Total confidence crisis

[mrsew]

Hello and apologies in advance for rambling post....am just wondering how many riders face massive loss of confidence.
I lost my dear old boy last March, had him for 13 years...knew and trusted him totally, he could be a devil but just laughed at his antics. As heartbroken as I was I knew I wanted another equine friend, I travelled miles and looked at over 20 horses but couldn't find the one (despite seeing beautiful horses and meeting lovely people) Fast forward to October last year and a friend found (quote) the perfect horse for me....as beautiful as he was (is) I said no on two viewings....then he came to me on trial and I started to melt. Long story short I paid for him mid-November ......all had been going well until about a month ago.
I was out hacking with a dear friend, lovely Sunday morning chill out, when her horse was struck by a car.....all so avoidable had driver shown been a little more patient :-( Fortunately my friend wasn't hurt but her darling horse had to be PTS as a result of her injuries. Since this awful event I've gotten really windy, my poor boy is picking up on it and thrown in a couple of titchy rears and I've hopped off. Then tonight someone was shooting in field next to school whilst I was riding under lights, again my boy got spooked, and instead of reassuring him I got spooked and jumped off. Don't want to give up but feel like hanging up my boots.....so don't want to but how do you sort out your head? Thanks if you get this far xxxxxxx

 

[Baileybones]

You've had an awful experience so cut yourself some slack and give yourself some time to get over it.
Do you have an instructor who can help you out? Or even just a friend who can come into the school with you and just chat with you and help keep your mind of the monsters?
Good luck x

 

[mrsew]

Thank you Baileybones, yes I'm having weekly lessons and instructor has pointed out as soon as I have something else to focus on I chill out....I'm sure I could get someone to come and chat in between lessons. I am just so shocked at how my mind is working at the moment....I blow everything out of proportion and get so worried for me and my boy xx

 

[Overread]

You might also consider some counselling support. It can sometimes help deal with situations like this; especially where the fear/worry isn't something tangible or obvious (eg when you're riding in the school there aren't even any cars to worry about). Your GP might be able to refer or offer advice on local options and there are always some of the self-help groups out there which if they can't directly help might be able to point you in the right directly (only one that comes to mind is a group like the Good Samaritans).

Note I'm not in any way saying that you're mad or unstable or anything like that; just that sometimes an ear to listen is what we need; but sometimes having someone who can ask the right questions back or give is a new way to view things can help you along that much better and quicker.

Chances are you will, in time, overcome this; a month ago is hardly any time at all for something like this so to have the jitters is very normal.

 

[Ponycarrots]

I honestly don't blame you. If I'd have experienced that I'd be so upset. It was so lucky your friend was ok.
I have a spooky horse but I'm used to it now, when I got the horse I had before him, I'd never had a horse who was spooky/sensitive, so I didn't know how to deal with it. I never fell off from the spooking but it did unnerve me. I eventually learned that he would give me subtle cues that he was going to spook, which was when I could start to deal with it. Like you, this involved me focussing on something else, so I'd start to sing out loud! This calmed me down and so he calmed down too.
The horse I have now is a lot worse and it doesn't matter how calm I am, he will still spook at something he's seen a million times before and even took to rearing at one point. The trick with him is to distract his attention, so even when hacking out, I'm focussing on something, whether that's making a transition, doing a leg yield, halting, turning his head a different way, turning a circle, a quarter pirouette; anything to get him focused on something else which in turn makes me more relaxed as I'm not focused on the spook!
I realise your lack of confidence isn't from the horse spooking; it's more because of the accident you witnessed...if I were you I'd avoid roads completely for a while (or just go on the quiet ones) and try to hack out as much as possible with either a trusted friend on a calm horse or someone walking or cycling with you. Then gradually you can build up to road work again. I personally don't usually wear high Viz (I know I should but lost my jacket and to be fair drivers where I live are very considerate to horses) but I'd wear it if I was lacking confidence on the road in terms of drivers. I think those hi viz jackets that say "polite" on them, written in the style of police look fantastic, it makes you think they're police horses at first!

 

[mrsew]

Many thanks Overread & Ponycarrots....I've been given the details of a sports mind coach that uses NLP so am going to give them a call. Will also try out your methods PC. Thank you again xx

 

[Sukistokes2]

There is a kindale book I have been reading called, Ride with confidence by Peter Haynes, I have found that helpful.

 

[SkewbyTwo]

I really feel for you OP, and couldn't read and run as something very similar has happened to me.

Like you I lost my horse of 12 years late last year. I had had my new horse about 6 months at this point. I hadn't planned on buying another, but he sort of fell into my lap and I just felt I had to have him. As things worked out, this was a good thing.

The strange thing is, when my new boy was first home, and I legitimately had things to worry about - how would he be with me, would he settle and continue to behave for me - I just cracked on and for a few months was riding both boys, quite happily. New lad even had some trouble with saddle fitting which set us back somewhat, but we got it all sorted.

Then my older fella came up lame, I got very ill, and they had time off. Older boy never came right and was PTS a few months later.

What with one thing and another, getting well, trying to sort out my poor youngster who had a terrible, totally messed up breaking with a so-called "pro", and most of all, getting over the loss of my boy, which hit me way harder than I ever imagined it would or even could, I ended up having to give mine the winter off.

I got on my boy again a few months ago. He was a star. But I just didn't feel "right". Like you, there is something ticking away in the back of my head and it's making me not be "me" on a horse. If that makes sense.

Watching a short video my friend took, in which she saw nothing wrong, I could see how tense I actually was. I then injured myself so can't ride at the moment anyhow. But even if I could, I am not sure I would inflict myself on my poor boy, until I can sort myself out.

I shall watch this thread with interest as I too am looking for similar answers. New lad is a doll and in fact, far more generous, safe and sane than the beloved fellow I lost. I don't really know what is going on in my head, but it's all linked to losing my boy, I think. I am trying to use my time off riding, to have a think about what actually is going on, and what it is that's in my head that seems to be scuppering me right now. I trust my boy 200% and I hate not putting my faith in him and getting him out and about, like I promised him and myself I would. There is so much fun for us to be having. And I just don't get it either.

You have had a truly awful experience so don't underestimate the effects of that. Big hugs. I am sure you, and I, will get there xxxx

 

[Equi]

I PMd you.

 

[jjerome]

Hi , will PM you

 

[LottieAdams]

i found that getting a trainer who makes you do as your told helps. when i first started out i used to just hang around doing walk and trot cuz i was nervous for the consequences of me doing anything more. i stopped having lessons (my teacher then was very kind and young, and let me do what i wanted, and that was nothing because i was too nervous) because i wasnt doing anything. to cut a long story short eventually, i started again with a very strongly willed trainer, so i became more scared to not do as he told me than actually doing what had made me nervous in the first place! sounds ridiculous i know, but it really helped for me, may not for other people.

 

[Tern]

When you're in the school can you listen to some music, either outloud or earphones? This will help you concentrate on the music and the horse rather than anticipating on what's going to happen next! x

I had one of these moments and I found Rescue Remedy really helped.

 

[LottieAdams]

When you're in the school can you listen to some music, either outloud or earphones? This will help you concentrate on the music and the horse rather than anticipating on what's going to happen next! x

I had one of these moments and I found Rescue Remedy really helped.

thats a good idea

 

[el_Snowflakes]

So sorry to hear about your friends horse. That really is a traumatic experience- have you considered counselling as you may be suffering from PTSD? Allow yourself plenty of time & take it slowly riding out with an experienced horse. It may be worth staying off road until you feel you are fully recovered. I'm not a nervous rider/hacker & I know if it were me, I'd be very shaken up by an experience like that. Take care.

 

[B&J]

So sorry to hear your story, its hard enough loosing confidence but utterly terrible in that situation. When I have a confidence crisis (regularly unfortunately) I've found a few things which work:

Listening to music
Avoid areas you aren't comfortable i.e. hacking - for me the school is my safe haven
Neck strap / RS-Tor / Breastplate - something to grab onto
Set tiny goals - today I am going to walk 3 loops in the school, tomorrow I am going to trot a full circle etc etc. Achieve your goal then stop, don't do more than your original goal of that day
Always end on a high note - If you jump off (yes I do that too) then get back on with a goal i.e. walk one final circle round school then dismount
Friends - have friends either watching or just standing in the school
Avoid busy times of the day at the yard
Once you start hacking again - I found being lead from a nanny horse extremely comforting, we just started out with we'll ride 3 lamp posts down then progressed to the end of the lane and just lengthened the hack each time, a foot solider helps no end too

xx

 

[Slightlyconfused]

When you're in the school can you listen to some music, either outloud or earphones? This will help you concentrate on the music and the horse rather than anticipating on what's going to happen next! x

I had one of these moments and I found Rescue Remedy really helped.

This is what I do, either one ear in or on loud.

 

[3OldPonies]

So sorry to hear your story, its hard enough loosing confidence but utterly terrible in that situation. When I have a confidence crisis (regularly unfortunately) I've found a few things which work:

Listening to music
Avoid areas you aren't comfortable i.e. hacking - for me the school is my safe haven
Neck strap / RS-Tor / Breastplate - something to grab onto
Set tiny goals - today I am going to walk 3 loops in the school, tomorrow I am going to trot a full circle etc etc. Achieve your goal then stop, don't do more than your original goal of that day
Always end on a high note - If you jump off (yes I do that too) then get back on with a goal i.e. walk one final circle round school then dismount
Friends - have friends either watching or just standing in the school
Avoid busy times of the day at the yard
Once you start hacking again - I found being lead from a nanny horse extremely comforting, we just started out with we'll ride 3 lamp posts down then progressed to the end of the lane and just lengthened the hack each time, a foot solider helps no end too

xx

Having had confidence issues I would second all of these ideas. Especially the last but one. Fortunately the friend that I ride for and her YO are really supportive and in the beginning we would hack together, chatting the whole time (off-road obviously) so that I forgot about worrying, in the school they made themselves scarce to start with as they knew I would be nervous about being watched. The tiny goals bit works wonders, you achieve what you want and get off and after a few times you actually start to feel like you want to do more - and so you do!

I hope you persevere and carry on riding, confidence is such a fragile thing, and after what you've been through it is enough to make anyone question why on earth we get on these hairy beasties! So best wishes and good luck - if you really want it to happen it will do, it just takes time that's all.