total loss of confidence :(

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ellis9905

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Have any of your ever lost your confidence? and if so how did you restore it??

im in my 30's, i rode from about 11yrs old and all through my teenage years id ride anything- if i was offered a ride the answer was always yes, without concern as to what the horse was like! i was never the most stylish rider but was quite capable.

i owned and loaned several horses for a few years, so stable management is no worry.

I stopped riding when i bought a yearling about 9 yrs ago, unfortunatly after having had my youngster a year i discovered i was pregnant, i couldnt afford both so sadly horse had to go.

I then didnt ride from 2003 until last year, when my daughter finally wore me down enough to allow her riding lessons! i went and had a few lessons at a riding school that i had ridden at as a teenager.

it felt great to be back in the saddle, and whilst i was far from the ability i had before i still managed a half reasonable canter.

By chance i was offered a cob to share looking after, my best friend bought a supposed 100 %, novice ride etc- this turned out badly, as the mare turned out to be nappy and had a nasty buck! Whilst i loved the stable management and care side, i began to find excuses to not ride. The cob was found a new experienced home ( where she is flourishing)

This has now left me less confident than ever :(

we have a pony for my daughter, so stable management/care/handling from ground i have no issue with a do quite happily and confidently.

I have recently been offered a horse on loan , and the regular ride of a mare at the livery yard.

However fear/confidence is holding me back- i just wanna be able to hack happily. I keep thinking that im going to bolted with or bucked off, or horse is gonna do something that i cant cope with. I watch my friends hack off the yard and pretend that it doesnt bother me, id love to hack with confidence, my biggest wish( this prob sounds very basic and simple to most people) is to enjoy a canter round one of the bridleway fields.

I find i get mad at myself then, like now i can sit here and reason with myself- remebering all the things ive ridden in the past and how capable i was, and tell myself how stupid i am now, as surely if i had the ability years ago then im still capable now- even if a little rusty??!!


I Guess i feel that i need to either address the situation now or admit/accept defeat and that im never gonna ride again.

So im thinking that i really need to invest in some quality riding lessons with a good instructor ( the yard i used to ride at is ok, but not a great yard, more interested in making there money than in what you learn etc)

so for anyone still reading to this point- well done, cupcakes for all!!, and seriously how have any of you overcome loss of confidence??

thank you
desperate from Northants x
 
I have been there. I rode from 4 years old until i was 20 and was just like you no fear and very capable.

I returned to riding after a 10 year break and was doing well but don't have anything like the confidence i once had. Self preservation kicks in whenever i am in a slightly dodgy situation.

Time has helped as has my boy who is the only thing i can tolerate any issues from. I will ride others but first sign of danger and i am not a happy camper at all.

Imho trust and a relationship and taking it slow help. Try not to compare yourself now with your younger self ~ you are a different person.

You need to find something safe and build up from the start.
 
When I first had my mare she was a blind bolter which I hated. I used to get one of my boyfriends at the time to cycle out with me but in my eyes that still wasn't good enough and gave myself a really hard time. We used to do the same hack over and over again til eventually it felt like home from home. So I started doing it on my own singing and humming. One this is the bit that sounds really stupid..... I then use to recite " you and me, a team, together forever" while tickling her whithers and it used to really calm me down.
Anyway now I hack for hours on my own and compete regularly. I think the main thing is a strong bond with the horse you are riding and trust. Good good luck!! Oh and remember B R E A T H E x x x
 
This sounds exactly like me, in my younger days I'd gallop about & jump logs & hack, all while bareback! Now I can barely get out of walk!

I did find lessons helped to get me started again, BUT, being in a safe place like an arena is SO different to being OUT there hacking!

I just take it one day at a time & mostly go on hacks that have short cuts back to the farm incase of the "wobbles"

I think if you can ride every day it helps too (even if it's just for ten minutes)
 
I had a complete loss of confidence at the start of this year. I'd do anything to get out of riding my boy but with the help of a great instructor and an amazing friend we are well on the way to recovery.
There are plenty of instructors that specialise in working with nervous riders so maybe you could find one and have a few lessons on the proposed loan horse (if he/she is sane that is). There's no point pushing yourself too soon. It's not a bad idea to start from square one even if it seems too basic - ok you used to ride and you still have the ability to ride but it sounds like your riding mind needs work. You may find that the easier things bore you and that's a good indicator to move to the next step - I bet you'd get bored with the simple stuff quicker than you expect :)
Jo Cooper may be worth trying too, I've used her and it has certainly helped with my 'what ifs'. Google her name, she uses NLP & TFT.
We can all overcome a confidence crisis with the help of a good support system, that sheer desire to ride and a heap of determination!
Good luck, let us know how you go :)
 
I've been there quite recently.

Quite a similar story to yours. I returned from a 3yr break after having my 2nd child. Felt great until the horse I was riding decided to slam the breaks on in canter for no reason and I went flying over his head and hit the deck.

I had just bought my mare when that happened. My confidence was non existant.

It has taken time, baby steps and also pushing myself out of my comfort zone, no matter how small.

My YO has helped enormously. Although my horse has done absolutely nothing wrong, I was petrified of riding. It was so frustrating because I really, really wanted to ride.

I rode on the lunge for a couple of weeks, then YO would ride her first for me for 10 mins and I got on, just walk the first time, then tried trotting, then we started going into the corner of doom in walk and finally, we've trotted into the corner of doom.

I've not cantered yet and not hacked out yet. We will though. Cantering, I'll find a riding school and canter on a schoolmaster/mistress as my mare is a little green and not balanced enough herself yet. I know I'll be hanging on for dear life :D (the neck strap) so it isn't fair on her.

Take it slowly, find someone willing to nanny you with everything. Who will gradually step back without you realising it but when they know your confidence is up to it.

Don't be too hard on yourself, that will make it worse, but make sure you push yourself just a little.

You'll be surprised how many have had confidence issues, you're not alone and you will get there :)
 
ellis9905 said:
the thought of a lesson in a riding school arena doesnt fill me with dread, but the thought of then hacking down the drive in into the " great outdoors" gulp! :eek:
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This was me, when I was a teenager I'd get on anything, the nuttier the better!
A big break from riding and the realisation that it might hurt if I came off made me loose my confidence when I started riding again.
So I bought just about the safest horse there was (in my sig), although she was no dope on a rope.
Sadly she was PTS earlier this year :(, to keep what confidence I'd gained with her, I bought another horse fairly quickly, I think he will become a very good horse, but is far greener than I thought and we are struggling, but we'll hopefully get there.
I'm building on our mutual trust and confidence and hopefully that will lay the base for our future.
 
Yup, been there, still am I suppose. I was fearless in my teenage years and rode anything. Had a long break, then had a share horse, everything was hunky dory until I went shopping for my own horse and I got run off with, it was like slap to the face as I realised my mortality! Ever since then, I have battled with my confidence. I am on my third horse now and he is a total sweetie and I have done more with him in a year than I ever did with my other two. I keep a positive horse diary and only write in the positive rides I have had - so far, they have ALL been positive!

Just take things slowly and try not to pressure yourself - your confidence will come back, it just takes a bit of time. You may never return to your younger days of riding, I now know I never will, but you will enjoy riding again. Good luck.
 
Set yourself little targets, however small and make yourself meet them. I have always found I just have to get on with it and make myself do things, I have a stern chat with myself and grit my teeth.

For me it was riding for a race yard that fixed me (well, nearly fixed!) I had to get on and ride, no one knew my issues and I looked a right tit backing out of things, so I just did it. Fell for a difficult little chap, got bucked with and ran away with and laughed at him a lot, discovered if it goes wrong, it usually is ok if you just cling on and wait and started to enjoy my rides on him. Sadly I got a full time job after a couple of months and had to stop riding him every day but he gave me back my confidence to a certain extent.

Find someone to help you who will support you but not let you back out.

Find a horse you can click with before you start.

Set yourself a fairly achievable goal to get to in a month or 2, if you really aren't enjoying yourself at least half the time by then, I would stop forcing yourself. You should enjoy your hobby at least half the time you're doing it IMO.
 
ellis9905 said:
totally get this feeling ^^ the thought of a lesson in a riding school arena doesnt fill me with dread, but the thought of then hacking down the drive in into the " great outdoors" gulp! :eek:
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I'm the opposite XD hacking is fun and not scary, but schooling D: eek!


I rode happily from the age of 5-9 and even had a few ponies on loan!
However, not long after my 9th birthday I joined a new stables after the old one closed down. It went ok for a bit, but after a while I noticed how many people were falling off and getting seriously hurt! While I never fell off, I had a lot of close calls, one where the pony bolted and caught my foot on the fence, ripping the post out the ground! How my tiny foot stayed on and didn't break, I'll never know!
The last straw however, was seeing a little girl dragged along the fence, at a gallop. I've never forgotten the sight of her face bouncing off each fence post, it made me feel sick! Thankfully after a short stay in hospital, she was fine.

I was ready to give up, I didn't want much to do with horses anymore (Apart from My Little Ponies), but a friend happened to ask me to go and see the horses at the yard she had just joined. I'm 21 now and have never ever looked back :)



I hope you get your confidence back!
 
If you read back through my posts you will see that I feel your pain ;)

I would certainly agree with your plan to have lessons - if you are happier in the school, that is the way to build your confidence back up. As others have said, every lesson that goes well (and they mostly will) builds another layer in the wall.

I am now just at the stage of thinking about going out on my own!! :eek:

Last week we went out with my friend, as we have done loads of times now, and then left her half way round and CAME BACK BY OURSELVES!!! :eek::eek:

H was fine - he did call out once (I think he heard someone behind us) and gave me a bit of a moment! But otherwise, I chatted to him all the way and he didn't bat an eyelid at various deer, bunnies, pheasants etc etc that popped out on us. All of that gives me more confidence that we CAN do it.

I am still having regular lessons (alone and in a group - such fun!) - I think I always will. My instructor (never the most effusive of people) has said how well we are (both) doing now :D:D.

I would say that a good, sympathetic and understanding instructor will do the trick for you!
 
Yep me too:-)

I had ridden for most of my life, had a mad but wonderful time riding in Cyprus for 5 years (I was known as the "Wild one", then I moved to Holland had an accident and that was it confidence gone.

I had lots of lessons which helped a lot so I would really recommend this but then realized that as much as I was now happy to be in an arena actually what I really loved was hacking out, but due to the fact my accident had happened in an open space it was still a big sticking point.

So I googled something like "I am terrified to hack out" and up popped a website called Enjoy Riding run by a lady called Caroline Putis, I saw she was doing a Hacking with confidence course and promptly booked by self on it.

I did the course at the end of September and can hand on heart say that it has worked for me, on day one of the course we hacked out on some lovely steady riding school cobs and I found myself loving the countryside and thinking "mmm be good to gallop over this" when the opportunity came to have a short burst of canter up a hill my hand was the first up. That was the first time I had cantered outside for 3 years!

On day two I was up at the front really enjoying the more forward horse I had been given.

On the Friday following the end of the course two other members of the course and I booked ourselves onto a hack out and had a whale of a time.

We had one lady on the course who had not sat on a horse for two years, she was trotting on day one and cantering by day 2.

I then went on down to see my own horse and rode him for the first time in six months and loved it :-))

It is not a miracle cure, but being in a group with other like minded people really helps, plus you get taught some great techniques for dealing with those wobble moments and the support of some fabulous instructors and caroline who is a Psychotherapist and a riding instructor.
 
i totally lost my confidence as a teenager with the horse i had who was a bit of a livewire! In the end I would get on her and if she raised her head I would be straight off...but I adored her and loved looking after her. Handling and stable stuff was brill - she was dream...but...I jut felt I had absolutely no control on her and she would bolt off with me at any chance. She was forward going and would jog and would go all day if you wanted!
i had lessons...so I was better in teh school but going on a hack would fill me with dread...I moved yard and felt a bit better wbut would only ride her in the school and if feeling very brave in a field out the back...but I was always so nervous and imagine the worse. Iwas in lovely hacking country but just terrified of going out.
Then someone came and took over the yard and it all changed! Because I had always taken it personally , that my horse was doing it against me only (I was the only one to ride her after all - other people would bluster about doing this and that but strangely were busy when I offered them to ride her!). She couldnt rider her herself as she was to big for her but she got herfriend who worked for her to get on her and take her out. They both agreed that she was a livewire and like a rocket about to go off...so get on her and get her out and get rid of some of that energy! Sudeenly I felt better that she would jog about with someone else...they didnt mind...they thought she was great as she totally loved life. Even a vet told me to appreciate her energy!
So with the moreriding and knowing someone was also experiencing the same I got braver and more determined as well - she was my horse I wanted to ride her everywhere!!
Then we moved yards with the same people and she did exactly the thing of my fears...she bolted with me down this huge grass track...I couldnt breath, my eyes were streaming, she was like lightening...but she stopped of her own accord before the end...didnt do anything bad and I stayed on amazingly I LOVED IT! I went back to the yard and told me friend, saying how amazing it had been (my horse still jogged all the way back!)...she said well now you can shut up as she has done the worst and you didnt die but loved every moment of it!!!
From then on we were great and do you know what she calmed down as well...we didnt always jog everywhere and I could ride her on the buckle and dawdle along if i wanted too!!
I had some terrific times with her and I never want to feel that stomach churning again of being scared.
Sing to yourself, think positively, think simply ie I am merely walking down the track la la la! It really will be trial and error to find your comfort zone...set little targets...appreciate what you achieved - dont beat yourself up about it...you cant help that feeling (I know)!
Get some help..it really mattered to me to have someone show me it really wasnt all that bad - she wasnt going ot run off the ends of the earth with me!
Good luck...it will be worth it!
 
Am in the same situation. Have owned horses for just over 25 years and after leaving school at 16 went and worked in a couple of racing yards. Happily got on anything and was allocated the yards confirmed 'bolter' and didn't bat an eye.

Now however its a different story. I think its because deep down I know that I won't bounce as much as I would have when I was younger and I now have a 9 year old son to care for and have responsibility for. That and the fact that if I am out of work I won't get paid (self employed).

I think self preservation kicked in!

Felt I let a novice friend down the other year when she had major issues with her new horse (napping, rearing, bolting etc) and I just didn't have the confidence to sort the pony out, whereas years ago i would have been fine.


There are plenty of ploddy safe horses out there, you just need to find one. You say you have been offered a horse on loan, what is it like? Just take is slowly and don't push yourself. Keep having some lessons if you can afford it and your confidence should grow.

I am about to get another pony on loan so I can start riding again (retired my horse earlier this year) and hopefully will start some jumping again but I haven't done jumping for years and am terrified. I think that 2ft will be my limit but as long as I am having fun then that's all that matters.
 
I lost my confidence when, whilst out hacking with a friend, our horses decided they wanted to race.
They wound each other up, were both as bad as each other, tanked off and ignored all requests to stop! :mad:
The upshot was that my big chap lost his footing on a corner and slipped over, luckily I was thrown clear as he got up and carried on :eek:

It took me a good 5-6 months to get my confidence back. I rode as much as possible but within my comfort zone. I hacked out with my friend who I trust completely. Whenever we attempted a canter I would stick behind her and I knew that if I shouted she would pull up immediately.
I also had a weekly lesson and my instructor gave me lots of tips on how to get emergency brakes.

I now have an even greater bond with my lad and trust him completely - I'm sure it's because he knows I stopped trusting him and that we have built it all up again on both sides. :D

Take heart - I think you need to push yourself but not to uncomfortable levels and, most importantly, hack out & have lessons with people that you trust.
 
You can clearly ride properly so you do not need any more lessons - total waste of time and money. What you do need is to find someone that will share a quiet and sensible horse with you which you can gently hack out and will not put a hoof wrong.
I would suggest that you put up some notices in your local tack shops and feed merchants and ask your farrier as well.
When I kept my horse in London I had two people that shared my horse with me and he was that sort - absolutely sensible. He was regularly ridden by himself in London traffic and completely behaved himself with whoever was on board.
(He could also be hunted and cross countried and was 100% sensible).
These horses exist and I would suggest this is what you need to find so that you can start to enjoy hacking with worrying what the horse will do. Best of luck.
 
I haven't read all the replies but, yes, I've been there. After a horrible accident about 7 years ago (horse reared, went over and died) I used Jo Cooper (www.jocooper.co.uk) who is amazing and has helped many on here and after my success she also worked with one of my friends. I have kept her techniques and I do still use them occasionally although I must admit I should have gone for a top up as my old horse rocked my confidence a bit.

If Jo isn't a way you want to go then all I would suggest is riding something 100% safe that you can slowly build your confidence back on. My boy has been just what I needed and I now trust him implicitly but it's taken us almost a year to get here.

Good luck, it's hard work but such a amazing feeling when it comes flooding back.
 
Get some really good lessons from a biomechanics teacher. When you get nervous, people tend to ride differently, become tentative and tip - sometimes just in anticipation/imagination of what could go wrong, therefore some really really solid rules of how you should sit are like gold dust - they give you brain something to think about rather than 'panicing' and also you can gradually train your brain so your reaction becomes less and less definite, until you are just thinking it, but you body remains in a secure place - confidence that you have a secure seat is a huge amount of the battle???

Anyway, PM me if you would like some thoughts on people who may give you a huge start - even if you only have a couple of lessons with them, the rules stick and mean that you can then use a non-biomechanics teacher and they will be a huge amount more effective.
 
Hi there,

I know exactly how you feel so do not think you are alone!! I lost my eventer last year very suddenly and to say I was heartbroken was an understatement. I still miss him every day but I realised that I needed to take all the things he taught me and try and do something with it. I tried several horses and had one bad fall which completely knocked my confidence for six. Like you, I have ridden since I was young and had no fear at all however I totally agree about the fact that it is the trust and relationship you build with your horse that gives you the confidence as I soon realised that because I didn't know the horses I was trying, my confidence went out the window especially after one bad fall. It can take a long time to build confidence but it takes a second to lose it! I would start imagining all sorts and the poor horse had done nothing wrong!

What I can say is that I found a great instructor who I trusted and I took my time in finding my next four legged friend and slowly I am beginning to build a partnership with my new horse and life doesn't seem to scary anymore. Don't put pressure on yourself or let others put pressure on you. Find a good instructor to help you source a suitable horse and then work with them to help you build your confidence. If you do want to hack, ask someone to go with you who you know has a bombproof horse and/or get someone to walk alongside you?

You sound like you had some bad luck with the cob but you also sound like you love horses and riding so don't let that put you off. Sometimes you need to kiss a few frogs till you find your prince..I certainly did but if I look back, it has made me a better rider and all the more grateful that I have found my new horse. The key for me was the instructor as they were able to reassure me that everything was going to be okay, I had a few issues with my new horse however by working with my instructor and building a bond with my horse on the ground as well as on his back, things are going really well so I really do wish you lots of success and I am sure you will be back on board before you know it. Lots of luck!

x
 
Yup, feel your pain OP!

I've always had sensible, ploddy type horses all my life so have never really learnt to cope with one that was challenging coz "issues" were always something other people's horses had!! :) Yes I realise I was very very lucky.

When I lost my old boy, I went from him onto a very forward going little Welsh D which probably wasn't the best choice! And then from that onto another cob, this one a bit quirky, with nasty little habits like rearing. Which didn't help my confidence one little bit.

What helped me recently was: strangely, doing something which was way outside my comfort zone, i.e. riding with my trainer fast across country on a horse I wasn't familiar with! Yes, its nice to stick with a steady schoolmaster type and this can and does help to build up ones confidence if lacking, but IME there's nothing like HAVING to "ride" instead of just sitting there and being put in a situation where you've gone through your discomfort zone and come through it with flying colours!

My trainer and I both agreed that this had not only been helpful it had been hugely beneficial, and FUN! I have to say that I trust my trainer implicitly and know that she wouldn't have done this with me had she not known that I could deal with it - even if my heart was in my mouth!!!

So, yep, go for it.
 
Iv never been a confident rider but I always found that having a confident friend ride a horse I was unsure about first helped. That way you can see how the horse may react in different situations so you are prepared and can ready yourself for when you ride incase somethink happened. This has helped me especially working on a racing yard which was hell! but learning the horses habits watching other riders stopped me been bucked reared and bronched off!! :-) hope this sort of helped
 
Hiya,
Yep been there and am still there a little bit!
The same as many people on here, I started riding at the age of four and got my fist pony when I was 11. She wasn't the easiest and used to bomb off and jog etc but I loved it. Would ride anything, jump anything, just didn't have any nerves at all!
I then stoppped riding for 5 years and ended up being given a 16'3 x-race horse. He jogged, he leapt, he bounced, he bolted. I had no probelm with him at all as I think he was so like a bigger version of my old mare that I knew this and knew I could deal with it.
Sadly I had to retire him about a year and a half ago so I went out and found myself a new horse. I was so lucky as I bought the horse of my dreams......!!!!!
He was big and beautiful and when I tried him was every persons dream, he was a dressage horse and just rocked me round a school. I was in heaven, in love and bought him. Well got him home and the first time I got on him him....whoop I went flying! By god does he have an impressive screw buck on him, ended up bruised like you wouldn't believe and couldn't ride for 6 weeks, my confidence was shot to pieces and It upset me so much I couldn't sleep as I kept saying to myself 'this isn't me, what's wrong with me'.
A year and a half later, we hack out, we school but, .... we do not canter as some days he will be fine, others humping, bucking bronco and I can not stay on and it scares me to death!
I have just started having lessons again and my instructor knows I have issues with the canter so we are staying away from it at the mo. My confidence is slowly getting better and I know at some point we will have a canter but, that has to be when I am in a place where I don't automatically tense up etc. I still find excuses not to ride him some days!
Lessons are definitely helping me as you get so sucked into what you are doing that you forget to be nervous. Good luck it will get better.
 
Like so many others I have been there and absolutely understand how you feel. However I am back out on the other side now. I had the same history, hooked on horses from a young age, rode anything and everything and was completely fearless.

I started losing my confidence when I lost my old boy and then I was thrown badly from my (then) new boi.

I tried having lessons to recover and my lowest point came when my instructor was encouraging me to get into a canter (after multiple lessons). I was so petrified I completely let go of the reins and simply clung in the saddle bawling my eyes out. Poor horse just wandered around until instructor caught him!

I fell pregnant a year and a half after owning him and he simply got put in the paddock for holidays. I can't explain how or why I stopped being so fearful, I'm certainly no where near the jump on and go rider I used to be but I am certainly a lot more comfortable and enjoying my horse again. I take things one ride at a time, the last ride I had we went outside the paddock and I let him graze for 10 minutes before heading home. I rode for less time than it took me to saddle up but I got off feeling like a million bucks!!!
 
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