Tough day.

I'm sure she didn't think you'd given up, I'm sure she just waited until you weren't there to see her at the end. She didn't want you to suffer or to see her suffering and fading.

You are such a wonderful person to have persevered to help her when so many people would have called it a day - think how much the pleasure ride meant to you both and remember how good it was to be out on her again like the old days. Think how much fun you had out hunting, and how it felt to first lay a hand on her, and the first time you rode her without her throwing you off instantly! how did it feel to jump her for the first time?

It is tough, I know, and it will hurt for a long time. I still miss my little welshy who died nearly a year ago even though I hadn't ridden him in ten years and he'd been on loan to another girl for 9 of those! It hurts, but you have to turn that ache into good memories, chin up, deep breaths and smile. A smile, even a forced smile, will help trigger the serontonin in your brain that helps to lift you out of the darkness.

Don't rush yourself to "get over it". You need to grieve for her as you would for a human member of your family. You've spent so long caring for her, with her being first middle and last in your thoughts that it will take a while for you to adjust to not picking up a fallen apple or to want to clean her tack. You'll know when you're ready to do that, or to ride Herbie.

come to think of it, can Herbie be an emotional crutch for you? can you bring yourself to lavish all the emotion and love that Lucy's memory bring up onto Herbie? I know he's not been the easiest for you but it might help both of you out.

and if all else fails I suggest you go out, buy an a4 notebook and start writing it all down. Start with the day you first saw Lucy, and try to recall everything good or bad in as much detail as possible. Stick photos and things in too. It will help you make sense of it, grieve and will act as a lovely reminder in year to come (not for the memories, but the emotions.).

Hugs, hot chocolate and a big pot of ice cream to help you through it!
 
Thankyou jenhunt. I fed the apple to Herbie in the end. I go over and see him everyday. I just worry about riding him as he's had nearly a mounth off and if he was naughty i'm worried i may loose my temper with him and that wouldn't be fair on him and would quickly undo all the work i have done to gain his trust so far. The note book is a good idea. I wrote that story about Lucy a while ago on here but there are so many things missing from it. All the good and bad times and the adventures we had. I just hope i never forget.
 
you won't. I'm certain of that. But it's a good way of putting it all into perspective and helping you with the grieving process.

and as others have said, we're all here for a virtual shoulder to cry on or a virtual ear to chew. :)
 
Take time to grieve, don't be too hard on yourself. I know it is easy to say, time does heal the pain although you never forget. And most importantly talk about her as much as you want to. I found the hardest things when I lost my boys was for people to avoid talking about them.

That made me feel like they had never existed. It is good to share the joys, the tears. They leave a big hole in our hearts but the way I see it is, you did more and above what a lot of people do and you should be very proud of how you handled everything that was thrown at you both,

Life can be very cruel, but with horses there are some things which are out of our control and that is very difficult to comprehend at times. Us horsey girls like to be in control and make all the decisions and very hard when those choices are taken from us. You feel so helpless.

You will cry, you will feel down but in time I know you will smile again. and maybe in time learn to love another. Big big hug xx
 
Thankyou NELSON11. I hope soon i will be able to talk about her. It prob sounds strange but there are times when i want to but i just can't get the words to come out. Sometimes it feels like i'm trying to forget her and then i feel guity, but i loved her so much.
 
I don't know what to say as words can't take the pain away for you.
Lucy was a lucky horse to have had you as a mum and maybe her going whilst you were away was her way of sparing you seeing the end.
Have a good cry with Herbie - he'll never be Lucy but he will be special to you in his own way.
Shes looking down on you now, I'm sure of it, thanking you for the love you gave her and waiting for the day you'll see her again.
 
Thankyou Hovis_and_SidsMum. Herbie will be special in his own right but you are right he will never replace Lucy. I need to help him in Lucys memory. Using all the skills she taught me and one day he'll get there just like she did.
 
I am a firm believer that when you lose one, it is god's Or whoevers way of telling you it is now time to give all your love to another. Somone else be it Herbie will need all your love and strength and he will help you at this sad time.

Lucy will be very proud of you!!!!

xx
 
I cried and cried after I lost my dog, and still cry sometimes now. Don't be afraid to grieve, you loved her and you miss her and your heart is still sore - nothing wrong in being weak and letting go. You were strong for her for a long time. xx
 
Hi Laura,

I dont think we have ever 'spoken' on here before but I have followed your posts. Firstly I wanted to say how sorry I am for your loss, you and Lucy obviously shared an extremely strong bond and I am sure she loved you very much.

I still cry for my girl who I had pts 5 years ago, you must allow yourself plently of time to grieve, the ifs and buts are all part of the grieving process and its right for you to feel this way.

Lucy probably would have wanted to go whilst you were away to save you the pain of being there...She will always be watching over you thanking you for all the love and care you gave her.

It sounds so lame but time really is a healer, and in time you will be able to think of all the happy memories.

I also didnt want to be near my other horse for a while and could not bear to go near her stable but in time and once you are over the shock and upset you will start to feel better.

Sending you massive healing vibes, you will get through this :)
 
Sorry hun, couldn't reply properly last night since I was in bed and OH was moaning that typing was keeping him up!!!! :mad:

NEVER apologise for coming on here and letting it all out. There are so many people who can understand what you are going through. It feels like you've been hit by a bus :(

The day after we lost Monty boy I went down to the field to feed Zoom. To my suprise, I was ok :) I fed and groomed her and, although it was hard to see his headcollar and bucket sitting there, I held it together. I was SO pleased with myself.

I got in the car and half way home, it hit me. What can only be described as a wave of grief. :( I had to pull over and I sobbed and sobbed and sobbed. I was never going to see my boy again.

I phoned OH and he was lovely. He had got a picture of Monty blown up and framed for my birthday before that and he had hung it in the lounge. It was then that I realised that I would feel better one day.

You have to go through the grief and upset, there is no avoiding it. But the day it passes, all you are left with are the wonderful memories :) The day that I rode him out in the snow in December. The day he kicked in a parked mercedes (;)), the last day that I saw him and he grazed in the walled garden with his Zoom who he adored.

That last endurance you did Lucy. All the days hunting that she showed the big boys how it was done. Every show that you hacked to, every rosette she won. That handy pony class that you did where she beat 40 odd horses :D

The first day that she ate a carrot from your hand after you had persevered and won her trust.

I know that there is nothing I can say that will make you feel better, but I promise you will feel better one day soon.

Big hugs xxxxxxxxxxx
 
Thats a lovely thing to do Faro!
Those flowers are both beautifull and would be a lovely way to remember a loved one.

Stay strong Laura, but dont be afraid to let it all out when you need to though
 
Aww Laura everyone on here has already said so many lovely things to you that I dont know what else to say other than it's completley normal for it to feel like this. I remember crying over a picture of my rabbit for days when I was younger, it takes time but one day you'll wake you and you'll realise that its OK and you can cope.

MASSIVE hugs and I hope you feel better soon, in the meantime follow everyones advice and shower little Herbie with your love xxxx
 
http://www.bayequest.info/photos/poetry2.htm

Read God's foal and try to understand the message. I have lost four horses and each hurt more than the one before. It is hard but time is a great healer. The first few days are the worst. I used to wake up thinking "Can't wait to see Rommy" and then realise with a sickening sinking feeling that he was no longer here. They are all on loan to us from God and we shall see them again one day, but not in this life. Try not to feel guilt. Remember the happy times and know that you did your best for Lucy. Time will heal sweetheart, I promise you - no guarantee you, that this is the case. xxxx
 
Todays been another hard day as i went up to Lauras to work (where Lucy was at the end) I had a big cry and Laura was so kind. She wanted to show me some pics she had taken the day Lucy went but i couldn't it hurt to much so she is going to print them out and i can have them when i'm ready.

Thankyou Gemsie and Kitsune.

Faro thankyou those flowers are lovely. It's such a lovely idea but i realy don't have anywhere to plant them. My parents garden in so small and is all down hill they only have a small patch of grass, I'm moving on from where i am and my OH is moving out of his place soon. :(

MontyandZoom thankyou for your message. It was 45 horses she beat in that handy pony class. I have a small smile now remembering that but still a big pain.

Thankyou Cavblacks I hope i can cope. Lucy coped with so much in her life and all with a huge smile on her face. I wish i had her strenth.

applecart14 thankyou that is a lovely poem. I did get the meaning and it's so true.
 
You will sweetie, after a while the pain will ease. It wont seem like it now, but it will so just try and focus on the wonderful things you did for a horse that had such a horrible start in life. You turned her life around and that is such a special thing xx
 
Life will get better, you just have to give it time.

It is nearly two years since we lost Cairo, and on occasion my OH still starts to have tears when something brings back a memory of him. He also has memories that make him laugh, and as time is passing, the good memories are more frequent than ones that bring the tears.

You will never stop missing her, I still miss my old Breeze who died back in 1995, but the pain of loss does become less with time.

No need to be brave, let your grief come up as in the long term you will be better than keeping it bottled up.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top