Torn on how to feel wwyd?

M

M.A.W.

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Hello 👋🏻 firstly I’m new really glad to have found a space to ask for advice.

Sorry in advance for this post being long!

I’ve recently got back into riding after an over a decade long break, in my 30’s now, kids are a bit older so felt it was time. Obviously I instantly got the bug back haha.

I wanted to firstly have weekly lessons to get to a standard I could be proud of. I would describe my level, I’d say competent amateur, I could put together a nice medium/elementary test on a capable horse and jump a course of 70/80cm I’ve owned my own on DIY so I’m confident doing all the other bits and bobs. So that gives you an idea on me and my capabilities.

The natural next step was to find a horse to part loan/share and I’ve successfully found one who seemed to tick all the boxes but I’m now full of self doubt.

So I could go on for ages but I’ll summarise as best as I can haha. I’m so proud of the changes I’ve achieved with this horses flatwork just flabbergasted how much of a trier he is with so much untapped potential it’s insane he’s older though so it was tough getting him to change his ways so that’s the huge positive.
The negative is that on the ground he’s pushy bolshy and generally rude and not fun 😞
Reminds me of my youngsters but the difference was their baby brains needed to learn what a boundary was and respecting humans space, this guy knows exactly what he’s doing. Sometimes he comes in and he’s chill sometimes he comes in and chooses to be a you know what.
I’m not a novice and have dealt with rude sometimes idiotic horses in the past but I really wanted to enjoy this.

He also doesn’t hack out alone so I’m limited to the school or trying to ask around if someone wants to go out. His owner is so lovely and she’s been at her wits end with this behaviour as it only appeared this year when he moved to the yard. He’s having groundwork sessions which have improved the situation but I’m struggling.
As although the groundwork sessions have improved things if I owned my own horse and they suddenly displayed a new behaviour I would go through a process of elimination, chiropractor, teeth, tack, feed, maybe pain somewhere, maybe ulcers from the stress of the move? I don’t know it’s a difference of opinion but I understand both sides forking out loads of money can sometimes feel like a wild goose chase if nothing comes of it. But am I right to feel like the groundwork could improve/force change in the behaviour but the underlying cause could still be there?

Again so sorry this is so long and all the ramblings as you can probably tell I have no one to talk to so word vomit on here it is haha.

Really appreciate any and all thoughts and opinions!
 
Groundwork could improve/force change in the behaviour but all handlers need to be consistent. You dodn't say if he is on DIY or livery? If livery it could be the new hadlers have alloed the problem t happen, but as you say the problem could be caused by all sorts of things. BTW someone who can 'put together a nice medium/elementary test on a capable horse and jump a course of 70/80cm' is not what most people would call a complete amateur!
 
I have a lady been riding one of my ponies, for about a year now. said pony does not hack out alone, she used to follow the quad bike if i was not riding the other pony,but now not so keen to even do that. I have already said to the lady if she wants to look for something else to ride I don't mind.
The point of this is that don't feel bad about looking for something else more suitable
 
Lady Jane said:
Groundwork could improve/force change in the behaviour but all handlers need to be consistent. You dodn't say if he is on DIY or livery? If livery it could be the new hadlers have alloed the problem t happen, but as you say the problem could be caused by all sorts of things. BTW someone who can 'put together a nice medium/elementary test on a capable horse and jump a course of 70/80cm' is not what most people would call a complete amateur!
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I believe that is one thing he’s getting which is consistency as he is on full livery and the ladies there are experienced in this field.
I do know he’s meant to be stabled but as this behaviour escalated he had to be turned out 24/7. It’s odd though as he was at the gate when I turned up in the evening and when I put him back out he stood at the gate I checked back further down the path and he was still there. It’s odd he’s acting as if he wants to come in but then stresses in his stable.

And thank you, again a lot of self doubt it’s funny how when doubting myself on the handling it’s having a knock on affect to my riding. He was so bad the other day that I didn’t feel 100% happy to get on board so I lunged and did groundwork instead.

I’m wondering if the pros weigh out the cons in my scenario or maybe he needs someone who can do more days or go down during the day? I feel certain I can get him going lovely on the flat by spring but not sure if I can really have that much of an impact with his stable/ground manners. The other thing I’ve wondered is for a horse who’s never lived out over winter what if the situation arises that he has to come in?
 
Sounds like there is something going on with this horse for a change in behaviour like that I would be involving a vet.

But at the end of the day it's not your horse or problem really you are a good capable rider go find something that you can really enjoy.

I would jump at the chance for someone like you to ride my horses I wouldn't even want any money.

People at your level and experience hardly ever want loans and shares.
 
You are competent enough that you will easily find something else to ride.

Move on. This horse is no fun for you and it isn't up to you to fix him.
 
Agree with the others, that I'd walk away. Sharing is low commitment and you need to be getting what you want out of it and enjoying it.
 
Thank you all for your words of advice I’m so torn as I agree with everything but my guilt is making it so difficult to have the conversation.

It’s such a shame but I do keep thinking it’d be lovely to go on a hack, I wish he’d stand nicely so I can give him a nice groom. My inner child I feel is pulling me towards that want to pamper and love on him but he doesn’t want any of it haha.
 
Squeak said:
Agree with the others, that I'd walk away. Sharing is low commitment and you need to be getting what you want out of it and enjoying it.
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I agree with this (and others).

I can totally understand why you feel guilty, but if you want to hack and groom and have something to cuddle, as well as schooling, this isn't the horse for you. And it's ok for you to say that.
 
Depends on what you want and what kind of person you are. If you mainly want to have fun and an easy time, look for something else. If you like the horse and a challenge, the owner and the yard, stay. I think, it'd be a good opportunity to learn from and with the horse. Provided it's not dangerous, of course. Would you be able to meet his behaviour with curiosity instead of annoyance?
How's he kept now? What's changed compared to before? You say he doesn't like grooming; some horses don't like it because they were never groomed in a way they found enjoyable. Is there at least one spot where he likes a good scratch? That'd be something to build on.
 
Capalldonn said:
Depends on what you want and what kind of person you are. If you mainly want to have fun and an easy time, look for something else. If you like the horse and a challenge, the owner and the yard, stay. I think, it'd be a good opportunity to learn from and with the horse. Provided it's not dangerous, of course. Would you be able to meet his behaviour with curiosity instead of annoyance?
How's he kept now? What's changed compared to before? You say he doesn't like grooming; some horses don't like it because they were never groomed in a way they found enjoyable. Is there at least one spot where he likes a good scratch? That'd be something to build on.
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I think this is a lot of the negative self doubtful thoughts I am having.
What type of person am I?…Thoughtful, considerate, caring and patient. Not quick to anger, understanding and I’d like to think becoming a mother has given me another level of that especially patience.
As I’ve mentioned I’m not a novice I’ve owned very challenging horses and it caused a lot of tough times and heartache but they were my own and I had all the control. I certainly don’t shy away from a challenge but I have to ask myself to what end and is it worth it, do I have it in me to have another challenging horse. If it were a challenge in relation to riding that’s much more rewarding, I enjoy that type of challenge.
I have never and would never describe my reaction to an unwanted behaviour as annoyance and I am curious I’m asking all those questions as to why but it’s very tough coming to conclusions when really I’m just a helper I’m not in any position to make decisions.
With the grooming what I am trying to convey is I used to love grooming for hours it was a lovely bonding experience. I just want to love the horse I share and spend time building a real relationship but if said horse isn’t interested in standing still or respecting my presence that goes out the window a bit.
 
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