Totally gobsmacked

C

councillor

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I moved to a DIY yard around five months ago. Before this I had been staff at a local well respected yard but decided to move the horses closer to home and stick to DIY as I am more than able to look after them.
In the most part it has been great, yard owners are fantastic and I really get on with them, other liveries are a good bunch as well, all be it very novice.
I made a point right from the start to get along with everyone, but to try and stay away from giving my opinion on their horses. Even when I see a huge lack of knowledge I have kept out as the horses were never being put in harms way.
But around five weeks ago I got to the yard to find a worried owner with a hopping horse. I was asked to look at him to see if I thought he needed the vet. Well I looked over his door to see a huge fat leg so it was a no brainer.
Vet came out, blown tendon. Yip no surprise. Anyway the owner has no clue how to bandage so asked me if I could do the bandaging for them. Like a idiot I said yes as I was worried they would try, and make things worse. So for a week I took care of this horses legs and then the vet came back out and scanned and said he no longer needed bandaging, but must be kept on box rest for another four weeks.
Two days after this the woman's husband (also horsey) was on holiday and so I left him to his horse as he was around to do it and I got on with my own thing. Horse was showing improvement and started to get a bit bolshy, but only when the owners were around as they feed treats over the door (grr!!) but hey their horse do what they want. Horse soon works out if he makes a noise he gets attention. Husband then go's back to work and YM takes care of horse during the week, wife to do weekends.
Last weekend was busy at the yard, loads of horses moving around and a real party feel to the place, it was great. Late on in the Sunday afternoon a bunch of us were sitting in the grass, chatting and just enjoying the sun when this woman comes over sniffing and crying (with her dark glasses on) and started making a huge fuss about how she cant cope with having to look after this horse any more, how his constant banging his door is too much.
I said nothing.
So one of the other liveries chipped in.......turn him out (WTF)
Still I said nothing.
Suddenly she was making all this noise about how he has to go out, how she knows her horse and he wont mess around and she has to do what is right for her.
Still not a word from me.
So off she goes and I hear others back her up, say yeh turn him out, then I hear my name...****!
Out she comes to where I am still sitting and asks....what should I do?
Now this is honestly what I said, because I knew the question would come so I had worked out what I would say, mainly to cover my own ass.
" It's none of my business, it's your horse and you don't have to take my advice, but if I were you I would phone the vet and see what they say " I thought this was the most logical thing to do as Im no vet and I didn't want to be held responsible if it all went wrong.
Any way she didn't phone the vet, she made a tiny paddock and had to get two men to turn him out. Yes he messed around, but I said nothing, I didn't watch him, I didn't move from where I was sitting. Her horse her choices.
Now umpteen others passed opinion, some rather loudly, I didn't.
Then the other day I walked in to the yard and straight into her to get totally blanked!!! Five mins later she walked past me again so I attempted to chat.....nothing. So I went to YM and asked what was going on. She had seen this person snub me.
This woman is upset with me because I said to phone the vet!!!! WTF She feels I am now criticising her (!)
Then today I found out she has told the other liveries I butted in with the care of her horse....
So the YO had a word with her, as that is who I was sitting in the sun with when my opinion was asked, and attempted to put her straight as he had heard what I said and agreed it would have been the most sensible thing to do and until I had been asked I hadn't said a word about it as our conversation wasn't even about horses.
Her next move was to say she was willing to forgive and forget.......Umm what is she forgiving and forgetting???? I have done nothing wrong.
So I am boiling mad, all this ***** is kicking off, why I don't know, what did I say to offend her...nothing, what has she done to offend me...plenty, but she is forgiving and forgetting?
I know the YM has put the others straight and informed them that all the things I did with the horse I was asked to do, at no point did I put myself or my opinion forward.
So what do I do now, confront her? I have noticed others pussy footing round this woman, telling her what she wants to hear, but doing that is not within my human capabilities, and I have been told just be normal with her and she soon calms down ( she has done odd things before) But I feel like why the hell should I, I am the one being wronged, and I want an explanation for her b*ll***** behaviour.
So what would you do?
 
To be honest, I would wait until there are alot of people around, and make a point of saying 'look love-this is how it is- dont ask me to look after your horse-dont ask me do give you advice-dont talk about me behind my back-stop telling lies and if you have a problem say it to my face'

Enoughs enough. She isnt the be all and end all and sounds as if she needs standing up to.
 
Personally, I would just go about my business and wait for her to calm down. Although what she's said to you isn't really acceptable, she is probably quite upset at having an injured horse to care for and it doesn't make people behave rationally. When my horse was on 3 months' box rest for an injury (that we didn't know if he was going to recover from), I became a psycho to be around. I snapped at my friends, called them for anything, burst into tears one minute and ranted and raved the next.
Either she's a nutter, and not worth bothering about, or when the situation has calmed down she will return to normal and realise she was behaving like a pillock and probably be quite grateful to you for your help.
Poor you, not a great situation to be in, but at least she's only one person and it sounds like you are getting on really well with everyone else.
 
Well, I would have done and said exactly the same as you did. This is the problem when you have people who don't know what they should be doing owning horses. It should be her asking for forgiveness, not giving it out. If it would make you feel better, then talk to he but ask the YO to be with you so she can't say that you are bullying her. It needs to be out in the open because that sort of tension on any yard is a bad thing. Just remember that when someone asks you to help them.....DON'T. I have fallen in to that trap too and you end up a scape goat.
 
If it were me, I would go and tell her very calmly what you felt and how you think she is totally out of order. Remind her of everything you did for her and that you deserve an apology before things could be okay between you.
 
Yes my husband says to confront her in front of others, and to also record the conversation on my phone. And I am boiling mad. But as I left my last job because of another member of staff trying to have the whole place revolve round her I know I have my back up when it comes to this kind of cr*p.
 
Just ignore her childish behaviour. She is probably behaving abnormally because of the stress she is under, looking after an injured horse with very little experience to fall back on.
It is very possible that eventually she will realise that she has made herself look stupid and apologise to you.
Until then, I would continue to say 'Hello' pleasantly and carry on about your business, whether or not she responds. If anyone else asks for help, I think you would be best to say 'sorry I can't' .
 
for the sak of peace and harmony i would probably try and forget about it (hard i know!) and just say hello when you see her but don't get involved further than that.
it really bugs me when people ask your advice and then get stroppy coz they don't like what you say, but have learnt to just live with it :)
 
it is so hard when this happens. sounds like in an odd way she is controlling too, she is getting everyone doing what she wants, when she wants!
Trouble is these type of people only get worse if not stopped.

Saying she will forgive and forget Argghh

I am sure they don't even know that they are actually bullying people or that it is not acceptable
 
Yes I had decided that I was not going to help anyone anymore, was just going to say I can't help.
Horse on box rest is a poor excuse, sorry, I had my daughters pony on six months box rest, no idea if he would ever be able to work again and he was a thug to handle.
It was a huge stress and the vet bills ran into thousands, constant vet treatment and very little known about what was wrong with him, all this a month after I lost my horse of a lifetime, but you take on the horse you deal with all it needs, no matter how hard. She had two days of doing him, myself the YM and her husband had done it all till then.
 
The problem with ignoring her is that her behaviour is allowed to go unchecked and you start to look as if you are in the wrong. I am impressed that your YO has tried to step in and address the wrongs but think you need to have a conversation with this woman but do it privately. One of the BEST ever pieces of advice my father gave me was " when you are in a fight/discussion, you must allow the other person room to get out or the only way out is straight at you". So if you confront her, in front of others, she can only attack you to defend herself.

So I would speak to her privately, say you are upset with the comments as you had made a conscious point of NOT involving yourself. The only opinon you had offered was when directly asked and you had only helped when directly asked. Ask her why she is behaving like this and where she has got the wrong impression? At the end of the conversation, when resolved I would finish it off by saying you have never liked having 3rd party commentary fed back to you and "normally" would have confronted the individual openly but felt that "this time only" you wanted to give her an opportunity to explain herself privately.

Its a form of bullying and ignoring it wont make it go away. You are not in the wrong and I can fully understand why you are steaming - and even more so that you have to work out how to reddress this! but give her the benefit - once - then stamp on her firmly. Also means another time you can politely refuse altogether based on this poor experience.
 
If she's blanking you I'd just let her get on with it , the others know you only did as you were asked and they are all still talking to you , i know it might seem a bit petty but my guess is she'll need to talk to you and get some advice about the next crisis she has , long before you need to talk to her , so play her at her own game and just ignore her - that'll wind her right up , she's only saying she's willing to forgive and forget cos she thinks it vindicates the way she's behaved , don't give her the satisfaction , and when she sees that your getting on with the others and you couldn't give two hoots she'll soon come crawling.
 
councillor said:
My god a lot of you are forgiving...turn the other cheek...not easy.
Click to expand...

here in lies the problem. as someone else said if you just ignore it, it then becomes acceptable. I have recently lean't this one, if you carry on as though nothing happened she will presume it is ok to do it next time to you or someone else!

In the past I have let things go thinking it was the best thing. however I have recently decided for me it is not acceptable any more and no one else will get away with it
 
I sort of agree with that. I don't like confrontation but don't like being walked all over either. How much more does she expect from you? You were good enough to help her when she needed it and then throws it back in your face when your opinion doesn't suit her.
 
I'm going to confront her, not sure what I am going to say, but I am not going to back down as I think this might make me look like I feel I'm in the wrong, shall say my bit and walk away for her to deal with.....just got to work it all out so I sound rational and not as nuts as she is.
 
How much more does she expect from you? You were good enough to help her when she needed it and then throws it back in your face when your opinion doesn't suit her.

I may use this phrase
 
I have the solution; you have to find a piece of her hair, the add it to a small effigy of her then stick huge needles into it.. Works all the time for me.

I would be boiling too. I wouldn't speak to her. Be civil but aloof. You have your pride.
 
Not nice for you, especially after all the help you gave. People can be odd at times, but perhaps she is feeling off due to having an injured horse and things building up. Maybe someone has put ideas into her head?

Anyway, I personally don't like bad feeling. It plays on my mind. So if it were me I would leave it a few days for her to think things through, then I would approach her and ask if it's ok to have chat as I don't like the bad feeling. I wouldn't get worked up and just leave it as pleasantly as possible if things start to get heated. Sometimes you just can't reason with someone, but it's always best to walk away with your dignity intact.

Alternatively you could throw a bucket of cold water over her and scream "get a grip woman" whilst shaking her.....Up to you :D
 
Oh I'd just ignore her, she'll come around. But at the moment she is horribly embarrassed at her reliance on others to look after her horse - so its far easier for her to pretend that you're an intefering busy body, rather than try to learn and cope.
 
I would just ignore her. She'll come crawling back when she has another problem that she doesn't have the knowledge and experience to handle and then you can decide whether to help her or tell her where to stick it. I know we all have to learn but I'm sick to death of people buying horses without an ounce of knowledge or inclination to learn then either expecting everyone else to sort it out for them or have a hissy fit and abandon the horse because its broken or doesn't behave exactly how they think it should. When my old girl goes I shall be so relieved to be away from these morons - no way am I getting another because I've had more than enough.
 
Livery yards are full of quirky people - many of which you wouldn't chose to be friends with outside the yard. Well my yard is - full of fruitloops - what that makes me I don't know.

I would quietly - away from other people. Have a word with this lady, explaining how upset you are after helping her out at her request and that in future you'll be VERY reluctant to help her again.

At the end of the day, the others seem aware of what she's like so probably don't need reminding through a public earbashing!!

continue to be your normal, polite, friendly self and in future, why don't you SHOW someone how to do something properly rather than doing it for them. this is what I tend to do and it removes all (well, most) responsibility from me in the long run. ;)

I'm very reasured by this thread in that I'm not the only one on a yard full of numpties!!
 
At the end of the day she sounds and acts like a complete f*nny! You know she’s a f*nny, the YO knows she’s a f*nny and so does the rest of the yard. Don’t waste your breath or effort on this idiot. However, if she pulls a trick like that again then pull her up. I can’t stand people like her, they ruin good yards :mad:
 
Been there, people like her never change. Confront her in a calm way, tell her you didn't mean to upset her but as you obviously have it'd be better if she didn't ask for your help again . Or alternatively tell her to ****** right off.
 
I've had this on our yard, on and off for the past two years. I think that she has hormonal problems and shouts and screams when it suits her. I have tried to be reasonable with her and have made the peace before. It got me nowhere, so now I ignore her and do not invite conversation. It's sad, but now I go there, do my horses and come home.

I know that people will think that this is the wrong way to deal with it, but actually, I don't find it difficult at all...
 
Your tolerence towards other people is similiar to mine.

I cannot stand people that are so self centred and 'know best' They are also the ones that like the sound of their own voice and enjoy biatching about other people.

Personally, I would confront her. I would certainly not allow this woman the chance to slander me on the yard again.

I am a new horse owner and I'm so so grateful to the YO and YM for helping/showing me new things. Ungrateful cow :mad: I'm really angry for you!!
 
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