Trouble with the 'yard girls'

S
aintgotnohay said:
OP take it from me.get off that yard as soon as possible before your sanity goes.been exactly where you are in the past.even if your new yard doesnt have all facilities.just get your horse and stuff and move....
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^. ^
This
Get out of there! If your thinking of giving up the greatest passion in your life?! Then all the greatest facilities in the world won't make a hapeth of difference to you if you longer have a horse!
 
I think I'd line somewhere up as a plan B in case plan A doesn't work and you want to get out of there quickly, but plan A would be to confront them about it. Having somewhere else to go if you need to should make you feel free enough to not hold back. Stay calm and in control (don't come across as a victim, but just someone who is bemused by their behaviour) ask them what is so wrong with their lives that they feel the need to try to make yours a misery (emaphasis on try). Ask them what you have done to them to make them act towards you this way. I'd try to do it all together (have a friend for support) or one will twist it when they go back to the others and tell the story. I'd try to make sure there are other, neutral, people around too - they'll be a lot less brave if there are and they won't be able to twist what you say. You don't need to involve the other people just make sure they're there to witness it so history can't be rewritten.

If it doesn't work, you'll have somewhere to go so you can leave quickly, but make sure the YO knows why. It won't do you any good but it might help the next person they pick on to be believed.

Good luck with whatever you do. Youre better than them, don't forget that. That's why they're doing it.

Is your boyfriend also their farrier? I'd also get him to refuse to shoe their horses or at least charge them an extra £10 a time to make up for the stolen feed ;)
 
I would:

1. Get farrier boyfriend to come to yard with no top on on a sunny day and examine horse's feet in that little leather apron that they like to wear.
2. Get a jolly rug with a big picture of a group of grumpy pigs on it. Put it on horse, let nasty girls draw their own conclusions.
3. Loudly state that human urine is an excellent additive for feed and a variety of other things (that'll stop them nicking your stuff).

Of course the above is in jest. Except the pig rug. But in all honesty, people like this are extraordinarily jealous, so you must be doing a lot of things right.

Some excellent advice above. I think personally I'd recruit a really good, strong minded mate to come to the yard with me every time I went. They can't pick on you while you've got some support, and after a while they'll find something else to have a crack at.

It's a shame the YO isn't acting. That's the only thing that'd make me consider moving yards, as unfortunately, you get nasty people in all walks of life. Good luck - remember, you're better than them!
 
Speak to the Yard Owner. Not in a confrontational way but in a confused way. Say you thought at first it was just they were a bit cliquey and slow to mix with new people but that it has gone on too long for that. Explain that other than catching one of them taking some of your feed without asking, which might have embarrassed them and if they'd run out and asked you'd have let them have a scoop, you're not aware of anything you've done to cause the level of animosity that they are showing. Is it the norm or is it that you have done something unwittingly ?

See what the YO says, at least then you will now where you stand and can then make an informed decision on what to do next.
 
Is just have it out with them and tear a strip off them tbh. Probably not a helpful comment but sometimes just standing up for yourself and telling a few home truths is enough to put a stop to things.
 
So sorry to hear you're having a bad time of it. It's such a shame when you hear of these things happening. Beats me why people can't just enjoy their own horses and be positive and encouraging to others. If you don't want to leave your yard or stand up to the 'yard gang', why not use the forum as a venting ground whenever something bitchy happens. Seems to me there is a lot of support for people who suffer from bullies on here, and I've read a fair few posts recently from people in similar situations. Maybe one of the clique will finally read one of these threads and see how stupid they are being. But, whatever you decide to do, don't let anyone get in the way of you enjoying your horses.
 
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Don't move - don't be forced off the yard that you love otherwise they will feel they have won.

Is the YO on site? I would chat to YO and see if they are aware of what the girls are doing. And tell the YO that you are going to speak to the ring leader so is aware.

Then I would speak to the girl that is the ring leader (try to do it when her cronies aren't there) and just ask plain and simple why they are targeting you - you've have enough and if it continues you will be calling the police as it has crossed the line into harassment. Make it plain and simple - say you have a record of all the things they have done to you in past 6 months and will be showing this to police.

See what her reply is to this - you don't actually need to involve the police if they do change their behaviour. Sometimes a threat of what you are going to do is more effective!

But don't let them win. If they are that bitchy they will talk about you whether you are there or not, so at least if you are on same yard you know what they are up too. And mark everything that is yours, lock your feed bins (or sometimes a mouse trap in a feed bin is a good deterrent!) and make it clear that you wont stand for the behaviour anymore :)

If that doesn't work then you could move, but I would try to sort the problem out first. You have as much right to be on the yard as they do!!
 
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It's easy to say just ignore people like this, but when it's making your life a misery you just feel like crap about it. I'm the kind of person that would shove my iPod on and try to drown them out. Or I'd swing the other way and get nasty about it. Not good advice but that's me and I'd probably need to find a new yard afterwards.

You have to weigh it up though, for your own sanity and the quality time you are supposed to be spending with your horse. You are working hard to afford this hobby, it's not cheap and it's time consuming. Life it too short and we have to enjoy it while we can.

What annoys me about people like this is its not normal behaviour (obviously). What I mean is you have to put effort into it, you have to go out of your way to be nasty and mean to another person!!

If you have tried ignoring it and tried being nice to them I'm not sure where it goes from here. Other than confronting them (not alone, not nastily)

Good luck and I hope you can sort it out
 
One word. Move.

I used to be on a very lovely yard which unfortunately over time the clientele changed and it all became 'chavtastic', bullying, bitching and snooping became rife as well as tales fabricated about people - its still gone on after leaving! Tried ignoring it and just getting on with things but unfortunately for those that seem to get off on drama it upsets them and winds them up even more so sadly you cant win!

However - I dont see moving away as giving in - In fact quite the opposite. I am now on a beautiful small, private yard where we are all really good friends, the horses are so happy and no one has a hidden agenda or takes pleasure from seeing if things go wrong. Its nice to be reminded of what normality actually is! good luck, lifes to short to be bothered by idiots, leave them to it x
 
katiebalmer said:
Thank you all so much for your replies! It has really helped reading your advice and knowing I'm not the only one out there!
They are grown ups - proper grown ups, the youngest must be 24 years old!
The only thing I can think of is that, from the outside, it seems I have everything. I am able to afford the best for my horse, the only reason being is that I work so so hard for it all and spend all my money on him. Another reason may be that when I got a new partner, who's a farrier, they all stopped talking to me and turned nasty.
Other than that I'm nice and I listen to people's advice and have tried my best not to loose any friends.
The most recent thing they have done is I had a girl looking after blaze (my horse) at the weekends as I'm always away and suddenly this weekend she doesn't want to help with blaze and is now helping out the girl who I think is the ring leader! So much has happened in the past with them there's too many incidents to list. One being I caught one of them (the current ring leader) stealing my horse feed.
They are trying very hard to tear everything apart, I am strong and I do stand up for myself, but there's only so much one person can take!
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It's probably a good thing they are adults. That means you can get through to them...

I have to say that stealing your feed is outright illegal. It's not just them being mean - they are actually breaking the law. If you catch any of them doing something like that again, I suggest you take them somewhere quiet and have a serious sit-down and discuss what they were doing and that they could genuinely ruin their own lives if you decided to report them and they ended up with a criminal record. It's all fun and games to them but they are forgetting that the yard isn't isolated from the rest of the world and they can get into real trouble.

If you are still with the farrier, getting him to come along for moral support might help. Though I think a bunch of female friends (whether horsey or not) might be better. It certainly sounds like these girls are just jealous and bored. They are feeding off each other and find the whole thing fun. But if you are not concerned with them, it will lose its appeal. Again, I think the way to go is to confront them. Take one aside and just ask for an explanation... If you can make them feel small and embarrassed, they'll stop.

I personally wouldn't get the YO involved except to say that you are about to do this as you risk being seen as weaker if you get the YO to tell them off for you. As with school bullies, the teacher getting involved rarely makes things better!

Again, I wouldn't blame you if you left - but I would personally try one last time to make them see sense. People like this are horrible but once you step outside the yard context, they are nobody.
 
SadKen said:
I would:

1. Get farrier boyfriend to come to yard with no top on on a sunny day and examine horse's feet in that little leather apron that they like to wear.
2. Get a jolly rug with a big picture of a group of grumpy pigs on it. Put it on horse, let nasty girls draw their own conclusions.
3. Loudly state that human urine is an excellent additive for feed and a variety of other things (that'll stop them nicking your stuff).

Of course the above is in jest. Except the pig rug. But in all honesty, people like this are extraordinarily jealous, so you must be doing a lot of things right.

Some excellent advice above. I think personally I'd recruit a really good, strong minded mate to come to the yard with me every time I went. They can't pick on you while you've got some support, and after a while they'll find something else to have a crack at.

It's a shame the YO isn't acting. That's the only thing that'd make me consider moving yards, as unfortunately, you get nasty people in all walks of life. Good luck - remember, you're better than them!
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^^ This! Had me in stitches!!
 
Another thing to remember is that most alliances on yards are pretty fickle at best, I've seen people bitch like crazy about each other for months on end and then suddenly overnight they're all bessie mates again, (which is why you should never join in!) and of course in any group of women there always someone has to be on the "out" At the moment this is you, but in a month's time it could well be someone else, even the ringleader. That for me is why I wouldn't want to involve the YO unless it was really serious.
 
Hmmmm difficult. I wouldn't want to feel 'forced' off a yard, like they've won. But then again, it is NO fun being at a yard full of cows!!

I've moved from a great yard with tons of grazing and a huge school but vile, cliquey people [including YO!] to a smaller place, smaller school, less turnout ... but lovely, lovely people, real community atmosphere, and I can't believe I waited so long. Moving was the best decision.

Make sure moving is your choice, but if you do go, try not to feel like you've 'failed'. There is no such thing as a wasted experience, and you'll have learnt from it, and it will have been valuable, but now you just feel you need to move on. x
 
Lifes to short to be miserable, your horse is meant to be your relaxation and enjoyment, if other are affecting this, i would move on . Sometimes you have to go through a few yards before you find the best one, i have found its mostly about compromise theres no such thing as the perfect yard just find the one with the least problem that affects you, and start enjoying the time with your boy.
 
As a YO myself I say that this is something that the YO SHOULD and MUST sort out.

Tell her what is happening. Tell her in detail what is happening and what is being said and done, and who the perpetrators are.

Tell her that unless she does something about it, you will leave, and that other people like you will be discouraged from patronising her yard unless she deals with this problem.

It is something that basically ONLY the YO can tackle. And if things are being misappropriated and there is a culture of bullying, she would be wise to sort it pronto.

If after you have brought it to her attention and she does nothing, then personally I would leave, and tell her you are leaving, with great regret, but that you cannot stand the atmosphere of fear anymore.

Be aware that this is something that doesn't only affect the humans, the horses must have picked up on this and be stressed living in this sort of atmosphere.

Do yourself and your horse a favour. Even if you have to downgrade and/or compromise........

MOVE!
 
lazyfoxx said:
Lifes to short to be miserable, your horse is meant to be your relaxation and enjoyment, if other are affecting this, i would move on . Sometimes you have to go through a few yards before you find the best one, i have found its mostly about compromise theres no such thing as the perfect yard just find the one with the least problem that affects you, and start enjoying the time with your boy.
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The trouble with moving is 1. is there anywhere suitable locally? Not a given if you live on the edge of suburbia, and 2. you could be settled in nicely to a new yard and another nasty livery moves on and it all starts again. Then what do you do? Any chance you could use a helmet cam and actually record them being so unpleasant and then show it to the YO? At the moment it is just your word against theirs and many YOs have the attitude of "sort it out between yourselves or leave" and just don't want to get involved.
 
I was with the whole 'ignore it and kill them with kindness' or 'quietly confront them' bandwagon, until you mentioned one was stealing your feed amongst other things. I am livid for you OP!!!!

I personally think, as mature and grown up as most of us are- it can be very hard to ignore constant snide remarks or issues. It does wear thin, and even if it doesn't get you down or affect your confidence as such, it can be frustrating, which in turn is by no means a great feeling to have around your horse- it is probably in some way detrimental to your own riding/relationship with your horse, no matter how small. As others have said- the best facilities are worthless if the atmosphere and environment is not right. I would rather be somewhere with little facilities but a great support network.

If the yard owner refuses to get involved (and I am disappointed that you say she won't- she has a duty to her clients, as well as the horses!!), I would be confronting them and making it clear you are aware they have taken stuff without your permission, be putting locks on my feed bins and items, or leaving a polite note on top of my bins etc. By no means would I wait it out or act nice in this situation! How dare they, and why should you put up and shut up with them essentially stealing from you.

Have others had stuff go missing or had issues with these girls? If so, I would perhaps ask them if they would also want to speak to the YO- perhaps if there are others having problems with these girls too, they would be forced to act.

If things don't get better after using some of the advice given on this thread, then move. Your horse and hobby is to enjoy- Why allow some petty bitches spoil that. Moving away doesn't mean giving in, in fact I think it is far more sensible to put your own happiness above 'sticking it out' for the sake of it.

Hope it goes sorted OP.
 
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