Too soon??

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PennywithHenry

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I was talking to a woman today and was offered a mare. The woman's had a change of circumstance and is struggling to afford the mare. The mare isn't a welfare case by a long shot, but is a little light.

I thought that she sounded lovely, and heard all about her before I heard about her owners plight, so thinking back I was genuinely intrigued by the mare rather than feeling guilted by circumstance, if you know what I mean.

The trouble is, I then felt guilty for being excited/interested at the thought of this mare.

I'll try and keep this as short as possible;

Her owner pays £12 p/w to keep her at grass livery. She's struggling to afford hay/hardfeed, and as a result ended up opening her paddock to enable to mare to have food, as her alf was very bare. She now has a paddock very low on anything at all really and a limited income.

I'm going to see her later, and if I like her I was thinking of proposing that for the next few weeks she stays where she is on a kind of share. her owner pays £10 towards her grazing and I'll pay the rest, plus a bit more on top to get her a stable and in at night. I'll half her paddock again and buy the hay/hardfeed. If we get on I'll take over her care and costs fully, and when I feel ready I'll bring her home. Another upside to this is that my paddocks will be rested.

I feel really positive about this, but I'm not sure if people will think I'm rushing it? Hubby thinks it's a great idea, my mother thinks I should wait, and that I wouldn't choose to have her if her owner wasn't having problems. I did like the sound of her before I heard of the problem surrounding her rehoming though.

I don't really know the point of this post really, I guess that I'm just hoping that I'll know whether it's too soon, etc, when I'm down meeting her this afternoon....

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i don't think it's too soon, i think it would be a great distraction for you, as long as the mare is right for you and you don't just feel sorry for her. i'd go and have a look, and try to look at her as objectively as possible, if you can.
very very best of luck.
 
If you really like her then go for it!! I'm sure Henry would want you to put all your love into another horse who needs it. Maybe its fate. You're the only one who knows if you're ready to take on another horse
 
I think it is a good idea. She sounds very different to Henry so you won't be making comparisons. I would be very sure though that the owner is prepared to let you keep her if that is what you decide to want. It would be heartbreaking for you if you put time and effort into this mare and then her owner took her back if her financial situation changed.
 
I don't think its to soon. Go and have a look but try not to get too over-excited, you don't want to rush into landing yourself with problems. If its meant to be, it will happen.
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That's the first thing that I thought of MurphysMinder, which is what I said to her. I told her she could either sign her over to me or I would pay an agreed amount for her and buy her, as I just couldn 't take having a horse taken away from me after X amount of weeks/months or even years. She said that she fully understood and would happily sign over her full ownership provided everyone was happy with the way things were going.

I'm just about to go and see her now, and was told to bring my gear as I could ride her. Now I'm nervous, I haven't been riding for ages. I was shocked and her owner said "You didn't think I was asking you to take on an unrideable horse did you?"

Well, actually, the thought of riding didn't even cross my mind!
 
I think from your natural feelings of excitment and pleasure say it all really. As long as you're realistic as to the fact that this may or may not work go for it, try to have fun and it gives you something to focus on.

GOOD LUCK
 
I'd say go for it. One of the hardest things about losing a horse is that you end up with all this time on your hands and keep thinking too much. Hope she's the silver lining in the cloud for you - sometimes it's just meant to be. Keep us posted!
 
I had my mare put down last year, and two days later picked up my new horse.

I was absolutely devastated to loose Amy - but was very excited to be collecting my new naglett. So I wouldn't say it was too soon at all.

If it was, you woulnd't be feeling so positive about it.

Go for it.
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I lost Jack 6 weeks ago and have been looking for about 5 weeks, at first i was so excited looking at them but felt really guilty about it, but the reality that they are not going to be Jack is really hard, you will know when you meet the next one, whether its today or next year, don't force it and go with it, good luck with it xx
 
I think you're doing the right thing. The way it is planned will be a nice trasition time and if things don't feel or turn out right, you will be able to walk away from the arrangement.

I knew my pony was living on borrowed time and bought another horse 6 months before I had pony PTS. My reasoning was that otherwise I'd forever be looking for a pony similar to mine and that was never going to happen, so ended up with two animals that were poles apart! My horse kept me going after a loss that I found extremely hard to bear.
Keep us updated on how you get on.
 
Of course you're not rushing it! I think it sounds like a really good idea
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What you need to think of is how you turned Henry's life around and that there is another horse out there who will benefit from your tlc. Remember there is no hard and fast rule about how long you leave it before you get another horse. You are not replacing Henry in any shape or form you are getting (hopefully
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) another horse and it will be different to Henry.
Good luck and fingers crossed for this afternoon
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Sounds perfect, that's the pressure off the owner, help the mare and gives you chance to see if she really is the one for you. Good luck. xxx
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When I lost my first horse, I was so devastated that I spent 13 horseless years in mourning for him. Couldn't even bring myself to ride or be around horses, let alone even think of getting another one.

I finally came out of mourning in 2006 and bought Tobago - and I now realize that avoiding horses and crying every time I saw a horse for 13 years was, er, not really the best way to deal with my loss! It would have been much better if I'd got another horse sooner.

Just be sure that this mare is absolutely right for you.
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As I said before if you think you have the experience to take on another tb and manage it, especially an older one, then go for it.
 
I think it is a wonderful idea. I just knew there would be another horse needing your care
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Henry would be proud of you. And a mare will be totally different from Henry, so you will not be tempted to subconsciously compare them.
Please keep us all updated.
 
Too soon? Nope!
If it were you wouldn't be curious and excited etc now would you?
Just take it slowly and enjoy
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And do NOT feel guilty or anything negative about this. If it wasn't right then you wouldn't have heard about this mare
 
Go for it! This new horse has come along just at the right time, and for a reason. You can offer a wonderful loving home, and the mare needs one. Perfect! When my first ex-racer died I got her replacement within 2 weeks, and after he died a couple of years ago I spent many sleepless nights studying the Horses for Sale columns. For several reasons I couldn't find a suitable one then but it gave me something to aim for at a horrible time. Finding another companion does not mean Henry is history, far from it. He will continue to live in your memory for ever. Fingers crossed the two of you click this afternoon.
 
Only you know if it's too soon, and if you are as excited as it sounds then by all means give it a try. The only "warning" I will give you is that I lost my two horses 3 weeks apart a couple of years ago. Through circumstance the horses were unusable anyway, so in a way it was like having a clean slate so to speak.

I looked at so many horses but it was only after 6 months of looking and trying horses that I really managed to whittle down to a list of what exactly I wanted. What type, what I wanted to do with it, what sex, what height, exact breeding, how I wanted to keep it etc. In the end my criteria was pretty tight, but through that I did get my perfect horse, who I love every bit as much as my other two.

I think what I am saying is that this might be the horse for you, but think really hard about it. I expect you feel there is a huge empty space in your life, I know I did, so while I was looking I got on and painted the house etc. Anything to occupy that extra time I had. There is such a longing during the early days, just to get back to normal if nothing else.

Also in a very recent post you were talking about giving H's stuff away, so if you look at it this is a huge turnaround very quickly from just a day or so ago. I think when we lose a major part of our lives like a horse it is easy to lunge from one idea to another without really thinking things through.

I looked at a horse a week after my second one died and I am just so grateful to my husband for refusing to let me buy him. 9 months later he was a world away from what I wanted and the mare I bought.

Sorry that was a bit rambling, just trying to put across the pitfalls from the view of somebody who has been there.

Jo x
 
When I lost my first mare I couldn't contemplate looking for another horse...wasn't ready, didn't want too. The mare I have had now for 11 years found me really.
Much like your one...you've been told about her...thats all.
I went along with some friends to see her...they got me to do it to get me back in to reality I think as I was just wondering round like a zombie...we knew the lady who had rescued her and she was happy for us to just go along and have a chat anyway.
As soon as I saw her in the field I was smitten...i said I wanted her there and then!!! Something just clicked. The lady warned about all her faults and problems and said take your time, leave her with me for longer, you dont have to say anything now, you can leave it a while. Two weeks later I picked her up...11 years later I still think she is amazing..despite tears and problems along the way.
You'll know if its right...its not just excitement...its more like a piece of a jigsaw just fits in to place.
Good luck
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Well there you are, it's as if it was meant to be.
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Getting another horse doesn't mean you will forget about Henry, or love him any less. If you like her, go for it - but only if you 'click'.
 
If it feels right go for it (and reading your other thread, the mare sounds lovely
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Be prepared though that the guilt won't go away overnight - it took me a long while to really lose it when I lost my mare in a sudden incident like Henry. However, I knew the day after that I "needed" another horse - took me a few more months to find the right one, but I never looked back and it was the best decision for me.

I do think its a very personal decision though. Am sure some people thought it was too quick etc, but for me it was absolutely the right thing to do.

It did not in any way detract from the grief and love I felt for my mare I lost, but did give me some much needed distraction from that grief - I honestly think I would have gone under without it.

My only misgiving would be possibly don't jump at the first horse to cross your path unless you are very sure it is the right one. The actual decision to get another horse is good though
 
If it was too soon, then you wouldn't be thinking about it....... You have your head screwed on right by the sounds of it, so go and see. Very best of luck to you
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