Tricky ownership situation, any advice???

What do the messages to your partner actually say ? Could it be that that when she says she misses him wants to come and collect him she doesn't literally mean it - just what she would do if circumstances were different.
Sometimes things don't come across as they are meant to.
 
Why not take her message at face value. My horse has just gone on loan and I miss her dreadfully. All the reasons why she went on loan are still valid but the first few days of her going I could easily have driven over, loaded her up and brought her home.

The second week has been much easier.

I would say to the old owner that it's only natural she's missing him to start with but he's probably better off with you long term and she needs to give it a few weeks to get used to him not being there. Then keep in touch, send a few reassuring updates and pictures to keep her in the loop.

Chances are in a week or so she will feel differently about things and happier with the situation.

This might be a softer approach and you can always do the "he's mine now, back off" approach if she is still wanting him back in a few weeks.
 
Pinkvboots said:
Poor you I can understand your worry but it sounds like you just need to enjoy your new horse and forget about his previous owner, it sounds like his very happy where he is and I wish you all the best with him:)

I think we definitely need some pictures of him now!
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Hahaha I’m a bit technologically thick lol, but I will try posting some pictures
 
Vodkagirly said:
What do the messages to your partner actually say ? Could it be that that when she says she misses him wants to come and collect him she doesn't literally mean it - just what she would do if circumstances were different.
Sometimes things don't come across as they are meant to.
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She actually said “can I bring the box down next weekend and collect him, I’m heartbroken he’s gone and want him back”
 
Claire.81 said:
She actually said “can I bring the box down next weekend and collect him, I’m heartbroken he’s gone and want him back”
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Tbh I don't see what your problem is with this. She's not threatening to repossess the horse, she's just asking if she can have him back, which isn't the same thing at all. Just politely decline her.
 
Tiddlypom said:
Tbh I don't see what your problem is with this. She's not threatening to repossess the horse, she's just asking if she can have him back, which isn't the same thing at all. Just politely decline her.
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It’s not so much a problem, And that’s just a little quote from one message.
As I said previously, I completely understand that she’s missing him, it’s only natural. My biggest concern was that her circumstances (which I’m not going into detail about as it’s not my place) can’t have changed in such a short time. And just a few weeks ago she knew she could no longer care for the horse, so if I was to let her take him back I’d then worry about him.
No, she hasn’t said she’s going to repossess the horse, however as it was an unexpected purchase, I wasn’t sure where I stood in regards to ownership of him and if she could indeed turn up with a box and claim him.
I didn’t want to go down the legal route if I could help it as I don’t think that would be a nice situation for any of us.
I’ve told this woman that I’m happy to keep her updated about the horse, and that she’s even welcome to come and visit him if she wants to (obviously depending on if we’re available) I’m not trying to cut her out of his life completely which I think is very reasonable, in my opinion.
 
Clodagh said:
I wonder if the horse world has more nut jobs than other places?
Enjoy your horse, OP, he sounds lovely.
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It seems that way :D if there’s a nut job around you can bet your life I’ve met him/her.
Think I’d better take the batteries out of my flashing sign :D :D
 
Claire.81 said:
https://i.imgur.com/WfVGYIH.jpg
http://imgur.com/a/DHC7vrL

Think I’ve done that right, should be able to see pictures now :)
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Wow, he is gorgeous!

I expect she is just having a wobble. I remember once missing one of mine (distressed sale) and then the new owner rang up experiencing problems. I could not believe my luck, and instantly offered to drive over with the cash, and vets fees from vetting and take him back.

Sadly for me I was a bit too keen and she decided that the naughty bucking really was not a deal breaker. I told her how to get round it and he became the horse of a lifetime and more for her.

She is only asking, and the letter she sent sounds fairly unambiguous. You may have been surprised by the letter, but having read it and realising the implications (as in no right to return, having to pay the eventual costs of PTS and end of life vet care) still took him on, so are now the owner in my book.
 
I think you should just remain calm, polite and friendly at this stage. Tell her you understand she is missing him as he is such a lovely boy, you are happy to keep her updated if his progress if that is what she wants but unfortunately you now consider him part of your family so you aren’t willing to sell him back to her.

Stay strong

One thing that did cross my mind though is sometimes these RORs are rehomed/sold with conditions attached about resale - so it might be she has remembered she signed up to something and is having a panic. Either way it’s not your problem, enjoy your new horse.
 
if theres any issue at all with this eg if she turns up with a box phone the Police right away and tell them someone is trying to steal your horse. instruct the YO to do the same. there are some real nut jobs about. xxx
 
ozpoz said:
He's lovely. I think you've acted reasonably too. Have lots of fun with him.
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He is a real darling bless him :)
A little bit more high withered than I’m used to, but that’s just me being really critical lol. He’s so chilled for a Tb, unlike the ones I’ve had in the past who have been rather nutty to put it politely.
He has affiliated and is currently working at elementary so I have a feeling it’s going to be me who lets him down as my dressage is more than a little bit rusty.
But I do intend on having lots of fun with him, with absolutely no pressure on either of us to do anything we don’t want/like.
Looking forward to hacking him down to the beach this week as I’ve been putting off riding him until I’ve got this situation sorted in my head at least lol.
 
Downton Dame said:
if theres any issue at all with this eg if she turns up with a box phone the Police right away and tell them someone is trying to steal your horse. instruct the YO to do the same. there are some real nut jobs about. xxx
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My YO is a lovely woman who was actually there when he was dropped off, so she knows all the ins and outs and there’s no way she’ll let him off the yard without my say so. So I’m not too worried about that, I just don’t want this woman turning up at the yard and causing a scene :/
Hopefully it won’t happen (I’m keeping everything crossed lol) but if it does I’ve got Norfolk police number programmed into my phone just in case ;) xxx
 
Have you actually replied to her yet?

I'd say sorry, you understand that she misses him, but that you really like him and don't want to sell him. Tell her he is well and not to worry, will always have a good home with you.
 
Red-1 said:
Wow, he is gorgeous!

I expect she is just having a wobble. I remember once missing one of mine (distressed sale) and then the new owner rang up experiencing problems. I could not believe my luck, and instantly offered to drive over with the cash, and vets fees from vetting and take him back.

Sadly for me I was a bit too keen and she decided that the naughty bucking really was not a deal breaker. I told her how to get round it and he became the horse of a lifetime and more for her.
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I did similar with Leo not long after he went. I saw sense very quickly, but I did have a strop and say I was on my way to get him RIGHT NOW!! Hes only on loan so its easier for me to stamp my feet and say I want him back. I do desperately want him back, but I dont have the right facilities for him and hes much happier where he is living the life of riley. I apologised profusely for being a moron within a few minutes and everyone is happy again. It is hard to let go though. Hopefully when she gets a firm no, then she will come to terms with it.
 
Sorry, late to the party here and haven't read all the replies......but the sceptic in me would wonder why the 'loan' so suddenly turned into a 'sale'? If it were me, I might be tempted to get the horse vetted now and then decide whether I wanted to return or keep?

Sounds like a valuable horse to give away for £300? I hope it all works out well though, just naturally too dubious!
 
Melody Grey said:
Sorry, late to the party here and haven't read all the replies......but the sceptic in me would wonder why the 'loan' so suddenly turned into a 'sale'? If it were me, I might be tempted to get the horse vetted now and then decide whether I wanted to return or keep?

Sounds like a valuable horse to give away for £300? I hope it all works out well though, just naturally too dubious!
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Yeah my OH is a pretty suspicious person by nature and immediately thought it was dodgy lol.
If I’d have known it was a sale rather than a loan I would absolutely have had him vetted before he came to us, but as it was just supposed to be a loan I didn’t bother. But I have now had the vet out and had a two stage done, and thankfully he’s in great health. The only thing was his feet were chipped and shoes (fronts only) were overgrown, but my farrier has been to sort him and has told me that for a Tb he has pretty good feet.
But I do agree with you, he is definitely worth more than the £300 I paid. Im pretty sure that someone looking to move up in the dressage world would have snapped him up had he been advertised for sale.
I’m not up on the BD side of things (I’m pretty much a laid back hacker who just plays around with basic dressage now and again lol) but I do know that competing at elementary level and getting 50 BD points is not bad going for an older horse.
 
Claire.81 said:
Yeah my OH is a pretty suspicious person by nature and immediately thought it was dodgy lol.
If I’d have known it was a sale rather than a loan I would absolutely have had him vetted before he came to us, but as it was just supposed to be a loan I didn’t bother. But I have now had the vet out and had a two stage done, and thankfully he’s in great health. The only thing was his feet were chipped and shoes (fronts only) were overgrown, but my farrier has been to sort him and has told me that for a Tb he has pretty good feet.
But I do agree with you, he is definitely worth more than the £300 I paid. Im pretty sure that someone looking to move up in the dressage world would have snapped him up had he been advertised for sale.
I’m not up on the BD side of things (I’m pretty much a laid back hacker who just plays around with basic dressage now and again lol) but I do know that competing at elementary level and getting 50 BD points is not bad going for an older horse.
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I don't blame you, for a loan I wouldn't have vetted either, but good you've had a 2 stage now and all is well :-) ....in that case, I'd stop looking the gift horse in the mouth and enjoy him!! Happy days!
 
Honey08 said:
Have you actually replied to her yet?

I'd say sorry, you understand that she misses him, but that you really like him and don't want to sell him. Tell her he is well and not to worry, will always have a good home with you.
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My OH replied to her telling her that he’s settled well, is as happy as Larry making friends and enjoying lots of fuss and attention.
We’ve both told her that we’re more than happy for her to come and visit him and that we’ll give her regular updates/pictures etc. He even offered her the option of adding him on Facebook (I don’t do Facebook) so that she can keep updated that way.
 
Melody Grey said:
I don't blame you, for a loan I wouldn't have vetted either, but good you've had a 2 stage now and all is well :-) ....in that case, I'd stop looking the gift horse in the mouth and enjoy him!! Happy days!
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I think I need to stop worrying so much about what if and actually start enjoying him.
There’s a beach five minutes away from our yard calling to me.... :D :D :D
 
This story is just pure wacky.
Quite honestly if I had agreed to loan a horse no matter whether long term or not, and then the owner turned up with him and handed to me a sold receipt I would be aghast. What sort of person does that and presumes a contract without the other person agreeing / or even discussing it with them?!
So you like the horse and would like him to remain with you - just as well! He's now yours that's that as long as she's signed that receipt with his details on it, it's done and dusted. I would mistrust her intentions from now on, and not want her turning up again. Send a card/photo or update to her or something if she's missing him perhaps but I personally wouldn't offer anything more.
 
Woah said:
This story is just pure wacky.
Quite honestly if I had agreed to loan a horse no matter whether long term or not, and then the owner turned up with him and handed to me a sold receipt I would be aghast.

Pure wacky doesn’t even come close.
I had agreed to take him on long term/permanent loan so as far as I was concerned he was going to be with us for a good long while, which means keeping him has never been the issue.
What threw me was the fact that she arrived with a receipt already written, and like you said no discussion about if I wanted to buy him or not.
Luckily the horse is a good sort, who is perfect for what I want so he will stay with me for the rest of his life now. Had she actually discussed selling him to me, I probably wouldn’t have been against the idea, it was the way she sold him that had me worrying and questioning if it was actually a valid sale.
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Yes Claire.81 I'm not surprised you feel worried about it. You know for peace of mind why not phone citizens advice or something and just settle your mind a bit over it.
 
I’m going to give the BHS helpline a call on Monday, hopefully they’ll be able to give me some advice as to where I stand.
I don’t want to get attached to him if at the end of the day this woman can come and take him back whenever she feels like it. I understand that she would have been able to do that if I had been loaning him but this is something completely new to me.
As far as everyone else seems to be concerned she’s sold him to me, and I do have a handwritten letter clearly stating she’s sold him, not loaned him, but I do worry that I could end up getting both heartbroken and skint if I don’t do things by the book.
Not to mention the poor horse could end up god knows where......
 
I also would not worry - it is irrelevant whether the sale was sprung on you at the last minute or planned in advance. It was still a sale with a receipt. She has changed her mind, that's all. And she wants him back. But she has sold him and it is no longer up to her. If a week before you picked him up she said 'actually can you buy him' and you had said 'yes sure' and everythign else was exactly the same would you be worrying? Or a day before? I think she was just being cheeky in trying to offload him permanently in a slightly sneaky way in the first place and now regrets it. But that is not your problem.
 
Just a warning. I've been through this before. Same sort of story - with illustration. Woman put her mare in foal to my stallion, Lady's Tralee Raj. She was a nice mare - but unpapered and unsound. After a few months her circumstances had changed and she wanted to give her to me - for life! After a bit of toing and froing, I said yes. And ALSO agreed to take her 30 year old pony at the same time as she'd arranged for him to go to a very good sanctuary (with my help) but they couldn't have him for 6 weeks. So they arrived - pony in abysmal condition which ran me up some vet's bills before he went to Equine Market Watch (where he lived happily until he was more than 40.) Dolly foaled, a lovely filly, and was put in foal to Raj again. THEN she decided she wanted her back (she'd found a new bloke with a one acre field.) She said she'd pay my expenses (had no idea what they were.) I tried being nice - and then told her to sod off. So they turned up at my yard and were lucky I wasn't here and staff were out hacking - they tried to EAL her (3 weeks before foaling!!), AND her yearling filly. Luckily the filly told them to sod off too and bolted up my drive to run into staff returning. They got Dolly off the trailer, LOCKED both of them in stables - then I got home. They told me they'd called the police so I told them to wait in the road! Police took 4 hours to arrive - they came back down the drive. I told the police there WOULD be a breach of the peace if she tried to take the horse, so police removed her. THEN she took me to Small Claims Court!! I didn't bother with a lawyer - just prepared well - and Judge laughed her out! Dolly stayed with me and had some more beautiful foals until she was too old and was PTS on the farm at 25yo. Hopefully, YOUR horse's owner will go away - but she MIGHT be a nut job like Dolly's former owner.
 
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