Uncontrollable fear

Daxxiemumma

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So I had a bad fall a couple years ago and due to injury had some time off
I have come back to riding and have found a lovely part loan on a horse but I have this uncontrollable fear now of having no control and I grip so tight with the reins which winds her up.
I can’t do anything other than walk her round the school and even then I’m having anxiety attacks that she will bolt or run.
I don’t want to give up I just don’t know what to do. Last week I had an amazing ride and felt so confident that I wanted to try trot. Then today I was just doing circles and started getting so stressed to point I had to get off because I couldn’t breath!
I hope I can’t get passed this
 

Foxychops

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Keep going and you will get past it. There is absolutely nothing wrong with walking. Make sure you are riding all your shapes accurately. Do lots of transitions to halt. Halt at each letter in the school and when you ask for walk make sure you walk with purpose. Try leg yield. Doesn't have to be perfect. Then if you feel like it trot between 2 letters. If you don't feel like it that's fine. If you do feel like trot do it between 2 letters then walk then halt at the next letter. Keep your mind busy and try to think about your transitions. Each letter you come to do a transition. Then when your feeling good about that a 20 metre circle. But again if on a particular day you have a wobble it's not an issue, everyone does I can guarantee it!! Small steps and good luck x
 

Spiritedly

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I had confidence issues after a bad fall but was lucky enough to find a trainer who is also qualified as a mindset coach and she has done wonders with helping me with my issues.
I don't know what area you are in but there may be someone local to you that has the sa.e approach or alternatively my trainer does workbooks/Skype sessions if you are interested?
 

Daxxiemumma

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Keep going and you will get past it. There is absolutely nothing wrong with walking. Make sure you are riding all your shapes accurately. Do lots of transitions to halt. Halt at each letter in the school and when you ask for walk make sure you walk with purpose. Try leg yield. Doesn't have to be perfect. Then if you feel like it trot between 2 letters. If you don't feel like it that's fine. If you do feel like trot do it between 2 letters then walk then halt at the next letter. Keep your mind busy and try to think about your transitions. Each letter you come to do a transition. Then when your feeling good about that a 20 metre circle. But again if on a particular day you have a wobble it's not an issue, everyone does I can guarantee it!! Small steps and good luck x
This is what we have been focusing on but the small trots sound a good idea. I just need to stop tending up with my hands. I will try the trot between two letters though that’s a good idea! Thank you x
 

TPO

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Do you learn by reading? If so there are quite a few books out there about "brain training" to help rebuild confidence.

Off the top of my head:
Brain training for riders
Perfect mind
Pressure to performance
How good riders get good (not specifically a confidence book but might help)

A book that I haven't read, but there is a small thread on here about it, is Crissi McDonalds new book. She is the wife of Mark Rashid and her book is about her personal experience after a bad fall and rebuilding her confidence. It might help to see someone go through the same thing and come out the other side.

Another tact might be to do something different to help you build trust and confidence in your horse. Maybe some groundwork sessions so you know that you have total control and how your horse reacts to certain stimuli and under pressure. My go to for that kind of thing is Richard Maxwell. He had a fb page and a video subscription type set up. He also has some very good books, namely Maximise your Horsemanship and 20mins to unlock your horse's talent.

Although I'm personally not a fan of his Warwick Schiller has a step by step system working from the ground to the saddle. It's a monthly subscription fee (£25 I think) but there does appear to be a lot of resources and support/feedback from him. He is very active on his fb business page and replies to the majority of threads.

ETA. The chimp paradox might be worth a read too. Not horsey but is sports based and helps conquer that niggly voice inside
 

Pearlsasinger

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Can you find an instructor to help you? Would you be able to cope with a lunge lesson without reins, if not yet in a while? As someone above said you need to be concentrating on what you are doing correctly, so if someone else is in control of the horse, in a lunge lesson you can be making all sorts of shapes with your hands. Try singing 'heads shoulders knees and toes', with the actions.
 

TheHairyOne

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Some great advice already and everyone is different, but the thing that stood out for me was 'just walking around the school'. If my mind is left to its own devices and isnt actively thinking about something it starts to wander into the 'what if' train of thought. I really dont jump without someone to keep me focused on everything I am doing between the fences as if I start thinking about the fence it goes pear shaped!

So for me in your place I would get on at the block, stand for 30 seconds. Walk to B, halt, walk to C, turn down the centre line, Halt at X, 10m circle at A, Diagonal etc. Then you always primarily thinking about where you need to be and what you will be doing next, not about what might happen.

We had a very nervous child of 11 sharing my sisters kids pony (had her own, way too much for her) and she had to have directions given to her for a little bit rather than doing her own (she found it easier to not worry if she was listening to someone else) and she has gone from lead rein to small jumps inside 6 months. Doesnt even have to be anyone who knows about riding, just someone to distract you from yourself.

Good luck, but you have done the hardest bit and got back on. The rest just needs time and a bit of a plan.
 

horsimous

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Try getting someone to chat to whilst riding and ask you questions so you think about them and not the other thoughts as a distraction.
 

Myloubylou

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I can sympathise, I had a blip in confidence this summer. I couldn’t ride without having dry mouth and fearing I was going to get launched. What helped was having someone in the ground giving instructions, lots of transitions, turns, to give us something to focus on. My pony has really responded to me being less of a passenger and my trust in her has soared. I had a session with a EFT which I think helped as got me to face up to my fear - the arena on a windy day - as that was where I had my bad fall.
 

Shay

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I feel your pain. I had ridden since I was 6. (I am now north of 50 - to put some perspective on it.) Some fairly cracking falls. One horse loss which really cost me. But bounced mostly. Until about 16 years ago. My horse & I fell together and I broke my back fairly badly. He was fine - never really knew why he fell but he was sold whilst I was still in hospital and we lost touch. Massively regret that - but at the time it wasn't clear if I would walk. (And I was sole wage earner with a 6 year old child..)

Long story short - a brilliant physio was determined to get me back aboard. That was all I wanted. Until I got on......

Every one was so brilliant - but I was so scared. Your title says it all - paralyzed with fear. Uncontrollable. Working through it helps. But you have to be kind to yourself. Pressing yourself through fear can make it worse. Small steps. NLP can be really helpful.

I never did really get back in the saddle. I can ride. But the brace I have to use is massive (I grew up in the 70's. We rarely wore hats, never mind body protectors!) And it really hurts. But I have got back on. I have hacked, cantered and jumped since. Even done a dressage test (which I would not have done before!). Not hunted which I do regret - I used to hunt a lot although the fall was just in the school.

But the pain is too severe, so I got my horse fix through my daughter and her horses. And Pony Club. I had hoped to switch her beloved first pony to driving - but at 27 and slightly arthritic (him not me!!) it probably isn't fair.

Do press on. Be kind to yourself - but keep trying. NLP can help. There are books and online courses. If you are more or less south East there is a ride with confidence course which really helps. But also know that your life with horses does not have to be ridden. If it intrigues you look at the British Carriage Association website - you can drive rather than ride. Or the international horse agility website - you can play with horses from the ground. (I love that -the now not driven coblet and I can hobble around a course really well!)

Riding is great - but horses are better. If you get back on - wonderful. If you don't that is OK too.
 

Teajack

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Something I find helps is to ride in the school with the reins loose in one hand doing plenty of circles, changes of rein and whatever else you fancy trying. You really have to focus on riding with your seat which leaves less head room for what ifs. Good luck!
 

Myloubylou

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It helped me to have goals, get on and ride an accurate 20 metre circle, trot between every second set of markers etc to get sense of achievement. I was anxious about riding one side of the arena as my last horse had spooked then bronked so stayed on 20 metre circle down other end of school until I felt in control. It took about a month but am able to get on and ride by myself without feeling scared. I’m still not cantering but feel in a place where I want to try in my next lesson. Before it happened to me I couldn’t understand why people were so anxious, I’d be happy to ride any horse in any pace but your brain is a powerful thing and a bad fall Prompts it to protect you. Keep doing little by little, try and remember isn’t same horse and enjoy successes however small
 

conniegirl

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I recommend either 'whenever I feel afraid, I whistle a happy tune' or 'im a pink toothbrush'

I once jumped a BE 1m 15 course singing them on a horse who scared me rigid. it was indoors too, everyone could hear me ?

.
'Bobbing along' is also good, particularly in trot as you can time it to your rising/sitting, which then gives you something else to concentrate on and forces you to breathe.
 

Daxxiemumma

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It helped me to have goals, get on and ride an accurate 20 metre circle, trot between every second set of markers etc to get sense of achievement. I was anxious about riding one side of the arena as my last horse had spooked then bronked so stayed on 20 metre circle down other end of school until I felt in control. It took about a month but am able to get on and ride by myself without feeling scared. I’m still not cantering but feel in a place where I want to try in my next lesson. Before it happened to me I couldn’t understand why people were so anxious, I’d be happy to ride any horse in any pace but your brain is a powerful thing and a bad fall Prompts it to protect you. Keep doing little by little, try and remember isn’t same horse and enjoy successes however small
It’s so nice to hear I’m not alone. I felt so upset with myself when I got off but I couldn’t regulate my breathing. I’m riding again this week and feeling positive after reading all these responses that others have/ are going through the same thing! I will beat this fear x
 

Myloubylou

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I also found working on tempo good for feeling in control, you can do in all paces. Can you slow the walk then make walk bigger using your seat bones. Time your breathing to number of steps etc.
 

Jumoro

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I had some confidence issues and I found Karl Greenwood (book and talk) and a great instructor worked for me. However, I appreciate that what works for one person may not for another, so you may need to try a few of the great suggestions on the thread before you find what helps you. Keep going thought - it'll be worth it!
 

Racheybabez84

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one thing that helped me was to research what to do if things do go wrong, you tube has lots of videos, by learning what to do if your horse does run off with you or bolt makes is slightly less scary lol, singing helps to, and a bit of mindfulness therapy being in the moment and not thinking to far ahead, i.e right now all is ok.
if you only manage some days to get on then that's ok, lots of little wins will build up to a big win, setting yourself up to win and not fail so if you only aim for 5 minutes and get 6 that's a win, does that make sense?
 

skint1

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I find that my confidence issues ebb and flow, sometimes I can apply the tools I have learned through listening to people like Karl Greenwood, or friends/instructors whose horsemanship that I admire and I feel like I might get somewhere but other times I get overtaken by it and revert to very old and well ingrained scripts running in my head about myself as a person and as a horse person. That's the thing, you can get some really great tips and tools along the way that will help, but it's down to you to apply them. I feel like the key must be in resiliance- recognising if you're engaging in a bit of confirmation bias and trying not to think in absolutes- a pothole in the road doesn't mean the whole thing is a wreck, you can take bitesize steps to get yourself back on track and it's not a competition or a race, so it's ok to take it slowly, most horses aren't going to complain about that :)
 

Scoti1420

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Have you also thought about being led? Someone walking on the ground with you on a lead rein so you can try riding with longer reins knowing the horse can't go anywhere? I once had an instructor that would do this with me even in trot - helped immensely
 

Hanno Verian

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First of all I doubt that you are on your own, no I can say categorically that you aren’t unique in what your thinking and feeling.
I have struggled with a less extreme version of what you are going through, from experience you cant rush this. What I would do is walk, walk and walk, yes you need to push yourself but there is a fine line between stretching your boundaries and pushing it too far and setting yourself back. Accept that you will have good days and bad days, what matters is the overall trend.
I was fortunate in that I have a great instructor, are you doing this on your own? Do you have a partner who understands and supports you in this?
My biggest problem was when I’m stressed, I go quiet and internalise everything, it made things very hard for my trainer she couldn’t understand what I was worrying about or what was worrying me, it made me feel utterly miserable and inadequate.
What helped me was time, I came back from a fall that nearly broke my back and destroyed my confidence, but with a new horse and time I’m riding better than I ever have, I haven’t jumped much yet, but one step at a time.
 

asmp

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I had a bad fall a couple of years ago and husband bought me a Hit-Air jacket afterwards. Mentally it helped me plus in the past I've used a monkey strap. Any thing that makes me feel safer in the saddle boosts my confidence.
 
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