enjoy being together, and when the time feels right just slip up on top and you'll soon find you're enjoying your riding again!

(Edited: sorry meant to say that if you're in the SW England I know an excellent professional who is Devon-based and would be able to help you - after lockdown).

 

[Nervousnelly101]

Thankyou So much everyone for all your responses! Sorry I’m just feeling at a loss at the moment..with ridding what is happening is every time I get on him he is refusing to go forwards..he will maybe do a bit of trot work when I can get him going but other than that he plants his feet and won’t go forward..the advise I have been given is to turn him in circles and stop when he starts to move which now he anticipates the circles and plants his feet harder..the other advise I was given was to try ridding him in the field which he enjoyed walking round the field to begin with but again when I asked for trot he didn’t want to again..he would for a bit and even cantered for a bit too but then stopped..so then I was told to keep whipping him until he would go forward which caused him to sort of explode into bucking and running of with me in the field then after that he planted his feet again and wouldn’t move on..I was then told I should take him round the field cantering laps until he gave in but I refused to do this as I didn’t feel safe, i was then told that I now need to be the person that gets him to go forward as he is shutting down and will eventually do nothing for me..the problem is I hate whipping my horse And I feel bad about it after Iv done it..I don’t think I can be that strong person that just makes my horse do it that way because I’m just not like that...Iv been told tonnes of times that I need to be way more firm but I just don’t have hitting and whipping in me..I love him too much to ever want him to be scared of me and at the moment it seems like he’s becoming more and more upset to see me which is what I’m most worried about...Iv spoke about the saddle with people too and they have said that the saddle can’t be the problem as he is the kind of horse that would get me of straight away if the saddle was hurting him...I will deffinantly look into getting a Professional trainer in to help. I love him massively and other than ridding he is pretty much my best friend and I would never want to sell him but equally I want to do what’s best for him...last night I just went up to give him a good brush and a few cuddles..but I am worried that if I don’t ride then he will become unridable in the future as that’s what Iv been told..

 

[be positive]

You seem to have a lot of people giving you 'advice' much of which may be well meaning but it seems to be all about what you must do in order to almost bully your horse and yourself into working with the added pressure of 'if you don't do it he will be unrideable'

I have helped many nervous riders and trying to force anything will do more harm than good, if the horse is uncooperative it makes it even more essential to go right back to basics and ensure that firstly the horse is fit for work, a check by a vet, possibly a physio, dentist and getting the saddle checked would be the first step, the saddle may well be a problem and your well meaning friends could be wrong as in my experience most horses will not throw a rider as the first resort if a saddle is uncomfortable, in fact I cannot think of any that have and I have seen some really badly fitting saddles.

Step 2 will be getting him listening to you on the ground, you taking control just going for a walk, a bit of moving him around, possibly lunging or long reining, this can start before step 1 is done as it will do no harm and can be done without the tack.
Step 3 get him walking about in his tack, forget all the helpful advisors and go at your own pace, if one day you want to get on and walk for a short time then do, take the pressure off, he will not forget how to be ridden, you can take as log as you want, a week, a month or a year, look for a good instructor who will work at your pace, ideally one who will ride him and pop you on at the end of a lesson rather than expect you to ride for the whole time, they can educate him quietly and train you in tandem if you find the right person it could bring the joy back, if you keep him as a pet he will not mind.

Step 4 will probably really be step 1 stop listening to all the negative comments and do what you want to do with your horse, remember he is yours not theirs.

 

[outdoor girl]

Don't beat yourself up about the situation. Enjoy him, wash his tail, give him a really good groom, sit on his stable floor and read a book - do whatever you want to do with him. He's your horse and hard as it is to ignore what other people say, you can do whatever you want with him. If you never ride him again it doesn't matter, but if you want to then it sounds like a confidence coach you need, followed by a trainer who will take things at your pace and help you to teach your horse to listen to a soft aid from your legs. Can you lunge him? If you could, it would teach him to listen to your voice commands which, in the longer term, could help with your riding. Good luck OP and remember, do things at your pace and which make you happy in these strange times.

 

[LegOn]

Try not to worry to much, and its hard when everyone if giving you differing opinion my advise is always listen to your gut and also, only do the thing that make you sleep easier at night. Nothing worse than lying in bed questioning if you should or shouldnt done something.

Definitely ignore the 'unrideable' comment - maybe a break is just what he needs, sounds like both of you need it! But with patience, understanding and time and some extra knowledge you can overcome anything - take time with him, get help and advice you trust but most importantly are comfortable with. And if it feels wrong to you, dont do it!

I love getting them to follow me around with treats - its just fun and sweet & then if you add a command like 'walk on' he will associate it with the positive reward of going forward!

 

[Jill's Gym Karma]

..so then I was told to keep whipping him until he would go forward which caused him to sort of explode into bucking and running of with me in the field then after that he planted his feet again and wouldn’t move on..I was then told I should take him round the field cantering laps until he gave in but I refused to do this as I didn’t feel safe, i was then told that I now need to be the person that gets him to go forward as he is shutting down and will eventually do nothing for me.....Iv been told tonnes of times that I need to be way more firm but I just don’t have hitting and whipping in me..I love him too much to ever want him to be scared of me and at the moment it seems like he’s becoming more and more upset to see me which is what I’m most worried about...Iv spoke about the saddle with people too and they have said that the saddle can’t be the problem as he is the kind of horse that would get me of straight away if the saddle was hurting him

This "advice" clearly hasn't worked, so you can politely disregard it and start seeking professional opinions. This is an issue to be solved by a methodical review of all possible causes (tack, diet, health eg ulcers) and lots of patience and back to basics.

 

[Charliechops]

Hi there...I feel like an absolute idiot but in short I am way too scared to ride my horse. It has got to the point where everyday I dread getting up, I’m so anxious about going down the yard and I really don’t know what to do. My horse I love to absolute pieces Iv had him since he was a 2 year old he’s now 8. He is a cob cross and around 15hh. Last year we were doing fine together he’s never been the easiest to ride and always been quite stubborn. On the ground to brush and do general stuff he is a saint. But on his back he can be grumpy and generally doesn’t enjoy work that much. at Christmas I was hospitalised (NOT due to him) and couldn’t see him for around 2 weeks and as soon as I got back the ridding is getting worse and worse. Iv tried asking for help, Iv tried help with training etc but it has now got to the point where I’m petrified to ride him. I don’t think anyone would loan him at all as he’s just not a good riding horse...but I equally don’t want to sell him as I’d like to think he always has a home with me no matter what...but I don’t think there’s any way I can bring myself to now get back in the saddle..I really don’t know what to do...Iv thought about stopping ridding and just having him as a pet but I think everyone on my yard would have a go at me if I did...I just generally feel like crying all the time and I know the longer I leave my decision the more he’s not going to be able to be ridden...and I just wondered if anyone had any advice?? feeling very deflated
P.s he’s been checked all in good health and tack is fine too

You poor thing! Give yourself a non horse related treat and try and think of all the good things in your life. I would highly recommend checking out Warwick Schiller on YouTube his horse training methods are all about relaxation and connection on the ground before you get to riding.