Total and complete failure....

stez1234

stez1234

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Today I have done something I never thought I would do.

I have asked if the RSPCA will take Holly back.

I cannot cope with her behavior in the house. She has me in tears every night.

Out of the house and on the lead I could not ask for a more well behaved dog. In the house something just switches.

We have tried clicker training, training with out the clicker with food rewards. I have read and tried a number of books and nothing seems to work.

She races round the house, she constantly jumps up at you. She can jump up to my head height. She bounces off all the furniture including the kitchen table.

My fiends have stopped coming to see me as they cannot cope with the constant attention seeking from her. Its like someone has fed her speed when people come to visit.

If you tell/ask her to do something she just looks at you then walks off.

When she is loose in the house she cannot bear to be apart from me. she has to be constantly by my side/ touching me.

I just dont know what else to do.

I have looked into getting a behaviorist in but this is not an option at the moment as I am struggling with finances after some unexpected large bills.

I think she would be happier in a house with someone there all day or with another dog or somewhere like a farm where she is outside all day.

I feel like I have failed her and every time she looks at me I burst into tears.

Please dont have a go at me for this as I have not taken this decision lightly and am feeling so guilty for it.

A xxx
 
Hi A.

I certainly wont judge you, I think people really underestimate the stress that being mismatched with a dog can put you through. I do worry a little about the rspca as their rehoming policies never seem quite clear to me. However best of luck with whatever happens x
 
Is your decision definitely made?
Did you try crate training?
What about a lower protein food?
What is her exercise regime like?

My young dog, who is bred to work and is very high energy, would be like this if I let him - but I am teaching him that unless he is calm and sitting and looking at me, then he is ignored and does not get whatever it is that he wants, be that attention from me, food, ball.
We do lots of training and games in the house to tire his brain out.

His crate being the place where he gets chicken wings and pig's ears. In the evening, comes out for a number of periods during the evening, we do a bit of obedience (fun/positive) have a cuddle and then he goes back in there to chill out.
Crate training is also really useful as you can put the dog away/to bed when anyone comes round or for any other reason.

Sorry you're feeling like this :( sometimes I do wonder if I am mad but the good outweighs the bad!
 
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Thank you Boolavogue.

It has been stressful and very emotional.
I just hope she now finds the perfect home she deserves as she will make a fab dog for the right person.
 
Hi CaveCanem,

I spoke to the RSPCA today and she is on the waiting list. The Kennel supervisor was off today so I have to wait for them to ring tomorrow.

I didn't try crate training and at the moment cant afford to buy one big enough for her.

Her exercise routine is an hours walk in the morning followed by 30 mins 2 ball fetch in the garden. My neighbor lets her out at lunch time while i am at work and then she has another hour walk in the evening followed by another 30-60 mins 2 ball fetch over the course of the evening.

At the moment the bad is far outweighing the good. I just dont think we are right for each other.

A xxxx
 
I know how you feel, i adopted a two year old staffie about a year and a half ago and i had to return him, he bit my younger brother and just didnt like kids not his fault but as my partner has a daughter just couldnt keep him. I was heartbroken we had had him castrated and spend many hours at training classes and he was great and loved us. But now 18 months on he has another home that suits him, and i have two other rescues that are much better fit for my situation.

Sometimes its the best for everyone.

By the way i was looking back at your photos of her and she bears an uncanny resemblence to the Chance the dog i had to return. Here he is

aaktts.jpg
 
Awwwwww bless he is lovely. The likeness is scary! She will make the perfect pet for someone. I want nothing more than for her to be happy.
 
Yeah i couldnt believe it when i saw the pictures ha even the patch is on the same eye. I know exactly how you feel its so difficult. Still makes me feel upset looking at photos of him
 
Sounds like you have made your decision but I will just say we got a rescue dog who was very similar although she was a lab, but one of those tall, leggy ones. She would not settle in the house and would just run about and throw her toys around (she had a rubber ball on a rope she loved but it got a little dangerous how she flung it about!!!)

We also were wondering how on earth wecould calm her down. I actually found the trick with her which was just to sit quietly (or even lie on the sofa) with her sat on the floor beside you and just rub her chest. She would then go very calm and (eventually) would lie down and relax. It took a LONG time but eventually she did settle. We didnt have a crate for her but we did when we got our next dog as she was very anxious when left and got extremely destructive. The crate worked a treat! These things do take a lot of time and if you feel you have already tried all you can and it's not working then maybe it is best to return her. It's such a shame as, like our dog, I imagine her issues are stemmed from how she started off in life.
 
Can you not lend a crate from someone? Just a thought, not having a go if you have set your heart on it.

We got a rescue years ago who was lovely but suffered terrible separation anxiety when left at all. She was awfully destructive and every time I came home my OH told me she was going back as she had killed the sofa/fish tank/blinds/curtains etc etc. We persevered though and it took a good eight months to get to a place where she could be left and trusted to behave.

However, she turned out to be the best dog ever and I'm really pleased we gave her that second (or 302nd ;)) chance. She had just had a crap start in life and needed to be re-educated, she also needed to feel secure I think and I guess this takes time.

It might be worth a go if she is good in other ways?
 
Oh dear such a shame. BUT you have not had her that long, in my moments of utter despair with mine (who is the same as yours just ginger), I considered sending him back 18 million times. I was told that for every month they have been in kennels it CAN take the same amount of time for them to settle into a home- so for me I am not even there yet.

Does she get any off lead time outside the house? This made a BIG difference for us- spurred on by EAST KENT on here (actually PM her she is a bull breed breeder and knows what she is on about!)- I can walk Dex on lead for hours, but nothing tires him like a ball in an open field for 30 mins. find a field if you do not trust her around others, or muzzle her.

Also remember you are asking alot of her when she has not been with you that long, as in having friends over- I could not have had a man other than OH in the house until very recently (5 months after getting Dex) as he used to launch- by the way if she is jumping tell her to sit- and mean it as it is an opposing action to her jumping (thanks Katielou). Dex used to jump- and grab hold of your arm/sleeve and bruise BADLY- this has all but stopped (unless massively over excited).

Sticking to you like glue is not that bad a thing, but try just leaving her in a room for a few mins alone and build it up.

If she is flying round the furniture, get hold of her collar and take her to another room for timeout (thanks Cayla)- only return to her when quiet and calm.

ALWAYS have a pocket full of treats (thanks CC)- so when you ask her to do something she has an incentive to do it- CHECK pockets on wash day tho!!!!

Look at what she is fed (thanks Blackcob/ CC)- and add these at double the dose
http://www.hyperdrug.co.uk/MC-Seren...60kg-pack-of-45-tablets/productinfo/SERENEUL/ can get in P@H

and or these (Dex currently has both)
http://www.nupafeed.co.uk/dogs.htm?ac=DU5NQ-A

There are also herbal calmers that work.
Also check out these U tube training vids- http://www.youtube.com/user/kikopup?feature=chclk (thanks Katielou)


Oh and dont struggle alone- this place has gotten me to the point where fat pants aka Dex is staying- so do not be afraid to ask!!! Even if your decision is final- what I have suggested will at least help until they can take her back - have a hug! :)

ETS- would also massively like to thak (along with the others mentioned above) Dobiegirl, MurphiesMinder, and shed loads of others for all the amazing advice I have recieved on ASBo aka Dex- seriously do not think he would still be here without you lot....
 
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Have to say tbh if you are currently financially unable to afford what she needs yes it is possible she needs a good home however I suspect a behaviorist visit woould sort the issues relatively quickly.
I think it is a real shame as she just sounds insecure hence the need to be with you. Have you asked teh charity if they can give any help behaviour wise?What about even training classes?
Regarding returning her, I know the RSPCA will prob. have a clause saying they have her back, but is there any chance you could see if you could take her to dogs trust instead? Mainly as they do not destroy healthy dogs and have far better post homing strategies than RSPCA. The RSPCA unfortunatley do PTS dogs they cannot rehome as they ahve such vast numbers and there is no guarantee of her getting a perfect home. I don't say this to make you feel guilty, just to make you aware and to try and help the dog.
 
Being a bull breed she is rather high on life naturally:) all you need to do is learn how not to encourage/heighten the behavior you don't want a bully to display, if you give and inch they will take a mile;) but they come commonly suffer seperation issues, this is part and parcel of them being such a fantastic family dog, they suck the life out of human attention:D and make a very loyal companion, if a little OTT most of the time.;)

You would not need a huge crate either, infact the smaller in relation to her size you can get the easier it is to introduce and train her, space is not neccesarily what you are looking for in a crate (it's not an exercise pen) and you could pick a second hand one up cheap as chips.
You say she is fab outside, this alone has to be a huge bonus, as this is usually where the frustration begins as Lexi can tell you. Time out is a fab method of calming and training out OTT/attention seeking unwanted behaviour.
I know everyone is giving advice as to hang on to her but they do get such a crappy deal and they do really badly in a rescue kennel environment as they thrive so much on a human/home environment and they can be very sensitive believe it or not.
It's very hard for them to go from kennel to home and when they land in the home the new owner is only to happy to shower them in love and dish out attention with they literally thrive on, but when the attention is removed abruptly (when owner returns to work) or now wants to calm the behaviour it takes a little time them being such a head strong breed to work with it, but it can/will come. If you wanted to try I would be happy to give you some tips/advice.
 
Try EBay to get a good crate for peanuts,we actually use vari-kennels,dogs seem to relax better in their "cave". Bull terriers and their crosses do need a "burn up" and time "being a dog" more than other breeds,they can be very high energy.Try and go over to natural raw food, the dried ones can act like E numbers on them,making them intolerable to live with,AND a nice big marrow bone,raw of course,to exercise those jaws on ..all very helpful to the dog`s sanity .We ask a lot of dogs , sometimes they need time out just to be themselves,rather than trouble free house pets.I would persevere as she clearly loves you and shows insecurity by being so clingy,in the end you`ll have a great dog.
 
to all the posters that have said 'persevere' i think OP has already she has tried everything and finally made her decision and guilt tripping her into keeping the dog really isnt going to be making her feel any better.

At the end of the day we keep our dogs for fun. We pay a lot of money feeding, fleaing, worming, neutering, vets bills and we do it willingly because we love them but persevering with a dog for months and months when you've tried everything is only going to make her unhappy, the dog will pick up on her stress and there's guarantee the dog will change its personality anyway. There are lots of dogs in rescues in the UK that will fit in with the OP's life.
Not every dog is right for every person.

to the OP. best of luck, i'm sure this hasnt been an easy decision for you.

lula x
 
lula said:
to all the posters that have said 'persevere' i think OP has already she has tried everything and finally made her decision and guilt tripping her into keeping the dog really isnt going to be making her feel any better.

At the end of the day we keep our dogs for fun. We pay a lot of money feeding, fleaing, worming, neutering, vets bills and we do it willingly because we love them but persevering with a dog for months and months when you've tried everything is only going to make her unhappy, the dog will pick up on her stress and there's guarantee the dog will change its personality anyway. There are lots of dogs in rescues in the UK that will fit in with the OP's life.
Not every dog is right for every person.

to the OP. best of luck, i'm sure this hasnt been an easy decision for you.

lula x
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I assume you are a friend of the OP. No one is guilt tripping- just offering help, different things to try, and trying to show light at the end of the tunnel-rescue dogs NEED time- there is no way in the world she has tried EVERYTHING.
If she has made up her mind then like I said doing these things will help her until the RSPCA can have her back- this could take months.
 
lexiedhb said:
I assume you are a friend of the OP. No one is guilt tripping- just offering help, different things to try, and trying to show light at the end of the tunnel-rescue dogs NEED time- there is no way in the world she has tried EVERYTHING.
If she has made up her mind then like I said doing these things will help her until the RSPCA can have her back- this could take months.
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apologies lex, i wasnt referring to you and apologies to all for my 'guilt tripping' remark. comments made her been helpful and informative. there was a post immediately above mine that kinda set me off as it seemed the OP felt she had made her decision now and i know how hard it must have been for her to come to it.
no offense to anyone intended tho.
 
lula said:
apologies lex, i wasnt referring to you and apologies to all for my 'guilt tripping' remark. comments made her been helpful and informative. there was a post immediately above mine that kinda set me off as it seemed the OP felt she had made her decision now and i know how hard it must have been for her to come to it.
no offense to anyone intended tho.
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No need to apologise, it must be gut wrenchingly hard to decide to return a dog into rescue, I just wanted her to explore every single avenue first- it can be hard to deal with a Bull breed rescue I have one, who is a nutter, (and dog reactive to boot) but there are things that will help her in the mean time whether she sticks by her decision or not.
 
Who was guilt tripping? I tried with a dog for almost three years and yes of course, you feel like a total failure when you finally let them go but personally I felt it was worth trying everything I possibly could, even when I knew she was going, to make sure it wasn't 'just me'.
Of course we keep our dogs for fun but it isn't ALWAYS fun, not all dogs are perfect (and yes, I still do hanker after our perfect ONE!) the downsides are part and parcel of dog ownership.

The reality is that animals rescue centres up and down the country are at crisis point, everywhere around here if full up with waiting lists and there is a likelihood that this girl won't get a place for a couple of weeks - there are tonnes of tips and advice on here for the OP to try in the meantime.
 
I don't think anyone is trying to guilt trip but, from what i read the dog has been put on the waiting list with the RSPCA which I assume means they cannot take the dogs straight away so it will have to remain with the OP until they can. So, whilst she still has the dogs, people have been advising on how best to manage her in that time - who knows how long she may be on that waiting list! However, personally I would not be giving any dog back to the RSPCA (especially not this breed type) as they do not have the "never PTS a healthy dog" like the Dogs Trust do and also i am not sure if they put the same amount of work in to improving a dog's behaviour as the Dogs Trust will.

IF I was the OP then i would try and approach my local Dogs Trust and see if they would take the dog, even if i had to pay them or come to an arrangement of doing a swap if possinble for a dog that may be more suited to my personal circumstances etc. If that was possible (and i know they are also soo overrun with dogs) then at least i would know I have secured the dog's future in some way. If I returned a dog to the RSPCA I would just be terrified they'd have her PTS when they couldn't rehome her.
 
Can you borrow crates from rescue places? Many years ago we had to borrow one from the vets but that was ages ago so they probably charge for it now.
 
We have a Staffy whom we have had from a pup who is a bit mad and attention seeking indoors. We found ignoring her worked the best, if she jumped up we turned round and walked away, not talking to her, not looking at her. She has calmed down a lot but even at 5 years old has her giddy mad moments and has to be quietened down again.

OP, not sure where you are, but I have a crate you could have for nowt - our Staffy loved hers and it really did work wonders.

ETS: See you are in Coventry, which although not a million miles away might be a bit too far. Have you tried Freecycle? I am sure if you ask for a crate on there someone will have one :)
 
Thank you for the replies.

The decision is made and I think for Holly and myself it is the best one.

I cant go though another 6-12 months of ending up in tears every night.

As someone said owning a dog is meant to be a happy experience. Neither of us are happy.

I have looked for a crate and as i dont drive it limits where I can get one from. I dont have anyone who can take me to get one either as my mum is away at the moment. If I could drive I would even consider going to Scotland to get one rather than send her back.

I have contacted the dogs trust but they cant take her at the moment. I have spoken to the RSPCA and after having them make me feel as guilty as they possibly could she is top of their list and will be going back in the next couple of days.

I believe I am doing the right thing by Holly, giving her a chance at a happy life with someone who can deal with her behavior in the right way.

Thank you for all your helpful advice. Maybe one day I will find the right dog for me.
 
Havent you only had the dog a month? How can you then extrapolate that you will be in tears every night for the next year? I strongly feel if your finances are so limited and your ability to try and sort out a dogs problems so restricted you should not be getting another dog-I dont see if you say you will but I suggest don't./
 
SusieT said:
Havent you only had the dog a month? How can you then extrapolate that you will be in tears every night for the next year? I strongly feel if your finances are so limited and your ability to try and sort out a dogs problems so restricted you should not be getting another dog-I dont see if you say you will but I suggest don't./
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Is that true - just such a short time? If that is the case then I have no idea what was to be expected with a rescue dog. Christ ours destroyed a fair bit of the house within the first few weeks/months and I mean WRECKED!! She tore up carpets, chewed a saddle, ripped up anything she could - you name it she did it. But this is par of the course with a rescue (or a young dog I suppose) as they are traumatised to some degree and they need TIME to adjust. If you're not prepared to put in the time and effort then maybe seriously consider whether a dog is the ideal pet for you.

I feel half tempted to take her myself as i don't rate her chances going back to the RSPCA but I KNOW that currently I am not in the position time wise or financially just yet to take on a dog.
 
Honestly words almost fail me.Poor dog,once again shoved back into rescue along with umpteen staffie types.Her outlook is poor,news for you..the mythical "farm" does`nt exist,unless you mean the one run by Jesus.
You say you can`t afford a crate,pick one up on Ebay or similar..and do you still have that massive horse? You can afford that then? Get a grip and start coping,nothing is insurmountable.
Just put yourself in the dogs position for once and then rethink.:mad:
 
Have to say i feel really sorry for her, as all she probably needs is time, and boundaries.

Lets hope this is a wake up call to anyone wanting to rescue a dog- it may NOT be prefect in the first 5 mins of you having it!
 
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