Totally gutted

Trish C

Trish C

Well-Known Member
Joined
27 February 2011
Messages
1,945
Location
body in Norn Iron, heart in Co Clare!
Visit site
Brief background - my confidence was completely destroyed years ago by a horse who napped very badly out hacking, so when I was looking this time round, a horse who was good to hack was my absolute number one priority, and I was a nervous wreck hacking the first few times. The last couple of weeks I've been out alone on Monty loads of times, and got to the point where I actually looked forward to taking him out alone and really enjoyed it. He's never shown sign of stopping or spinning and was generally a star giving me my confidence back so quickly.

Today I gave him a very quick walk/trot round in a field at the yard, as I've not ridden him in the field before and wanted to know how he'd behave. He was ok but a bit stubborn and kept trying to nap to the gate/fence where other horses were.

Then I went to take him out for a quick hack around the block. Got him to the end of the drive and he stopped, span, and tried to head back down. I couldn't turn him or send him on, he just locked his jaw, stuck his head up and jogged back, so I span him round as best I could and YM came to send him on. Got him out of the drive and down the road with her, then when she let us go on ourselves he did it again. So she shouted at him and that got him going forwards for a while, but then he just span again and did the same thing. YM had to go off to her other job so I couldn't ask her to stay and babysit me.

I was too nervous to just give him a smack and send him on.

So ended up getting off him on the drive, sticking a cavesson on him and walking him a distance up and down the road a few times (no problem at all) and then lunging him in the arena (he was a bit unsettled, but I was still bawling and flies were at him).

I'm just absolutely devastated, can't stop crying since it happened... I feel like I'm right back at square one and I'm terrified that because I was such a wimp and an idiot that he'll do it again now... I'm just praying that because it's so unlike him that it's just an off day, that it was because of the horses in the field (though this has never bothered him before), because we'd schooled first (we've never schooled then gone out by ourselves), even because he was wearing boots he doesn't normally hack in!! I don't care, I just want it to never, ever happen again. :( I checked him over and he doesn't seem sore anywhere - he only had his back done a couple of weeks ago and his teeth were done mid-March. Think it was just woodenheadedness... hopefully most likely because we'd done a bit of schooling in a field first. (Wishful thinking?)

Please, I don't want to hear that I'm an idiot and a wimp and shouldn't have a horse, I know I should've just given him a smack and sent him on but the last time I did that with a horse that napped I ended up nearly dead on the roadside.

Going to go out with a friend tomorrow and stick him in front the whole way round. Then will try going out by ourselves in a couple of days again and get someone to follow a good distance behind on foot.

Absolute and utterly gutted... haven't cried this much since I lost a family member. I love my boy to bits so hoping beyond hope that it was just a bad day for him, and that me chickening out of riding him on hasn't ruined him, because we were doing so well. Feel terrible now... going to curl up in a ball and cry some more :(
 
And breathe, it sounds like its just a glitch because he tried it on in the field, he was going to try his luck out hacking too :)
I would get someone to walk with you or just hack out in company again for a few weeks, forget the spinning happened and try it again.
I am presuming all the checks are done?
Izzi :)

ETA: Am I right in thinking you haven't had him long, we all have out teething problems with new horses, it will pass I am sure :)
 
I feel for you - I am sure this was just a bad day for him - don't worry. Everyone has bad days. You go out on your hack tomorrow - you have a great plan of riding infront and you will see he will be absolutely fine.

So easy to get upset if you have had a confidence knock in the past.
Report back after tomorrows hack :)
 
Thanks Izzi and Y&C, I know I'm over-reacting, but I'm SO frustrated at myself for being such a complete idiot with him. I've had him since March... I didn't think I'd be hacking by myself after a year, never mind going out and enjoying being by ourselves after a few months. Hence why I'm so upset/frustrated over this, because I just felt every bit of confidence I've built up drain away again.

As I say, back done a couple of weeks ago, didn't find any soreness anywhere when I checked him over today. Teeth done in March but will get the dentist to check him again next time he's up.

Going out with buddy horse first thing in the morning. I AM going to go in front and we ARE going to have a lovely hack and he IS going to be my lovely boy again.

AAAAARGH!!!!! Stoopid horses :o
 
don't worry, we all have rubbish days sometimes. i've just started jumping my ex racehorse from scratch. sometimes i feel like we end up taking a step backwards because i've gotten all nervous and pathetic and ended up riding like a right duffer. it's days like these when i feel like our progress has been set back because of me that upset me most, so you aren't alone in feeling like this.

what's important is that you overcome it as soon as possible and i think your plan for the next few days sounds sensible, but don't push going out on your own if you really don't feel confident because you'll be more likely to be nervous again and feel bad again if something doesn't go quite right. at the same time, don't put it off for too long for the same reason. you can do it! stay positive.
 
Trish C said:
Thanks Izzi and Y&C, I know I'm over-reacting, but I'm SO frustrated at myself for being such a complete idiot with him. I've had him since March... I didn't think I'd be hacking by myself after a year, never mind going out and enjoying being by ourselves after a few months. Hence why I'm so upset/frustrated over this, because I just felt every bit of confidence I've built up drain away again.

As I say, back done a couple of weeks ago, didn't find any soreness anywhere when I checked him over today. Teeth done in March but will get the dentist to check him again next time he's up.

Going out with buddy horse first thing in the morning. I AM going to go in front and we ARE going to have a lovely hack and he IS going to be my lovely boy again.

AAAAARGH!!!!! Stoopid horses :o
Click to expand...

I had my confidence knocked and YES Im still nervous.I try to have my 13 yr old on my horse and I walk with her .Hes great with her.You'll be ok,it just takes time.
 
Sometimes even the best, most angelic, horses have a naughty day. Don't get mad, get even by carrying on riding him out (if he hasn't got any back/tooth etc problems which it doesn't sound like he has) so he knows who is boss and you can both get back to your happy times!
It's really hard when your nerves are playing up (and don't most of us know it) but something that works for me is picking a song that makes me feel determined and then singing it - either aloud or in my head - if the going gets tricky for any reason. For some reason it makes me switch off the "what if" thoughts.
 
Don't be so hard on yourself - I would suggest, in the nicest possible way, that you are over-reacting to a minor glitch. Understandably so with your bad experience from the other horse, but nothing to do with this boy and not his fault. You know it yourself, you're bound to have the odd hiccup but overall you sound to have made wonderful progress.

It sounds, from what you have described, that what unsettled him a bit was the going in the field first (I well remember how bored and naughty my mare got during the foot & mouth crisis, when we couldn't go out on proper hacks and had to ride either in the school or a large field the farmer made available - well I only bothered with the field once - we got round the first time absolutely fine, by the time we made the second circuit she was fed up and looking for excuses to misbehave, and we didn't do a third circuit ;)). Anyway - you do say he was napping towards the gate at this point.

I bet if you'd then gone out in company there'd have been no problem.
For me, you did absolutely the right thing in NOT smacking him, given that you were on the road at this point? Never fight the beasties on a road, way too risky.

Go out in company the next time or two and don't dwell on it. You'll be fine.
 
Thanks all, really do appreciate the advice, positivity and sympathy :)

Dorito - I know I'm totally over-reacting, but I annoy myself so much with my nerves! He seems to really enjoy hacking out (though obviously not today :rolleyes:) so the thought that I could be holding him back or unsettling him with my wombleness p!sses me off no end.

Just have to pull myself together and not dwell on it. We have come a long way, just have to keep reminding myself of that... am going to go and stare at the rosette that we won at our Trec event and try and regain the confidence I had from that day! There we did half the ride by ourselves, left buddy horse when it lost a shoe, then rode (inc canter/gallop) with two random horses he didn't know without getting strong or fussy, then left them (twice as they caught up with us at the next checkpoint) and had to leave his road home to go elsewhere, and he didn't even think about napping then. I'll have a return to that, please!

Part of what's stressing me about it is that I really don't want to end up only being able to ride in company... we're moving yards in three weeks (very sadly, really love our current yard) and I don't know how many people there'll be to hack out with. So that's why I was trying to build up the hacking by ourselves thing, I really want to be able to trust him and myself up there. Small setback, tomorrow's another day and we'll go again and see what happens. *watery smile* :)
 
Last edited:
As this is the first time, I wouldn't dwell too much on it. It may be that he was wound up by riding in the field, maybe he had been stung and had a sore spot under the saddle...could be anything!

As you say, tomorrow is another day!
 
To be fair, you say you didn't think you would be hacking within a year, well less than 4 months is pretty good going so you know full well you can do it.

Dont let your brain get in the way, it IS possible, its NOT necesarrily your fault or the big ginge's, just a bad day. You HAVE succeeded before and you WILL again in the not to distant. I love hearing about you and monty and you sound great together, you'll be fine.

i do kind of know what its like, nothing as dramatic as what you had but Pink nearly crushed me the other day, snapped a leadrope and everything spooking from cattle, and it properly shook me too, but next day i had to get back at it, otherwise i never would have.
 
Trish c - take the pressure off yourself!!! you sound just like me!!! I love my horse to bits, love beign with him - love schooling and doign groundwork but ask me to hack at the moment and im a wreck!
So i let other peopel do it - at my yard a couple of ladies share a horse meaning they can never hack out together - well they can now!!! I let one of them ride my horse out whenever they want, if one of the yard horses is out of sorts and cant hack i also make it clear the owners can take my horse out - i only ask they have rider insurance
Takes the pressure off me - he gets experience and when i here of how good he has been it really helps my confidence
Now i dont feel guity if im not hackign for miles - we are building up slowly along local country lanes, bit further each time and its working!!!
Take the pressure off you and find an experienced rider to hack him out - will teach him new things, get him used it new expereinces etc and you can just do as and what you please - good luck :D
 
Did he rear, buck or run off with you feeling otu of control? from what it sounds like he didn't. ALL horses can sometimes just do the old "nah, I don't fancy it today, I'll see if I can get away with doing what I want" bit. IF he is not doing anything dangerous then try not be too worried. You know he is perfectly capable to go out on his own so you need to try and remember that. If he's throwing his head up to run away then maybe try a standing martingale on him next time so he's can't do this. This may give you more confidence.

Also, I wouldnt hit him to be honest but I would maybe give him some big old style 'pony club' kicks to send him forward and maybe a bit of a growl or a "get on" in a firm voice at him. Normally (in my experience anyway) horses act like this if they are not feeling confident and the only thing they can get the confidence from is the rider (ie you!) so, at the very least you have to pretend you are confident and they will pick up on that from you.

I am sure next time you take him out he will behave but IF it does happen again you do need to perservere as otherwise he will realise his little 'trick' gets the outcome he wants - ie to go back to the yard and then you end up with a nappy horse.
 
So give yourself a big kick up the arse, why on earth did you suddenly change your routine. No horse is a machine or press button, you take the rough with the smooth and if you cann't stop riding
 
Oh dear - could have been me posting this thread a few weeks back!:o Almost identical scenario - huge loss of confidence, purchased superb confidence giving mare as my last hope to start enjoying riding again.

Bliss, pure bliss for several weeks, then out of the blue she suddenly decided that she would run backwards for no apparent reason less than 500 yards from my field gate!:o Silly old moo on her back just froze - too blooming nervous to push her on in case she reared, and my pathetic little push forward with my legs only resulted in more high speed reverse gear.

I had 2 choices, turn for home, sell her and accept I would never find a horse safe enough to ride again. Try and sit it out and hope she might venture forward. Or get my crop out of my boot and give her a firm whack on the bum and hope to God she didnt explode and dump me!:eek:

Well as I still love riding, despite being the biggest wimp you could ever meet nowadays, turning for home was not possible. Tried sitting it out, we went no further forward - suspect she would have stood for longer than I could cope with! So - out came the whip, thrashed her across the rump - shut my eyes and pushed her forward. It actually worked!! Jeez what a relief!:p

Next ride she faltered at same spot, out came the whip, mild tickle on her rump and she changed her mind and decided to behave.

Can't tell you how relieved I was - I suspect we will still have the odd wibble were she may test me - but I am just so damned convinced that I WILL win with this horse - sort of my last chance to keep riding if you know what I mean?

Do stick with it - like you I was actually more cross with myself than my horse .....but Im sure if the horse has been a good sort so far, then this is probably only a half hearted attempt by him to test his boundarys with you - could you have a foot soldier with you for a few hacks - think that often helps both the horse and yourself when things are getting a bit sticky.
 
Confidence is very fragile, what I would suggest (as it works for me ;) ) is to go back a step. The next few rides that you do, make sure that they will go well. EG, hack with a friend or just do a simple session in the school.

Also try riding with two schooling whips. I found that 'flapping' them like wings sends my mare forwards very swiftly, without needing to touch her. If needed I can touch her shoulders on the downwards strokes (little taps) and I say 'walk on' at the same time. You should be able to flap the whips by rotating your wrists, so it shouldn't jab on the bit at all. If you feel your horse is about to spin to the right, you can quickly flap the right whip to stop him, or the left if he's turning to the left. This has really worked with quite a few horses and I've found that it doesn't wind them up, which is important when you are on the road.

If you feel brave, just ride in the school with two whips, but just keeping them still, to see if he is happy with this. If he's fine, practice flapping them when you aren't riding to get the hang of it. Then try it riding in the school with a friend there for support. I ended up having to hack with two whips for about 6 months because of the alpacas, it really helped. :)

Also every time you ask your horse to move from halt to walk (leading or riding) say 'walk on'. He will learn it and it does help with napping.
 
darkhorse - I do enjoy hacking when I'm out, don't have a problem in the world going out in company and was really starting to enjoy going out by ourselves. So I'm reluctant to get someone else taking him out if I can get through it with help from the ground/other horses. If it does happen again I'll get YM to take him out though as she's brilliant :) Fingers crossed it won't come to that though!

Faracat - I might try that if it happens again... but he's a bit iffy with whips anyway and it took a few weeks before I could carry a schooling whip at all without him getting worried, so that'd be a bit more of a last ditch thing for me as I don't want to stress him, bless him for a big ginger he's a sensitive soul sometimes!

Grumpyoldmare - thank you for that post, you're braver than me!! I'll get there and must put on brave pants the next time and sit it out and send him on. Just worry that if he dumps me or completely takes off back to the yard my confidence'd be in even more shreds than it already is!

Ladyt - I know, that's why I'm so cross at myself, I know he needed to be sent on through it but I just don't think I was able for it today. Of course then straight away I was paniccing that I will now have turned him into a napper having let him get away with it :( I made sure I took him up and down the road several times in hand as what I thought was the next best thing, will do lots of work over the next few weeks to try and make sure it doesn't happen again.

PinkPony - thanks, you're right. Must keep reminding myself of what we've acheived so far. Hope you're ok after your 'encounter' (sounds fairly scary :() and it doesn't shake you or the pink one too much :)

Echo Bravo - thanks so much for providing an absolutely stirling example of what I asked not to have posted back in reply. I know I didn't handle the situation well, I don't need to be told I shouldn't be riding. Nicely done.
 
Last edited:
I think if you know what the limit of his behaviour is (ie spinning, trying to run off) then that's a help. If he was rearing etc then that's more difficult (I am not a fan of a rearer!) but sounds like he's just trying it on a little but so a good old kick and a strong voice may well just be enough and then praise when hes doing well.
 
Trish c what utter crap how can one off moment turn your horse into a napper. Sit yourself down and ask yourself why things went pearshaped today, doesn't mean it will tomorrow unless you let your nerves get the better of you.
 
OP, don't get too down about it. My mare who has been 100% to hack was an absolute numpty last week. Not only would she not let me get on, but when I did get on, she backed up , reared, spun round and almost sat down in an attempt not to go out. I knew I had to make her go, so once I had her facing in the right direction, she got a very sharp smack and I got her trotting away - eventually. She didn't do it again for the whole hack and when I got back I made her walk down the drive away from the yard, several times - every time she tried to nap, she got a slap and then praised when she went forwards. By the time we had done this about ten times, she didn't try to nap any more. But I am not to proud to say that while it was happening, I was shaking and I really was quite scared. She hasn't tried it since. Don't lose hope. It probably won't happen again. Maybe before you take your horse out on it's own again, take it for a walk in hand instead - no stress, no hassle. Good luck!
 
Echo Bravo - I didn't say it had turned him into a napper, I said that was what I was worrying about in my messed up head when it happened. My previous horse, that destroyed my confidence, was as good as gold for a very long time, I absolutely doted on him and then one day, for no apparent reason, started napping. It got progressively worse over time, no-one we consulted or who tried him could find a reason for it, and then came to a head the day we had our accident. What happened with that horse broke my heart. Hence why it upset me so much that this happened today as it took me right back to previous experiences. I'm not saying that Monts is going to go the same way, I'm saying that I've had a sh!*ty day and that what happened, and how I handled it, has really upset me.

Holly Hocks - thank you. Again, I need to get some more brave pants for if it happens again. Good to know that your mare is over her antics, and thanks for the advice :)
 
This is a pretty normal reaction from a horse who believes they have already done & finished their work for the day! He thought you were done after the field and thought he'd let you know his decision. Don't worry about it! :p
 
Sorry but in one of your answer to another post you said you paniced that you had turned him into a napper by letting him get away with it. You really should have more faith in your horse and mostly yourself, everyone has off days even horses. If you have no faith in your horse or yourself, take a rethink.
 
Echo Bravo said:
Sorry but in one of your answer to another post you said you paniced that you had turned him into a napper by letting him get away with it. You really should have more faith in your horse and mostly yourself, everyone has off days even horses. If you have no faith in your horse or yourself, take a rethink.
Click to expand...

What I actually said was "Of course then straight away I was paniccing that I will now have turned him into a napper having let him get away with it" in the past tense, as in at that moment when it was happening and I was in panic/nervous wreck mode. Apologies if I don't articulate well in my posts.

I appreciate that everyone has off days, and you're right in that I need more faith in myself and the ginger, but today has shaken me as it's the first time I have encountered that kind of situation since my accident.

I think most people have a problem area where they're nervous - dealing with this sort of behaviour is mine. I've dealt with several problem areas for him and in those ways he's like a different horse :)
 
you have done nothing worng - he was being a male and being a total arse. Yes he needed a crack to show him who is boss, this is just a slip in your confidence nothing else. Get on him tomorrow, carry your whip and if he tries it on again, give him a slap down the shoulder and MAKE him go - even if you have to wait 10 mins or 2 hours - this sounds like a battle of wills to me personally.

YOU CAN DO IT!!
 
Chin up....every horse occasionally lets their devil horns pop out!! The trick is to stick the horns back into hiding asap. A confidence crisis is yuck and a horrible feeling that unless someone has gone through it they can't always understand it. I got proper bolted with on a road when riding home from the gallops one morning and while I wasn't hurt (bar lots of strained muscles) horse tied up very badly and I was in bits. I have worked so hard to get my confidence back and despite having got my jockeys license and ridden in races since I still have the odd wobble. I have competed at a fairly high level including international...I am not saying this to boast but more to point out that confidence crises happen to everybody. The best advice I can give is find a good buddy who will be nice but firm with you. They need to give you a kick in the ass but also know when you are very wobbly and need a cuddle instead! That sounds very twee I know but it works!
 
My pony started napping about 2 months after I got him and he got the upper hand so I appreciate how you feel. I lost count of how many embarrassing incidents we had in the village or out hacking on the bridleway as the monkey would even try it on with other horses out hacking. He then started playing up when I went to get him in from the field. We had one ride where I believe he initially lost confidence in me and think our problems all stemmed from that. My only way to tackle it was to ride out endlessly with other people, we had a great year of hacking, lots of different long rides and challenges and while he initially would try it on napping still with the one main horse we went out with he stopped that and then, probably a year or more after I stopped trying to go out on my own with him we plucked up (or I did!) our courage and went out by ourselves again and were fine. I think the year of great hacking he'd enjoyed and relished the rides. I'm not saying it will be the same for you but building up your and their confidence by riding with others does help. Like you at times the problem would reduce me to tears but put today down to a bad day and him throwing everything at you, but try and clear it out of your mind for the next time - the mind is a powerful thing and horses can sense nuances in us that we are unaware of I think in how we're feeling. So try and feel as confident as you can and if possible get confidence back by riding with others. Mine will still throw the very occasional nap at me when we're out by ourselves but I can usually manage to sort it now. Good luck and hope you're feeling cheerier this evening.
 
Thanks so much all, am still upset over it but I'm also going to blame this on a complete lack of chocolate in the house ;)

Good to read other people's experiences (especially the positive outcomes), as my own previous experience ended so very badly!

God bless my YM/YO, both have texted and rung me to check I'm ok and to reassure me. They really are fantastic, am going to miss them so much when I move... hope I get the same support network at the new place :) Another livery who is our usual riding buddy (and good friend, obviously!) actually called round to my house to give me a hug and come up with a plan for the next week to help me out :)
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top