Tricky Situation....advice please (warning LONG!!!)

vallin

vallin

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Ok, so I think I have basically been very naive and have now put myself into a tricky situation.

Basically the story goes that I brought my horse from my YO after the previous owner more or less abandoned the horse and failed to pay a fairly large sum of money in livery and as such the horse and tack was taken as payment. This was all done amicably and there was never any problem with this arrangement from the previous owner.

Now this is where it gets tricky, the previous owner is a girl I knew from school who is good friends with a friend of mine, and as such I have always been very happy to keep her updated on how the horse is doing and answered any questions she's had, and I let her come and visit before she went back home to France (She was from France and had the horse shipped over when she came to my college for sixth form). She then asked if she could have any of her stuff back that I wasn't using and I said that was fine as it was just gathering dust. Now before this she had asked me if she could have her saddle back in exchange for another one she had and I said that was fine if the other one fit. However the saddle she wanted to exchange didn't fit so I said no. When she came down to the yard she then took all the bits I said she could have and everything was very amicable and she said I might as well keep both saddles and put one on ebay as she didn't want the other one (it was a very cheap £100 gallop saddle). So I was naive and said cool I'd do that. The saddle, unsurprisingly, didn't sell on ebay or in the free ads, so I recently gave it to a friend to take to a car boot sale to get rid of it (having loads of c*** hanging about really annoys me!) and she more or less gave it away, which I have absolutely no problem with. However a couple of days a go the girl messaged me to say she was coming to England could she come visit, to which I replied if I was here that was fine, but as I'm at uni I may well not be around, in which case no. THis didn't seem to bother her. However I then got this message (have included whole convo so it makes sense);

Me: Hey I might be around that weekend, but I'm not 100% sure yet, so I'll let you know nearer the time. Vx

GIRL: Ah great, thx.
Hope to see you.
xx

Girl: I'm quirering wether to book a suitcase to bring back some stuff. Is there still the saddle I left, the other bits & bobs? R u still using the other saddle?

Me: All the stuff that was left I gave to you when you came last time, and I ended up part-exing both the saddles to get her a new event saddle as the other one didn't fit any more Vx

Girl:Wat does part-exing mean? U've sold both of them?

Me:part-exchanging is basically where you trade it in plus some money for a new saddle

Ok so I possibly wasn't particularly tactful, but I was tired when I wrote and a little bit annoyed, None of the stuff I'd let her have before was technically 'her stuff' and I certainly don't have any of her stuff anymore. So how do I kindly tell her to back off and that it is none of her business what I do with my stuff? (If she wants the £5 I sold the other she gave me she can have it , but the one that I got in the sale was legally mine to do with as I want so she can back off on that front)

Whatever your indulgence is for getting to the end of this post and double it if you understand what the hell I'm on about and triple it if you have any advice!

THANK YOU!
Vx
 
Hmmmm. Only you know what she's like, but going solely by what you've said I think I wouldn't read too much into someone asking what "part-ex" means, particularly if English isn't their first language. Is she being stroppy that you've sold the stuff? Have you explained there's nothing left now for her to collect?
 
Remind her of the way you got this horse! Or rather the way she 'lost' it. Remind her what you got for YOUR money and give her the £5 you got for her saddle. Then tell her that is the end of contact.
 
Well she has not kicked up any stink about the saddle thing, she just asked if you'd sold them, so no worries there yet. But if you feel she needs to back off, just distance yourself as you would in any other social scenario. Do not make first contact with her, and if she texts or calls you, say you are not available to meet or whatever. She will get the message after a while.
 
Hi V,

I have to say I think the fact that she abandoned the horse in the first place gives her no right to be involved now, maybe you should remind her of that?

I hope it all turns out ok for you x
 
Oh dear huni, thats not good. I would just say look you abadoned your horse and all the stuff with her, and as all the equipment you left came included in the purchase price then I will do with it what I wish. I am a bit of a bitch and would say something like you want to think your self lucky that I left you have what I did.

Sounds a little harsh but she sounds like she isn't going to leave you alone to quickly, I dont know her and Id hate to make her sound like a theif or anything but with anyone I dont really know as in I dont see them on a daily basis id be a little carfull about saying when am going to be away from the yard.
 
I never make contact with her, but she is on my fb list so she sees the photos of Frenchie I put up so comments on them, asks how she's doing etc. and I don't like to be rude so I reply. Thanks so far! Vx
 
In terms of being away from the yard it's a big yard, and the YO is loooking after my horse whilst I'm at uni so that's not a problem. The only problem I have is with the second saddle I guess...maybe I'm just paranoid!
 
i read it
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its tricky, let me get it straight, you bought a horse off her and she gave you some stuff along with it then when she came back to england she wanted the stuff back u sed fine and she got it then she offered you this other saddle which u didnt need so sold it at a car boot and now she wants it back? (thats a mouthful!) well im someone who gets annoyed very easily and i probably would of told her to back off a while ago but not that nicely as i dont like being messed around with. just tell her that her saddle is gone, you know she gave it to you and she lives in france? why does she need the saddle? getting another horse? if so why did she sell her last horse in the first place?

if she says anything else to you about the sadlle or any of her other things cant you just tell her everything thats hers she has back and that she is more than welcome to come and see the horse when you are around ?
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Hmmmm. Only you know what she's like, but going solely by what you've said I think I wouldn't read too much into someone asking what "part-ex" means, particularly if English isn't their first language. Is she being stroppy that you've sold the stuff? Have you explained there's nothing left now for her to collect?

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I agree. The problem with text is that you can't tell someone's tone, but if she's been amicable about everything up til now and hasn't made a fuss, she could just genuinely be trying to clarify the situation.
 
Congrats!
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Kind of, I got the horse and the tack from the YO who took it in payment for a fairly substantial livery bill. She then wanted to exchange the saddle (apparently as it meant a lot to her for commererative purposes...) I'd got in the sale for another saddle (of considerably lesser value) and I said no, and she then said keep both saddles. When she came down before she went back to France I gave her all the stuff that used to be her's that I didn't want/need, and now by the sound of it she wants more stuff, which there isn't! More or less the only things I kept were the bridle and saddles, both of which didn't fit her (I can't see how either of them ever fit her!) and have now been replaced!
 
I know how you feel, I would normally rather put up with it that risk someone seeing me as rude. But then there are scenarios where you just have to risk hurting someone's feelings for your own sanity to prevail. You can either give her the brush off by eliminating your contact with her or tell her straight out that you would rather not have contact.
Either way, you will have to bite the bullet and risk hurting her feelings. There isn't really a trouble free way to tell someone to go away.
Good luck with it, I do sympathise as its tricky.
 
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I agree. The problem with text is that you can't tell someone's tone, but if she's been amicable about everything up til now and hasn't made a fuss, she could just genuinely be trying to clarify the situation.

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Maybe, it's just that she knew when she went to France that I'd given her all the stuff I didn't use, so I don't know what stuff she is now referring to
 
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Remind her of the way you got this horse! Or rather the way she 'lost' it. Remind her what you got for YOUR money and give her the £5 you got for her saddle. Then tell her that is the end of contact.

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Wise words. You dont have to be rude or confrontational when you do it.

If she thought anything of her "property" she wouldnt have abandoned her horse and should be grateful you took it on.
I'm assuming the said horse is the pic in your sig - if it is, I think she is a very silly girl - just my opinion!!!

Good luck.
 
It is indeed the horse in my sig, and she was indeed a very silly girl. I have done a lot of work with her this year as being abandoned for a year does no horse any good, but apparently a couple of years before I got her she was eventing at 1.20m, which I can well believe! (I'm not quite up to that level yet!)

And just because it reminds me that she is defiantly worth all this hassle, and I'm a very self-indulgent person this is her when I first got her:
n1678350003_9166_8498.jpg
 
I think you need to distance yourself from this one.

To be honest by letting her take a load of stuff once you have kind of indicated that you accept that it is in fact hers not yours (not legally just in the way she might perceive it). All of that stuff was yours, tell her that there is nothing to collect.

I'd try to not be around so she can visit, and ask YO to keep an eye out just in case she visits alone, and I'd perhaps "accidentally" knock her off your friends list on FB. I think she needs to realise that the horse and his stuff is nothing to do with her now and that you have no obligations whatsoever.

She may be entirely innocent and but she's messed you about with the saddle and changed her mind so I'd be a bit careful. Do you and the YO have anything in writing about the change in ownership? If so maybe remind her of what she agreed if not be extra careful you don't want her trying to say that the horse is still hers!
 
Yeah, YO has everything in writing, and when I had to change her passport over I got her the girl and the YO to sign an extra contract saying that the horse had been sold to the YO and then onto me without changing the ownership in the passport so I have that as well and the passport is in my name
 
Does the contract or agreement say anything about the tack and ancilliary items???

I'd definitely stop appeasing her, and distance yourself. She'll only make more of a nuisence of herself, the sort of person who would abandon a horse probably has no scruples!
 
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Does the contract or agreement say anything about the tack and ancilliary items???


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The on between the YO and me does, so I have always assumed that the one between girl and YO does as well, but I could be wrong on that...
 
I think she will probably be wanting some cash for the two saddles you part ex'd.......... however if she does ask for this I would tell her that the saddle was always technically yours, as you bought it with the horse off the YO, not her......
 
I would put her on a limited profile on your facebook, so she can't see your photos anymore and distance yourself - she has no claim to any of the items as they were taken as payment for the outstanding livery bill, she is just taking advantage of your good nature - I bet she didn't expect you to give her the other stuff before and was just trying it on and now she is coming back for more.

its her tough luck, she abandoned the horse, doesn't say much about her really does it.
 
I'm not sure this is actually about the tack, maybe she just wants an excuse to go down to the yard to see the horse. We have had a similar situation with a livery on the yard we are on and TBH I did feel sorry for them loosing their pony.

However you are now the owner of the horse and it is up to you whether you want her visiting. I think she just asked about tack to have a reason to want to go down even if you were not around. I'd cut to the chase if I was you and decide if you want her visiting the horse at all and let her know what you decide.
 
If I'm there I have absolutely no problems with her visiting the horse (she lives in france so this is only the second time in all the time I've had her she's asked) as I don't think it was entirely her fault about ther horse getting abandoned/the bills not being paid (she was in a new country/living with new people/had apparently had a bad fall only a little while before she came/the bills were more her parents etc. etc.) and she's an OK girl. However I do have a problem with her asking about what i've done with MY stuff as though it's still her stuff...
 
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the one I part ex'd was, the other one she gave me so I'm not quite sure where I stand on that one....

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but didnt you say it was worth about a fiver?
 
New it was £100 (according to the websites I've seen it on)so I put it on ebay/free ads for £50 and it didn't sell so I gave it to my friend to get rid of and she sold it at a car boot for a £5
 
I would see what she say's, when and if you see her. But as most people on here have said I would remind her that all tack and things were in the price of Frenchie.

If she does get a bit OTT over other saddle then give her what you paid for it, cost on a flight for saddle would be more that what you got for it!!!

I think you have to lay ground rules not to harsh, if you want to stay friends. Or just tell her Frenchie is yours and that is that, if you don't want to be friends.

Hope all this helps someway. XxX
 
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